


Gone

by LioSky



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Horror, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, Nightmares, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:35:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 116,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21893743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LioSky/pseuds/LioSky
Summary: One night after work Mike gets taken outside his apartment. The kidnappers demands a ransom from Harvey, and they won't let him go until they get their money. What will happen during those days? And what will happen after it is over?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue

"Mike, get over here."

Harvey was breathing deeply. He would never admit it to anyone, but he was so damn nervous. The kid didn't move though, still standing behind those men. He didn't look up at Harvey, just kept his head down, but the older lawyer could see how he moved his head to glance sideways at his captors. Harvey realized that Mike was seeking some sort of permission from them. Damn it!

"You said you would let him go if I paid. I fucking did, now send him over here."

The three gun barrels were still pointed right at Harvey's chest. He couldn't do much more than to plead with them now, no matter how much he wanted to storm up to them and beat them all bloody. The situation they were in wouldn't get any better if he got himself shot.

Mike shuddered and stumbled a little to the side, and the big guy grabbed onto his arm. Mike looked to be in pretty bad shape, his arms behind his back. Harvey couldn't see all of his face, but the part he did saw was covered in bruises. His hair looked matted and he could see a darker patch in it.

One of the men with a gun turned and spoke to the guy behind him, the one holding on to Mike. Harvey couldn't hear what they were saying, but Mike took the opportunity to raise his head then and looked up searching Harvey's eyes. Harvey clenched his teeth hard together when he saw that Mike had a piece of tape over his mouth. He gave what he hoped was a reassuring nod.

The man closest to Mike suddenly yelled something directed to the rest of his men. They spoke in some foreign language Harvey didn't recognize. The guy holding Mike dragged him a bit closer, and the kid stumbled forward and remained standing where he had been directed. Harvey fought to just stand there and wait. Then they all raised their guns, that were pointed at Harvey, in the air, away from his chest. The big guy next to Mike approached his associate and Harvey saw how Mike immediately flinched away, and it hurt in him to witness that. The guy ignored Mike's reaction, just grabbed him harshly around the arm and dragged him forward. They passed the three men in front of them, and the guy then forcefully pushed Mike forward towards Harvey.

Mike stumbled with the force of the shove and was going to fall. Harvey reacted on instinct. He jumped forward and managed to catch Mike before he went down. He wrapped his arms around the kid and pulled him to his chest, at the same time as he turned his back against the men, all to shield Mike from them.

From that position he didn't see when they left, he just knew that the next time he glanced over his shoulder they were gone.

He was holding Mike's trembling body close to him, just held him there. He was so grateful for this damn moment. For a while there he had been certain that it wouldn't happen. He had thought that he never would see Mike alive again.

-FOUR DAYS EARLIER-

"Seriously Harvey, how can you not take this serious. They are practically stalking you!" Mike exclaimed.

"Seriously, you too?" Harvey countered.

They were on their way up to the office. As soon as they got into the elevator Mike was on him.

"I mean have you seen them more than twice? You should call the police."

Harvey rolled his eyes at him. "Come on, they are totally harmless Mike. Just some pissed off guys, looking for money in easy places."

"They didn't look harmless at all. You should take this seriously Harvey. It might be dangerous."

Harvey raised an amused eyebrow against him. "Are you scared?"

Mike glared at him then. "You know what, suit yourself then. It's not me they are after."

"Exactly. It's me, so just let it go Mike. I will deal with it if I have to."

"Fine." Mike muttered as the elevator doors opened.

"Go and get the briefs ready for the meeting instead." Harvey told him. I need them in two hours.

Mike muttered something and disappeared down the corridor towards his cubicle. Harvey looked after him. Truth was that he was worried about the incident that just had occurred. Mike was right to worry, not that he could admit that to the kid. He had to do something about this though because these guys meant business.

He and Mike had been on their way down the stairs from the courthouse when two men suddenly blocked their way. Mike who was looking down into his phone, let out a surprised sound when one of the guys stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. Mike was just about to say something when the taller guy spoke.

"Hey Specter, remember me?"

Harvey looked at him, annoyed. "In fact, I do. And I saw you outside my building yesterday." Harvey said and felt how Mike look at him.

"I want you to take this case. It's the least you can do." The guy said completely ignoring Harvey's comment. He stretched out a piece of paper towards Harvey. He didn't even look at it.

"Get out of my way." He said instead.

"Look at it. You owe us." The guy said. Then something happened that was the thing that worried Harvey. When Harvey looked at him, the guy nodded towards his friend. That man was in his turn staring at Mike. He had both of his fist tightly clenched. Mike was oblivious to it was and was trying to see what was written on the paper. Harvey looked back into the guy in front of him. The man nodded slightly. So, Harvey reached out to look at the paper. He purposely held it so that Mike couldn't see it. His eyes wandered across the lines.

"No." He said and handed the paper back. "I don't owe you shit. And this is not what I do. Find yourself another lawyer. Come on Mike, let's go." He grabbed the associate's arm and practically dragged him with him down the rest of the stairs.

"You will regret this Specter." He heard the man say behind him.

"What was that about?" Mike asked as soon as they got into a cab.

"Nothing." Harvey said. But Mike wouldn't let it go of course.

Harvey went over to his office. He knew that he recognized that guy from somewhere. Not only that he and his friend had been hanging outside his apartment. He couldn't place him though. He had to do some research into this later, now he had a meeting to prepare for.

Mike showed up two hours later with the briefs prepared. He didn't mention anything about the incident earlier, which Harvey thought he would.

The meeting went well and afterwards he allowed Mike to work in his office.

"That's it for today." Harvey said a little after eight.

"But we are not done yet!" Mike exclaimed. "What has gotten into you?"

"Well finish tomorrow. Some of us actually have a life outside of work."

"Who are you talking about, because it's certainly not you."

"Just be glad I'm giving you the night off Mike."

"Is it about this afternoon?" Mike asked then. Damn him.

"No. Just leave, will you."

Mike smiled. "Fine. See you tomorrow then."

"Sure." Harvey said, without looking up as the kid left.

Mike didn't show up for work the next day.

-SUITS-


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1.**

Mike took a pause for a moment outside the firm, with his bike lock in his hand. Somehow, he felt a bit uneasy. He looked around a bit but didn’t see anything special. He put on his bike helmet and got on his bike to head home. He didn’t notice that the black van, that had been parked on the other side of the street, started driving after him.

Mike busied himself during the bike ride with going through what he had in his fridge. He was hungry and had an idea about what to make by the time he got home. He got up in front of his building and jumped off the bike. He always brought it up to his apartment with him, since he didn’t feel comfortable with leaving it on the street. It would be gone in a night. It was a bit tricky getting it inside though because he needed to carry it up a couple of steps and then hold it with one hand and open the door with the other. He fumbled for his keys in his messenger bag that was on his back. Not very practical, he should have taken it out earlier.

That was when he heard the sound of a car stopping suddenly right next to him. He looked up and saw that the doors to a black van was opening. Three men started to get out of it. Mike drew a deep breath as he realized that he recognized two of the men. It was the same men that confronted Harvey and him outside the court this afternoon, and now they were hurrying towards him. Shit! This was bad! They were not here just to talk; he could see that in their body language.

Everything happened really fast after that. He pushed his bike away from him, down the steps and pulled at his bag. He fumbled around in it and luckily found the keys. He got it in the lock and pushed himself inside just as they pushed his bike away and came up the stairs towards him. He was seconds too late at closing the door. He was trying to close it, but two of them pushed at it, preventing him. He chose to flee instead then. He only got a few steps up the stairs before someone grabbed a hold of his messenger bag and pulled. The strap of the bag was over his chest, so it pulled him with it, he attempted of getting it off him, but failed. Mike screamed as he fell backwards, hitting at least two of the steps on his way.

They were on him as soon as he was down. Hands grabbed a hold of him, gripping his jacket and holding his arms. He tried to squirm away, he tried to hit them, he kicked. It was three of them though and they manhandled him up to standing, someone ripped his bag off him and threw it on the floor. He screamed and did everything he could to resist, but they pulled him out the door and towards the van. They pulled him over his bike on their way out and he had time to hope that no one would take it. He screamed again when he saw a couple further down the street, and he saw that they looked towards them, but the next thing he knew he was violently pushed inside the van.

He was panicking. This wasn’t happening! He ended up on his stomach, hitting his cheek on the floor but he immediately got up on all fours and turned towards the door to get out again.

“Hey!” Someone screamed from the driver seat. Two guys were making their way into the van behind Mike, blocking his way.

“Hey! Stop!” A scream again and Mike glanced over there. He froze in place, standing on his knees. The driver was pointing a gun at him.

He panted as he looked at the gun, glanced towards the guys in front of the exit. One of them closed the door as he looked at Mike and smiled. He was trapped!

“Sit down.” The guy with the gun said, as he waited for the third guy who had taken him, got into the front seat next to him. The driver handed the gun to that guy, who pointed it back at Mike. Then the force of the car starting to move made Mike practically fall on the floor.

“What do you want?” He asked as he crawled back up to sitting.

“Shut up.” Was all he was met with. Mike didn’t accept that though.

“You know I can just forget about this! Just let me out, and I won’t tell anyone.”

“Didn’t we tell you to shut up?” The driver said.

“Yes, shut up!” The guy with the gun shouted at him.

“Where are you taking me?” Mike ignored them.

The driver then said something in another language, and before Mike caught what was happening, one of the guys next to him suddenly leaned forward and punched him in the face. Mike flew into the wall and ended up laying in a heap, half leaning against the wall. He was so surprised from the sudden violence that he found it best to just be quiet for the moment. So far, they hadn’t really hurt him, sure they had been rough with him but not hit him like that. His face throbbed and the gun was still pointed at him. He was really in deep trouble right now.

He had been kidnapped! They had taken him; he couldn’t believe it. He was breathing hard and it felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. At least someone had seen him getting taken. His neighbors must have heard them as well. Maybe someone had called the police already. Where were they taking him? He hadn’t really paid attention to that. He couldn’t see out the front window from where he was sitting. The driver and the gunman were speaking to each other in the front while the two other man just sat there. Too close according to Mike.

He didn’t know how long they drove. He had an idea about counting minutes or something to be able to determine where they took him, but he was a bit too worked up for that, his mind was spinning. Besides it seemed like it was traffic sometimes, and he didn’t know if he would take that into the calculations or if he should stop counting when they stood still. So, he had no clue where they were when they stopped. Still in the New York area at least. That wasn’t that bad, he would be able to get back when he escaped, because that was what he was going to do as soon as the opportunity rose.

He recognized two of these men, he would be able to identify them, and so would Harvey. It worried him a bit that none of them tried to disguise themselves. Wasn’t that what kidnappers did so that their victims wouldn’t recognize them? Unless they were going to kill him. He swallowed hard, suddenly feeling more scared than anything else. He couldn’t understand why they had taken him. Harvey had said that he had seen them outside his condo. Would they take Harvey too? Would Harvey be waiting for him when they arrived?

The back door of the van opened and before he managed to do much of anything he was pulled backwards out of the van. It was too dark for him to see more than walls around him. It looked like they were in some kind of industrial area. Two guys held on to his arms and dragged him, still backwards inside one of the buildings. Mike was busy with trying to keep on his feet, so he forgot to scream for help, not that he thought anyone would have heard him here. The two other men were walking behind them. One of them had the gun still in his hand.

They walked down a corridor, a few stairs and then into a larger room. One man turned on the lights and Mike saw what looked like a garage. It was almost empty except for a table and a couple of chairs in one end of the he room. They threw him down into a chair that was close to the door, and welted to the ground apparently, because it didn’t budge even though he was thrown in it rather violently. He protested to the treatment, but they ignored him. He made an attempt to get up again, but only got up to standing before he was pushed down again.

“Sit down!”

Mike yelled at them to let him go, he tried to struggle. They pulled his suit jacket off him. He did all he could, but strong hands pressed his arms down on the arm rests, someone tied a thick rope around them. Mike tried everything he had to get lose and to prevent it. He got in a pretty good kick at one of the men’s legs and he yelled something in a foreign language. Mike tried to kick him again, but he moved out of the way. Then rope was wrapped around his torso and tightened almost painfully hard.

“No, stop it! Stop, it’s too tight!” He screamed and tried to headbutt the person behind him. He missed but the rope over his chest was loosened a little bit.

Then they moved to his legs, which were swiftly tied to the legs of the chair, and he was stuck.

“Let me go! What the hell do you want with me? Let me go!”

The men backed away from him and was standing in a half circle around him. They spoke amongst each other. Mike couldn’t understand them. He looked around a bit more in the room. He could see a door, next to a closed garage-door. Maybe he would be able to get out through that. There were no windows that he could see. There was also no one else there. Harvey wasn’t there. Shit, this was bad.

“What are you talking about? Tell me what I’m doing here. Why did you take me?”

“Hey, can’t you just be quiet?” One of the guys stepped a bit closer to him now, a big guy. “You do know that you are in a disadvantage right now, maybe you shouldn’t be so annoying?” He spoke with an accent.

“Shut up! Just tell me what you want.”

“I just did. I want you to be quiet.” He turned his back against Mike after that. Mike glared at him, but then decided to just for now, do what he was told. Instead he started to work on getting loose. It took him about two seconds to realize that it wouldn’t be possible. He wouldn’t get anywhere unless someone removed the ropes. Shit.

Mike started to observe the men in front of him. He tried to distinguish features about them that might be helpful later, clothes could be changed, but not scars, birthmarks or tattoos. He didn’t see anything like that though. He didn’t even know what country they came from. Two of them had beards, one had long hair in a bun, and one had glasses. They were all well-built, and taller than him. Their ages seemed to span between 30 to about 55, but he couldn’t be sure.

Suddenly they all turned to him and he leaned back a bit, at least his head, which was the only thing he could move enough. Now what? He swallowed hard and tried to prepare for whatever it was.

“You will answer a few questions now.” The guy who had told him to be quiet said. He seemed to be the leader of the group, he had been the one who had waited in the car as well, while the others grabbed him.

Mike glared at him.

“So now you are quiet.” The man smirked a bit.

“Tell me why I’m here.” Mike spat out.

“Hear our questions and you might understand that.”

“What’s your questions?” He asked. Someone behind the leader said something angerly and Mike felt a sense of satisfaction from annoying them.

“You work for Harvey Specter.”

“That’s not a question.” Mike said but felt his heart speed up a bit. Then one of the men stepped up to him and before Mike had time to react, he was slapped across the face, hard.

“What the hell?!” He asked and shook his head a little. The whole left side of his face was stinging, the man didn’t hold back.

“As I said,” The leader continued. “You work for Harvey Specter.”

Mike waited this time.

“How long have you been with him?”

“Didn’t you do your research?” Mike asked. Another guy stepped forward and he was slapped again. Mike swore and pressed his stinging right cheek against his shoulder. He then answered the question. What did it matter anyway if they knew how long he had worked with Harvey?

“How many cases does he take?”

“What kind of question is that? Do you mean in a month, a year, ten years? Be more specific.”

Mike saw that the man clenched his jaw before he forced a smile.

“A year.” He said.

“That varies.” Mike said. He was slapped again.

“What was that for? I answered your question!”

“How much money does he make per case?”

“That varies too.”

“How much money does he have?”

“Why are you asking me about that? Do you think he tells me that? The answer to that is no, he doesn’t tell me things like that.”

The men spoke amongst each other again.

“How much money does he have?” Again.

“I don’t know.” Mike said and was slapped. His whole face stung now. Damn it. It didn’t help that he tried to lean away when he saw it coming, they just stepped closer.

The questions kept coming. They asked about cases, which ones Harvey took, about the firms’ billings and about how many people worked there, but most of the questions were about Harvey. Mike guessed by now that this whole thing was about Harvey. They wanted Harvey to pay ransom for him. In a way that was both entertaining and sick. He couldn’t believe that he actually was here, getting questions about Harvey’s finances from strange men that had kidnapped him. He had gotten kidnapped. He never knew it could be this dangerous to be a lawyer.

At first, he refused to answer the questions, or gave vague statements as a response, but they wouldn’t stop slapping him! He was getting angry. His head was ringing. He wasn’t going to let them get what they wanted.

“Just stop hitting me! That doesn’t help. I actually don’t know how much money Harvey has. I don’t know! You hitting me, doesn’t make me know it anymore.”

“You work with him daily; he is your boss.”

“It’s not like he talks about money he has with me! People don’t talk about that!”

He saw the men looking at each other and he yelled when one of them stepped forward. “No! Stop! Just stop hitting me! Damn it!”

They didn’t listen and Mike wasn’t that surprised. They started repeating the questions.

“How much does he make?”

“How much does he own?”

Mike was starting to feel dizzy by now, he had lost count on how many times he had been slapped, but all of the men had slapped him at least twice each. One of them, a guy with a beard, even seemed to enjoy it. He smiled every time he did it.

“Why do you have to use violence, huh? I’m bound to a fucking chair. Are you afraid that I would hurt you huh?” He screamed at them. The leader than stepped forward and without a word punched him in the stomach. Mike that had been prepared for a slap was caught by surprise and moaned in pain and tried to lean forward as much as he could. He had a hard time to catch his breath. The leader leaned forward so that he almost had his mouth next to Mike’s ear.

“Answer the question.”

“I’ve told you I don’t know.” Mike grunted. He was hit again at the same spot. After that he decided to start to answer the questions. Or he guessed. He didn’t have a clue, but he just guessed and hoped that they thought that he was speaking the truth now. When he was hit in the stomach for the third time for not answering fast enough, he actually wished he would have known the right answers. He just wanted this over with now. He wanted them to leave, or at least stop hitting him.

He got his wish just a few minutes later.

“We are done here.” The leader said to Mike, then he said something else to the man closest to him that went over to the table in the other end of the room.

“Untie me then.” Mike said. The three men laughed, and the fourth came back with a roll of duct tape.

“Come on. No...” Mike mumbled. But the guy with the tape just ripped a piece off and stepped towards him. Someone else grabbed Mike’s head from behind and pulled it back and held it in place. A strip of tape was then placed over his mouth. He yelled behind it. Someone slapped him on the back of his head, and he flew forward. By the time he managed to get himself upright again, they were by the door.

Mike yelled again, but then the lights were turned off and he was left alone. He yelled again in anger. He felt an intense hatred towards them. How could they do this to him, what made them think they had the right?

He was in pain. His stomach was aching bad, it hurt when he breathed. But he didn’t think it was that bad, they hadn’t wanted to hurt him badly it seemed. Bad enough, but at least he wasn’t shot or anything. Were they just going to leave him here now? It was totally dark in the room; he couldn’t see shit. He remembered that there hadn’t been any windows, so there wouldn’t be any source for light. He didn’t like that. Not at all actually.

How long was he going to be here? What were they going to do to him? What if Harvey wouldn’t pay ransom for him? They hadn’t even said something about it, Mike just assumed that was the purpose of their questions, to figure out how much money they could demand from Harvey. Mike wasn’t sure that Harvey would pay for him. Maybe Harvey would be so pissed at his kidnappers so that he would refuse to pay. What would they do then? Kill him?

It wasn’t much he could do about anything right now. His stomach still throbbed and his face stung. He was tired and hungry as well. It wasn’t a good idea to think about food, he got thirsty as well. He hadn’t had any dinner.

It was awful to just sit there and wait for something to happen. He figured they wouldn’t come back tonight so he opted to get some sleep. What else could he do? At the moment he didn’t want to think too much about the situation.

It was hard to fall asleep tied to a chair. The only bearably position was to lean his head forward. He felt slightly better if he closed his eyes, then he couldn’t see how dark it was in the room. He wished that they wouldn’t have taped over his mouth. It wasn’t comfortable and he was nervous about his breathing, it wasn’t anything wrong with it. It just worried him.

He thought of Harvey and wondered if he knew that he was missing yet. Would he come looking? Would Harvey blame himself for this? Mike was pretty sure he would. Harvey still claimed that he was responsible for Mike. He wanted Harvey to come and help him now. He couldn’t help but fantasize about Harvey coming in through that door and storm up to him and remove his bindings. Mike imagined him to be furious, just like he had been that time when Tess’s husband had beaten him. Harvey had wanted to kick the guys ass. Harvey would help him now, he had to. He didn’t want to think about any alternatives.

He managed to fall asleep after an hour or two but didn’t stay asleep for long. It was so uncomfortable to sit like that and sleep. He slept off and on the rest of the night. More than once he woke up from nightmares, and it was just as terrifying to wake up to being totally tied up then. He had even screamed a bit, but nothing had happened. He was probably alone at in the building. No one could hear him.

_-SUITS-_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2.**

Harvey sighed and looked at his watch again. Mike was so late. He was annoyed about it and had been for an hour now. Sure, Mike was often late, but two hours was kind of stretching it. They were going to finish up the case, and Mike was sitting on some of the information. He was going to have a talk with the kid about this. Harvey looked passed his tardiness most of the time, but this was too much. Mike was going to have step it up and take the whole thing of coming to work on time a bit more serious.

He stood up and walked outside to Donna’s desk.

“Have you seen Mike?” He asked, leaning towards her desk.

“No, I haven’t. Did you try to call him?” She asked without taking her eyes from her computer screen.

“Yes, I did.”

“How many times?”

Harvey narrowed his eyes. He didn’t feel like telling her that. But she raised her eyebrows at him then, so he had to.

“Four.”

“Well, Harvey, if you are that worried, maybe you should go over to his place.”

“I’m not worried.” Harvey muttered. “Just send him to me when he gets here.” He went back to his computer and tried to ignore that fact that Donna’s comment about him worrying wouldn’t leave his mind. He rolled his eyes at himself; he wasn’t even worried. But he didn’t get why Mike couldn’t just answer his damn phone.

He managed to wait about half an hour before he called again. Just as before, signal after signal went through but without an answer from Mike. Mike was now two and a half hours late. That must be some kind of record.

He once again walked out to Donna. She looked up at him and smiled a little. “I haven’t seen or heard from him. I tried calling him as well, but no one picked up.”

“Damn it. Where is he? This is not normal even for him.”

“I agree. You should go to his place and make sure nothing has happened.”

“Come on, Donna. I can’t go over there. He might think that I care.”

“Oh please, Harvey. Who do you think you are fooling? Everyone already knows that you do. Including Mike.”

“What are you talking about? Everyone?”

“Every person with eyes.” Donna teased him, but Harvey had suddenly gotten a sort of uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. Could people really tell right away that he cared about Mike? His mind took him back to the day before and to the encounter outside the court.

“Harvey are you alright?” Donna suddenly said. He looked at her. “You were staring out in space.”

“It’s nothing.” He said.

“So, do I need to reschedule your lunch meeting?”

Harvey shook his head. “I’ll give him some time, if he’s not here when I get back, I’ll head over to his place.” Harvey decided.

Donna nodded but didn’t say anything else. Harvey went back into his office and really hoped that Mike would turn up before that. He didn’t know why he felt so uneasy. It was just stupid. The kid was probably just sleeping in or had forgotten his phone somewhere. Harvey wasn’t going to be the one who went over to Mike’s place just to find him having overslept.

The lunch meeting went well, and he had managed to forget about Mike’s tardiness. But when he walked through the bullpen he stopped for a moment at Mike’s desk and leaned over it to checked to see if Mike’s stuff was there, since the man himself wasn’t. He didn’t see any traces of the man and he felt annoyed again. It was almost two a clock!

“Have you heard from him?” Harvey asked as soon as he saw Donna.

She frowned and shook her head. “He’s still not answering his phone. I searched the office as well, every place I could think of. But he is not here.” She said. “Are you heading over there now?”

“I shouldn’t have to watch him like this, he’s a grown man.”

“But you are worried, so just go, before I will.”

“I’m not worried.” Harvey started to claim, but she wouldn’t have it.

“Yes, you are, I can tell Harvey. Will you just tell me why?”

He sighed a bit and then mentioned towards his office. She followed him in there and closed the door behind her before sitting down.

“Do you remember the case about that factory we put out of business?” He asked her.

“Yes, a bunch of people were let go from one day to the next.”

“Yes. Well, yesterday outside court Mike and I was approached by two of them. They wanted me to take on some case which would involve a lot of having to play dirty. They said I owe them. When I turned them down the guy said I would regret it.”

“Oh god, and now you think they might have done something to Mike?”

“No, of course I don’t think so. It’s just a bit, I don’t know, unnerving that the kid’s not here today of all days.”

“Harvey, what if they actually did something to him? Do you think they would be capable of that?”

“No, I don’t think they would go after him like that. Mike wasn’t even involved in the case; it was years ago. I don’t get why they came now.”

“But you can’t be sure.”

Harvey sighed and looked away.

“No, you can’t. Just go Harvey. If you are so worried about Mike mocking you, if he’s just sleeping in, bring a file with you and tell him he needs to get it done.”

Harvey rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’m going.” He decided not to bring any files with him though. If Mike had overslept Harvey would just yell at him for doing so on a workday. In the car on his way over to Mike’s place he tried to tell himself that it in fact was possible to sleep in for about seven hours.

When he arrived at Mike’s place, he didn’t think much about the broken bike that was laying thrown next to the entrance to Mike’s apartment complex. It was missing both wheels and the handle looked like someone had tried to saw it off. Harvey walked up the few stairs and felt the door. It was locked. Damn it. He was at a loss on what to do for a moment, but then to his luck a young mother with her child stepped out of the door. She just glanced at Harvey as he walked past her inside. He wondered how Mike could actually live in a place like this as he walked towards the stairs. It was trash thrown on the floor and smelled a bit weird.

When he reached Mike’s floor, he knocked and waited. He tried to listen for some sounds but didn’t hear anything. He knocked a few more times before trying the door handle. He wasn’t surprised to find it locked. He even yelled Mike’s name then after knocking again. He didn’t get a reply. Either the kid ignored him, or he wasn’t home, most likely the second option. He swore as he walked back to the stairs again. Where was he?

He stopped close to the door when he got down to the exit. He thought that he maybe should leave Mike a note or something on his door to let him know he had been there looking for him. That would give the guy some well-deserved guilt. Of course, he didn’t have anything to write on with him, so that’s why he decided to take a closer look at the trash by the wall to see if someone had left some piece of mail or something that he could use to leave Mike a note.

That was when he saw the messenger bag.

It looked just like the one Mike had. It was thrown on the floor, the strap of it, broken. Harvey went to pick it up and swore when things fell out of it. At once he felt himself stiffen. That file folder, now on the floor, looked suspiciously similar to the ones the firm used. He picked that up as well, still keeping the bag in a tight grip. He drew a deep breath when he realized that it was the briefs Mike had been working on yesterday that he was holding in his hand. It was Mike’s bag.

He searched the floor and with an increasing feeling of unease he ended up with both keys and a phone in his hands. He pressed the button on the phone and swallowed hard as the display lit up showing seven missed calls. What was going on here?

He found his own phone and dialed Mike’s number. Sure enough, the display on the phone in his hand lit up again. Not that he had doubted that it in fact was Mike’s phone, but now he knew. He put the stuff back into Mike’s bag and rushed up the stairs again. The key opened up the door revealing an empty apartment. Harvey swore to himself as he locked the door behind him to leave. He brought Mike’s bag with him. What the hell had happened here and where was the kid?

Before heading back to his car again he stopped by the bike he had passed earlier. It must be Mike’s. Something had happened here, either last night when Mike got home, or this morning before he got out of the door. He had no idea what. And what should he do now? Should he call the police?

If something had happened to Mike it would have to had happened no earlier than eighteen hours ago, and if it was this morning, maybe six or seven hours. And what would he tell the cops? That he found Mike’s stuff outside his apartment, behind a locked door? He was pretty sure they would dismiss him.

After some thinking he decided to head to the office and give it a try anyway. He could be persuasive after all.

As soon as Donna saw him in the corridor she stood up and came towards him.

“Harvey? What is that? Is that his bag?”

“Yes. Something is wrong. He wasn’t there, and I found this on the floor in the hallway of his building. Look, it’s ripped.” He showed her the bag. She took it from his hands, and he watched her horrified expression. She looked up at him.

“And he wasn’t there? There was no sight of him?”

Harvey shook his head. “No, I found his phone and keys on the floor. I went up there, but the place looked untouched.”

“Oh my god, what do think happened to him? This can’t be good right?”

Harvey shook his head. “No.” He said, took the bag back and went into his office. Donna followed him.

“What are you going to do, Harvey? You need to find him!”

“I know Donna.”

“How? What will you do?”

“That I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. He might just be…”

“Be what? Do you think this has to do with what happened yesterday?”

Harvey closed his eyes for a moment at her question. That was what had been on his mind ever since he had found Mike’s messenger bag. He shook his head.

“Why would they go after him? It doesn’t make any sense. It must be something else. Maybe he got in trouble with a neighbor or something.”

Donna reached for the bag again and inspected it closer. “This looks like it was ripped. Maybe he was mugged?”

“Why would they leave it all behind then? Even his phone was there.”

“Oh god…” Donna whispered. Harvey nodded.

“Don’t worry. I’ll find him. I’m going to call the police.”

Donna nodded and stood up to leave.

Harvey got his phone out and placed the call, but as he had thought he was met with resistance. The police officer he spoke to questioned if the bag on the floor was all the evidence of wrongdoing that Harvey had. Harvey then told him about the incident from yesterday. The officer questioned if there had been a threat or not. Harvey could place a report with them, but so far, they wouldn’t do much about it. Harvey was angry and questioned it.

“Something has obviously happened to him, and you won’t do shit!”

“ _From what you are telling me, he could be anywhere_.”

Eventually Harvey was asked to contact them again later if Mike still wasn’t found. Harvey felt furious when he hung up. Basically, it was nothing they would do. Harvey had only gotten vague reassurance that it would be looked into.

Harvey felt frustrated, mostly because he didn’t know what the next step for him to take was. He didn’t have a clue on where he should search for Mike. He didn’t know what had happened or if the kid even was in trouble. Everything pointed towards that he was.

It was a normal Friday and Mike was supposed to be at work. Harvey had sent him home earlier last night for doing a good job the other day, and now he didn’t show up. Something was definitely wrong.

It was almost five a clock now, Harvey regretted waiting this long with looking into Mike’s whereabouts. Where the hell was the kid? He really needed to find him, but how do you find someone in a city like New York, when you had no idea on where to look.

He did have one clue though, and that was the incident from yesterday. It felt far stretched but what if Mike’s disappearance actually had something to do with those guys.

Harvey had first seen them on Wednesday when he walked to his car that morning. Normally he wouldn’t have noticed something like that, but these guys hadn’t been subtle. They had been standing close to the entrance of his building, but far enough away so that building security wouldn’t react. Mike’s place didn’t have any security. Harvey had stopped for a while to glare at them, two men that didn’t belong in this neighborhood. They had just stared back at him and hadn’t moved when he got inside his car. Harvey had thought then that they had looked familiar, but it was first yesterday outside court that he had remembered from where. At least one of the guys had been present in the court when Harvey had won a case against their employer, which had led to the company being forced to let a lot of people go.

Harvey now regretted that he hadn’t kept the paper that had been pushed into his hands by one of the guys. He didn’t remember any details of what had been printed on it. He should have had Mike take a look at it as well, he would have remembered. It wouldn’t have helped him now though, because Mike wasn’t here.

“Donna, get in here!” He called for her. He needed her help. He explained the phone call with the police and explained what he wanted to do.

“I don’t know if this is related, but it’s the only thing I got. We’ll start look into it, and if we can’t find something, I’ll just head out and look for him.”

Donna just nodded. “You should let Jessica know.” She said.

“As soon as I know something more, I will.”

“Harvey…”

“Let’s just go through this, I need a name.”

They started to work with going throw the files and documents of the case. Once in a while one of them tried again to call Mike. Donna even went to search the office once more, but with no luck. Why would Mike be there but not come to see them? It was almost eight when Donna looked up from what she had in front of her.

“Harvey, what if this got nothing to do with what happened to Mike? I know this is the only lead you got, but maybe you should head out and look for him.”

“I know this might be a dead-end Donna, but where do you suggest I search?” He stood up and went over to a window to look out, he needed to clear his head a bit. That was when his phone beeped. He turned towards it and for a moment he locked eyes with Donna. Then he grabbed the phone.

“It’s says it’s from an anonymous number.”

“Well, what is it?”

It was a text message with a picture attached. He clicked on the picture at first to enlarge it, and then he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He just stared at it as he swore again and again quietly to himself. This was so bad.

The picture was pretty dark and a bit blurry, but Mike was in it. The upper part of his body was visible, and he was tied to a chair. He was looking straight into the camera with a defiant expression even though you couldn’t see much of his bruised-up face since a piece of tape was covering his mouth.

“Oh my God! Mike!” Donna had come over and was looking at his phone over his shoulder.

Harvey clenched his teeth and forced himself to relax his grip on his phone a little.

“They took him. The bastards took him.”

“Oh God…” Donna mumbled again and threw her hand over her mouth. She already had tears in her eyes.

Harvey forced himself to close the image to read the message. It was short but forceful.

_One million. You have three days._  
No police or he dies.   
Further instructions on Monday. 

Harvey breathed out deeply. If Donna hadn’t been standing right next to him, he would have had grabbed the nearest thing and thrown it across the room. He wanted to scream. Someone took Mike. Grabbed him at his home and now wanted Harvey to pay them one million dollars in ransom. One million! One million or Mike would be killed. Involve the police and Mike would be killed. And this was all on him. Mike had nothing to do with this. He had been taken because of his association with Harvey. This was his fault. Mike was hurt because of him!

“Harvey?” Donna brought him back to reality. He looked at her. Tears were still in her eyes. “What are we going to do?”

Harvey swallowed and stared at her. Her question echoed in his mind. What were they going to do? What could he do other than to pay? He shook his head a little.

“I don’t know Donna. Damn it! How the hell could this happen? I’m going to kill them! I’m going to fucking kill them.”

“Do you think it’s the people from yesterday?”

“It must be. Who else?”

Donna didn’t answer, instead she took the phone from his hand and opened the picture again. She sank down in a chair with the phone in both hands.

“Oh sweetie…” She whispered. “He looks hurt Harvey. His face is all bruised up. They hurt him!”

Harvey walked over to her.

“Let me see.” He looked at the phone again. He studied Mike’s face closer, zoomed in. Donna was right, he did look hurt. He had a bruise along one of his cheeks. Rope was wrapped around the kid’s chest, and his wrists. That looked painful as well. Harvey hated seeing Mike in this position. A rage, stronger than he probably ever had felt, started to grow inside him. How could someone do this to _his_ associate?

“Should we call the police?” Donna asked.

“You saw what they wrote, they’ll kill him.”

Donna was still in the chair and now pressed her hands over her mouth.

“But one million dollars, Harvey. Do you have that kind of money? If you don’t, I have some saved that you can…”

“Don’t worry Donna. I got it covered.”

They looked at each other for a bit. Donna had collected herself a little, but desperation was still visible in her eyes.

“They are going to keep him until Monday.”

“I know.” Harvey closed his fist hard, and did his best to keep himself somewhat calm, even though he really wanted to rage and scream. He just felt so damn angry about this.

“Goddamn it, I saw them yesterday and I didn’t do shit! Mike was concerned and I just dismissed him. They were outside my place Donna!”

“Do you think they planned to grab you too?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He closed his eyes a bit. “Maybe they figured Mike was an easier target. Shit! He would be no match for them, they are twice his size.”

“Oh God…” Donna whispered, and Harvey saw that she yet again got tears in her eyes.

“I’m getting him back, Donna. Don’t worry.” He said forcefully.

She nodded. “But what if they hurt him?” When she blinked, tears ran down from both her eyes. “How will you get him back? Are you going to involve the police?”

Harvey shook his head. “You saw what they wrote, they’ll kill him.”

Donna shook a bit at his words. “Do you think that if you just pay, they will let him go? Both Mike and you have seen them, you basically know who they are.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You’ll figure it out, they must know that.”

Harvey shook his head.

“You should talk to Jessica, Harvey.” She said, after a moment. “Hear what she thinks.”

“Donna, I don’t want to get her into this mess as well.”

“Mike is her employee too Harvey. She might not care for the way he got here, but she respects his work.”

Harvey nodded then. “Fine. Let’s go right now.”

Phone in hand he marched over to Jessica’s office, Donna following him. He just hoped she hadn’t left yet.

Luckily, she hadn’t but looked like she was about to.

“Jessica, we have a situation.” Harvey told her. She sighed and let go of her handbag.

“And you are saying that this situation can’t wait until Monday, I presume.”

“It can’t.”

She looked between them, saw Donna’s expression and nodded for them to sit down. Donna did but Harvey couldn’t. He went straight to the point.

“It’s Mike. He has been kidnapped.”

He looked straight into her eyes when he said it. He saw her eyes widen in surprise.

“Kidnapped. Is this a joke?”

“No, Jessica. Someone took him right when he got home last night. They must have followed him or waited for him. He didn’t show up for work today and I just received a text with a ransom note.”

He handed her the phone and saw her expression change as she saw the message. It was almost like she shrank in on herself.

She shook her head. “That kid brings nothing but trouble.” She mumbled. Harvey wanted to yell at her when he heard it.

“They took him to get to me! It’s my fault. It’s on me.” He exclaimed. “Mike is totally innocent in all of this.”

He then proceeded with telling her the whole story. She listened in silence to it all. She asked a few questions and then wanted to look at the text message again. Harvey could see how her eyes lingered on the image of Mike. She got something hard in her eyes but didn’t say anything about it.

“And this is the only contact you have had so far?”

Harvey confirmed.

“And how can the number be anonymous? I didn’t know you could do that with a text. So, there is no way of contacting them?”

“I don’t know. We could try to reply to the text.” Harvey said.

“And write what?”

“That I want to talk to Mike.”

“You can always try.”

So, Harvey did. Maybe they should have thought through it a bit more, but he was angry and felt an almost desperate need to do something. However, the message he sent couldn’t be delivered. Harvey swore.

They then discussed whether they should get the police involved or not. Jessica was for it, but Harvey against it. Donna didn’t say much.

“You did see the part about them killing him if we involve the police, right?”

“But how will they know that we do. The police might be able to trace the message and get a location on Mike.”

“I’m not betting his life like that, besides when I called the cops, they just dismissed me.”

“So, you will just bend down and do what they say. Pay them and hope you get him back. And what says that he won’t get killed anyway as soon as they get your money.” Jessica pushed on.

“I’m not risking Mike’s life. After I get him back, I’ll send the police after them, but I’m not going to put Mike’s life in the hands of the police.”

“Harvey, this is their job…”

“Did you forget that I worked at the DA’s office? I have seen up close how they work. This is what we are doing.”

“Fine.” Jessica said when they locked eyes. Harvey felt relieved. He needed her to be on his side in this. “We will do what you want Harvey. But I’m really sorry, the firm will not be paying any ransom. I just can’t allow that.”

“Who says that the firm will pay? This was directed to me.”

“It’s a million dollars Harvey. That’s a huge amount.”

“Which I will pay.”

“So, you are going to pay a million dollars to get that kid back? Harvey, you do realize that you might never see that money again. Especially not if you won’t involve the police.”

“I don’t care. I’ll have Mike work for free for a couple of years.”

“Harvey!” Donna said now.

“It was a joke, Donna.” He tried to smile at her, but she only looked angry. “Like I said I don’t care. I can make more money.” He let the rest of that sentence remain unsaid, but there was only one of Mike.

“I respect your decision Harvey. It’s yours to make. But this doesn’t sound like you. Are you just going to pay them the money and do nothing?” Jessica looked him in the eyes.

“Who said I’ll do nothing?” Harvey said. He just didn’t know what to do at the moment. The text had said that more instructions would come on Monday. That was the whole weekend. Why did they have to wait for so long? Why couldn’t they have done the whole thing today? Because this meant that Mike would be held for at least two more days. God knows what they did to him. And Harvey didn’t know how he going to just wait for Monday to come without doing anything to help Mike. He really wanted to help him, right now. But he had no way of contacting the kidnappers. He had no way of knowing if Mike was alright or where he was.

Was he just going to go home and spend his weekend with the knowledge of that Mike was kept somewhere against his will, and maybe getting hurt, all because of Harvey? Because this was all on him.

He didn’t intend if doing nothing. He would do everything that he could think of to get some more information.

“Harvey are you even listening to me?” He noticed then that Jessica was talking to him.

“No, I wasn’t. What did you say?”

“I said that I’m really sorry that this has happened. I hope you will get him back. If there is anything I can do to help you know my number.”

“Thank you, Jessica.” He wanted to say something about how she could just go home after knowing what had happened. But it was late, and it wasn’t that much that they could do anyway at the moment. Harvey didn’t know what to do. Donna followed him back to his office and he sat down by his laptop. He convinced her to go home.

“It’s late and we won’t get much done now anyway.” He said.

She made him promise to call her as soon as he had any sort of news. She looked close to tears when she said that. Maybe he should have comforted her somehow, but he didn’t know how. There wasn’t much he could say. Mike had been kidnapped because of him. Mike was hurt because of him. Mike that was his responsibility. He was supposed to look out for the kid. Have his back.

In this case he had been totally blindsided, it had come as a total surprise. He never thought that they would go after Mike when they couldn’t get to him. What if they had hurt the kid? How would he best able to face Mike after that? Or worse, what if they killed him like Jessica had said?

Was it wrong to not involve the police? There was no way of knowing, but he had to go with his gut. It was telling him to handle this himself.

He sat there staring out into his office. He suddenly wished that he could somehow go back in time and stop this from ever happening.

He took out his phone and opened the message again. He pressed the number area, but no call connected. No surprise there since it was from an anonymous number. It meant that he had no way of contacting the people who had Mike. He had no way of knowing if they really had him, if he was alright. If he was still alive. The last part scared him. It was all so frustrating.

He didn’t know what he would do if Mike was seriously injured or even killed, he didn’t think he would be able to handle it. He forced himself to look at the picture of his associate. Mike looked into the camera and Harvey thought that he could see the defiance in his expression. That was good. They hadn’t broken him. But then it was the faint signs of injury that was harder to watch. And the way Mike was tied up, rendering him totally helpless. Harvey wondered how that would feel.

They would be in contact again on Monday, it was late at Friday night now. Harvey had the whole weekend to just agonize and wait. Damn it! He swore and barely suppressed an urge to throw his phone across the room.

He needed to do something! The only thing he could think of doing was to keep go through the case with the men from yesterday. It was the only lead he had, and it just had to be them.

He didn’t get that far. He didn’t have any names of the men that had approached him, but he would search out everyone with even the slightest connection to this case.

By the time he left his office that night it was early morning and he had a plan. Thankfully as he was able to fall right asleep when he got home, he was that tired. He had a nightmare about Mike being held in a dark room somewhere. Harvey had been standing outside a room looking in through a window. Mike had been bound on the ground and had looked lifeless. Harvey had banged on the window and screamed but Mike hadn’t moved. Harvey had no way of getting into the building. He had searched all over and had woken up just as he had spotted another door he hadn’t tried yet. The fear and frustration from the dream lingered in him at such an extent that he wasn’t able to go back to sleep.

_-SUITS-_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3.**

He had no idea what time it was when they returned. He didn’t know how long he had been awake either, but it felt like hours. He didn’t feel good. He had a bad headache, and his arms ached. At least the pain from being hit had faded by now. He suspected he had some bruising, but his face felt alright. He was incredibly thirsty; the worst hunger had faded.

He felt relieved when they arrived again, but that was mostly because they turned on the lights again. It took him several minutes to get use to it. It was only two of them that came, the leader and one bearded guy. They didn’t say anything to him, the beard guy went to over to the table and turned on a light there, the other guy came up and stood in front of Mike until he looked up. Then the guy snapped a photo off him with his phone.

Then they both left without a word, Mike looked after them, but didn’t bother to yell after them. He was just so grateful that they left a light on for him. 

He just sat there and waited. He didn’t feel any better as time passed. He got hungry again, to an extent that it was almost painful. He almost wanted to cry a bit, but he didn’t. He got angry at himself for even thinking about it. He had to keep it up, he wouldn’t win anything if he showed them that what they did was affecting him. However, doubt about his own ability to do that was starting to spread inside him. The headache was bad, and he wished he had his hands lose so that he could rub at his forehead. He tried to sleep some more but wasn’t that successful. 

Hours later they returned again. Mike didn’t bother to look up as they came inside the room. He tensed involuntarily though. What were they going to do now? It was all four of them again.

“Hey! Let me go!” Mike called at them as they came closer, one of the men, had a knife in his hand. Mike didn’t like the sight of that. That guy went around to the back of him, and Mike did his best in trying to see what he was doing. But it turned out that he started to cut off the ropes that bound his torso to the chair. It felt great to get rid of those and to feel like he could draw in deep breaths again.

“Hey, over here!” Mike looked to his side and saw the leader guy point a gun straight towards his face. Mike stiffened. What was happening? His heart started to beat like crazy and he grabbed on to the chair with his bound hands. Was this it?

He jerked when he saw a hand came towards him, but it was only the tape that was ripped off him. It hurt when it came off, but Mike didn’t say anything, the gun was still pointed at him.

Then the knife guy started to cut loose his legs, Mike didn’t kick him this time.

“Do you need the bathroom?” Mike was asked. He hurried to nod.

“You are quiet today, starting to realize your place in this?” He was mocked.

“Shut up!” Mike told him. They laughed at him then.

They got his hands free to and helped him to stand. For a moment he thought his legs would fold below him, but two sets of hands steadied him. Then, with the gun still directed against him they led him to a bathroom just outside the door. He was able to use the toilet and could drink from the tap. The water felt great in his dry mouth; however he was pulled away before he considered himself done.

He was taken back to the room again and was pushed hard down onto the floor. When he tried to get up again the guy with the gun stopped him.

“We will demand a ransom for you today from Harvey Specter. If he pays us a million dollars, we will let you go.” The guy said.

Mike stared at him in disbelief. “A million dollars! You think Harvey will pay one million dollars for me? You really haven’t done your research!”

“The only one that will suffer for that is you.” The guy answered and Mike couldn’t help but to think that he was right. Still, one million. That was an extreme amount. Mike didn’t know if Harvey had that much money, and if he did have it, Mike didn’t know if he wanted to give it all up for him.

He yet again felt a bit scared. He tried not to show it, instead he tried again to stand up. A kick was directed at him, so he decided that for now he would stay on the floor. The men spoke in their language again, and Mike couldn’t understand a single word of it. One guy started walking away from the rest of them He walked to that table, where they seemed to have some kind of locker where they kept stuff. He soon came back with new ropes and the tape in his hands. Mike felt his whole body tense. Oh no!

He resisted like crazy when he understood what they were planning on doing. He must have caught them a bit by surprise because he managed to get up to standing, but not more than that. They surrounded him. They had the ropes ready.

“No, come on! Don’t do it!” He had yelled but in vain. He tried to back away, but they were four against one. He didn’t stand a chance. He probably wouldn’t even be able to beat one of them, they were all taller and much heavier than he was.

One of them hit him hard right below his right eye. The force of the blow sent him stumbling back, right into the arms of another man. Mike had trouble remaining standing, but another set of hands took hold of his arms and forced them together behind his back. Someone grabbed his hair and pushed his head downwards so that he was almost folded in half. He tried to get away and screamed when he felt the rope starting to twist around his arms. They didn’t just tie his wrist together, no, they started from right above his elbow and worked their way down and then back up again. They pulled forcefully on them, making it as tight as possible.

Mike screamed in pain when his arms pressed together. They laughed at him.

Whey they were done, they shoved him hard towards the floor. He had no way of bracing his fall and ended up with scraping his cheek against the hard concrete. He barely registered that pain before an even worse pain erupted in him as one of the men kneeled on his arms and back.

Hands grabbed at his legs and forced them down and together. More rope. Mike fought it with all he had. He yelled at them to fucking stop, to let him go. But they just laughed at him. Finally, they were all standing there above him, laughing.

He swore at them.

“Shut up, you piece of shit!” Someone kicked him forcefully on the side. Mike couldn’t help but moan and curled in on himself the best he could. It wasn’t much, but it was something.

“I said shut up!” There was a foot pressing down on his head! His cheek was grinded down into the floor. Mike pressed his lips together.

“You are to do as we say. Do you understand that?” He pressed harder on Mike’s head.

“Yeah…” He panted. He needed the foot gone.

“So, are you going to be quiet too, or do you want the tape back on?”

Panic gripped him at the thought of the tape restricting his breathing again and he answered immediately.

“Yes, I will. Okay.”

“Good.”

He pushed his foot on Mike’s head forward and down, so that Mike’s face turned, and his nose and forehead was pressed into the concrete. He felt how small pieces of gravel dug into his skin, and he couldn’t help but groan.

“I said shut up!” The man yelled and removed his foot to instead kick him hard on the side again. The kick was so forceful that he felt himself lift a bit from the ground. The pain that followed was brutal and brought tears to his eyes. He could feel himself shake uncontrollably. He tried to breathe. Footsteps walked away from him.

It took him several minutes before he could catch his breath again. He tried to find a more comfortable spot for his head, a place with less gravel. He eventually gave up. He ached all over. Worst was his side, arms and shoulders. His nose hurt as well, or hell, his whole face throbbed. He wasn’t sure but he thought that his right eye was starting to swell.

He had his face turned against the wall so he couldn’t see his captors. He could hear them talking though in the other end of the room, over where the lightbulb and the table was. Apparently, they were staying here for a while now. He couldn’t make out any of the words that they were saying. Not that it had helped him since he couldn’t understand their language.

Tears were gathering in his eyes now. He couldn’t help it. He just wanted to get out of here. He was hurting and felt humiliated in this position. Why couldn’t someone come and help him? They must have contacted Harvey by now, where was he? Harvey had to come and get him, right? Harvey would help him. He knew he would. He remembered how Harvey had yelled at him about loyalty that one time. Mike just wished that he would hurry up, because he wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take.

His arms were aching like crazy. He hurt pretty much everywhere but worst was his arms. He hadn’t? been like this for long, but he really was done with it. It was so gross too, to be laying on the concrete floor like this. Not to mention how cold and hard it was. He had basically already lost the feeling in his legs, so he didn’t need to worry about that anymore. The ropes around his bound arms however was another issue now. They were too tight. Was it even possible for them to be any tighter than this? It cut into his skin like razors and forced his arms into an unnatural position.

He had fought them hard when they tied him up. He had been defiant. He had been able to keep that up, just like he had promise himself to do. And it was just his instinct to fight back, but now, being tied up like this, that did something to him. It left him so damn helpless. Totally unable to defend himself. They could do anything they wanted with him now. It left him so damn scared, even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

He was just feeling worse and worse, but tried to not let it get to him. He was stronger than this. He had willed the tears away, but now it felt like they were returning. It was just that he really wanted this to stop now. He didn’t want to hurt like this anymore. If it just could stop hurting, and if he just could have something to eat and maybe some uninterrupted sleep. Then, maybe he would have been able to control himself. But he didn’t see anyone of those things happening soon. And now he couldn’t anymore. Tears were yet again gathering in his eyes.

When he allowed the first tears to come, he couldn’t hold the rest back any longer. Soon it was more than just tears. He did try his uttermost to stop, he bit his tongue hard, but he couldn’t stop from sobbing. He cried in a way he hadn’t done since he found out that Grammy died. He felt how his upper body shock from each sob he let out, sending small jolts of pain through his shoulder each time. The ropes were just too tight and too high up, forcing his shoulders into a painful position.

He didn’t know how long he laid there like that, crying like a child. Snot and tears were all across his face he could do nothing to get rid of it. It was so terrible. He needed help!

Maybe he could negotiate with his kidnappers, make them release his arms? At the moment that was the only thing that he wanted to negotiate about. After that he might start to see if he could get out of here somehow.

“Hey man, what’s wrong with you? Are you crying?”

Mike jerked. He hadn’t noticed when the man came up to him. He heard laughter from somewhere behind him, and the others started to approach him as well. Fear gripped a hold of him. He was totally helpless like this. They could do whatever they wanted to him and he wouldn’t be able to stop them.

“Look at me! You crying? Show us.” One of them said. Mike ignored him. He did not want them to see him like this. They wouldn’t leave him alone though. He was their source of amusement right now. A foot nudged him, and he flinched. He was expecting to get kicked but it didn’t come. A hand came down and landed on his shoulder, it started to turn him over.

Mike screamed when his position changed, and he was turned over on his back. He was now laying on top of his own arms. It put immense pressure on them, and it felt like they were getting crushed under his weight. They were going to break! He would get permanent damage. He tried with all he had to get out of the grip still on his shoulders but couldn’t.

The pain was so excruciating. It radiated through him and he couldn’t help but scream out.

“What’s with you? Stop screaming.”

A slap across his cheek.

He felt how things got blurry, he couldn’t focus. He tried again to get out of the grip on his shoulders and heave himself back to the side. This was the worst pain he had ever felt. He screamed again, louder this time and the man above him loosened his grip, maybe in shook, and Mike managed to heave himself onto his side. The pain was unimaginable. He felt sick and dizzy. He tried to breathe through it to get some sort of control back over his body.

Oh god, he was going to throw up! He turned his head as much to the side as he could and opened his mouth. Watery bile came up and he chocked a little, sputtered. 

The men above his both laughed and yelled amongst each other.

“Gross!” Someone yelled. “He weak.”

They spoke a bit again as Mike spit a bit on the ground. He felt so lousy. He was in so much pain, it felt like is his arms was being severed from him. He was shaking.

“Look at his hands.” Someone said then. Someone touched him again and he let out a scream again. But he was just pushed onto his stomach. He tried to slow his breathing; he was close to hyperventilating. 

They spoke in loud voices behind him. He waited. A few moments of quick conversation later the leader bent down over him again.

“Look at me.” He said. When Mike ignored him, he leaned closer and gripped Mike’s face hard as the same time as he lifted Mike to his side. He turned Mike’s head towards him and pressed his fingers down at the fresh bruise under his eyes. Mike let out a moan in pain, unable to stop it.

“We are going to redo your bindings, okay. My friend thinks you are losing your hands.”

Mike was fairly certain the friend was right.

The man was not done talking.

“You are going to stay still, and you are going to do nothing as we untie you now. You understand?”

Mike did his best to glare at him. The man pressed down harder with his finger.

“We can do this they easy way or the hard way. Either you let us do it voluntarily or we make you. Your choice.”

Mike stared up at the man. He licked his lips a little. He was most likely going to regret this.

“Make. Me.” He then said all the while not breaking eye contact. The man’s lips twitched a bit, like he was about to start smiling. But then he harshly patted Mike’s shoulder and nodded.

“Okay. We’ll make you.” He stood up and nodded behind him. He said a few words and stepped over to the side, all the while looking Mike into the eyes. Mike had to break eye contact as harsh hands heaved him back on his stomach. A hand pressed his head hard down onto the floor before letting go again.

“I hold.” Someone said and Mike felt hands along his hip, he tried to get them off him, but the hands held down harder. Mike realized that the man was standing on his knees over him, pressing down with his arms, keeping him locked to the ground. Someone else then pressed down his shoulders. He hated the feelings of their hands on him. But there was nothing he could do but to lay there. That didn’t mean he didn’t hate it.

He screamed when they moved his arms. The pain it caused him was awful. But they didn’t care at all, just told him to shut up and maneuvered his arm however they wanted. Instead of keeping his arms straight they now folded them over each other, hands against his elbows. It still hurt like hell when the blood rushed through his arms. The rope came back over his arms, just as tight as before, but at least in a much better position. His captors spoke amongst themselves, but Mike could barely hear them, he was so focused on his arms.

Then finally the weight on him lifted and they walked away from him, much to Mike’s relief. He was left alone on the cold concrete floor. He was still close to the place he had thrown up. He could smell it clearly. He couldn’t move away from it. He didn’t want to put any pressure on his arms right now. They still hurt too much. He had to stay still and wait.

For a while he just laid there and tried to get his breathing back to normal. It was hard because it felt like he was on the verge of freaking out. He was scared. What were they going to do to him? It felt like he still could feel where their harsh hands had been on him.

Would they just leave him on the floor like this now? It scared the crap out of him to be this defenseless. They could do whatever they wanted to him now and he couldn’t do shit about it. It was so humiliating as well. He felt violated in a way he never had before. The way they had laughed at him when he broke down, it had been awful. Like they thought it was just a joke.

He was both thirsty and hungry as well, not to mention tired. He didn’t think that he would be able to fall asleep like this. Why was he being treated like this? What had he done to deserve this?

They hadn’t told him anything about when they were going to release him if Harvey paid. Was it tomorrow or a week from now? He really wished for the first. He had done his best to keep his attitude up and to be defiant, but he had failed. He had cried and screamed and thrown up. There had just been so much pain, but now he wished he could have handled it better, because he felt so humiliated now. It still smelled like vomit here. He wished they would clean it up. The stench made him feel sick. At least they didn’t tape his mouth together again. He was able to breathe properly now.

For a couple of minutes, he tried to focus only on his breathing. In and out. Just like that, again and again and he would be okay. But a different factor made it hard for him to do so, the floor was cold and hard. It wasn’t that clean either and gravel stuck to his cheek, but it wasn’t anything he could do about it. The dark bothered him as well. When they had left, they had turned the lights off, leaving him in total darkness and now he just wished that he would be able to see something. It wasn’t like he was afraid of the dark, not really, by but he certainly didn’t like this. Not liking something and being afraid wasn’t the same thing. At first, he thought it was good because he would certainly notice when they came back, but now he didn’t care. He wanted the light turned back on.

He tried to scream for them to come back. He wasn’t surprised at all when nothing happened. He made another effort of calming himself down. He tried to breathe deeply, closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, forced himself to do so. He succeeded after a couple of minutes. After all it wasn’t much else that he could do at the moment. He just had to deal with this and put his faith into Harvey to get him out of this.

He thought of Harvey. What would he do? Would he look for him? Would he pay for him? What if he wouldn’t? What if he wouldn’t pay? What would happened then? What would they do to him?

So many thoughts flew around in his head that it was hard to catch any of them. He wished that he would fall asleep. He didn’t know if it was night or not. He decided to try and change positions. He managed to lay on his side for a bit, but it was killing his shoulder, so he tried a bit to sit up, he managed that to but couldn’t keep his balance for long without his arms.

Eventually he just laid there on his stomach. He just laid there and tried to not think of anything. He tried to fall asleep and to not think about the pain in his arms, about how thirsty or hungry he was, or about what would happen the next time they came.

He managed to fall asleep for a bit. He woke up in terror and it took way too long to for him to remember where he was. He was awake for a couple of hours after that. He was close to breaking down at one point. He fantasized about the police coming in and setting him free, he thought about Harvey rescuing him. He just wished for that to happen so much that it got too much for him. He even thought about just smashing his head against the floor so that he would pass out. But he didn’t have the guts to do it.

His body hurt, his arms and shoulders ached. Every part of him that rested against the floor hurt as well. It was cold as well, he was freezing. He could do nothing. He was still so tired, his head hurt as well. His energy was running low now. He really needed something to eat now. Or drink. They couldn’t refuse that to him. He was angry at them, at the moment just for that, for not feeding him.

_-SUITS-_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4.**

He didn’t know what time it was when the door opened again, and the lights was turned on. He didn’t bother to react but could feel how he tensed. He kept his eyes closed as he heard footsteps walking towards him. He hated himself when he realized that he was scared.

“Hey!” Someone kicked him in the side.

Mike grunted and blinked his eyes opened. “What?” He said, turned his head a bit. He didn’t bother turning on his side. His ribs throbbed from the kick. At least three of the guys were there. What was going to happen now? But they just walked past him towards the table. 

Mike got angry then. Where they just going to ignore him now? Walk by him, kick him and then leave? He could hear them talking to each other. Someone laughed.

“Hey!” He screamed. “I need something to eat.”

“Shut up!” Someone called.

“I haven’t eaten in days. Just give me something.”

They ignored him. Mike hated them. He called out again. Nothing happened.

“You can’t just keep me like this, without getting me something to eat!” He practically yelled. He steeled himself when one of them started to walk towards him. The man stopped pretty far away from him.

“You want to eat? Here!” He threw something towards Mike. It landed in front of him a few feet away. It was a half-eaten sandwich.

“No, come on! Get me out of the ropes!” Mike screamed, suddenly furious. That was just so humiliating. “Cut me lose!”

He kept yelling, but they just told him to shut up, and then ignored him. Eventually Mike gave up. He glared at the men, sitting at the table by the light, talking and eating. They had actually brought food with them and ate next to him. He could see bottles of water there as well.

Mike turned his attention to the sandwich on the floor in front of him. This was probably what he was getting. His stomach hurt just to look at it. He wanted it desperately, but at the same time he couldn’t force himself to move towards it. He just couldn’t eat it off the floor like that. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t do it! He pressed his lips hard together and closed his eyes. But then he couldn’t resist the hunger anymore. What if they took it again if he didn’t eat it?

He painfully moved a bit closer to it. He closed his eyes when he took a bite of it. It was dry and a bit hard, but he ate it anyway. He ate as much of it that was possible, avoiding the parts that had been rubbed too much on the floor. He felt like crap. He was treated worse than a dog, having to eat like this. He turned away from the rest of the sandwich when he was done. He didn’t want to see it. At least he had gotten something in his stomach now.

They started walking towards him again in what felt like a couple of hours later. Mike closed his eyes and wished that they would just leave. He didn’t want to talk to them, and he didn’t want them to bother him.

His wish wasn’t granted because they stopped next to him. Someone said something and another laughed. Mike didn’t get why they joked about all the time.

“Why didn’t you eat what we gave you?” A guy asked behind him. Mike ignored him. They could all go and screw themselves.

Something in that foreign language was said.

Laughter.

Mike jerked when hands suddenly grabbed him and lifted him up to sitting. Mike yelled and tried to heave himself to the side to get away from them, but two of them held on to him.

“You are eating what we give you.” The third man, now standing in front of him, said. He then bent down and picked up the rest of the sandwich Mike had had from the floor. The man then grabbed hold of Mike’s hair and pushed his head back. He pressed the sandwich towards Mike mouth.

“Open up.” He said. Mike moaned and tried to get out of their grip. They couldn’t do this! He shook his head with his lips pressed together. He wasn’t going to!

He screamed when a hand clamped down over his mouth and fingers pinched around his nose. He trashed and yelled. He couldn’t breathe! What were they doing? He felt panic rushing up at him when he started to become lightheaded. They were going to kill him!

“Calm down and open you mouth.” Someone said. Mike nodded frantically. The hand disappeared. He panted.

“Open your mouth!” A voice said. Mike did so. The sandwich was pushed into his mouth. He didn’t have a choice but to chew and swallow. They wouldn’t let him go. He hated them so much. This was so humiliating. He could taste the dirt on it. They forced him to eat it all.

The next thing that happened was that someone pushed a bottle of water to his mouth. He drank greedily as fast as he could. He had been so thirsty. They didn’t let him have it all. Instead someone grabbed his hair again, forcing him up to his knees. Then one of the guys tipped the bottle to the side and started to pour the rest of the water out on to the floor. Mike had to watch. They yet again laughed.

After that they pushed him forward down onto the ground. He landed hard on his stomach in the small pool of water. They walked away and the lights were turned off. Mike felt how the cold water started to spread around his front. He didn’t bother trying to move away, it was too late anyway. He just laid there and tried to disconnect himself. Once again, he thought of banging his head against the floor, but didn’t do it. Instead he felt tears coming to his eyes again. He didn’t bother trying to stop that either. Instead he let go. He cried for a long time after that. He felt so humiliated, violated. It all replayed in his head. He moaned at the thought of it. They had force-fed him food from the ground. Then taunted him by pouring water on the floor. He didn’t want to do this anymore. When would Harvey come?

He didn’t know when it happened, but somehow he fell asleep. He woke up from being cold. It was terrible. His shirt stuck to his skin and was freezing. His whole body was shaking. He wished he had a blanket or something. He couldn’t do anything about the situation, so he just waited.

They came again. Not so much time had passed. Mike didn’t know why they were back again. He kind of suspected that maybe these guys used this place as some sort of office. They just walked past him, totally ignoring him, and sitting down at the table again. Mike wanted them to leave again. He preferred laying in total darkness than being in the same room as these men. They were capable of anything, and apparently took joy in humiliating him.

He felt himself tense his whole body when he heard how they were starting to walk towards him an hour or so later. He felt so scared and he hated himself for that. He stayed still as they stopped next to him. He was pretty sure it was all four of them this time. 

“Your boss hasn’t paid yet. He probably doesn’t give a shit about you.” A voice said. Mike didn’t move.

“Yeah, you are not worth his trouble it seems.” Someone else said.

“It doesn’t look good for you.” Someone kicked his legs a bit and Mike moaned before being able to stop it.

They left again after that. Mike almost felt relieved when the light was turned off. He couldn’t help but let out a few sobs again. He felt exhausted and their words got stuck in him. They had said that Harvey hadn’t paid. Harvey wasn’t going to pay for him. Why wouldn’t he pay?

_-SUITS-_

It was early in the morning, but Harvey knew he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep, so he got up. He checked his phone in the hope on more messages, but nothing. He got dressed and left his apartment without eating breakfast. He went back to his office spent an hour getting addresses and phone numbers organized and headed out. What transpired during that Saturday wasn’t something he was proud of but at the same time he didn’t care. If he was able to get anywhere with this, it would be worth it.

He searched out people related to the case in their homes. He called and demanded to meet them, met them outside their buildings. He was civil with a few, he yelled at and threatened some. Once it almost got physical, but Harvey stopped himself in time. If he got himself arrested, he wouldn’t be able to get Mike free. He chose to not tell them about Mike. It was possible that some of them was involved. He took a gamble by just seeking them out like this. Mostly it was dead ends. He didn’t get any names. No one he talked to seemed to have any information that could be relevant.

Late afternoon he got a list of employees emailed to him at work. But it was a few hundred people on it. Harvey didn’t know how to proceed with that. It was the best he got though. Donna came unannounced a little after six that evening.

“I’ve called you at least four times Harvey. Is there any news?”

“Have I found him? Have they contacted me again? Is that what you mean? Of course not Donna! I would have let you know in that case. There is nothing new!”

“There is no need for yelling Harvey. I worry about Mike too.”

“Yeah? Where have you been all day then? I don’t see you trying to do anything for him.”

She looked hurt when he met her eyes, but he didn’t apologize. He meant it. She ignored his harsh words though and sat down in front of him.

“What can I do?”

“Help me go through this list.” He threw the transcripts at her. She studied it for a minute.

“It’s at least three hundred names here.” 

“I know. But it’s all I got.”

“Okay. I’ll take these pages.” Donna said and went to get her computer.

They worked for a few hours but didn’t get anywhere. It was just no way of knowing, even if they did stumble upon the right person, since they didn’t have a name to begin with. But at least they were doing something. Harvey had to do something, otherwise his feelings would take over and he couldn’t let them. The anger and feeling of helplessness were close to the surface at all times.

After a few more hours Donna went to get them something to eat. Harvey had only half of his portion. He couldn’t help but wondering if Mike was getting anything to eat. How was he kept? Was he being hurt?

He had tried again to text the number and even tried to call, but it didn’t connect. It was late when they left. Donna was the one that convinced him that he wouldn’t be able to work productively for Mike, without any sleep. So, he agreed to head home.

He had trouble falling asleep though, he felt guilty when he tried. Here he was in his bed trying to fall asleep, while Mike was kidnapped. He found himself out on the balcony looking out over the city. Mike was out there somewhere. Mike was being held against his will, and it was Harvey’s fault. Mike, who never hurt a soul. Why couldn’t they have taken him instead?

He laid awake for hours that night, tossing and turning in bed, unable to stop the thoughts about Mike’s situation. He was so damn worried. He hated the fact that the he had no way of contacting Mike’s kidnappers. The only communication he had had was that single text message. Four sentences, fifteen words. That was it. They just expected him to wait until Monday and then pay the money. He would pay. It wasn’t an option to refuse, he wasn’t going to gamble with Mike’s life. As soon as he got Mike back, he would do anything in his power to get to the ones who did this and make them pay. But for now, he had to wait. That killed him. It wasn’t in his nature to just obediently wait and do what he was told. But it was too much at risk not to do so right now.

He had bad dreams and decided to head straight to work when he woke up the next morning. He couldn’t just sit at home and do nothing. He wished that time would pass faster though, that it would be Monday faster.

_-SUITS-_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5.**

It felt hard to breathe. Mike wished for the millionth time that he would pass out. But he just laid there on his stomach and waited. He just felt so disappointed. He had thought that Harvey would pay the ransom for him. He had really thought that he would. But he wasn’t worth it? Was that really true?

He had a hard time calming down again. It was hard to breathe because his nose was stuffed now. He thought that he had stopped crying at least. Eventually he felt a bit better. Everything was still absolute crap, but maybe it wasn’t that bad. What if they had been lying to him about Harvey? What if they just wanted to hurt him by saying that Harvey wouldn’t pay. It certainly had worked. But he couldn’t give up on Harvey, he couldn’t. And Donna. He thought of Donna now. She wouldn’t give up on him. Donna would help him too, and she would make sure that Harvey did everything he could. He needed to have faith that they would come for him. Harvey liked him; he knew that.

Mike jerked a little when he heard how the door yet again opened on the other end of the room. He tensed as footsteps started coming closer to him, but he remained where he was, unmoving. It was only one of the guys this time. What was it now? Why couldn’t they just leave him alone?

Mike turned his head to look at the man. He had his phone in his hand and used it as a flashlight. It was the guy that sucked at English. He had something in his other hand, but Mike couldn’t see what it was. It unnerved him a lot when the man sat down on the floor next to him. He placed his phone on the floor next to him. The guy smiled at him in the light of it and Mike shuddered involuntarily. There was something in this man’s smile that gave Mike the creeps.

The man just sat there and watched him. Mike swallowed hard.

“What do you want?” He asked.

The man watched him. “You pretty.” He said then. Mike glared at him.

“Get the hell away from me!” He exclaimed. This wasn’t good. He glanced towards the door. It was still only the two of them in the room.

Then the man stretched out his hand and stroke Mike along his cheek. Mike flinched and tried to move away. His heart was beating hard in his chest.

“Stop it!”

“You quiet.”

“Screw you! Don’t touch me.” Mike tried again as the man yet again stroked his cheek. Then his hair.

Mike screamed at him again and tried to heave himself away. Then something hard and sharp suddenly pressed hard against his neck. Mike stilled.

“Good.” The man said. He then held up a small kitchen knife in front of Mike, so that he could see it clearly in the sharp light from the phone.

“You stay still.” The man said. Mike ignored him, he tried to move away when the man’s hand came towards his head again.

“Stop it!” He screamed when the guy yet again stroked his hair. The hand moved down along his head to his neck and the man rested his hand against it. Mike shook his head the best he could. Damn it! What the hell was this guy doing?

Mike screamed for him to stop again. The hand squeezed his neck a bit. Mike squirmed and tried to lean his body down towards his feet, not caring that he scraped his face on the floor in the process. But the guy wouldn’t let him. He changed his grip to grab hold of Mike’s throat instead. He started squeezing. Lightly at first but then harder the more Mike struggled. When Mike stilled, he pushed hard a bit before he let go. Mike coughed and panted. He was shaking, both from adrenalin and fear.

“What the hell are you doing?” He exclaimed. “You won’t get any money with me dead.”

“I not kill you.” The man whispered. “You stay still.”

“No, I won’t!” Mike screamed and again tried to squirm away from the man. Again, something sharp was placed at his neck. The knife. The guy pressed it hard just below his chin. Mike felt it dig into his skin when he swallowed. He moaned and tensed as he tried to move his head away from the pressure.

“You stay still.” The man repeated again, and suddenly made a quick movement with the knife. Mike felt a burning sensation and then something wet started to run down his throat. He had actually cut him!

He felt his eyes burn as he focused his attention on his neck. It didn’t seem to be that deep. But now he was really scared. The guy must know what he was doing. That cut was deliberate. And now the sharp end of the knife rested just above the cut. He stayed still.

“Good.” The man said and Mike felt tears form at his satisfied tone. He shuddered when the man put his other hand back on his head. He stroked Mike’s hair a few times before the hand traveled down past his neck and to his shoulders.

He kept the pressure on the knife, forcing Mike to lay there with his head slightly tilted upwards.

The hand stroked his shoulders, along down his arms, fingered the rope around his wrists.

Mike whimpered a little when the guy started stoking the lower half of his back, pushing up his shirt so that he touched his skin. Mike couldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t want this. He didn’t! He wanted the man to just stop and get out. Preferably tripping and landing on his knife in his way out.

As it was now, he could just lay there as this monster touched him. His hand was cold and hard against his skin. Mike was breathing hard.

“Stop it. Just stop.” He whispered. “Don’t touch me.” He hated how weak he sounded. The man ignored him. To his surprised the hand moved away from his back. His shirt was pulled back down and it was like the man made an effort in straighten it out. Mike let out a shuddering breath of relief. _Thank God._ He just waited for the knife to be removed as well.

It wasn’t. Suddenly the man’s hand yet again was on his back.

“Noo…” Mike moaned as the hand traveled lower than that. Mike tensed his whole body as the hand pressed down.

Tears fell from Mike’s eyes as he heard the guy moan a bit and breathe harder. He pressed harder, pinched and pushed.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it…” Mike pleaded. “Please just stop. I don’t want… just stop. Please…”

They guy didn’t. It was as if time stood still. But suddenly a sound, from the other end of the room. The lights turned on. The guy jerked and removed his hand. He quickly removed the knife as well and it brushed against Mike’s throat, cutting him again.

“What the hell are you doing here?” it was the leader. He was coming up to them and the guy next to Mike scrambled up to his feet.

“Next time.” Mike heard him mumble.

Mike stayed absolutely still as he listened to the men next to him. His heart was beating so hard in his chest it was almost like it drowned out their words. He heard a sound that sounded like a fist against flesh and then a groan. The leader yelled in their language and Mike shuttered at the volume of it. He heard footsteps the walking towards the door. It opened and closed.

“What did he do to you?” The guy still in the room suddenly asked close to Mike. He jerked a bit and tried to move away.

“He cut you? Let me see?”

Mike yelled as the man grabbed hold of his face and lifted it upwards to inspect his wounds. He swore and let go. Mike pressed his head down towards his chest and stayed still.

“Sorry he did that. He is an idiot. It won’t happen again. But it’s not deep. You’ll live.” He stood up again. Then he just stood there. Mike could feel himself shaking as he just waited. He wanted the man to just leave. He didn’t dare to say anything.

“Are you cold?” The man suddenly asked. He started to walk away much to Mike’s relief. But he was still in the room. He might still hurt him. He didn’t want to get hurt again. Or touched.

He bit his lips hard to stop himself from whimpering when the guy approached him again.

“I got you a blanket. If you are cold.” He said. Mike then felt something soft drape over him.

Then he heard footsteps walking away from him. As soon as he heard the door closing, he started to cry again. It was like the sound of the door closing had been like a switch inside him, he just let it out. He couldn’t stop it no matter how much he wanted to. He was just as much terrified over what had happened as he was relieved that it was over. He couldn’t stop shaking. It was hard to breathe; he was crying so hard.

He wanted to go home. Why was he here? Why was this happening to him? He hadn’t done anything to deserve this, to be treated like this. And now this had happened. It was like he could still feel the man’s hands on his body. What had happened if the guy hadn’t been interrupted? He moaned a bit at the thought of that. He didn’t want to think about that at all. But the guy had said that it would be a next time. He felt physically ill. Was he going to throw up again?

He didn’t know how long he laid there like that. He was grateful for the blanket he had over him. It felt like it was shielding him a bit, and it also offered some warmth. Right now, it was the only thing he had. He managed to get some of it below his head as well, by pulling at it with his teeth. It helped some to not have to rest his head on the floor.

He felt like absolute shit. He wished he would pass out already. The wound on this throat throbbed and he could still feel wetness around it. Was it still bleeding? That was bad, right? He sobbed a little. He pressed his head down, in an effort to stop the bleeding. He had been held at knife point and touched against his will. He had a hard time taking it in. It felt so humiliating. He cried more. He wished he would get a grip over himself and just stop, but he couldn’t. He didn’t see how things would be okay again. Not even when he got out, if they didn’t kill him. He would never be able to forget this. Never.

Not for the first time in his life he felt a hatred towards his memory. There were things he desperately wanted to forget but was unable to. Instead he could replay his worst memories like it was a high definition movie put on repeat. That was what was happening right now. He couldn’t get out of it. He was shaking so badly now that even his teeth were chattering. He needed it to stop. He needed to think about something else. Anything. He wanted to get out of here.

Harvey was going to get him out. Harvey was going to pay ransom for him, and then he would be released. That was what was going to happen. Harvey would help him. He had too. Harvey would help. Harvey was coming, no matter what they said.

He was staring right in front of him. It was dark in the room. He noticed that it was easier to breathe now, however he felt lightheaded. His eyes fell close. He didn’t bother to open them again. It seemed like his wish was coming through. He passed out a few moments later.

The next time he woke up he was convinced someone was in the room. He felt confused and scared. He called out a few times, but no one answered. He felt warm and trapped, but then he realized that he had a blanket over him. He didn’t move however; he was rather too warm than losing the feeling of protection the blanket offered.

No one was in the room with him. He was there alone. He didn’t know what time it was, or if it was the next day. When would they come again? Why couldn’t Harvey just pay the damn ransom already. He had trouble recalling how long he had been here now? Was it three days? Or longer? It felt longer. He was done with it now though. He didn’t want to feel like this anymore now. And he certainly didn’t want to be kept like this another minute! But it was nothing he could do about the situation and it was so stressful. It felt like he was about to panic, just like when he found out that Jessica knew his secret.

He wondered if Harvey went to Jessica with this. What if she said no to it all? But he didn’t think she would, sure she didn’t like him, but she wouldn’t let him die. She wouldn’t.

Why wasn’t anyone coming? He wanted them to come and save him now. He got tears in his eyes, because no one came.

He slept an hour or so. He felt so exhausted from worrying so much. He felt like he was on edge the entire time he was awake, and eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and he fell asleep.

He just lay there. He felt so weak now. He tried to not think about food. If he started doing that, everything would be so much worse. He wanted something to drink as well. If they had poured water on the floor at this moment, he would have drunk it. No one came. He was so alone. His shoulders really hurt. His throat stung. He didn’t know if he ever had been this miserable and scared.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what that man had told him right after he was interrupted, next time, he had said. He was planning on returning. He wanted to continue to molest him. He would be able to do so. Mike couldn’t defend himself at all. He would do worse things then.

He slept some again. He didn’t notice when he fell asleep. He woke up from a nightmare though. Everything was still the same, and he would rather go back to the nightmare than be awake like this. At least the nightmare would end. This didn’t seem like it would. Why was no one coming for him? He wanted someone to save him now. Why couldn’t they save him? Harvey, Donna or anyone.

It felt like it was hard to breathe now. He had tears in his eyes again. What if no one would come? What if not even his kidnappers returned again? It felt like they had been gone a long time now. What if Harvey had paid his ransom and they just took the money and left. Or what if he didn’t pay and they figured that they could just leave him here then.

What if he would die here? He might starve to death. That scared him immensely. He couldn’t help but make whimpering noises. He felt pathetic, hearing himself making them. He wanted to call out for help, but it was pointless. He didn’t have the energy either.

Time passed so slow. He just laid there on the floor, consumed by horrible thoughts, scared and in pain. It was so dark too. If he just was able to see something it would be more bearable.

He barely reacted when they arrived again. His heart started to beat faster at once, but when he heard their voices, he didn’t bother to keep his eyes open in the sudden light. He felt himself shaking as they walked up to where he was laying. They stopped around him, standing there towering over him. He wanted to cry but tried not to. He didn’t move. He hoped that they wouldn’t kick him or something. They were talking to each other, but he couldn’t understand it.

Mike wanted them gone. He wished they would just release him now. Why wouldn’t they do that? Couldn’t they see that he had had enough? But they probably didn’t care. Why would they?

He heard movement close to him and he couldn’t stop himself from moaning, when he realized that someone bent over him. He hated himself, but he was just so terrified of what they would do to him now.

“Come on, open your eyes.” The guy that seemed to be the leader said.

Mike did what he asked.

“You want some water?” The guy was kneeling next to him with a water bottle in his hand. Mike silently nodded. He watched how the guy unscrewed the cap it the bottle and then brought it up to his mouth. At first it almost hurt to swallow, his mouth was so dry, but then he felt how the liquid ran down his throat and it was one of the best feelings that he had had. He gulped it in and tried to drink as fast as he could. The guy didn’t let him do it for that long though.

“Yeah, that’s enough.” He said and took the bottle away.

Mike wanted to plead with him to give him more, but he didn’t. Instead he bent his head down as much as he could, away from the guy. He just laid there. The guy walked away again. Mike just waited. He wished they would leave him alone. Time passed. He could hear them talking. Luckily no one was bothering him.

The water he had gotten had helped some. He felt a little better and painfully turned to lay on his side, so that he was facing the men by the table. He didn’t want to be with back against them under any circumstances.

He dragged his legs as close to his body as he could. He could feel how his arm was getting numb, worse than earlier.

He could see that they had brought a computer with them this time and they were gathered around it. Mike just laid there and watched them. He didn’t know for how long they stayed in the room with him. It might have been an hour. They seemed to have some sort of an argument once and Mike jerked once when the leader guy yelled at another.

Mike could see the guy that had come alone to him clearly. It was awful to just see him sitting there on a chair, sometimes laughing at something someone said. Mike hated him for laughing. He shouldn’t get to do that, not after what he had put Mike through. He deserved to die or something similar to that. That was Mike’s personal thought. Suddenly the guy turned his chair to the side so that he was facing straight towards Mike. He smiled when he met Mike’s eyes.

Mike didn’t know what to do then. He adverted his eyes and felt how they teared up from fear. He was scared, he was really scared of this man. He felt so weak realizing that. He yet again wished for someone to come and help him now, to get him away from here. He couldn’t help but feel betrayed when that yet again didn’t happen in the next few minutes.

He couldn’t bear to look at them anymore after that, afraid of meeting the eyes of the guy again. He just laid there, curled up. He was shaking, almost like he was freezing, but he didn’t feel that cold. He was just about to fall asleep when he was alerted by the movement from the men. They were all walking towards him!

His whole body jerked, and he couldn’t help but moan from the pain it caused his shoulder. He wished they wouldn’t do anything. Luckily, they didn’t. They just walked past him, out the room, shutting the lights off after the. It was like he wasn’t even there.

He curled even more into himself as darkness spread all around him. He screwed his eyes shut. He just had to wait now. If he just could disconnect himself from all of this. Not think about anything. That would be great. He was stupid though if he really thought that would work, because it really didn’t. Even though he was alone now, he couldn’t stop shaking. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he fought to keep his eyes closed.

He didn’t know why he was feeling this way. He didn’t recognize himself. He was so scared. He was terrified. What scared him most was the thought of that guy coming back, he had said that he would. Sure, he had been stopped by the other guy, but that wasn’t a guarantee that he wouldn’t be back. If he came back, there was nothing that Mike would be able to do about it. Nothing at all. He didn’t think he had the energy to try and fight back. He felt weak. If he came back, all he could do was to just lay there and take it, wait it out. Endure it. The man would be able to do whatever he wanted with him. Mike was at his mercy. What if he killed him as well? What if he just didn’t care about the ransom and just killed him? It was a possibility. He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t. He needed to stop.

He bit his lip hard to not make any noises as he yet again felt himself start to cry. He felt like absolute shit for doing it. So damn pathetic. He was weak and pathetic. He didn’t deserve to be rescued if he was going to behave like this. But he couldn’t stop, and he continued to cry, quietly though, with his face hidden as much as he could in the blanket.

He didn’t know for how long he laid like that. He could taste copper in his mouth and his lip ached a bit. He must have bitten himself so hard that he drew blood. His eyes felt swollen and he could hardly breathe through his nose. He felt cold now. He moaned to himself. He wished again that Harvey would come. Or maybe Donna. She would take care of him. He knew she would. Maybe she would give him a thicker blanket and something warm to drink. Or something to eat, he wanted that more. He flashed back on the first time he saw her, at that hotel when he was trying to ditch the cops. She had let him in to see Harvey. After that he started to go through every conversation, he had had with her, all their interactions, one at the time. It helped in calming him down. If he just focused hard enough on the memories it was almost like he was there again. He decided to do the same with Harvey, if he couldn’t fall asleep before then.

_-SUITS-_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 6.**

One thing that Harvey worried about immensely was that what if they didn’t contact him at all on Monday? What if he didn’t hear from them? What would he do then?

He would have to call the police then. Then he would regret not calling them sooner, because they would have lost about three days when they could have been out looking. There still was an option to call the police. He could do it. But he didn’t.

Instead he continued going through the list he and Donna had been working on the previous day. They had made a new list of possible suspects by eliminating all the people that it couldn’t be, or at least that they suspected that it wasn’t. This new list only consisted of men, even though Donna had argued that they could deal with a woman as well.

They had also sorted the list by age and time of employment and termination. It was still a long list. Too long, but what else could he do than to go through it.

It was a terrible day. He was in a foul mood and even got into an argument with Donna, who arrived a little after ten at the firm. He even yelled at her. She didn’t argue back, and he regretted his outburst. He apologized to her too, because he really needed her on his side in this. It wasn’t fair that he yelled at her either, because she cared deeply for Mike as well. She said that she understood him, that she knew it was the stress and the worry.

“We will get him back Harvey.” She comforted him. “I just know we will.”

“Yeah.” Harvey clenched his jaw and thought of the image of Mike bruised and bound. “If I just could talk to him, make sure he is alive. This whole not knowing is driving me insane.”

“Me too.” Donna said. She looked tired and sad where she sat at his table with a bunch of files in front of her.

Harvey nodded.

“Like you said. We will get him back.” He said, wanting to encourage her, the way she had done for him just now.

Monday was exactly seven hours and seven minutes away now when he looked at his watch. Not that he thought that they would contact him at midnight. Hopefully in the morning at least. It was then about fourteen hours left, if they rose early. It meant that Mike had to spend another fourteen hours in captivity.

Harvey had never dealt with something like this before. When he got Mike back, in what state would he be? Would he be unharmed? What if he had been hurt? Tortured? Just the thought of it made him feel sick. How did you deal with something like that?

They left the office close to eleven that night. Donna refused to leave earlier even though he had told her to.

“I care about Mike just as much as you.” She said. “And I know that the roles were reversed and I had been taken instead, I know Mike wouldn’t have taken any breaks, so I won’t either Harvey.”

He could understand her position and he knew she was right. Mike wouldn’t have stopped for anything if it was anyone of them, he would have given it his all. He deserved the same from them. It was just that they were failing him right now. They weren’t getting anywhere. And tomorrow was the day that they would hear from the kidnappers again.

It was another sleepless night. Harvey spent a lot of it out on his balcony. He couldn’t help but making up awful scenarios in his head. What if they didn’t make it contact tomorrow? What if they had hurt Mike? What if they had done something worse, like killed him?

He replayed his and Mike’s encounter with those men. He remembered the way that they had looked at Mike. He wished he would have acted then. He could have prevented this. He could have saved Mike from this. What if they had hurt him?

He had the ransom money already set up for transfer. He just needed an account and he would pay right away. He couldn’t understand why they had to wait for so long until telling him that, he would have paid immediately if he had had the chance. Then they could have ended this so much earlier, they would have been spared several days of anguish.

He was up early on Monday morning. The first thing he did was to check his phone, but he had no texts or missed calls. He swore at that and went to open the only text messages he had gotten. He looked at the picture of Mike for a long time. He read the message from the kidnappers over and over again.

He went up and had a cup of coffee for breakfast and went to work. He was almost the first one there. He took the way through the associates cubicles and almost had a heart attack when he saw someone sitting on Mike’s spot. But before he made a fool of himself and rushing over he noticed that it wasn’t actually Mike’s spot that was occupied but the one next to it. Maybe he should have slept a bit longer.

The first thing he did was to open up his laptop and check his emails to see if they maybe had contacted him there. They hadn’t. He only had a few emails from clients. Some claimed to be urgent but he almost wanted to delete them in frustration. He had much more urgent things to take care of, if the damn kidnappers just would make contact.

Yet again he opened the text message, even if he knew by now what it said.

_One million. You have three days._  
No police or he dies.   
Further instructions on Monday.

It was Monday! It was Monday and they hadn’t made contact yet. He hated them for making him feel this useless. He always had a plan; he always knew what to do. Waiting for other people wasn’t his thing, but right now, he didn’t see any other option.

Jessica dropped by, even before Donna arrived. Donna had already texted him asking for news. When he got the text, his whole body tensed in anticipation. Jessica also wanted to know if there was any news regarding Mike. She also said that if it was anything she could do, he just needed to ask. She also wanted to know when they made contact. 

He checked his phone every minute it felt like, but nothing. Donna arrived and sat with him a while, before she figured that he needed to be alone. He tried to keep himself busy by answering a couple of emails but found that he couldn’t concentrate enough to write replies, he mixed up cases and got an angry email back from one client questioning his sanity. Harvey wanted to tell him where to go, but instead wrote back that he would get back to him.

A little after ten his phone rang making him stand up in surprise. It was a hidden number!

“This is Harvey.” He said, trying to sound surer of himself than what he felt.

It was a client. He hung up without a word. He wanted to hurl the phone across the room but managed to stop himself. Donna showed up in the doorway.

“It was fucking nothing!” He almost yelled at her. He saw that she tensed, but she just went back to her desk without saying anything.

He just got more frustrated as time went on without anything happening. Why didn’t they make contact? What would he do if he didn’t hear from them? What would that mean? He didn’t want to think about it, but his mind went there anyway. What if they had killed Mike already? What if he never heard from them again. What if that damn Thursday had been the last time, he ever saw Mike. He would never forgive himself. Never.

Things didn’t go well when Louis came by his office just before lunch.

“Get out Louis. I don’t have time.” Harvey said as soon as he stepped inside his office.

“Harvey, I just got a call from your client claiming you hang up on him and now you are not taking his calls.”

“Like I said. I don’t have time.” Harvey stood up. He was not in the mood at all for dealing with Louis. Things could have ended badly, for Louis, hadn’t Donna intervened. When she came, they were standing close in front of each other, yelling. Donna pulled Louis away and put a hand out towards Harvey.

“Stop arguing right now. The both of you.”

“What the hell is his problem Donna!” Louis yelled.

“Mike has been kidnapped, Louis.” She then said.

“Donna!” Harvey yelled as Louis stared at her.

“What’s the harm in telling him, Harvey?”

“What do you mean kidnapped?” Louis said looking between them.

Harvey sighed and went back to his chair.

“Someone took him outside his apartment on Thursday night. I got a text about it the next day. They want money. I’m waiting to hear from them again.”

“Oh my God.” Louis sat down on a chair. “Are you sure? It’s not some kind of…”

“Kind of what?” Harvey angrily said. He took his phone and put up the message with the image of Mike. Louis took the phone and stared at it for a long time.

“Oh my God.” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” Harvey said. “It’s the only contact I’ve had.”

“I’m so sorry, Harvey. I know how much he means to you. God, I haven’t even thought about that he isn’t here.”

“It’s been only been Friday and today, where you could have noticed Louis.” Donna said.

“This is the fourth day!” Harvey said. It was a few days too much.

“You could have told me. What do you know so far? Is there anything I can do?” Louis asked.

“I just showed you all we know.”

“But tell him about who you think it is.” Donna said.

Harvey reluctantly did then. It couldn’t hurt to tell Louis. After all, he was a good lawyer, he might have some input. He didn’t in this case though. He just asked a few questions and again offered his help. Harvey thanked him.

Twenty minutes after Louis had left Harvey’s phone beeped and he just knew that it was them this time. His hand shook a little when he opened the new text message.

The message surprised him a bit. It was just a bunch of numbers. But then he realized that it was an account number. A new text came as he was reading the first one. This time it was an address. He waited a little and yet another text showed up.

_Pay if you want him back. Come alone. 9 PM._

Harvey waited one minute then two but no more messages appeared. That was it. Pay if you want him back. 9 PM, that was in nine hours. He looked up the address on his laptop and saw that it was to some street in an area called Sunset Park. He opened street view and saw that it looked like a rough industrial area. Great.

The next thing he did was to open a new window and went to the site of his bank. He typed in the account number and then a one followed by six zeros. He paid the money without hesitation. The transaction went through and he was a million dollars poorer. Just like that. But now he was going to get Mike back. He wanted him back.

He closed his computer and went to tell Donna, then Jessica. He even went to Louis and told him. He just said that Mike’s kidnappers had made contact and that he was going to get him back tonight. He left all of them before they had time to ask him questions. He went to the elevators and went down and out of the building. He went over to the coffee cart and ordered himself two hot dogs. He ate both of them there just standing there on the street, not far away from the place where Mike usually left his bike. Mike would hate the fact that his bike had been trashed. Harvey decided then to buy him a new one. Take him to the bike store, or wherever you bought bikes, and let him pick out the one he wanted. Mike would appreciate that.

When he got back to his office, Donna, Jessica and Louis were all waiting for him. He spent the next hour showing them the texts he had gotten and discussing what to do next. Their opinions were divided. Jessica and Louis thought that they should involve the police, Donna was undecisive and Harvey refused.

“You have no idea what you are getting yourself into. What if it is a trap? What if they kill you?” Jessica said.

“And what if they kill Mike as soon as I show up with a bunch of cops in tow?” Harvey argued back.

“What if they kill him anyway!” She threw back.

“We are not calling the police.” Harvey said. “At least not before I get Mike.”

“Are you really going to go alone Harvey?” Donna looked worried.

“I could go with you.” Louis offered.

Harvey shook his head. “It says come alone.”

After some discussion it was decided that Harvey would in fact go alone and as soon as he had Mike and they were both safe he would call the police.

“What if they get away then?” Louis had asked. “You’ll have lost all your money.”

“So be it then.” Harvey muttered. He was tired of defending his decisions to them. He knew that they cared about Mike, but he had to stop himself several times from throwing that in their faces, that the only thing that mattered was to get Mike back alive.

Donna was pale and unusually quiet. He needed to talk to her. Eventually it was only the two of them left in the room. It was seven and a half hours left until he would get Mike back.

“Donna.” He said.

“I don’t like this Harvey.”

“I don’t like it either. But what else can I do. You know he is in this position because of me. I owe it to him to do everything in my power to get him back. You know he would do the same for me.”

“I know that Harvey. But I don’t like anymore because of that.” She wiped her eyes a little. He stroked her arm a little. She caught his hand in hers and held on to it for a while.

“Just be careful, okay.” She whispered next. He promised he would.

After that they spent some time by his computer looking around at the map over Sunset Park.

“Do you think that’s where they are keeping him? Do you think he is at that address right now?”

Harvey looked at the screen. “Probably not.” He said. “It’s a parking lot, they probably chose that place because it’s so deserted.”

But it was possible that they kept Mike somewhere close to the meeting spot. He yet again wondered in what state the younger man would be in. Would he be unscathed? Had he been fed?

When he looked at his watch it was seven hours left. He needed to get a car. It would probably take him about an hour to get there. That meant that he had to wait about five more hours before he could do something about this. The wait was excruciating.

He tried again to text back to the message, but it didn’t work. He had no proof that Mike was even alive, and no confirmation about them getting the money. That sucked. He spent another hour at the computer. He spent probably an hour restlessly pacing around in his office after that. He tried doing some work after that, but soon realized that it was hopeless. He wouldn’t get anywhere. Donna wanted him to eat something, but he refused. At least for a while.

He thought he would go crazy with all the waiting. He couldn’t stop to think about Mike. What was he doing right now? Did he know that Harvey had paid ransom for him? Was he waiting like this as well, but for to be released?

He ate together with Donna. She tried to strike up a conversation, but he had trouble listening to her, so she soon gave up and they ate in silence. What would he say to Mike about all of this? He needed to apologize, that was for sure.

It was only an hour left now before he could leave. He had already decided to be there early, he wanted to be the first one there. He needed to check out the place first, if something were to happen, he wanted to be as prepared as he could.

He left the office when it was two and a half hours left. He rented some car and was at the correct address on hour before he was set to see Mike again. It was a deserted parking lot next to some closed warehouse. It looked like it had been closed for business for years. It was pretty dark since the streetlights seemed to be broken just at this spot, so he left the lights of the car on when he stepped out to look around a bit.

He found nothing. The whole street was empty, and he wondered if the kidnappers had been here earlier to check it out. It was perfect for what they were going to do, here they wouldn’t be interrupted.

He was putting his trust to these people now. He had come alone and unarmed. Like instructed. They better hold up their deal. He had realized that they had no incentive of doing so. He had already paid them. They didn’t need to come and drop Mike off. He counted on the fact that they would though. He didn’t know if that was idiotic or not. He hoped it wasn’t, but it was a gamble. He liked to gamble, but the stakes had never been higher. This time the stakes was another person’s life. Mike’s life.

He waited in his car for what felt like an eternity. Time grew closer and closer to nine. He kept checking his phone. What if they changed the location or tried to contact him in any other way? But nothing.

And then, nine a clock was there, but no other car and no Mike. Maybe they would drop him off somewhere and instruct Mike to find the address himself? He stepped out of the car and looked around, even called Mike’s name, but nothing. He grew more worried as time passed. One minute turned to two and then three and no sign of Mike or anyone else for that matter.

But then! Seven minutes after nine he could hear the sound of a car coming towards him. He stood tense next to his car as a van drove past him, turned and then parked opposite of him. Harvey didn’t move. The doors of the van opened, two men got out from the front seats, none of them was Mike. It took a while before they then opened the door on the side and three more men got out. Harvey’s heart was beating hard in his chest. One of them was Mike! He recognized him at once.

_-SUITS-_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7.**

Mike had managed to fall asleep. He must have been exhausted because when he woke up again, it felt like he had sleep for quite some time. He tried at once to go back to sleep, but he wasn’t tired enough and was in too much pain. He hated not knowing what time it was.

Hours must have passed when they returned. He had gone through his conversations with Harvey and was undeceive on who to think of next, maybe Jessica or Rachel, but neither felt like it would help him at the moment. Louis was out of the question. He couldn’t think about his grandmother either, or his parents. That would be too painful. He would feel worse if he started doing that. He wondered what his father would think about him if he saw him like this.

“Hey!”

Someone pulled the blanket off him rather violently. Mike curled up the best he could and didn’t look up at them. He saw the guy throwing the blanket on the ground, out of his reach. He could only see their legs. One of them was wearing white sneakers.

“The ransom we demanded for you has been paid. We’ll let you go tonight.”

Mike didn’t react. He didn’t know what to think. One of them said something in their language. The others laughed and someone replied with something Mike didn’t understand. It sounded like they were joking with each other. Was this just a joke to them? Did they joke about the ransom as well? Did they play some kind of prank on him?

He wished for the blanket back, he felt so exposed without it. He didn’t ask though. It was better to just keep silent. They started to leave again. One of them kicked at Mike’s legs when he walked past him. It hurt.

He stayed as he was on his side. It hurt his shoulder. He wanted to go back to sleep. He suddenly felt so sad. They had said that they were letting him go. He didn’t believe it. Why would they let him go? They had never made any efforts of concealing their faces for him. Why would they just let him go then? Or were they going to kill him?

An hour or so passed. He hadn’t moved an inch. His stomach was hurting, he was so hungry. He wished his arms were free just so he could press them towards his stomach. He just wanted all of this to end now. He didn’t want to lay here in the dark and just wait for them to come back. He almost found himself wishing that he would just fall asleep and not wake up again. He would be fine with that at this moment.

But that thought scared him. It brought tears into his eyes. He didn’t want to die. Not like this, bound on some floor, from starvation or whatever. He didn’t bother holding back this time. He didn’t care anymore. He wanted it to end. Why wouldn’t it end? He tried again to think about Harvey or Donna. But this time it didn’t work. He couldn’t understand why they hadn’t found him. Why they weren’t helping him? They liked him, right? Or wasn’t he worth it? Were they even glad to get rid of him? They wouldn’t have to worry anymore about his secret getting out. Maybe it was best this way. Maybe this was what he deserved for making all the choices he had made. He was just a fraud, nothing else. Why would Harvey help him?

But he had been loyal to Harvey. He had done everything in his power lately to make Harvey see that. And they had a good time, didn’t they? Harvey sometimes laughed or smiled when Mike joked around, or when they bantered with each other. Harvey liked that, didn’t he?

And Harvey had been nice to him last night. He had let him go home early. No. That wasn’t last night. He wasn’t sure when it had been now. It was days ago. He hadn’t eaten in days. Except for that sandwich, which had been on the floor. It was strange that he hadn’t gotten sick from that. He felt rather sick now when he thought about it though. He didn’t think that he would be able to stand up right now, for example. He was just too weak for that.

What if he wouldn’t be able to walk when they came to rescue him? What if they would leave him behind then. He felt his eyes tear up again at the thought of that. They would leave him. He cried a little again. He felt so confused. He wanted to call for help, but he didn’t do that.

He had no idea of how much time had passed when he woke up again. He didn’t know if he had fallen asleep or if he had passed out. Nothing had changed though, so it didn’t matter. He didn’t move. He wanted to sleep again, but didn’t get his wish.

For hours he just laid like that. His mind wouldn’t leave him alone, it was tormenting him. Thoughts flew around in his head, changed between the other night, him being taken, Harvey and his first case, Donna giving him a cup of coffee, them hitting him, the last time he hugged Grammy, himself crying under the blanket and then back to the other night. It was awful. Once he even lifted his head with the intention to hit it towards the floor, but he chickened out. He couldn’t do it.

He felt ill and dizzy. Weak. His stomach still hurt.

Then they returned.

It was all four of them, when his eyes had gotten used to the light, he saw how they all walked up to him. He felt how he was starting to breathe faster. What were they going to do?

“Sit up!” Someone yelled. 

Mike ignored the command. He wasn’t sure he could do it anyway.

“We are leaving. Sit up!” The man stepped closer to him and Mike wanted to shrink away, but he didn’t have the energy. He was kicked in the stomach.

Pain exploded and he thought that he would either throw up or pass out. He did neither. What he did do though was to start crying. He could stop it. It just hurt so much, and he felt so freaked out about this. What were they going to do to him?

They talked and laughed at him. He felt so humiliated. So exhausted.

He yelped when two of them bent down and grabbed him and made him sit up. Someone held on to him hard to keep him upright. He moaned when one of the men in front of him grabbed hold of the ropes around his legs with one hand, in the other he had a knife.

Mike tried to heave himself backwards, but he was stopped. They yelled something at him, and he stayed still. The guy started cutting the ropes off his ankles. He screamed when the ropes where pulled of and the guy separated his legs from each other. It was like they burned. He could barely feel his feet, it was only the burning. He couldn’t move them.

“Stand up. We are leaving.” A voice to the left of him said. Mike ignored it. He couldn’t stand up right now. He thought that he was sobbing, or just breathing fast. Someone pulled at his arm and yelled at him to stand. Mike couldn’t.

They yelled again at him. Someone slapped him over the cheek. He didn’t have any control on what was going on. He just felt so scared. He didn’t understand.

He made an attempt to stand up, but he couldn’t get up. An order was given, and hands grabbed Mike under his arms, and they lifted him up to standing. His legs folded underneath him right away. They started dragging him then. His head hung and his feet dragged across the floor. He didn’t resist. His shoulders were killing him. They held on too hard. He was going to get bruises. What was happening right now? Were they taking him somewhere to kill him? He couldn’t let them do that! He needed to do something.

He screamed and tried to get out of their grip. He succeeded and fell on the ground. They swore at him and grabbed at him again, he jerked to the side into the legs of one of them. The man stumbled to the side and yelled something. Mike tried to get up on his feet, but it was hard without the use of his hands. If he only could get up and run away from them!

He screamed again when hands grabbed a hold of shirt and pulled. He felt good when he was able to squirm to the side and get out of the grip.

Then pain exploded in the back of his head. They had hit him with something. He blinked and swayed. Everything got blurry and it felt like time slowed down. He tried to blink but the room got darker as he passed out. _No_.

He was laying down again when he came to. This type of floor was somewhat softer and warmer. He realized that he was on the floor of the van.

“You are awake.” A voice said.

The guy who Mike considered the leader was sitting next to him. He maneuvered Mike up to sitting and pushed his head up to lean against the wall. Mike had trouble focusing his eyes on him. When the guy let go of his head it fell forward again, so the man pressed it back against the wall again and kept his hand over Mike’s forehead.

“Listen to me now, Mike.” He said then. Mike briefly met his eyes, he didn’t answer. His head throbbed and the back of it felt strange. He wanted the man’s hand gone.

“Good. We are going to drop you off with Harvey now. Do what we say when we say it and you will be fine. Understand?”

Mike opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He tried again. “Yeah…”

“Good.” The man said again. He released Mike’s head, this time he was able to keep it in place.

“Here.” The man held up a water bottle towards him. He helped him to drink. It felt awesome against his throat, even though it wasn’t cold. He got tears in his eyes from the feeling. He had been so thirsty.

“More.” He uttered when the bottle was pulled away from him.

“You will get sick if you drink like that.” The man said. But he got to drink more, almost half the bottle before the man pulled it away and it was gone.

“Okay. I know you won’t like this.” The man said. Then he pulled out a roll of tape. Mike didn’t like that at all.

“No…no, please. Please don’t. I’ll be quiet.” He found himself saying. The man ignored him and pulled off a piece of tape and threw the roll to the side. He grabbed Mike’s hair and then pressed the tape over his mouth. Mike yelled behind it and tried to get lose. The guy shook his head a little by still holding on to his hair.

“Shut up and stay still.” He said. Mike decided to do that. He tried to breathe deeply through his nose. He was on the verge of panic. He needed to push it down. He could do it.

Nothing else was said. They drove for a while before slowing down and eventually stopping. Mike’s heart was hammering in his chest, but he had managed to stay somewhat calm. Were they really dropping him off? The leader guy went over to the door to head outside. Mike saw how he gave something to the other guys from a bag. He realized that it was guns. Some of them went outside, leaving Mike sitting there on the floor. A minute or so passed before they came to get him.

The leader had a gun in his hand as he got on his knees next to him. He held the gun towards him. Was this it? He should feel more panicked, but he didn’t. At least it would end soon.

“Your boss is here. You will do as we say, or we will kill you in front of him. Then we’ll kill him. Do you understand?”

Mike nodded. He did understand.

They pulled him outside, this time he was able to stand up. It looked like they were on a parking lot. He looked around and saw that another car was parked in front of them. A man was standing next to it.

It was Harvey.

Relief rushed over him. Harvey had come for him. Harvey was here! He wanted to jerk away from the guy holding on to him and just run over to Harvey. But there was three men with guns pointed right towards Harvey, so Mike remained where he was even when Harvey called for him. He needed to do what they said, then they would let him go. Just do what they said.

He couldn’t meet Harvey’s eyes because he was afraid that he would break down. Also, he now felt humiliated all of a sudden. He didn’t want Harvey to see him like this. He felt like he was about to start crying at any moment. But Harvey was here. Maybe it would be over soon?

They were talking but he couldn’t really make out what they were saying. Someone held on to him, but then started to drag him forwards, towards Harvey. They were close when the man pushed him hard. He stumbled and knew that he would go down.

Harvey caught him. Harvey wrapped his arms around him and held on to him hard. Mike could see over Harvey’s shoulder how his kidnappers hurried towards the van, got inside and drove off. He saw the taillight turn around a corner. They were gone.

Harvey told him that he was alright. He told him that it was over now. It felt like something inside him that had been bound just as tightly as his arms were, suddenly cut lose. He started to cry hard as he buried his face against Harvey’s shoulder. He just leaned into Harvey and cried. He could barely believe that it was over, that they had left. He had thought that they were going to kill him.

For a moment he felt embarrassed about how he was behaving, he felt humiliated, but then he let that thought go. He couldn’t care about that right. He was leaning into Harvey; he was the one holding him up right now. He had trouble keeping his knees locked and was pretty sure his legs wouldn’t be able to carry his weight.

He was so relieved to be in this position; he hadn’t thought it would happen. He had wished for it so much though, that now it was so hard to take it in. It felt like it had been too easy. What if they came back?

Harvey held on to him hard. He had one arm wrapped around his body and the other over the back of his head. That hurt some, but Mike ignored it. It felt so good to be held like this, he felt safe. Harvey would protect him. He didn’t want Harvey to let him go. He needed Harvey.

_-SUITS-_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8.**

Harvey watched them all closely as they walked closer to him. They were now standing in front of the van. He had only eyes for Mike. The tallest of the men was holding on to Mike’s arm. It almost looked like he was holding Mike up. He recognized two of them. The tall guy and one guy with a beard. It was them. The men that had approached him and Mike outside the courthouse. He had been right all along.

Harvey tensed when suddenly all of the men, except the one holding Mike, pulled out weapons and then started to point them at him. They were all standing between himself and Mike now. He was being held at gun point and he had no idea of what to do. For a moment he just stood there, but then he felt anger rush up inside him. What the hell!

“Mike, get over here.” He said and tried his best to keep his voice steady.

Harvey was breathing deeply. He would never admit it to anyone, but he was so damn nervous. The kid didn’t move though, still standing behind those men. He didn’t look up at Harvey, just kept his head down, but the older lawyer could see how he moved his head to glance sideways at his captors. Harvey realized that Mike was seeking some sort of permission from them. Damn it!

“You said you would let him go if I paid. I fucking did, now send him over here.”

The three gun barrels were still pointed right at Harvey’s chest. He couldn’t do much more than to plead with them now, no matter how much he wanted to storm up to them and beat them all bloody. The situation they were in wouldn’t get any better if he got himself shot.

Mike shuddered and stumbled a little to the side, and the big guy grabbed onto his arm. Mike looked to be in pretty bad shape, his arms behind his back. Harvey couldn’t see all of his face, but the part he did saw was covered in bruises. His hair looked matted and he could see a darker patch in it.

One of the men with a gun turned and spoke to the guy behind him, the one holding on to Mike. Harvey couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Mike took the opportunity to raise his head then and looked up searching Harvey’s eyes. Harvey clenched his teeth hard together when he saw that Mike had a piece of tape over his mouth. He gave what he hoped was a reassuring nod.

The man closest to Mike suddenly yelled something directed to the rest of his men. They spoke in some foreign language Harvey didn’t recognize. The guy holding Mike dragged him a bit closer, and the kid stumbled forward and remained standing where he had been directed. Harvey fought to just stand there and wait. Then they all raised their guns, that were pointed at Harvey, in the air, away from his chest. The big guy next to Mike approached his associate and Harvey saw how Mike immediately flinched away, and it hurt in him to witness that. The guy ignored Mike’s reaction, just grabbed him harshly around the arm and dragged him forward. They passed the three men in front of them, and the guy then forcefully pushed Mike forward towards Harvey.

Mike stumbled with the force of the shove and was going to fall. Harvey reacted on instinct. He jumped forward and managed to catch Mike before he went down. He wrapped his arms around the kid and pulled him to his chest, at the same time as he turned his back against the men, all to shield Mike from them.

From that position he didn’t see when they left, he just knew that the next time he glanced over his shoulder they were gone.

He was holding Mike’s trembling body close to him, just held him there. He was so grateful for this damn moment. For a while there he had been certain that it wouldn’t happen. He had thought that he never would see Mike alive again.

Harvey held on to Mike hard. Mike leaned almost all of his weight against him. He had an arm wrapped around Mike’s body and the other he placed at the back of Mike’s head, pressing him close. He cringed a bit when he felt that some parts of Mike’s hair was a bit sticky. It must be blood. Oh god, what had happened to the kid?

“It’s alright. It’s alright now, you are alright.” Harvey swallowed hard and moved his hand from Mike’s bloody head and held around his body instead. Mike didn’t hug him back, he was just shaking and breathing loudly.

“It’s okay. It’s over now.” Harvey whispered in his ear. When he did that it was almost like he had pressed a switch. Mike started to cry then. At first it scared Harvey, because the thin body in his arms suddenly started to jerk, it took him a moment to understand that Mike was sobbing against him. He started to stroke Mike’s back but was stopped by Mike’s arms. Shit, he was still bound! How the hell had he forgotten that? But right now, at this moment it was not the right time to do something about that. Mike needed this moment right now, he needed to just feel that it was over, so Harvey held him pressed against himself as the kid cried.

“It’s okay. It’s okay Mike, it’s okay.” He repeated the same words over and over again. He closed his eyes with his cheek rested against Mike’s head. He just allowed himself to feel the strong sense of relief to actually have the kid back. Mike was understandably upset and relieved as well. He had been held captive for four days, and now he could finally relax again. However, it pained Harvey more than he would ever admit to anyone to hear the sounds Mike was making. He had never heard another human being sound like that before. He wanted to make those sounds stop.

Mike just cried. He was so grateful towards Harvey for holding on to him like this, his legs didn’t really carry him anymore. He was so tired, so sad and in so much in pain. He wished he could just pass out and then wake up somewhere soft in a white light room, with people that cared about him next to his bed greeting him. Just like it was in the movies.

But this wasn’t a movie and he didn’t pass out. Instead he started to get some trouble breathing and just wanted to sit down, since it felt like his legs wouldn’t carry him much longer. He moaned a bit to get Harvey to understand.

Harvey jerked a bit when Mike moaned. He carefully leaned Mike away a bit from him to be able to look at him. He swallowed hard again at the sight of him.

“Oh shit, kid.” He swore as he took in Mike’s face. Tears, dirt and snot were smeared across his face. A piece of tape was over his mouth and half his cheeks. He had a black eye that looked a few days old now. Harvey could also see dried up blood along his neck, and on his once white shirt. Quite a lot of it.

Mike tried to say something behind the tape and Harvey realized that they needed to sit down if he was going to help Mike with this. Mike seemed to realize it too because he started to fold his legs, forcing Harvey down with him. He somehow managed to get Mike in a good position with Harvey on the ground in front of him. The first thing he needed to do was to get Mike lose.

“I’m going to take this off you.” Harvey mentioned for the piece of tape, he waited until Mike’s tear-filled eyes met his, and he nodded. With one hand on Mike’s shoulder keeping him upright, he reached for the tape. It was stuck hard to Mike’s skin, and Harvey felt so bad as Mike screwed his eyes shut in pain, as he pulled at it. Mike moaned as the last piece of tape came off him. But he didn’t say anything. He just pulled in a few deep breaths.

Harvey squeezed his shoulder as he waited for Mike to get himself together a bit. The younger man was panting, and fresh tears appeared again.

“Harvey…” He breathed out.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here.”

Mike leaned forward then and pressed his head towards Harvey’s chest. He drew harsh breaths.

“Thank you.” He then said quietly. Harvey held on to him.

“Don’t thank me Mike. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I’m sorry.” He didn’t specify then what he was so sorry about. He didn’t know if Mike knew why he had been taken. Whose fault it was.

A couple of minutes later Mike sat up again.

“Harvey? My arms.” Mike looked at him pleadingly. He really wanted to get lose now. His arms were killing him, and he knew that Harvey would help him. Harvey would take them off.

“Yes, shit! Of course.” Harvey was saying. Mike was grateful for the hand Harvey still kept on his shoulder as Harvey moved to be able to see his back. He would fall if Harvey let him go now. He just hung there now and tried to remain calm, he tried to quell the panic he still was feeling. It felt almost like it was about to rush up in him at any moment. He wanted that feeling gone. He wanted his arms free.

“Oh, damn it Mike! This looks rough.” Harvey exclaimed behind him.

“Just take it off.” Mike said. Everything went blurry as new tears came to his eyes. He couldn’t help but start to cry again.

“I’m going to try Mike. It’s looks really painful.”

Mike didn’t know what he was talking about. It was extremely painful, but he didn’t know how Harvey could know that it was.

Harvey’s heart was beating hard in his chest. He honestly didn’t know if this was doable. Thick rope was wrapped tight around Mike’s arms, keeping his wrist tight together. The rope dug into his skin and Harvey could see that blood had stained the arms of his shirt. It looked like Mike had been like this for days.

Harvey clenched his teeth together hard. He didn’t know how to do this. The knots were tided on the side of Mike’s arms, closest to his back. Removing the rope would mean that he needed to lift Mike’s arm outwards and then somehow loosen the knot good enough to get the ropes off the kid. Mike was yet again shaking like he was crying. Poor kid. And Harvey was going to hurt him worse.

“Alright, I’m going to try and untie you. Mike, can you sit up though? I will need both of my hands.

Mike nodded. “Yeah…” He moaned.

Harvey highly doubted that, but still let go. Mike slumped even more forward but remained sitting. Harvey hesitated but then took a hold of the ropes. Mike moaned immediately.

“Shit. Sorry. Mike, you are going to have to lift your arms a bit, kid. The knot is almost against your back.”

“Yeah, I know.” Mike whispered. “Just get it off. I want it off.”

“Yeah, I know. I know. Okay, you ready?”

Harvey helped him by lifting a bit and then grabbing the knot. But Mike screamed out in pain and trashed so that he immediately lost his grip.

“Ow, ow, ow…” Mike said. “It’s hurts, it hurts.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”

They tried again but with the same results. Mike was growing more desperate and Harvey felt lost.

“Help me Harvey!” Mike whined. “Get it off me.”

“I don’t think I can Mike, I need something to cut with. I can’t get the knot undone with just my fingers, it’s just too tight.”

“Get it off! It hurts.” Mike was losing it. He knew he was being pathetic, and he hated that Harvey saw him like this. But Harvey was just pulling at his arms, causing the ropes to dig deeper and the ache in his arms to worsen. “Please Harvey!”

“I’m trying Mike. But like I said, I need to find something to cut it with.” Then Harvey started to stand up.

“NO!” Mike screamed. “No, don’t. Don’t, don’t, don’t. Please.” Harvey grabbed his shoulder again.

“Mike. Please kid, calm down. I can’t get it off you without something to cut it with. I need some scissors or a knife…”

“But don’t leave me here.” Mike cried. He pressed his cheek against Harvey’s hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t stand the thought of being alone right now. He didn’t know what was worse right now. Having to keep the ropes on or being alone. He just cried, hoping that he didn’t have to choose.

“Okay, okay, okay.” Harvey squeezed his shoulder again and didn’t remove his hand. Then he spoke again.

“Yes, I need an ambulance right now. My friend was kidnapped. He’s badly hurt.” Harvey had called 911.

It broke Harvey’s heart, the way Mike was sobbing in front of him. He felt totally useless but calling for help was the only thing he could think of right now. He should have done it sooner. If he had, maybe Mike had been spared several minutes of suffering. Now, he was promised help within ten minutes. Ten long minutes. He wanted to scream at them that they needed help now, but just gave a description on where they were and hung up.

He needed to make Mike more comfortable, if that was possible at the moment. Mike was only in a shirt; it must be the same he wore when he was taken. Harvey quickly got out of his suit jacket and then sat down on the ground.

“Mike, come here. Help is coming, we just have to wait for a bit.” He pushed Mike down towards his lap. Mike complied without a word. However, he whimpered in pain at the movement. “Ow…”

Harvey felt so damn bad for him. He helped Mike to lay his head on his leg, he couldn’t have the kid on the ground. Mike again said that he was hurting.

“I know. I know, it hurts. I’m so sorry Mike.” Harvey told him quietly. As Mike was laying down, he grabbed his suit jacket and draped it over the kid. He didn’t know if it helped or if Mike even noticed it, but it just felt like the right thing to do.

“Harvey…” Mike said. He was panting. He didn’t even know what else he wanted to say.

“I’m here. I’m right here. You are going to be okay. It’s over now. Help will be here soon.”

Tears trailed down Mike’s nose. Harvey hesitated but reached over to brush them away. He stopped when Mike almost shielded away from him. He whimpered in that awful way again.

“God, what did they do to you?” Harvey couldn’t help but ask. Mike didn’t answer, just pressed his head down harder into Harvey’s leg.

Mike felt so damn bad now. His arms were the worst, but everything else hurt him as well, and it wasn’t just the physical pain. Harvey had said that it was over. It didn’t feel like it was. Not really. The panic was still there. The humiliation. He was still bound.

“I want to get it off.” He said shakily.

“Yeah, I know.” Harvey answered him right away. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why can’t you take it off? Please!” Mike begged him. Harvey found himself closing his eyes for a moment.

“I want to get it off you, but I need something sharp to do it with. I don’t have that. Do you understand Mike?”

Mike panted a little and tried to push his panic further down. Harvey couldn’t take it off. They had to wait for help. He thought that he managed to nod.

“Good boy.” Harvey said then and stroked his head a little. It felt nice. “How long have you been bound like this, Mike?” Harvey asked.

“I…I think three days.”

“Oh shit.” Harvey swore. “I’m so sorry.” Mike had never heard Harvey say that he was sorry this much before. He appreciated it though. He didn’t say anything about it. He had gotten another thought in his mind now.

“Harvey?” He breathed.

“Yes, kid.”

“Do…do you…Do you have something to drink? Or eat?”

Harvey felt worthless at that question. Why hadn’t he brought something? Anything? He had come totally unprepared for this. Somehow, he hadn’t thought about in which state Mike could be in. He hated the fact that he yet again had to deny Mike what he asked for.

“No, I’m sorry Mike. I don’t have anything.”

He felt how Mike shuttered a little at his reply. “Okay…” He whispered.

“When was the last time you ate? Did they feed you at all?”

“Once…”

“You only got something to eat once?”

“Yeah, half a sandwich.”

“Shit.”

“I was tied up. They threw it on the floor next to me.”

Harvey swallowed and didn’t know what he should say. He squeezed the kid’s shoulder a bit. Wishing for help to get there faster.

Mike turned his head so that he buried his face more into Harvey’s legs. He just wanted this to end. He couldn’t help to feel embarrassed about this whole situation. But he couldn’t do anything to stop himself from crying. It just hurt to think back. He didn’t want to talk anymore. Why couldn’t just Harvey help him?

“Harvey? Help me…” He found himself saying, he regretted the words as soon as he said them, but he couldn’t take them back. He sounded so weak.

“I will, I will help you. It’s going to be fine now, Mike. I promise.” Harvey stroked his shoulder and he placed his other hand over Mike’s head. It felt good that he did so. He felt a little bit calmer. Harvey was going to help him.

“They hurt your head?” Harvey quietly asked.

“Yeah…”

“Okay.” Harvey kept his hand on Mike’s head, lightly. Mike seemed to be a little bit calmer now, his breathing had slowed down a bit and as had the shaking. Harvey had blood on his hand now, from the wound at the back of Mike’s head. He wasn’t sure where the wound was, he didn’t want to feel around, because it would hurt the kid more. But blood had spread around the whole back of his head. He wanted to ask Mike what had happened, but it seemed that details right now made the younger man too upset. He had started to cry when they talked about the food.

Time passed so slow. Where the hell was the ambulance? Mike needed help now. It was terrible to just sit here and wait while his associate was suffering. Because of him, Mike had been suffering severely for four days. Mike had been beaten and starved and had been bound the entire time. How was he ever going to make this alright?

Mike was now laying on his lap, curled up and shaking, like a small child. Harvey had never felt like this, the feeling of deep sympathy mixed with helplessness and guilt.

“Thank god.” Harvey mumbled the next minute as they heard sirens coming towards them.

“Help is here Mike. They will help you now.”

However, it wasn’t an ambulance that pulled up next to them, it was a police car. Two police officers jumped out of the car and came rushing towards them.

One of them kneeled down next to Harvey and Mike, and the other remained standing, looking around.

“Is this the kidnapping victim?” He officer asked. Harvey nodded.

“Where are the kidnappers? And who are you?”

“I’m his boss. And they left after leaving him to me.”

“And how long ago was this?”

“About ten minutes maybe.”

“They drove? Did you see what kind of car?”

“A black van. But can we maybe do this later?” Harvey mentioned for Mike, who hadn’t moved at all. He had his eyes closed. The officer nodded to his colleague who hurried back to their car. Then the man’s attention turned back to Mike.

“What’s his name?”

“Mike.”

“Do you know the extent of his injuries?”

“He’s been hit at the back of his head. He is still tied up though, can you help with that?”

The police officer nodded. “Mike.” He said. “Can you hear me? I’m just going to take a look at your hand’s okay?”

“Yeah.” Mike said. The police removed Harvey’s suit jacket and leaned closer to Mike’s arms.

“How long has this been on him?”

“At least three days.” Harvey answered.

“Oh shit, okay. The ambulance will be here in a couple of minutes, but we’ll try to remove them now.”

“Yeah, okay.” Harvey said.

A moment later the other police offer came over with a bag of tools.

“Alright, Mike. Are you with us?” The first one said.

“Yeah.” Mike said.

“I would like to move you a bit, so that we can access your arms better. But first can you tell me if you are hurt somewhere?”

“Not really.” Mike said, Harvey noticed that Mike’s breathing had started to speed up again.

“Okay, I’m afraid that this might be a bit painful, but we will be as careful as we can.”

The second police officer grabbed Harvey’s suit jacket and laid it out on the ground next to them. He then removed his own jacket as well and put it over Harvey’s. “Ready over here.” He said.

“Okay, Mike. We’ll lift you over to your stomach, right here next to your friend. Do we have your permission to do so?”

“Yes...” Mike whispered.

“What’s your name?” Harvey was asked and he told them.

“Okay, Harvey. You just move to the side when we lift him.”

They counted to three and then lifted Mike over to the side and laid him down on his stomach. Mike couldn’t help but moan. It did hurt, and when he was placed back on his stomach, he felt more uneasy. He didn’t like it one bit. He was breathing faster and tensed up. He didn’t want them to touch him. He couldn’t see Harvey either. Where was he? Did he leave?

“Harvey? Harvey?” He called out, his voice shaking.

“Mike, you need to stay still right now. We’ll work on removing the ropes around your arms.” One of the policemen said.

“I’m right here Mike.” Harvey came into view again and he instantly felt a huge sense of relief.

“Don’t go. Don’t go.” Mike told him.

“I won’t kid. I won’t. Just focus on me, okay. Try to stay calm.”

“But I don’t want to…”

“Just look at me. You just have to stay still for one minute. They are getting the ropes off you right now.”

Mike looked into Harvey’s eyes and tried not to focus at all on the hands on his shoulder and around his wrist.

“Okay, we are done.”

Hands were on his arms and started to lower them to his side. Pain exploded in his shoulders, in his arms. He screamed.

Harvey jerked back at Mike’s reaction. The kid started to squirm, like he was trying to get away from something.

“What’s wrong with him?!” Harvey exclaimed.

“It’s the blood rushing back into his arms. It must hurt like hell. My coworker is checking the status on the ambulance as we speak.”

“Shit.” Harvey swallowed hard. It was like Mike wasn’t really there, it was awful.

“Help me turn him on his back.” The policeman said. “Hold on to his arms and let’s do it quickly. It will be better for him on his back.”

Harvey nodded and together they grabbed Mike and turned him. Mike screamed again and Harvey felt like he was punched in the stomach. Mike trashed around on the ground and moaned. Harvey reached out for him.

“Mike, it’s okay.” He tried.

“The ambulance is arriving.” The police officer by the car called.

For Mike everything was too much now. His arms burned, and he didn’t know what to do with himself. It was hard to breath and he just wanted it to stop. Too much was going on around him as well. His arms hurt so much. He started to cry again, this time not even caring that the people around him saw it. More people came over now. He screamed when they touched him, and he tried to get away. He didn’t get far though, because he couldn’t use his arms.

They lifted him over to something softer. Something was placed over his nose and mouth, and he felt how someone held onto one of his arms and he felt a pinch there. Something warm and heavy was placed over him. He was moved. He understood that he was moved into an ambulance, and he felt a bit calmer then. He was getting help. They were helping him now. He looked around for Harvey and saw him sitting next to him. Harvey was there. He closed his eyes. Opened them again. Harvey was still there. He let the exhaustion take over a few minutes later.

_-SUITS-_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9.**

Harvey’s heart was beating hard in his chest and he was sweaty. Things hadn’t seemed to be getting better even when the paramedics arrived. Mike had been in so much pain, that he had screamed right out. But Harvey didn’t blame him at all for doing so, the kid had said that he had been bound in the same way for at least three days. Three goddamn days!

He had seen terror in Mike’s eyes, he had been terrified even when they had moved him to lay on his stomach. He realized then that just the action of having to lay on his stomach was what had terrified Mike. Mike had begged him not to leave then, it had been heartbreaking. He had laid on his knees in front of the kid trying to calm him down. By the time the ambulance had arrived Mike was laying on the ground and had been crying with his eyes screwed shut. He had fought when they touched him. Harvey had struggled then with mix feelings of wanting to push them off Mike and wanting them to help the kid faster.

Mike was lifted onto a gurney and then into the ambulance. Mike didn’t seem to be aware of what’s going on anymore. They placed an oxygen mask over his face and after checking him over a bit they injected him with something.

“What’s happening? Is he alright?” Harvey asked from where he was standing next to the ambulance door.

“He’s just asleep.” One of the paramedics said. “You’re his friend? Are you coming with us?”

“Yes.” Harvey said and climbed into the ambulance and sat down on a bench next to Mike. They left a few minutes later. Mike was connected to an IV and still had the oxygen mask on. The paramedics next to Harvey was working on cutting the shirt around Mike’s arms and Harvey clenched his jaw when he saw the torn skin underneath. The area of Mike’s skin where the ropes had been were severely bruised, in some places the skin had torn and was bleeding.

“This look’s infected.” The paramedic said as he started to tend to the wound, bandaging it up, before moving over to the other arm. It was just as bad.

“Do you know if he’s hurt anywhere else?”

“I think he was hit over the head. It was blood in his hair.” Harvey said. “I don’t know if he was hurt along his neck as well.”

“Yes, there is a lot of dried up blood over there. I’ll take a closer look.” The man tilted Mike’s head a bit upwards and they could see a long cut that stretched right across his throat. Someone had cut Mike’s throat.

“That looks pretty bad, but they will take care of it at the hospital.”

Harvey didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded. During the rest of the ambulance ride he sat in silence next to Mike’s body. The general state of Mike was depressing and upsetting to see. It had only been four days, but Mike looked like he was thinner. He was so dirty as well. Harvey wondered where he had been kept. Mike had mentioned something about them throwing him food next to him on the floor. The thought of Mike being kept bound at a dirty floor somewhere enraged him so much that his fists almost hurt from him tightening them so much.

Mike’s reactions after he was released had also worried Harvey. The kid had just cried. That was heartbreaking. Mike had been through something truly traumatic these past few days, and Harvey didn’t even know what had happened while he was captive. He couldn’t help but wonder how this would affect Mike. Would he, Harvey, be able to help manage it?

The paramedic had moved over to check Mike’s abdomen and chest. He cut open his shirt and moved it to the side. Harvey took a deep breath at the sight that met them. Mike’s chest and stomach was discolored in different shades of dark blue and yellow. It looked awful; he must have been kicked on several occasions. Someone had kicked Mike, his associate. And it was his fault. Mike was here in this condition because of him. How would he ever be able to live with this?

“Sir, are you alright?”

Harvey noticed then that the paramedics question was directed towards him and not Mike.

“No, I’m not alright with seeing him like this.”

“I understand. He’s not in pain right now though, I can assure you that.”

Harvey didn’t feel that much better from that knowledge. Mike had been in pain earlier, that was enough. He watched in silence as the paramedic carefully felt around Mike’s abdomen. He didn’t seem that concerned so Harvey didn’t ask anything.

They arrived at the hospital ten minutes later and Harvey stiffly jumped out and then helped them with Mike’s gurney. He followed behind Mike into the entrance. He was stopped a while later though and someone that was standing close to him told him that he had to wait now.

The hours that followed before he could see Mike again were both hectic as well as insanely slow. He started by placing a call to Donna, telling her that he found Mike. She was overjoyed and Harvey was sure that she was crying by the time they hang up. The first thing that she had asked was if he had gotten Mike back.

“Yes. I got him Donna. We are at the hospital.”

“ _And how is he doing? Is he alright? Did they treat him okay_?”

She sounded so worried and he really wanted to answer her yes, but that wouldn’t be true at all.

“He’s… he is not doing so well. He was in pretty bad shape Donna. Judging by his appearance they treated him like shit.”

“ _Oh God…_ ”

He didn’t know what else to tell her about that right now, so he just said that Mike was being looked after. Harvey managed to convince her to not head over straight away. He just had a feeling that maybe Mike should have a say in when he wanted to see Donna. He didn’t want to make the kid uncomfortable. Besides it was late, and not it wasn’t for sure that they would be let up today. Or he would demand to see the kid, no one was going to stop him from that.

He asked a nurse about Mike, even though he had been told that they would find him when there was any news. He got the same info again, but he wanted to make sure they knew he was there. He had spent the time pacing up and down the waiting area. Sometimes he stopped to look out the window. More than once he brought out his phone and found himself opening the text messages he had received from Mike’s kidnappers. He was doing just that when someone called his name. Finally! But it wasn’t Mike’s doctor behind him, instead it was two men in suits. Harvey understood that they were the police. They introduced themselves and asked to talk to him. Harvey agreed as long as it didn’t stop him from going to see Mike if that became a possibility. The policemen agreed and they went to some private waiting area they had found. Harvey told them everything that had happened from the meeting outside the courthouse to the confirmation that it actually was those men at the exchange. He answered their questions that they had after, including one about not calling them sooner.

“I wasn’t going to risk his life.” Was all Harvey answered to that. They decided that they would come back to talk to Mike the next day. After that they followed Harvey back to the other waiting room to see if there were any updates on Mike. They also asked if Mike’s injuries had been documented and got an affirmative answer. It took another haft an hour of waiting before a doctor approached him.

The doctor told him that he could see Mike now, he also said that Mike was malnourished and dehydrated but also that they hadn’t found any broken bones or internal bleeding. Mike was just bruised up. That was enough according to Harvey.

They told him to that Mike’s wrist had been looked after and that he needed to have those bandages changed twice a day. They said that they had been worried about internal injuries along Mike’s abdomen since the examination revealed bruises that indicated that Mike had been kicked. Luckily not kicked hard enough to cause internal damage apparently. Harvey still wanted to kill them as he followed the doctor along a corridor.

Mike was laying on a bed with a blanket over him. He had been cleaned up and had bandages on both of his arms and along his neck. It was his eyes that got Harvey really concerned though. He had never seen Mike look like that before.

_-SUITS-_

Mike woke up from someone shaking him a bit. At first, he had freaked out a bit, when he didn’t know where he was or who it was that was shaking him. But the next second or so he realized that he was at a hospital. He had no idea of how he had gotten there, he was laying on a gurney and now a nurse and a doctor asked if he was ready to be moved. He said that he was. He didn’t need to do much, because there were people there that moved him, actually lifted him on to an exam table or something.

This meant that it was over. It was really over now. He was getting help. Harvey had come for him. He had been saved.

They started to examine him after that. The doctor spoke to him the entire time and explained what he was doing. Mike just laid there and let them do whatever they wanted. He had asked for Harvey though, and was told that he was waiting for him to be finished. The knowledge of that Harvey was close made him relax a bit. He felt so shaky and tired and weak.

He was taken for X-rays, since they wanted to determine that he didn’t have any fractures or internal bleeding. He wasn’t in that much pain now. They had given him something for that they said. His arms were examined, cleaned and bandaged. That hurt. He didn’t want to look at his arms at all. He had for a short while when they removed the bandages that the paramedics must have put on him, they had looked so awful that he had wanted to cry. It was opened wounds on his arms. He hadn’t realized that it had been so bad.

He was moved to a private room. They placed him on an IV and gave him a nasal cannula. They told him that he was dehydrated and malnourished. Mike just nodded. He didn’t have any broken bones, but they said he had a slight concussion.

They had cleaned him up a bit as well, and someone had bandaged his throat. He had a large bandage there now. Mike didn’t think that was necessary but didn’t say anything. He felt a bit more human like this. The bed was slightly raised. He was wearing clean hospital clothes and he was warm. He was so tired and felt a bit numb. He wanted to sleep again, but he also wanted Harvey to get there first. He didn’t know what had happened with his kidnappers, he wanted to know that. He also wished that he wouldn’t have to be alone. He just didn’t want that. He asked for Harvey again. He repressed a sudden urge to just scream for him. Why wasn’t he coming?

He was starting to feel dizzy, even though he was laying down. He felt a pressure over his chest. He didn’t tell that to the nurse that came when he pushed the call button. He just asked her if she had seen Harvey. She told him she would go and find him. As soon as the door closed behind her, he felt worried. He didn’t know why. He had wanted to see Harvey, but now he almost felt scared. What would he say? How should he act? What would Harvey do?

He remembered everything that happened after he was released. He had made an absolute fool of himself. He had cried like a child. He had screamed in pain. He hadn’t been able to control himself at all. And now, he was worried that he wouldn’t be able to do that now either. But he knew that he wanted to see Harvey, he didn’t want to be here alone.

It took so long. What if Harvey wouldn’t come? He couldn’t relax and kept staring at the door. He felt afraid and he didn’t know why. It was over now. He wasn’t being hurt or kept against his will anymore, he still felt scared.

Finally, the door opened, and Harvey stepped inside. Mike felt how his eyes teared up from the relief that flooded over him. He wanted to reach out for Harvey, to hold on to him. He didn’t do that.

“Hi kid.” Harvey smiled at him.

“Hey.” Mike said.

“You look a bit better. They cleaned you up.” Harvey said. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay, I guess.” Mike answered.

“How are arms? They still hurt?”

“No, not really.”

Mike wished Harvey would sit down. Or wasn’t he staying? He didn’t say anything.

“A doctor told me that nothing was broken.” Harvey said next.

Mike shook his head a little, but he wasn’t sure that was the truth. It was just that no one could see it. He didn’t know what to say now. Things felt awkward and strange. Harvey was still just standing there. Why couldn’t he just sit down. Was he really going to leave? Mike tried not to but felt how he started to tense, and his breathing quickened. He felt so pathetic that he was reacting like this.

“Do… do you want to sit down?” He then asked.

“I would.” Harvey said. “But I don’t know where. There is no chair in here.”

Mike looked around and immediately felt stupid. He hadn’t even realized that. “Oh.” He said. He wanted to cry now. He didn’t know why, and it was so frustrating. “Maybe you could find one.” He said.

“Eh… yeah, sure. I’ll do that.” Harvey said and started to walk towards the door. Mike had to stop him.

“Wait. Are you coming back?” He found himself asking.

“Yes, Mike.” Harvey nodded and smiled weirdly at him. “I’m just going to find a chair.”

Mike nodded stupidly. He was so stupid. Why had he asked that? But he just felt scared now that Harvey wouldn’t return. What if he didn’t find a chair and he would just go home. A few tears appeared and he wiped them away. He needed to get a grip. He placed both his arms over his chest and waited.

The room next door had two chairs, someone must have taken it from Mike’s room and forgotten to put it back. Harvey took it now and went back to Mike. The younger man didn’t look good at all. He was too pale and hugged his arms close to his chest. Mike jerked when Harvey closed the door and he turned towards him. Harvey felt how his heart sank when he saw how Mike’s eyes teared up, but he quickly wiped his face and looked down. Harvey choose to pretend that he hadn’t seen it and placed the chair next to the bed.

“Are you okay?” He asked. Mike looked at him for a long time before he shook his head.

“Yeah.” Harvey whispered. Of course, he wasn’t. It had been an idiotic question. What else would he ask then? Mike solved his dilemma.

“Did you look for me?” Mike didn’t know exactly why he asked that question. Maybe he just wanted the confirmation that while he was going through all of that someone had cared enough to worry. He wanted Harvey’s reassurance.

He got it.

“Yes, I did.” Harvey leaned closer to Mike. His associate didn’t look at him. “I called a bunch of times when you didn’t show up, then I went to your apartment. I found your bag in the entrance. That’s when I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.”

Mike nodded a bit and moved a bit on the bed so that he could lay flatter. He curled up a bit, pulled the blanket higher up and hugged himself again. A thought hit him.

“Did you find my keys? I lost them when…”

He trailed off. He didn’t want to think about that.

“Yes, I found them. Your phone as well. I have everything at my place.”

“Oh… thanks.”

“Sure.”

“What about my bike?” Mike looked up at him with hopeful eyes. Harvey pursed his lips and shook his head, leaning back in his chair.

“It was thrown outside.”

“But did you take care of it as well?”

“No Mike, it was no use. It was trashed. Both wheels were missing.”

Mike immediately felt like he had been punched. He didn’t know why this hit him so hard, but it did. On top of everything his bike had been destroyed. Why would that happen? Who would do that?

“But… but why? My bike…I need my bike, Harvey. My bike. It’s not fair.” He didn’t know what he was saying, but he just felt sad.

“Hey, it’s alright. It’s just a bike.” Harvey said.

“No, it’s not!”

“Okay, okay. You know what? I’ll get you a new one. I’ll buy you a new bike.”

Mike looked at him and blinked a couple of times. “You will?” he asked.

“Yeah. Sure. Anything you want Mike.”

“Thank you. Thank you, Harvey. Thank you. I just… I just need it.”

“Yes, I understand that.” Harvey smiled at him, but Mike didn’t know why.

They were quiet for a bit after that. Harvey wanted to ask Mike a lot of questions, but he also didn’t want to upset the kid. Right now, Mike did already look upset. He was shaking but looked like he wasn’t aware of him doing so. Harvey didn’t like it at all. Mike’s breathing was pretty quick as well.

“Did you call the police?” Mike asked a little while later with a quiet voice.

“No, I couldn’t. Not while they had you.” Harvey said as he leaned a bit deeper over Mike. He suddenly had an urge to stroke the kid’s forehead. He didn’t do that though.

“Or I did call them at first.” Harvey remembered then. “At first when I knew something had happened to you. I went back to the office and I called the police and told them about what I had found at your place. But I didn’t know when it had happened, if it was the night before or in the morning or if you even were in trouble. Anyway, they only said that they would look into it.”

Harvey paused for a bit. Mike was just laying there.

“I got the ransom text then. It said that they would kill you if I called the cops. So, I didn’t do it again.”

Mike didn’t answer. He had calmed down but was still shaking slightly. He opened his mouth but closed it again. Harvey wanted to tell him it was alright. 

“Did you pay?” Mike then whispered and Harvey watched as tears appeared in Mike’s eyes.

“Yes. I did.” He said and felt how his own eyes started to get a bit wet.

“You paid a million dollars? For me?”

“Yes Mike, I did.”

“Thank you.” Mike said so quietly that Harvey almost didn’t hear it.

“No, don’t thank me. Of course I paid, Mike.”

Mike turned his head up to be able to look at him better then. He didn’t say anything. Harvey studied him closely.

“Did you think I wouldn’t pay, Mike?”

Mike looked away again and Harvey saw that he shrank down a bit more in the bed. He drew a hand over his eyes. “I was hoping you would.” He swallowed hard.

“But you were thinking I wouldn’t?”

“I wasn’t sure. They said that you… A million dollars is a lot of money, Harvey.”

“I have a lot of money Mike.” Harvey didn’t know if he was trying to make a joke or not, it was just the first thing that came to his mind. He didn’t ask what they had said, and Mike didn’t elaborate.

Mike tried to stop his breathing from speeding up again, at the same time as he tried to force the damn tears away. He didn’t want to cry in front of Harvey, but his eyes weren’t fully in his control it seemed.

Harvey had said that he had paid for him. Just like that he had answered that he had paid. Like that was a certainty. He hadn’t known Harvey felt that about him. That Harvey would do that for him.

“What happened after?” He wanted to know.

“After what?”

“After you found me? The police were there right?”

“Yes, they were. They were first to respond after I called 911.”

“And…and did they catch them?”

“Oh… you mean… No, they didn’t. They were already gone by then. They want to talk to you later though, when you are up for it.”

Mike nodded. He didn’t feel up for it at all. He didn’t want to talk about what had happened there. He didn’t want to relive it, especially not in front of other people he didn’t know. He didn’t say anything about that now though. 

For now, it felt like he had asked all the questions he wanted to know about and gotten the answers. Harvey had been looking for him, he had paid the ransom for him to get him free and those men were still out there. The last part freaked him out. He didn’t want to think about that. What if they never were caught? What if they came after him again? What if they took him again and brought him back to that place? He couldn’t do that! He couldn’t go through that again. He looked at Harvey. He wanted to reach out for him. Hold on to him. Harvey had let him lay on his lap earlier. It had felt so comforting then, now he wanted that feeling back. He didn’t feel comforted at all now, even if Harvey was sitting right there next to him. He knew he wouldn’t get what he was looking for. It wasn’t possible, not between the two of them. It wasn’t the relationship they had. But Mike didn’t have that kind of relationship with anyone. That hurt so much in him at the moment. That kind of reassurance he wanted right now was something that only family would provide. He didn’t have any family left.

He did nothing. He just laid there. It felt awkward when Harvey was just sitting there. He felt the pressure of talking, acting normal. But he didn’t know what to say. And he didn’t have it in him to act right now. Maybe Harvey would understand and cut him some slack.

He was worried that Harvey would get tired of it and leave. Maybe Harvey felt awkward as well? Or maybe he wanted to get back to normal now when Mike was back, maybe he wanted to head back to the office? He didn’t dare to look into Harvey’s eyes. He hardly dared to move. He was tired, but he couldn’t fall asleep either. The thought of waking up alone was crushing him. It felt like he was on the edge, of what he didn’t know. But it felt like at any time he would burst.

“Mike, do you want to talk?” Harvey asked so suddenly that he jerked form the man’s voice. He looked up at Harvey then.

“About what?” He asked.

“About what happened to you.”

Mike felt how he tensed. He shook his head as he felt how his eyes teared up anew.

“No. Please…” He said.

“Okay, okay. You don’t have to, Mike. I just thought that maybe… maybe it would be good.”

Mike just shook his head again but didn’t move other than that. His mind had transported him back begged to the last time he had said please. He had asked not to have the tape over his mouth. Pleaded to deaf ears.

“Mike?” Harvey said, startling him. “You okay?”

He shook his head again. He wasn’t okay. It felt like he never would be okay again. Yet again he wanted to reach out and hold on to Harvey. Just to hold on to him a little, maybe then he would be able to close his eyes. He felt tears run down from his eyes when he blinked.

“I’m sorry.” Harvey said. Mike didn’t know for what.

“Is it anything I can get you?” Harvey asked. Mike shook his head. Harvey was quiet for a while again.

“I called Donna earlier. To let her know I got you back. She wanted to come over, but it’s pretty late so I told her to wait. She sends her love though. She wanted me to tell you that she has been really worried.”

Mike nodded and wanted to smile. He wished she would have come anyway. Maybe she would have taken his hand, or maybe even laid down next to him. More tears gathered in his eyes at the thought of that. It felt difficult to breathe, to relax enough to do it normally.

He wanted to sleep but couldn’t.

He jerked again when Harvey moved a bit on his chair. Then he made to stand up. Mike felt panic rush up again. No!

“Harvey. No…” He said and felt so pathetic when his voice broke.

“What? I was just… Mike? What’s wrong? What is it?” Harvey was standing up now. Mike was breathing hard.

“Are you… are you leaving?”

“What? No, I was just going to…”

“Can’t you stay?” Mike interrupted him. “Stay here. Please...”

Harvey sat down again. He looked worried.

“Of course, Mike, of course I can stay. I wasn’t leaving. I was going to get you some tissues.” Harvey mentioned for a table by the door.

“Oh.” Mike said. He felt embarrassed, but Harvey still had that worried look on his face. He might as well ask now.

“Will you… will you stay the whole night?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yeah…” Mike whispered without looking at Harvey.

Harvey nodded. “I will do that, Mike.” He said.

Mike wanted to cry. “Thank you.” He breathed instead. He wiped his eyes.

Harvey nodded next to him. They were both silent, Mike tried to make his breaths even. Then Harvey reached out a hand and placed it over Mike’s. Mike was tense at first, but then Harvey moved around his hand and took a hold of Mike’s. Mike grabbed on to Harvey’s as well. He held on as hard as he could. He then found himself moving closer to their hands until he was pressing his forehead towards Harvey’s hand. Finally, he got a little bit of comfort. Just a bit and he wanted to just hold on and not let go. He cried then. He couldn’t stop it any longer. He cried from a mix of things, both mostly relief and fear.

Harvey was watching the younger man. He didn’t dare to move an inch right now. Mike had his hand trapped now; he was pressing his forehead against it. Harvey saw that he was crying, heard it as well. He knew now that it had been the right move to hold the kids’ hand. It was almost as if Mike had been waiting for it. Now the younger man held on hard. Their hands were already getting a bit sweaty.

He could see that Mike really was struggling. Harvey felt helpless when he didn’t know what to do to make it better. Mike didn’t want to talk; he had made that clear. And now he didn’t want Harvey to leave. He had never seen Mike behave like this, never wanted to either. He couldn’t imagine what the kid had been through to make him act like this. It was heartbreaking, Harvey felt so sorry for him.

It had pained him to have to tell Mike that his kidnappers had gotten away. It must have scared Mike a lot, especially in the state he was in right now. Harvey really wanted to know what had happened to Mike while he was captured. But it wasn’t the time to ask about that now. Mike was too traumatized for that. He was still holding on hard to his hand. He was still crying heartbreakingly. It was like he couldn’t stop. Harvey brought up his other hand and stroked Mike’s shoulder. At first the kid jerked and moaned, but then he relaxed, his grip on Harvey’s hand even released a little after a few minutes. His breathing slowed down as well. He stopped crying so hard. Harvey wasn’t sure on what to do or what to say to the kid. So, he had opted for to just sit there and offer support in form of his presence. It seemed to be enough. Maybe Mike just needed to let it out. Harvey didn’t blame him at all.

A couple more minutes and Harvey was pretty sure that Mike was sleeping. That was good. Mike really needed rest. Harvey didn’t move though. He didn’t want Mike to wake up again, and he was afraid that the kid would do so if Harvey removed his hand from Mike’s. The younger man was still laying curled up around their hands. It was almost like Mike had moved so that he would be able to be as close to Harvey’s hand as possible. It hurt to see it. He understood that Mike must want to be close to him. It was kind of endearing, even though he never would say that out loud to anyone. Mike sought comfort from him, and Harvey wanted to give him that.

Mike had asked him if he had looked for him. It had been his first question. It pained Harvey to think about that maybe Mike had wondered about that while he was kidnapped. If Harvey was looking for him or not?

Then Mike had asked if he had paid for him. Mike had been uncertain about that as well. As if it ever had been a question whether he would or wouldn’t pay. Mike had doubted him. That actually hurt a bit in Harvey to think about that. Mike had been kidnapped and hadn’t been sure that anyone would pay the demanded money for him, if anyone thought that he was worth it. Didn’t the kid know how much Harvey valued him? Had he failed to make that known? Probably he had. He needed to change that somehow. As soon as Mike was better, he would.

_-SUITS-_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 10.**

Mike kept sleeping and Harvey eventually dared to remove his hand from the kid's. He needed to stretch a bit. He realized that he wouldn't get much sleep tonight. He had promised Mike that he would stay here the entire night. He was going to keep that promise.

Mike slept for almost ten hours without waking up. It must do him good. He slept through a doctor's visit and a visit from a nurse early in the morning. They thought it best to let him sleep. Harvey managed to get a few hours in the chair. His neck hurt when he woke up again.

Mike had slept calmly most of the night. Around three in the morning he must have had a nightmare though because he had started to trash around on the bed and had let out a whimpering sound that cut into Harvey. He hadn't known what to do but Mike had calmed down again without waking up.

When he did wake up though it was in a panic. Harvey almost fell out of his chair from the surprise of Mike suddenly sitting up in bed and letting out a yelp. He looked around him bewildered, grasping the sheets tightly in his hands. His panicked eyes met Harvey's.

Harvey raised both of his hands in what he hoped was a calming gesture.

"It's okay Mike. You are okay." He said.

"Harvey? What…? Where…?"

"We're in the hospital. Everything is fine." Harvey told him.

Mike stared at him for a moment before looking around the room again. He nodded a little and sank back down on the bed. He pulled the blanket higher up and held on to it with both hands. He didn't say anything.

"Are you doing okay?" Harvey asked.

Mike nodded a little but still didn't speak. It wasn't like him. Harvey waited a bit debating on what to say next.

"I want to eat something. Can you ask them if I can have something to eat?" Mike said before he figured something out.

"Yeah, of course. I can ask them. They probably want to come and check on you now that you are awake."

Mike swallowed and nodded. "I just want something to eat. Harvey, please."

Harvey looked at the younger man. Mike didn't meet his eyes and he had just pleaded with him. He was clearly not alright. He stood up and went to see if he could get a nurse over. He found one and asked for food for Mike. She promised to come with it as soon as possible.

Mike looked like he was on the verge of tears when Harvey came back to his room.

"Something wrong?" He asked. Mike just shook his head.

Mike was so hungry that it hurt. It was all he could think of right now. He didn't understand why no one had given him anything sooner. He hadn't eaten in four days or something like that.

He had felt uneasy as soon as Harvey left the room. Close to scared, not that he would tell anyone that. He studied his arms to distract himself. They were bandaged. They didn't hurt though, but his shoulder felt sore. He carefully pulled the fabric away to look at his stomach as well. He had nasty bruises there. He managed to cover himself up again before Harvey got back.

"Did you find someone?" He asked now.

"Yes, they are bringing you something."

"When?"

"I don't know. Now I guess."

"I didn't get anything yesterday, Harvey. But I'm fine now. I just want to eat. I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten in four days!"

"Mike calm down. I think that what those are for." Harvey pointed at the IV. Mike stared at it as if it was the first time, he saw it. He didn't say anything else, instead he curled up on his side, facing the door.

Mike didn't have the energy to argue with Harvey. He didn't want them to have a fight. He felt a bit nauseated. His arms came in full view to him now. He didn't want to look at them, but he didn't want to move them, but he also didn't want to close his eyes. He felt like crap.

He had dreamed so much about this moment while he had been captured, but now when he was in it, he just felt wrong. He did not know what to say or how to act. He just wanted to get something to eat and then leave this place.

Harvey was looking at his phone next to him. He probably wanted to leave to. He had stayed the whole night with him, after he had embarrassed himself and asked him to stay. He still didn't want Harvey to leave though. He didn't want to be here alone.

"Mike, Donna is asking if she can come over? Shall I tell her yes?"

"Yeah." Mike answered and suddenly intently missed her. He wanted her there immediately. He didn't want to wait for things.

"Fifteen minutes then, kid." Harvey smiled. "Apparently she is already on her way."

Mike nodded. He then jerked when the door opened. A nurse was there with a tray of food. Mike sat up at once. Finally, some good things were happening. He got a little disappointed when it was a bowl of yogurt and some bread, but it was better than nothing. They wanted him to start off lightly.

"Take it easy." Harvey said as soon as he started eating. Mike wanted to tell him to shut up.

It was wonderful. The best yoghurt he had ever had. The bread was awesome too.

"Mike, slow down. You are going to suffocate." Harvey said.

"Four days, Harvey!" He exclaimed between spoons.

Harvey nodded then. "Yeah, I'm sorry."

Mike put the spoon down for a second then and looked at him. Harvey had a pained expression on his face. Mike shrugged a bit.

"It's okay Harvey." He said.

"No, it's not Mike. I know you have been through hell these past few days. And I also know it's all because of me. I'm so damn sorry about that. I wish they would have gone after me instead of you."

Mike didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he agreed or not. Did he wish they would have taken Harvey instead? While he had been captured that thought had never crossed his mind. Never had he wished for someone else to take his place. He had just wished for them to save him.

"It was awful Harvey." He said eventually. "But I never wished for you to take my place."

"I know you didn't kid. That's not who you are. But I wished for it."

Mike hesitated a little. "Look Harvey, it happened. I'm just glad you got me out of it. That you paid."

Harvey swallowed and nodded. "Of course, kid."

Mike smiled then and continued to gulf down the rest of the meal.

Mike had just finished his meal when it knocked on the door. He felt slightly better now, although he wished it had been more. He didn't want to ask Harvey again. He jerked at the knock and looked bewildered towards Harvey, who just walked over to the door and opened it. It was Donna. A sudden, intense longing came over him as soon as he saw her. Somehow it felt just like it had felt on that floor, when he had wished for Donna to come and save him. He wanted to reach out for her, but he just sat there looking at her. But she knew.

"Oh Mike!" She rushed towards him and sat down on the edge of his bed. She reached out a hand and let it trace along his bruised cheek and then down along his throat lightly touching his bandage.

"Oh sweetheart." She mumbled and he saw how her eyes teared up. "Come here." She pulled him against her, and he let her do it. He hugged her back hard and then just leaned into her embrace. For the first time since he had woken up, he felt better. He felt safer, more normal. He relished in the moment and didn't want it to end. But Donna soon started to pull away. Mike didn't want to let go. He wasn't ready. Against his will his eyes started to tear up when she pushed herself away from him. It was like he had been standing safely on the ground next to a cliff and when she let him go, he started falling. He wanted to scream.

Instead he just sat there stiffly and tried to keep his eyes dry as Donna smiled towards him and stood up. Why was he feeling like this? He didn't feel like himself. His eyes flooded over when he blinked and both Harvey and Donna saw it.

"Oh honey…" Donna said and held out a tissue. He didn't take it. He looked away from them, almost wanting to turn his back at them. But he was afraid that they would leave then, so he didn't do that. He wished that they would do something so that he didn't have to decide on how to act. He felt humiliation seep into him now. He was tense.

"Mike?" Donna sat down on the edge of his bed again, so close that he could touch her if he wanted to. "What can we do? Harvey and I want to help."

He didn't know what to answer. When he blinked, he felt how a tear started running down his check. The bandage over his throat stopped it. He wished that she would hug him again, that was what he wanted. Why couldn't she just do that? Another tear trailed down his other cheek.

He shuttered when she reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder. He saw how she exchanged a look with Harvey. He didn't want her to remove it, but he also noticed that he had started to shake.

"You want to lay down?" She asked him next. He didn't know what to say but she said then that she would help him. He laid down on his back and she straightened out the blanket over him.

She sat down on a chair close to him and then carefully took his hand in hers. It surprised him somewhat, but he was grateful as well. He held on to it hard, and she stroked his arm a little, careful as to not touch the bandaged areas.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through this Mike." She said. "I was so worried this entire time. We all were."

"Yeah." He whispered, just to answer something. He closed his eyes to not have to meet their eyes. Why did he have to feel like this now? Why couldn't he just feel good now when it was over, instead he felt almost as bad as he done there, just different bad.

He held on harder to Donna's hand. He was so afraid that she would leave again. It was irrational, she had just gotten here, but he couldn't help it.

"Are you tired? Do you want to get some sleep?" Donna whispered after a couple of minutes. They had all remained silent during that time. Mike opened his eyes and looked at her then. He wasn't that tired that he wanted to sleep. Or he wouldn't mind sleeping either, then he wouldn't have to deal with stuff. But he shook his head now. He didn't want them to leave. If he was sleeping, they probably would, because what else should they do? Just sit there as he slept? They wouldn't do that.

"I don't want to sleep." He told her and squeezed her hand a little. She smiled at him and squeezed it back.

"Okay then." She said. "What do you think about us sending Harvey for some coffee? Or maybe something else for you, maybe you would like some juice instead. I don't know if you should have coffee yet."

"I'm not sick." He said.

"I know, you are right. Three cups of coffee then, Harvey."

"Why do I have to go?" Harvey grumbled, but he stood up anyway. "Do you want something else as well?" He asked Mike. "I'll get you anything you want."

Mike just stared at him. "Some-something to eat?" He got out.

Harvey smirked. "Sure." Then he left.

"I thought they fed you already." Donna said.

"I want more." Mike said. He felt pathetic. He knew they were trying to cheer him up and to make him feel better. But it wasn't working, and he couldn't get himself to play along.

"Have you been treated well here? That nurse I met in the hallway seemed nice."

"Yeah, sure. They are nice." Mike said not adding that he hadn't looked anyone of the nurses in their eyes and had no idea who she was talking about. Donna started telling him about one of the nurses she had met when she was a teenager and her grandmother had been hospitalized. He appreciated what she was doing. She kept talking about other things, none-important things, simple things. Things that had nothing to do with what had happened, and he loved her for it. It made him feel more normal.

Harvey came back with three cups of coffee, juice and three muffins. He had been gone rather long and Mike had started to notice it. He felt relieved when the older man barged into the room without knocking and putting everything down on the little table that could be pushed over Mike's bed.

"I met your doctor outside. He didn't think coffee was a good idea, so I bought this as well." He mentioned for the juice. Mike had to agree with his doctor, the thought of coffee made him a little queasy, but it was nice to just sit there and hold on to the warm cup. He finished the muffin before both of the others, so Donna offered him half of hers as well. He took it. He wasn't that hungry anymore, but it just felt good to eat and just because he could.

Some time after that Donna stood up and said that she would head back to the office. She said that she would tell everyone that he was doing better. Harvey stayed though, much to Mike's relief. He wished Donna could have stayed as well but he didn't say anything. A doctor came by just after she left and wanted to talk to him. Harvey stepped out for a moment then. He said that he would wait outside.

The doctor talked through all of his injuries with him and told him what he needed to do and watch out for. He needed a lot of rest for his concussion, needed to change the bandages on his arms twice a day and a few other things. She also told him about counseling that she recommended for him. He just sat in silence and listened. Counseling for the terrible ordeal he had been through, she said. Did he need that right now? He had only been once when he was eleven and his parents had died. He hadn't wanted to go but his grandmother had insisted. He had gone only to please her, but had been straight-out rude to the older woman tasked with working with him. It had been a disaster and he only had to go three times, after that his grandmother never brought it up again. He had been so angry and sad then. Now he felt something else, and he would rather not go deeper into that feeling at the moment.

Harvey came back into the room when the doctor left. He must have been waiting right outside. Harvey sat down on the chair next to him.

"I got a call Mike." He said. "The police is on their way to take your statement. Is that okay?"

Mike closed his eyes for a bit. Oh god. He would have to tell them everything. He dreaded it but knew that he had to do it sooner or later.

"Yeah… I guess."

Harvey studied him. Mike was sitting up on the bed with his knees up and a blanket around him. He was hugging his knees close to him. The bandages on both his arms were clearly visible. He didn't look thrilled at all at the thought of talking to the police. He had still agreed.

"Do you want me present while they are here?" Harvey asked him.

Mike blinked slowly a few times and then nodded. He looked away again.

"Okay." Harvey said and sat down.

Mike felt tired and anxious. He wanted all of this done with. He wished he could go home. He glanced towards Harvey. The older man met his eyes and smiled. Mike looked away again. He wasn't sure if he wanted Harvey to hear everything he had to tell, but on the other hand he wasn't sure he would be able to face it without him there either.

The police showed up about fifteen minutes later. It was two older guys in suits. They shook his hand and then Harvey's, they also showed them their badges. They explained how the questioning would go. Basically, they just wanted him to tell them what happened and then they might ask additional questions. They would record it as well. Mike nodded that he understood. His heart was beating hard in his chest and he felt all shaky. His mouth was dry. He wished he could have a glass of water. He looked at Harvey and wondered if he maybe could ask him.

"Harvey?" He quietly said. He didn't hear him. He bit his tongue hard.

"Did you want to say something?" The older policeman said.

Mike swallowed hard and felt like shit. He shook his head.

"Mike, it's fine. What is it?" Harvey asked. "Guys, do mind giving us a minute?" He said next. The policemen complied and left the room again.

Harvey surprised Mike but getting up and then sitting down on his bed. He grabbed hold of Mike's shoulder.

"Mike, if you don't feel up for this, we can do it later. I'll make them leave."

"No, it's fine. I just want to get it over with."

"But kid, you are shaking." Harvey said and squeezed his shoulder.

Mike felt how he blushed and squirmed a bit so that Harvey let him go.

"I'm fine." He said. "Can I just have some water? Then we can start, okay. I want to get over with it." Harvey pursed his lips a little but nodded.

Harvey walked out in the hallway to get Mike a glass of water. The policemen were waiting just outside. "He's ready." Harvey told them.

Mike didn't stop shaking and he held on to the glass of water with both hands. Harvey saw how the water rippled in the glass.

"Whenever you are ready, just start telling us what happened from the beginning."

"From when they took me?" Mike asked.

"Yes."

"Okay." Mike swallowed hard and then he started. He told them about how he was approached by those men outside his apartment, him trying to escape, failing. The car ride with a gun pointed at him, arriving at the location he was held. How they tied him up, questioned him, left him there. He told them about the men coming back and tying him again. He told them about the time that followed, how they treated him, hurt him. He left some things out though. He just couldn't tell them everything. He couldn't tell them about the humiliation, the fear he had felt. He didn't tell them about the night when the guy had come. He just couldn't. He started shaking so bad when he approached that night that they asked if he wanted to take a break. He declined and said that he just wanted to get it over with. He saw how the others looked at each other and he wanted to disappear. He told the rest rather hastily, not like the first part, but no one said anything.

It was painful for Harvey to listen to Mike's account of what had happened to him. Several times he had to stop himself from interrupting, he wanted to stop the whole thing. Mike's voice was low but steady, but the longer he spoke the more it changed. He stuttered, searched for words and hesitated. He didn't meet anyone's eyes during the whole time he spoke, instead he kept his eyes fixed at a spot on the wall in front of him.

One of the policemen gently asked if Mike wanted to take a break when they all saw that Mike started shaking even more than before. He had a tight grip on the blanket and Harvey saw how he now pressed his hands toward his chest.

Mike didn't want to stop though. He kept going, however Harvey noticed something different with his telling, it wasn't as detailed as before and a bit more rushed. Harvey knew that Mike was leaving something out, or he was lying. It didn't make sense though, and a uncomfortable feeling placed itself inside of Harvey. Why would he lie or what was he leaving out?

It was painful to sit there and listen to what Mike was saying. Harvey wished he could leave, but then he felt ashamed of it. Then guilty. He was the reason. He wanted to tell Mike that, he wished Mike would be angry instead of this. Mike was deeply affected, deeply hurt. It was Harvey's fault. He would have been fine to be on the receiving end of Mike's anger. But that wasn't the case now.

Mike had been through so much worse than Harvey had imagined. He had been bound the entire time, been starved and humiliated. Now he sat in front of Harvey and relived the whole thing. Mike with his memory. Poor kid. This was so bad.

Eventually Mike was done. The policemen asked him a few follow up questions, and then thanked him, told him he had done excellent.

"If everyone gave statements like yours out job would be so much easier." One of them said. The other reassured Mike that they would do everything in their power to find the people who did this to him. They shook Mike's hand again and then Harvey's. Then they left after telling Mike that they would have him set up with a sketch artist at a later time.

As soon as the door closed behind them Mike fell backward on the pillows and pulled the blanket up almost covering his face.

"You okay?" Harvey asked.

"What do you think?" Mike mumbled.

"You want to be alone for a bit?" Harvey felt ashamed as soon he asked, it wasn't just for Mike's benefit he asked.

Mike stayed quiet for a long time but then he almost unnoticeably shook his head.

"Okay." Harvey said and remained where he was. A while they were in silence. Mike didn't move, Harvey couldn't see his face clearly.

"Mike. I'm so sorry this happened to you." Harvey started. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. Thank you for letting me know about it."

Mike was yet again quiet for a long time. Harvey waited.

"I didn't tell them everything." Mike said then.

"Okay…" Harvey felt surprised by that statement, what did Mike want him to do with that information? What did he leave out?

"How come?" He asked when Mike didn't say anything else.

"I couldn't. I didn't want to."

"Do you want to tell me?" Harvey carefully asked.

Mike looked up at him briefly but shook his head. He didn't want to talk anymore, and he didn't know why he had said that to Harvey. It had been stupid. He felt tired and sad. He wanted to sleep but wasn't sure if Harvey was going to stay or not, so he couldn't relax fully. He wanted to ask Harvey if he was leaving or not, but he didn't know how to do it. It felt too pathetic.

It had been awful to relive everything he had been through, and to do it to complete strangers and to Harvey. If he had been feeling a bit better, he would have sent Harvey away, but right now he didn't want to do it himself. And in some ways, it felt good that Harvey knew what he had been through. At least he was done with it now and wouldn't need to tell it all again. Maybe he could start to put it all behind him now.

_-SUITS-_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 11.**

Harvey sat silently beside Mike's bed. Mike wasn't saying anything either and Harvey didn't want to push him, if he didn't want to talk, he didn't have to. The feeling in the room was tense though and Harvey didn't know what Mike wanted. Did he want to be left alone? He had declined earlier when Harvey had asked. But now he felt like Mike was stonewalling him. The police had left about an hour ago now, and the situation was still the same. It felt a bit tense between them. That wasn't Mike's fault though. Mike had been through hell.

Mike was laying on his side with his arms in front of him, staring out into the room. He kept his gaze locked at the same spot. Harvey couldn't help but wondering what he was thinking about.

"Aren't you tired?" He eventually asked. Mike slowly turned his head towards him and they locked eyes. Mike looked tired and sad, maybe even scared. Harvey wished he could take that away.

"I don't want to sleep Harvey." Mike's voice shook a bit.

"Why not? You look pretty tired."

Mike looked away again. His eyes started to get shiny and he squirmed a bit. He pressed his lips together.

"Please." He whispered then. Just that, it was all he said. Harvey felt himself tense, he nodded.

"You don't have to sleep, Mike. Not if you don't want to, I'm just saying that you can."

Mike didn't answer. He didn't know what to say. He hated himself for acting like this. It all just sucked. He did want to sleep, it was just that he was too scared to do so. He wasn't going to tell Harvey that though. He felt like he was about to cry again. Why did he feel like that? Why couldn't he get to feel better? Normal. Why couldn't Harvey do something? He wanted Harvey to make it better. He just didn't know how.

"You are not hungry anymore right?" Harvey asked next. Mike just shook his head.

"Okay." Harvey nodded a bit to himself. "Is it anything that I can do for you then?"

Mike didn't answer for a long time.

"I… I don't want to be here alone." Mike quietly said without meeting Harvey's eyes.

"You're not." Harvey said. "You're not here alone Mike."

"Yeah I know. Now, but…"

"Oh…" Harvey said, understanding. "Look Mike, I was thinking that after they let you out of here you could come and stay with me for a few days. If you want."

"I can?"

"Of course."

"Yeah, okay. Thanks."

Harvey nodded. "I'm not leaving here without you, okay."

"Okay." Mike weakly smiled at Harvey. He knew that Harvey was trying to comfort him right now. It was working, he felt more relaxed. It was at same time hard because he knew Harvey would never treat him like this under normal circumstances. He was thankful though. This wasn't normal circumstances. He was at the hospital because he had been kidnapped, that was far from normal. And the truth was that he didn't want to go home by himself after this. He appreciated what Harvey was doing.

Mike was able to sleep some after that conversation. Harvey stayed in the room with him the entire time just like he had said he would. He watched how Mike finally started to relax and his eyes fall close. It was unnerving to see how unsure Mike was, nervous and anxious. Harvey didn't blame him for that at all. It was understandable, especially now when he knew everything Mike had been through. Harvey had a hard time getting the images from Mike's story out of his head. Mike had been through hell these last few days. It almost hurt physically in him to think about it. That his young associate had to go through that because of him. He was at fault; it was no getting away from that. He would do all he could now to help.

Mike was woken up about an hour later by a nurse that came to change his bandages. Harvey stayed in the room and watched how to do it, so that he would be able to help Mike with it later. Mike looked away from his arms while the nurse was tending to them. When it was time for the wound along his neck, he was even more uncomfortable. He was slightly shaking when the nurse had him lay down and look up so that she could reach. Harvey tried to small talk with him, but Mike didn't really answer.

A doctor came by a little later examined Mike and then told them that Mike was good to go home. That was good news. It was a relief that the younger man only had to stay at the hospital for one night and that he hadn't been hurt worse than that. It was enough though, the fact that he had needed medical attention at all was devastating.

"But what should I wear?" Mike looked down at the hospital gown he was wearing. "I can't leave in this!"

"I'll have Donna get you something. Don't worry." Harvey did his best in trying to calm him. He could see that Mike was upset. He didn't know entirely why, it was just clothes, something that was easily fixed. Mike nodded now though, so Harvey quickly made a phone call to Donna who said that she would take care of the clothing situation. An hour later she walked into the room with a bag of clothes.

"Thank you, Donna." Mike said as she handed him the bag. She had bought him a whole new outfit. Everything looked to be in his size.

"Do you need some help getting dressed?" Donna asked.

"What? Eh… No, I can do it."

"Good. Harvey and I will wait outside for you then."

Mike felt the unease return full force as they started to head for the door. Harvey must have seen it on him.

"We'll be just outside the door, kid. Don't worry." He said. Mike just nodded and looked down. Why was he feeling like this? He got dressed as quickly as he could. He stood up on shaky legs to do it. He had to hold on to the bed at first because it felt like they weren't going to carry him. They did though, even though they felt weird. He sat down again.

"Harvey?"

Harvey and Donna had been waiting just outside the door as they both had told Mike. Donna asked about how Mike had been doing since she last saw him the same morning. He told her a little about what Mike had said he had been through and that he thought that Mike was scared.

"Of course, he is. After that." She looked down. "We need to help him."

"We will, Donna. I'm taking him to my place."

"That's good, Harvey."

Mike called his name then, so they went back into the room. Mike was now sitting fully dressed on the bed.

"Everything fit!" Donna exclaimed.

"I don't know." Mike mumbled and pulled a little at the shirt he was wearing. It must be at least two sizes too big for him, but Harvey guessed why Donna had bought it like that. It was large enough to accommodate the bandages around his wrists.

"Are you ready to go?" Harvey asked.

"Yeah." Mike slowly stood up.

"Just wait a bit while I check with the nurse about your discharge." Donna said and disappeared. Mike just stood there looking unsure.

"Sit down again." Harvey told him. He felt worried that the kid was going to fall.

Fifteen minutes later they were cleared to leave, and Donna took Mike under the arm and led him through the corridors. She was talking to him the entire time and Harvey was glad for that.

They all took a cab to Harvey's place. Mike was uncharacteristically quiet and mostly nodded or shook his head at Donna's questions. She pretended that it was normal.

"Are you okay?" Harvey asked as he held the car door opened for Mike as he stepped out of the cab. Mike didn't meet his eyes as he nodded.

"Alright, let's go upstairs." Harvey patted Mike's shoulder a bit and waited until the younger man started walking towards the building. Donna came with them up as well.

Mike stopped in the hallway after Harvey held up the door for him and Donna. He didn't know what to do next, or where to go. He felt anxious and confused.

"Mike? Why don't you go and sit down?" Harvey said. Mike walked further into the condo. He didn't know where Harvey wanted him to sit, so yet again he just stood there. He felt stupid now.

"Come sit on the couch with me." Donna told him. He was grateful to her for doing that. He sat down next to her. He didn't know what to say. Harvey was doing something om the kitchen. Mike wished he could act normal, but at the moment he just didn't know how. He looked down.

"How are you doing?" Donna asked. Mike just shrugged. He flinched when she touched his arm and she pulled her hand away.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"It's okay." He got out. He felt totally pathetic and awkward. Donna and Harvey must think he was weird.

"I heated up some food." Harvey called form the kitchen. "Anyone interested?"

Mike certainly was. He ate a lot more than he normally would have, he took more even though he was full. It was just that he could.

Dinner was actually pretty nice. He was able to forget what had happened for a moment. Donna and Harvey managed to draw him into a conversation about some stupid office thing. Mike corrected Harvey on a law and Harvey laughed then. Mike laughed too, for the first time in days.

But then it was over. The food was gone, and Donna was heading home. It was getting late they said. Mike crashed. That was what it felt like, everything turned downhill so much faster than he could deal with. He didn't want her to go. He didn't want this dinner to end because then things would go back to being the day after his kidnappers released him. He was at once filled with images of what had happened.

He followed Donna to the door. He wanted to ask her to stay but couldn't come up with a way to do it. Besides she wouldn't stay anyway. Why would she? He was fine now. He wasn't being held on a concrete floor, bound to his hands and feet.

"I'll see you tomorrow again Mike." Donna said as she leaned forward to hug him. He hugged her back hard. He didn't want to let go. The memories would eat him alive then. He could feel how she stroked his back. Tears came to his eyes. Why did she have to leave? He brushed them away before letting go.

"I'll see you soon, okay." Donna said and stroked his arm.

"Okay." He whispered. She closed the door while he was still standing there next to it. He couldn't bring himself to move. He wanted to open the door again and call her back.

"Mike?"

Harvey felt heavy at heart when he saw Mike just standing there by the closed door. He wondered what the younger man was thinking. He jerked when he said his name. Mike turned around to look at him. His lips were trembling.

"I didn't want her to go." He said.

Harvey kind of wanted to hug him, instead he nodded. "You'll see her tomorrow again." He walked back to the living room. He was going to get the couch ready for Mike to sleep on. Mike didn't follow him though. He still wasn't there when Harvey came back with bedsheets. He went back to the hallway. The sight that met him made him nervous and uneasy.

Mike was sitting on the floor next to the door with his knees drawn up.

"Mike, kid. Come on." Harvey said as gently as he could as he approached him. Mike looked up at him with shiny eyes.

"Yeah, okay." He mumbled. He moaned a little when he clumsily got on his feet. He rejected Harvey's outstretched hand.

"Are you in pain? You got some pain killers, right?"

"I'm just sore."

"Take them anyway."

"Okay."

Harvey watched him from the side as they made their way to the living room. He didn't know what was going on in Mike's mind. It was nothing good though.

"Why don't you sit down. I'll get them for you."

Mike did what he was told. Harvey got him a glass of water and two pills. He watched Mike take them without a word.

"I have some clothes for you to sleep in." Harvey said as he arranged the bedsheets. "You can go and change if you want." Mike did so.

Harvey was finished when he came back. Mike didn't look at him and just stopped beside the couch. He looked pretty bad. He had a t-shirt on now and his bandages around his arms were visible, the bruises on his face stood out sharply.

"Mike, we need to change the dressings." Harvey said.

"No, it's fine." Mike didn't look at him.

"They said to change it twice a day Mike. I'll help you."

Mike looked at him with wide eyes, and Harvey's stomach clenched. He didn't want to force Mike to do anything he didn't want, but this was for his benefit. Those wounds could get infected, more than they already were. Harvey got the supplies needed and placed them on the table and mentioned for Mike to sit next to him. Mike did without a word. He swallowed hard and stiffly put his arms in front of Harvey.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle."

"Okay." Mike whispered and looked away while Harvey started to remove the old bindings. Mike hissed as he removed the last part.

The wounds on his arms looked pretty awful. As gently and quickly as he could he cleaned them, applied some cream to a few places and then started to wrap new bandages around Mike's arms. It was first when he let go of the first arm and took hold of the second that he noticed that Mike's arms were shaking. He hastily looked up at Mike and let go of his arm when he saw his face. Mike had his eyes transfixed on his arm on the table, but what shocked Harvey though was the tears that streamed from his eyes. He stayed so still though that Harvey suspected that he wasn't even aware of that he was crying.

Harvey didn't know what to do. He felt so sorry for Mike at this moment. And he felt guilty. He was responsible for Mike being in this situation, for being so hurt. He took a hold of Mike's hand instead and squeezed it a bit.

"Mike? Mike?"

The man jerked now and looked up at him. He removed his hand from Harvey's and wiped his eyes.

"Shit." He mumbled.

"You need to take a break?" Harvey asked him.

"Ehm… I… are you done?" Mike said.

"No, not yet." Harvey didn't point out that he only had done one wrist.

"Oh. Right." Mike now noticed it and Harvey saw that he had blushed. "Sorry. I'm sorry." He placed the unfinished arm back on the table.

"Don't apologize Mike. Tell me what's going on with you."

"Going on? What do you mean?"

Harvey pursed his lips. "It's obviously difficult for you, Mike. Tell me what it is so that I can help."

"It's nothing." Mike looked down again.

"Mike."

"It just reminds me of being tied up. That's all."

"Oh, shit."

"It's nothing. You can continue Harvey."

"Are you sure?"

"No, but I don't have a choice, do I?"

Mike did have a point. He couldn't go to bed without anything around the wounds on his arm. So, Harvey wrapped it as well. Mike was trembling by the time he was done. None of them mentioned it.

"There is the wound on your throat as well." Harvey said.

Mike shuttered. "Tomorrow." He said.

"Okay." Harvey agreed. He had to, he couldn't put Mike through more of this, not now. He squeezed Mike's shoulder as he stood up to put the supplies away. Mike jerked back from his touch.

Mike followed Harvey with his eyes as the older man walked over to the kitchen, opened the trash can, turned to the sink. He had just made a complete fool of himself. He had sort of lost it, but it had been so hard. All he wanted to do the entire time was to just scream out loud and rip his hands away from Harvey. It felt like what Harvey had been doing was ten times worse than it should feel, like his senses were heightened. Like when Harvey wrapped his wrist, he was really binding him with hot, iron chains. He know of course that it wasn't the case, but it was so damn hard to convince his body of it. He had to really force himself to stay still and not rip his arms away from Harvey. Doing that took up so much of his mental concentration that he couldn't stop the tears that appeared in his eyes. It took to much effort to focus on both. He felt totally pathetic though when Harvey noticed it. He was crying for nothing. He was so relieved when it was finished that if he had been alone he would have cried some more. But now he wasn't, so he just clenched his teeth together and tried to force it away.

"I've set up the couch for you." Harvey said, totally unnecessary. Mike could see that it was ready for him. He nodded though.

"Thanks." He said. He walked over to the couch and sat down on it. Harvey was just standing there. Things felt so weird and wrong. He didn't want to sleep, but he couldn't say that to Harvey. He wasn't some child. He did feel like one though. For a moment he just wished that he was one. Then he could have asked Harvey to stay.

He wasn't a child though, and now he just said goodnight back to Harvey and laid down. He told Harvey that he didn't need anything and that he was fine, when asked.

He lied. Harvey left.

A couple of minutes he just laid there and tried to not think about anything special. To not think about the reason he was on Harvey's couch for the first time. To not think about yesterday or the day before that, or any of the things that had happened lately.

He soon realized that he wasn't going to be able to sleep. Not like this, not when his mind wouldn't slow down. He didn't want to think about it but it was just there. It played like a film before him. It was different scenarios the entire time, they changed constantly, moved into each other, some stayed in focus longer.

A gun pressed to his head, his face being pushed down onto the concrete, someone kicking him, their laughter. That night, the light of the cellphone coming towards him in the dark, the hand on the small of his back, the hand on other areas. Back to the gun to his head, them binding him, him throwing up on the floor, their laughter.

Back again to hands on his back, him crying on the floor, him wishing that it would end. At that thought he had started to cry. He had turned around on the couch so that he could press himself to the back of it, he buried his head into the pillow. He tried to not make sounds. Not like when he was on the floor, he hadn't bothered to be quiet then.

He wished he could shut off his brain. He felt exhausted, and crying didn't help. But the thoughts just kept coming. Again and again. There was nothing he could do. He cried more. His nose got stuffed but he didn't dare to get up. What if Harvey heard and came and saw him like this?

He wasn't aware of when he fell asleep, he just did at some point. The next thing he knew though, when he was sure that his surroundings were real, was that he was sitting up. He felt close to panic. It had been so damn real. It had felt like he was there, same terror was inside him right now. But he wasn't there. He was at Harvey's place. He kept repeating that fact over and over. He wasn't there, he was at Harvey's place. He wasn't there.

Harvey was standing next to him. He jerked and couldn't stop a sound of fright when he saw him. Harvey must have spoken to him; how long had he been standing there? He couldn't calm down.

"Ha-Har- Harvey… how… how long… "

He wanted to ask how long he had been standing there but he couldn't get the words out right. It was like they grew in his mouth. It felt like he was going to throw up. No, actually he was going to throw up!

He quickly, almost panicky, pushed the covers off him. He needed to get up and get to the bathroom. Right now!

"Mike, hey. What is it? What's going on buddy?"

Harvey was talking again. He could hear him this time. He called him buddy. Weird. But he couldn't stay or answer, he had to get to the bathroom. He got on to his feet and stumbled a little. Harvey came to his aid but Mike pulled away from him and ran. Harvey called after him.

He barely made it in time before his mouth was full. He fell to his knees next to the toilet and just let it out. Harvey was right behind him.

"Oh shit, kid. Okay…" he said.

Mike threw up again.

When he was done, he just sat there. On his knees next to the toilet chair. He felt like shit. His nightmare had made him throw up.

Harvey was still in the room. By this point he was very concerned. Mike screaming had woken him up. It was a long time ago since he had been that startled. His heart was beating so hard when he got to the living room, Mike had screamed again by the time he got there. It was a horrible sound.

"Mike? Mike what is it? What's going on? Are you in pain?"

Mike didn't answer him he just sat there, panting looking totally freaked out. Harvey spoke to him again but got no response. Then Mike mumbled something with his name in it, but then stared to get up. Harvey didn't know what he was doing. He followed after Mike to the bathroom and his heart sank as the kid threw up, not once but twice. Poor kid.

Mike just sat there now.

"You think you are done? You want some water?"

Mike nodded so Harvey went to get a glass for him. Mike took it without a word, drank a couple of mouthfuls and spit some out. Harvey offered him a hand and Mike accepted it, so Harvey pulled him up on his feet. Harvey patted his shoulder a bit and they went back to the living room.

Harvey sat down on a chair in front of him as Mike got back on his bed.

"You feeling a bit better?" Harvey asked.

"A little." Mike didn't look at him. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"No, Mike. Don't you worry about it. Was it a nightmare?"

Mike swallowed hard and nodded, still not meeting Harvey's eyes.

"You want to talk about it?" Harvey carefully asked. Mike briefly looked up at him then. He hesitated a little but then shook his head.

"Not really Harvey." He said quietly and bent his head down again.

Mike couldn't meet Harvey's eyes. He felt like shit, shaky and a bit nauseated still. He did not want to go back to sleep either. It felt like something heavy was laying over his chest. He had never felt like this before, at least never been in a situation like this. He didn't know what to do or how to act. Harvey was sitting there opposite of him and he was offering to help him. Maybe not in those words but he was being nice to him and that meant a lot right now.

"How about you try to get some more sleep then?" Harvey then asked and destroyed everything. Harvey didn't want to help, he wanted to go back to sleep, Mike had woken him up after all. Mike didn't want to go back to sleep at all though. He shook his head.

"Not tired?" Harvey smirked, but nothing about this was funny.

"I… I don't know." He said. He was tired, of course he was, but he didn't want to sleep. That nightmare had made him throw up; it had been so bad. He still felt shaky from it and now Harvey thought that he should sleep again. Like that was going work. And then suddenly he was hit with an image of the concrete floor and trying to get to sleep there just to make time go faster so it would end. He felt like crying and that sucked. He felt how his eyes teared up, against his will. He put his face in his hands to hide it from Harvey.

"What can I do Mike?" Harvey surprised him by asking.

"I don't know." He said, because didn't at the moment, he didn't know what to do. He didn't know how anyone could help him with getting this feeling away.

"Do you want me to stay here for a bit with you?" Harvey asked then.

"Yeah…" His voice sounded weird when he said that. The tears wouldn't stop coming. He wished he could let them out, but he couldn't now when Harvey was there. But things would certainly feel worse if Harvey left, so it all just sucked.

"I will." Harvey said though. "You can lay down if you want."

Mike rubbed his eyes a bit before doing so. He hoped Harvey didn't see anything. He laid down with his back against Harvey. He tried to stay still; he forced his breaths to come out even. He didn't close his eyes though, he couldn't. He was afraid that Harvey would leave. He didn't want him to. He didn't want to be alone. His eyes soon flooded over again and he felt tears run down along his cheek, as well as over his nose and into the pillow.

He didn't know how long he lay like that. He tried to listen after the small sounds of movement that Harvey was making. If he did that intensely enough the bad thoughts and memories wouldn't take over. No images of being tied to a chair and slapped and hit over and over would appear. He wouldn't tense against the thought of hands touching him. And he wouldn't think about throwing up from the pain in his arms when they were bound too tight.

He almost lost it totally when he heard how Harvey stood up behind him. No! He had said he would stay. Why was he leaving then?

"You said you would stay." He said, not even bothering trying to keep his voice even. He didn't move. He hadn't wanted to say something, but he just had to.

"Oh, I did Mike. I just thought you were sleeping by now."

To Mike's immense relief he heard how Harvey sat down again, he would have lost it otherwise.

"No." He said. "No." He fought to make his breaths even again. He had started to shake though and he couldn't make that stop. He felt tired now and weirdly wished Harvey was gone so he could have broken down fully. It took so much effort to hold it back. He just couldn't understand where this was coming from. Why was he feeling like this? He should be fine now. It was over. He was free, safe. Still he felt the opposite.

Harvey spoke then.

"Mike, listen to me for a second. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I am. I'm here and I'll help you get through this in any way I can."

"Yeah?" Mike whispered. He was holding his breath.

"Yes. It's going to be okay. I promise. You will be alright."

"Thanks Harvey. I hope so." Mike said quietly.

"Of course you will."

"Okay." Mike just said. He hoped Harvey was right, it didn't feel like things would be fine anytime soon though.

"Try to get some sleep now kid." Harvey said to him next.

"Okay." Mike answered again. He tried to keep his eyes closed, forced them. But it just got worse. He felt worse. He just wished that he could pass out. That would be great. It didn't happen though. How was he ever going to fall asleep?

If he fell asleep, he was going to have nightmares again, that was for certain, he could barely force the thoughts away when he was awake, sleeping he wouldn't stand a chance. He had nightmares pretty regularly otherwise, and now with this, it would be ten times as bad. He just knew it.

He was too tired and felt too vulnerable to deal with it now, especially alone. He didn't want to be alone. He almost wished that he would have been hurt worse so that they would have kept him at the hospital longer. Then Harvey would have stayed with him in the room. He was pretty sure of that. He had last night when Mike had asked him. But he wasn't that badly hurt. At least not physically, and to wish that he had was absurd.

Harvey was there now though, that calmed him a little. But what freaked him out a lot was the thought of Harvey leaving, because he would soon. If he thought Mike was a asleep he would go. He moved a little and sighed. Harvey knew he was awake now, that was good. He wanted to turn on his back, but he still had tears in his eyes. He didn't want Harvey to see that he was this much of a mess. But what if he left? It hurt in him at that thought. What would he do then? More tears came. Then thoughts of the concrete floor overwhelmed him. He pressed a pillow hard towards his face and tried to be as still and silent as he could while he sobbed. He wished it would end.

_-SUITS-_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 12.**

Harvey was pretty sure that Mike was in fact crying, right there on the couch in front of him. It was also obvious that he was trying to hide it. He was pressing a pillow over his face and was laying unnaturally still. He couldn’t hide the way his chest contracted though. Harvey didn’t know what to do. Mike didn’t want him to leave the room and he didn’t want Harvey to know how upset he really was. What would he do if Harvey called him out on it? Would he be angry or grateful? Would it help the situation in any way?

He thought that he had been pretty clear about that he was prepared to help Mike. He had asked if it was something he could do, but Mike had said that it wasn’t. Or really, he had said that he didn’t know. Or maybe he didn’t know how to ask for help.

He thought about what Mike had told him and the police about what had happened to him. He had been forced away from his home, not knowing why or to where. Then they had tied him up, questioned him about Harvey. They had hit him. Then he had been left in total darkness for days. He had been tied up the entire time. Harvey swallowed hard when he thought about it. It must have been so damn awful. Mike had also said that he didn’t tell them everything. Harvey couldn’t stop thinking about that. What was it that Mike didn’t tell them about?

He really didn’t know what to do to help. He had never been in a situation like this before. Mike was still crying. It must have been at least ten minutes now, and all he did was sit there and watch. What kind of man was he really? He should say something, do something to help. His young friend was hurting right in front of him. He needed to say something.

“Mike?” He started. Mike jerked when he did and made a sound that cut a little in Harvey. “I know you are awake still. I just wanted to ask if there is anything at all I can do for you to make you feel a bit better.”

Mike drew a few deep breaths.

“I...” He said. His voice was shaking, Harvey could tell on just that simple word. “I just… I just want you to stay here.” He said then. It barely sounded like him. “I don’t want to be here alone. I don’t.”

“You’re not. Mike you’re not. I’ll stay here, okay. Don’t worry. You know what? I’ll just go and grab a blanket and I’ll sleep here in the chair for a while. That’s okay.”

Mike still didn’t turn to look at him. Both of his hands grabbed his pillow hard and both hands were shaking. Harvey stood up to go and just get the blanket. Mike jerked then and a sob escaped him.

“You’ll come back?” He said. “You will? You’ll stay?”

“Yes.” Harvey said and hurried to get what he needed. Mike had turned around when he came back. He had pulled the blanket tight around him and was looking up at him. Even in the dim light Harvey could see that his eyes were swollen.

“It’s okay. Try to relax.” Harvey smiled at him and sat down; he wasn’t surprised at all when Mike didn’t smile back.

“Okay. Thank you.” He whispered. Harvey watched how he closed his eyes just to open them five seconds later. He saw that Harvey was watching him and closed his eyes again. The same thing happened again though. It was obvious that Mike had a hard time relaxing. It probably took him an hour before his eyes finally remained closed and his breaths started to even out. Harvey closed his own eyes then, he felt pretty satisfied by his actions. Somehow, he had managed to help the kid a little. He felt so sorry for Mike. He didn’t want him to feel like this, and he was going to help. He was glad though that Mike had been honest about what he needed, that he had asked for Harvey’s company.

Mike had more nightmares but no one as bad as the one that made him throw up. They made him wake up twice but both times Harvey was there. The first time he fell asleep again pretty fast but the other time he was awake for a while until the sounds of Harvey’s light snoring lolled him back to sleep. He woke up early and wasn’t able to fall back asleep. Harvey was still sleeping in the chair next to him. That felt good. Harvey had kept his word and stayed. He felt embarrassed now though. He had really been a mess yesterday; he had really felt lousy and scared. He had been so scared of being left alone that he hadn’t been able to stop crying. Not until Harvey had promised to stay. Now Harvey probably thought he was pathetic; he would probably want to talk about it as well. But Mike didn’t know what he should say, he certainly didn’t want to talk about it, he knew that much. Because who did stuff like that? It really was pathetic; he had behaved like some child.

He lay and tried to fall back asleep for a while, checked his phone, tried sleeping again, but was unsuccessful. Eventually he got up and took a shower. Harvey was awake when he came out again. It had taken him a long time since he tried to take care of his bandages. The one on his throat he had only tried to dry with a towel. He didn’t want to remove and see the damage. He wasn’t up for that at all. Harvey didn’t mention anything either.

“How are you feeling?” Harvey had gotten dressed and was making coffee in the kitchen. He made a cup for Mike as well.

“I don’t know. Better than last night.” Mike pulled the cup against him and sat down.

“That’s good.” Harvey said.

“Yeah.” Mike sighed. “Why are you dressed like that?” He mentioned for Harvey’s t-shirt. “What about work?”

“Not today, kid. I thought we would just stay home and relax for a few days. We have certainly earned it.”

Mike looked at him for a moment. He knew what Harvey was doing and while he appreciated it, he also despised it. They were staying home because of him and what had happened to him. And also, after how he had behaved last night it was no wonder Harvey didn’t want him at work.

“Okay.” He just said.

They had breakfast after that, they talked and even laughed. Harvey told him that he basically hadn’t had a vacation in forever and Mike promised to get kidnapped more often then so that Harvey could get more free time.

“Maybe that’s a bit extreme. I should probably just get better in actually taking days off.”

“Yeah, you should. You take your work way too serious.” Mike smirked.

Harvey was pretty sure that he managed to make Mike feel a bit better. They had breakfast and went out to sit on the balcony for a few hours. Mike even fell asleep for a bit. He must be tired. However, he woke up so sudden that it only could have been a nightmare. After that Mike was quiet and withdrawn. He tried to keep up appearances, but Harvey could see though him, he wasn’t in a good place. He just sat in silence on the couch after they went inside again. Then Harvey remembered that they needed to change Mike’s dressings.

“You should have said something.” He told Mike as he got the stuff needed. “The hospital said twice a day.” Mike didn’t answer him. He seemed to handle it badly this time as well and Harvey didn’t like to have to do it to him. This time he also changed the bandage along Mike’s neck. The kid had showered with it and hadn’t bothered to cover it up. How could he? So, it was still damp.

“That can’t be that good Mike. We should have done this earlier.” He said and received nothing in response. Mike just sat there stiffly with his head leaned upwards. Harvey did everything as quickly as he could. The neck wound wasn’t as bad as the wound along his wrist though, but Harvey come to think about something when he worked with it.

“How did you get this? I don’t think you told the police about it.”

Mike swallowed hard then. “Yes, I did. They cut me.” He mumbled.

“No, you didn’t mention it. I don’t have your brain, but that I would have remembered.”

“What does it matter!?” Mike raised his voice a bit. “One of them cut me, what else is there to tell?”

Harvey studied him for a moment. Mike had both his fist closed and was breathing rapidly. He decided that it was best to let it go and finished with putting a new bandage on in silence.

Donna came over a bit later and Mike seemed to light up again. They had dinner together and Donna kept the conversation going. Mike offered to wash up after dinner and Harvey and Donna let him.

“How is he really doing?” Donna asked.

“Honestly I think he is faking right now. I mean yesterday was pretty good right, but he changed after you left. I found him just sitting by the door. Then he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. I couldn’t reach through to him and then he threw up. Nightmares made him throw up. He refused to talk about it though, but he wanted me to stay with him after that.”

Donna looked worried and nodded. “It’s not that strange that he is feeling bad. What he went through was terrible. We really need to help him.”

“Yes, Donna. We do.” They both looked over to him. Just then Mike looked up at them too.

“What?” He said and raised his eyebrows. “Are you talking about me?”

“Of course, we are.” Donna said just as Harvey said. “Not everything is about you, you know.”

Mike just smiled at them and went back to the dishes. Both Harvey and Donna smiled back at him.

“I am so glad we got him back.” Donna whispered and Harvey could see that her eyes had teared up.

“Me too.” He said. He quickly squeezed her hand.

The three of them spent some time on the couch after that. Then Donna hugged Mike tight before leaving for the night. She whispered in his ear as she hugged him.

“You can call me any time.”

“Thanks, Donna.” Mike whispered back. He waved a little at her as she left. Harvey helped him change the dressings again. This time it was a bit more bearable.

“Looks better already actually.” Harvey said.

“Do you think that you will be able to sleep, or do you want me to stay up with you again?” Harvey asked next. Mike felt how he blushed then. Why did he have to ask that?

“I’m fine.” He said, not looking at Harvey.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind, you know.” Harvey was saying.

Mike forced himself to smile. “I’m good Harvey. Thanks though.”

Harvey studied him for a moment but nodded then. “Alright then. I’ll go to bed. You know where to find me.” Harvey patted his shoulder and left.

“Good night!” He called after him and Harvey waved a little without turning around. Mike smiled a little and sat down on the couch.

He couldn’t help but sigh. It was time to sleep again, he would be lying if he said that he didn’t dreaded it. He felt pretty down all at once as he laid down. He didn’t understand why Harvey just bought what he had just said. Did he really think that Mike would be okay, considering how he was last night?

He really dreaded going to sleep. Or not the sleeping part but the thoughts he would most certainly have before and the nightmares that would come. That scared him. When he tried to close his eyes memories at once was over him and he opened his eyes and sat up. He stared at some stupid painting on Harvey’s wall. Mike would never have put it up. He slowly laid down again. 

He had been kidnapped and held for four days. It was almost hard to believe that that really had happened to him. He hadn’t been treated good at all. He had been assaulted, bound and humiliated. He remembered how he had cried in front of them and how they had laughed at him then, taunted him. He felt himself tense, almost like his body was physically trying to resist the memories.

He felt alone. He knew that Harvey was in the next room, but it just didn’t help. He wanted to get up and go to the older man. He wished he could think about some reason for him to do so but could not come up with one. He had been awake for almost an hour. For a while things had been good and he had had a nice time with Harvey and Donna. Now all of that was gone. It was his own fault; he had said that he was okay when he wasn’t.

The night turned out to be just as bad as Mike had feared it would be. He laid awake for hours, trapped in memories. Eventually he fell asleep but woke up again in what felt like five minutes later. It took him probably half an hour to calm down again and make the feeling from the nightmare go away. He felt shaky and could feel how his heart was beating. Also, it felt like something heavy was pressing against his chest. He just laid there and waited for it to go away. At some point he felt too overwhelmed and he cried a bit. He didn’t know what to do, he wanted to do something to change the situation but was at a loss of what that could be. In the end he just stayed where he was. He didn’t get much sleep that night.

He went up then when Harvey did, he lied and said that he had slept okay. Today they were going to the police station so that he could meet with a sketch artist. They had breakfast but Mike didn’t feel that hungry. He thought about when he was held, and he ate anyway. It just felt like he needed to. He didn’t feel like talking much and didn’t bother to care that Harvey probably noticed that he was down. He couldn’t pretend right now, he felt exhausted and emotional. Harvey made a few attempts of talking to him, but he didn’t really answer that much so Harvey stopped and just sat down at his computer in his office. Mike just went back to couch and sat down there. He didn’t understand why Harvey couldn’t be in the same room at least. Didn’t he want to be around Mike now? Why was that? Was he a bother to Harvey now? Did he want to be alone? Should Mike maybe leave? He had trouble letting all of those thoughts go. Harvey had said that he could stay a few days here though. It had been two nights now. How long did a few days mean?

When he thought about going back to his own apartment, he felt both nervous and kind of nauseated. He couldn’t stop thinking about the last time he went home. They must have followed him there. The feeling of hands pulling him towards the van, how scared he had been, how he had screamed. Why couldn’t he just forget it?

_-SUITS-_

Harvey walked into the living room and looked for Mike. He was curled up on the couch, where he had been since they had breakfast. He was pretty sure that Mike hadn’t moved an inch. He had a blanket over his legs that he had drawn up close to his body. He was holding the blanket with both hands up against his chest. He was sitting very still and was just looking right in front of him. He looked pale and tired, almost sick. He was blinking slowly. Harvey wondered what was going on in that head of his. He suspected that it wasn’t anything good.

“Mike?” He quietly said as to not startle him. He got no reaction though, so he tried again. Mike still didn’t react so Harvey walked over on the back of the couch and shook his shoulder a little. That got him a reaction. Mike yelped and jerked to the side so violently that he fell off the couch. The blanket followed and effectively trapped the kid’s legs.

Mike looked up at him in chock and tried to get up again but couldn’t get his legs loose quick enough. Harvey watched almost as frozen as Mike made another clumsy attempt of getting the blanket off him. He made a whimpering sound that cut into Harvey as it still didn’t work. Harvey sprang to action then and quickly went around to couch and moved the table aside to get to the kid.

“Hey, it’s okay. Calm down.” He said as he freed Mike’s legs. The younger man scrambled away from him until the wall stopped him. He yet again drew up his legs to his chest and hugged them to him. He stared at the ground and refused to meet Harvey’s eyes.

“Mike, hey. I’m sorry for startling you.”

Mike nodded a little. “Don’t touch me like that.” He said and bowed his head down so that Harvey couldn’t see his face.

“I won’t. I’m sorry.”

Mike didn’t answer, so Harvey spoke again.

“Mike, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, but you didn’t react when I said your name. What were you thinking about?”

“What do you think?” Mike threw out, still not looking up. Harvey couldn’t help but sigh as he stood up.

“Get up from the floor Mike.” He said. He did not know if it was from defiance or something else, but Mike remained where he was. He decided to not say anything else, it was Mike’s choice if he wanted to sit on the floor instead of the couch. 

Mike just stayed where he was. He heard Harvey telling him to get up but right now he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Honestly, he didn’t feel good. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. Things were supposed to go back to normal now when everything was over, that was how it was going to go, but it just didn’t happen. He was waiting for it to happen, but it didn’t. He just couldn’t let it go; it was all still in his mind. It was so real still; it was still so present. He had gotten stuck in memories hadn’t been able to get out of them. Harvey had really startled him and then he had just walked away. It hurt that he just told him to get up and then left. Surely Harvey must see that he was struggling, but apparently, he didn’t care. He didn’t know what he wanted Harvey to do, or if he even wanted Harvey to acknowledge his behavior. He knew he didn’t want this though.

He stayed where he was on the floor until Harvey told him to come and have lunch. He stiffly got up and joined Harvey at the table. They are mostly in silence and after that Mike returned to the couch and Harvey to his office. Mike sat there for a while until he got up to go to the bathroom. He didn’t know why but he tried to be quiet while he walked past Harvey’s office. He took a shower. The warm water felt nice. It calmed him down some.

When he came out Harvey told him it was time to go. Mike nodded, got dressed and they left. He followed Harvey out the door and to the waiting cab without thinking much about anything. They arrived at the police station and he was led to a room where a woman with brown, curly hair and kind eyes were waiting for him. He spent a couple of hours going through every detail of his kidnappers faces, until the woman showed him their images. He felt numb when he looked at them, but it was them. He got to leave after that.

After they got home again Mike felt tired and laid down on the couch below the cover. Harvey went to his office again. Mike didn’t care that it was weird to basically go to bed in the afternoon but there was nobody there that said anything. Harvey was just in his office and apparently didn’t care. He didn’t know if he wanted to sleep or not. Somehow, he wished for a distraction, but that would involve other people, and he didn’t feel equipped at the moment to go to Harvey. So, instead he just laid there.

_-SUITS-_

Something was really wrong with Mike. There was no denying it. Harvey felt kind of at a loss of what to do. He did try to engage Mike, but he barely got any response. So far, he had tried the tactic of distraction. It had worked pretty well yesterday, but not today. Mike was quiet and avoided to look him in the eye. Harvey understood that he needed to change tactics now, today had affected the kid. Mike was clearly feeling shitty about what had happened to him, and maybe he needed to talk about it. Harvey had avoided to bring up the kidnapping, but maybe that was what the kid needed to talk about now.

The younger man had spent almost the entire day at the couch and Harvey was pretty sure he was there now as well. Harvey didn’t feel proud of himself for retracting to his office when Mike seemed to not want to talk. He needed to go out there and engage the kid. Maybe they could go out and do something together. Harvey could treat them to dinner, maybe they could grab a drink as well. That would cheer the kid up. It was close to six now, that was an acceptable time to go to dinner.

He walked into the living room and found Mike laying under the covers on the couch. He was awake though, just laying there blinking slowly. He didn’t look good at all and Harvey felt something heavy in his stomach.

He walked over and sat down on the table next to Mike. The younger man didn’t react.

“Hi kid.” Harvey said, Mike then looked at him and Harvey was a bit taken a back when he noticed that Mike’s eyes got shiny while they looked at each other.

“How are you feeling?” Harvey asked.

Mike shrugged a little but didn’t answer.

“I was thinking that we could go out tonight and grab something to eat. What do you say about that?”

Mike shook his head then and looked away from him. “No, it’s okay.” He mumbled.

“Oh, come on. I’ll even let you decide where to go.”

“No, I’m not really hungry.” Mike sat up.

“Okay, but I am. You can come and look when I eat. It’ll do you good to get out of the house a bit.”

“You go then. I’m staying here.” Mike said stubbornly.

“No, you are not. It’s my treat Mike.”

“I said no, Harvey!” Mike raised his voice now. Then he threw the cover away and got up and disappeared to the bathroom, leaving Harvey sitting there looking after him.

Mike leaned against the locked bathroom door and tried to keep it together. His heart was beating hard and he felt so damn close to tears that he didn’t think he would be able to stop them. He had just yelled at Harvey. He had yelled and stormed off, the bathroom being the only place he could think of where he could be alone.

Harvey had wanted to go out and eat. That was a nice gesture, Mike knew that Harvey just wanted to try and make him feel better. He had thrown that in the older man’s face. Harvey would probably be pissed at him now. Mike didn’t want that. A few tears escaped now, and he pressed his lips hard together and wiped them away.

He didn’t want to go outside. He didn’t want to leave at all, and he didn’t want Harvey to leave either. What if he did now? Mike had told him that he could, he regretted that so much now. What if Harvey left while he was in here? But he didn’t have himself enough together to walk out yet.

How would he fix this? Maybe he could say that he was too tired to head out. Would Harvey accept that? He couldn’t tell him the truth that was for sure. The truth was that he was too afraid to go outside. He didn’t like the word afraid but knew that was what it was. They were still not caught. Didn’t Harvey understand that the men who had kidnapped him was still out there?

He splashed some water in his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked pale and almost kind of sick. Ugly. The bandage that was still a bit damp from his shower stood out. He tore it off, but then regretted it when he instead laid eyes on the scar. He backed away from the mirror but couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scar.

He was on the ground. Bound. A hand was squeezing his neck. He was squirming on the ground trying to get away. The hand was gone and instead something sharp was there. He felt the intense pain again. Something wet ran down along his neck. He screamed.

The next thing he knew was a banging on the bathroom door. He blinked.

“Mike! What are you doing in there? What’s wrong?”

He was panting. He tore his eyes away from the mirror and turned his back on it. He held his hands against his neck but didn’t feel anything there. No blood. Harvey was outside the door.

“Mike, open this door right now!”

Mike took a few steps forward and unlocked the door. Harvey burst in right away. He was panting. He looked at Mike up and down. He looked worried.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Mike nodded.

“Are you sure? You were… You called out. I thought something happened.”

“No. I’m fine.” Mike lied.

Harvey looked at the bandage on the floor and back to Mike’s face via his neck.

“We don’t need to go out and eat if you don’t want to.” He said. “We can order take out.”

Mike smiled a little then. “Okay. Thanks.”

“Sure.” Harvey still didn’t step out of the bathroom.

“Do you need help with that?” Harvey nodded against him then. Mike’s hand travelled up to his neck again. He did need help with it. He nodded.

Harvey got the supplies ready while Mike just stood there. He didn’t know what just had happened. It had been like he had been back there; it had felt just like it had then. For a couple of moments, the bathroom had been gone, and he had been back on that cold concrete floor. It had felt so incredibly real.

“You want to go to the kitchen, Mike?” Harvey kindly asked him, and Mike agreed to do so. The entire time Harvey tended to the wound he had to force himself to stay still. To clean up the wound and to put on a bandage probably took about one and a half minute. It felt like ten. He was so messed up.

_-SUITS-_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 13.**

Things were not going well. Mike had freaked out a bit just now, but the kid acted like nothing had happened. Mike had practically yelled at him and stormed off. Harvey couldn’t understand why. And then Harvey heard him scream from the bathroom. But when Mike opened the door, he acted like it hadn’t happened. Harvey chose to not bring it up.

Mike was clearly still bothered with the process of changing his bandages. Harvey didn’t know why he had chosen to pull the one around his neck away. He guessed it was a good thing to change it though, since the old one still had been wet from Mike’s shower.

They were not going out apparently. Mike didn’t think that was a good idea, he refused to say why when Harvey asked him later that evening when they ate the Chinese food Harvey had ordered for them.

“I just didn’t feel like it.” Mike mumbled and looked away. Harvey left it at that. It felt kind of strange to do so, he wasn’t the one who normally just let things be. It just felt like he needed to at this point.

They stayed up and watched a movie after dinner and Mike seemed to be in a better mood. However, he seemed reluctant towards going to bed after the movie ended. Harvey almost asked if he wanted company but didn’t in the end. Afterward he kind of wished that he had done it anyway.

Harvey woke up around two thirty in the morning, needing to use the bathroom. He got out of bed and quietly walked out into the living room; he didn’t want to disturb Mike. However, it turned out that it wasn’t something that he needed to worry about, because Mike was very much awake. He was sitting on the couch, a blanket over his shoulders and his knees drawn up with his face buried against them. He was crying.

Oh shit. Harvey walked over to the couch and stopped at the foot of it. What was going on with the kid?

“Hey kid. Mike? Are you okay? Are you crying?”

Mike’s whole body jerked at his voice and he pushed himself back even though he couldn’t go that far. Red rimmed, terrified eyes met Harvey’s and he felt compelled to raise his hands and back away a few steps.

“It’s just me.”

“Oh.” Mike said and breathed harshly, he furiously wiped his eyes and turned his head down. His chest was heaving, and he made a weird sound that must be a suppressed sob. He didn’t say anything else.

“What’s going on Mike? What’s wrong?” Harvey kindly asked and stepped a bit closer again.

Mike shook his head. He didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t prepared for the fact that Harvey would wake up. He had been sure he was sleeping, he didn’t know how to explain this, how to explain why he was so damn sad. He felt so bad. When he had started to cry, he hadn’t been able to stop. He wasn’t now either. It just welled out of him, he tried to force it down now, but it didn’t work. He wasn’t prepared! He tried again to stop but it almost made him start to cough. His chest was heaving harshly and that wasn’t something he could do anything about either. After a few attempts he decided to give up the tries to stop, he couldn’t do it. He was too much in the middle of it now. And besides, Harvey had already seen it. He would probably not want to deal with him anyway, he would leave him be. He hoped he would do that, so he didn’t have to explain. He didn’t know if he could anyway. So, he buried his face in his arms again and continued like before. He just felt worse now, now when Harvey knew. When Harvey saw him behave like this. This wasn’t him; this wasn’t how he wanted Harvey or anyone to ever see him. It made it worse.

He hadn’t been able to fall asleep after him and Harvey had said good night. He just couldn’t relax. He had tried for hours, but it just wasn’t working. His thoughts wouldn’t slow down. It was the same stuff over and over and it just wouldn’t stop. He was exhausted by now, but still his brain wouldn’t shut off.

Harvey came closer now. He stepped forward until he could sit down on the coffee table in front of him. If Mike leaned forward, he would be able to touch him. And for just a short moment he imagined throwing himself in to Harvey’s arms. He wondered how that would feel. If he maybe would feel better? Would Harvey be able to somehow comfort him? Take it away?

The next moment that thought was consuming him. What if Harvey actually wanted to help him? Was that why he was here?

“Mike? Can you please talk to me?” The older man said then. “Please let me know what’s wrong.”

He sounded so kind. Mike hadn’t heard him sound like that before. Or maybe at that moment when Harvey had comforted him the last time. When he had been on the floor just after the kidnappers had left. Harvey had been so nice to him then. Mike wanted him to do the same now. For a crazy moment he wished that he was injured again. If he was, maybe Harvey would help him like that again. But that was just stupid, it wasn’t anything wrong with him now, he was just messed up.

“Kid?” Harvey said again and Mike jerked and hugged his legs harder.

“I… I don’t know.” He got out. He didn’t know what Harvey wanted him to answer.

“Well, you are obviously upset about something. Did you have a nightmare or something?”

“Yeah… or something.”

Harvey decided that he needed to do something else about this. Mike wasn’t really talking, but he was still crying heartbreakingly. Harvey couldn’t have that. He couldn’t let Mike continue feeling like this. He stood up and hated the way Mike yet again jerked at his movements.

“Alright, kid.” He mumbled as he sat down on the couch right next to Mike. He then carefully put his arm around Mike’s back and then pulled him towards him. He wasn’t sure that this was the way to go, but right now at three in the morning it was the only thing he could think of.

At first Mike was stiff in his arms but as he placed his other arm around Mike’s body, he felt a change in the younger man. Mike started to lean into him, then he pressed himself against Harvey and his sobs intensified. Harvey was a bit surprised, that hadn’t been his intention at all, for things to feel worse for Mike. But here they were now. Harvey was sitting with his associate in his arms while he was crying almost hysterically. He wasn’t crying quietly anymore, and the sounds cut in Harvey. Mike’s body was shaking so much so that Harvey had to hold on hard to him. He shushed him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay. Just let it out. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here now.” He just whispered random words of what he hoped was reassurance. They didn’t seem to help much because Mike didn’t slow down.

Mike couldn’t stop. Harvey was actually hugging him right now. He was holding onto him and was all around him, protecting him. He had longed so much for this. More than he ever had realized. He didn’t want it to stop, didn’t want Harvey to stop, to go. He had no control over himself at all.

Mike was still shaking so much. It sounded almost like he had trouble breathing now, he was crying so hard. He was still pressing himself against Harvey.

“Har-Harvey…” He panted.

“Yep. I’m here. That’s me. I… I got you, you know. It will be okay.” Harvey just said things that popped up into his mind. He stroked Mike’s back a little. He rocked them a little back and forth.

“You are feeling really bad, aren’t you?”

“Yes. I can’t… I can’t…”

“It’s okay Mike. You don’t have to do anything right now. Just try and relax. Take a few deep breaths.”

Harvey was pretty sure that Mike was trying to do what he said.

“Take you time.”

He managed to calm down a little after a few minutes. “I can’t…I can’t stop Harvey.” He said then.

“Can’t stop what, Mike?”

“Stop think… thinking about it. About what happened. I just can’t.”

“Yeah?”

“It just keeps coming…and I don’t want to think about it, but I do anyway. It’s my memory. I wish it was…” Mike didn’t finish the sentence. He sobbed a little again. “I just can’t deal.”

“I’m sorry Mike.” Harvey said in lack of anything else to say. God, this was bad. So much worse than he had thought. The horrible things Mike had been through wouldn’t leave him alone now, and with his memory it must be ten times as hard. He stroked Mike’s back a little.

“I just want to forget about it.” Mike said next.

“Yeah, I get that.” Harvey answered. Mike was breathing hard and was leaning against him. His legs had come down a bit and he wasn’t hugging them desperately anymore. For a couple of minutes, they just sat like that in silence. Mike was becoming calmer, his breaths evened out.

“How are feeling now?” Harvey asked after a while.

“I don’t know. It’s a little better maybe.”

“Okay, that’s good to hear. Do you want to lay down?”

It took a while before Mike answered. “Okay.”

Harvey helped him do so. He stayed on the edge of the couch though. Mike wouldn’t look at him and hid his face in the pillow instead.

“You can always come to me Mike.” Harvey said.

“Okay.” Mike breathed and Harvey was sure right then that Mike wouldn’t come. He wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. What was he even doing right now to help? He didn’t know what to say. He felt useless at this, and that wasn’t a feeling he was used to. He always knew how to handle situations, even bragged about being able to read people so well. But this was different. He hadn’t been able to read Mike tonight. And now he didn’t know how to help.

“Do you think you can get some sleep now?” He asked as he saw how Mike slowly blinked. The kid nodded a little.

“Okay. That’s good.” A minute Harvey remained sitting there, but Mike didn’t say anything else, so then he stood up. “I’m heading back to bed then. You know where to find me.” He said as he started to walk back to his bedroom. But Mike stopped him. He sat up again.

“You never found me!” He said.

Harvey turned around and looked at him. “What do you mean…” He stared to say but Mike interrupted him.

“I waited for you to come; you know.” Mike’s voice shook a bit. “I wanted you to come and get me. I though you would.”

Harvey just stared at him. He knew what Mike was talking about. He had been worried about this. That this was what Mike had been wishing for then.

“I’m sorry Mike.” He tried, because what else could he say. He hadn’t come.

“No! I wished for it over and over. I really thought you would come!” Mike said next. He looked down now. “At least in the beginning.” He said.

Harvey didn’t know what to say, but Mike continued before he had time to figure it out.

“You have no idea what it was like! Just lying on the floor, tied up with no way of getting out of it. Just waiting! And it was dark as well! They never left the fucking light on!”

“I’m… I’m sorry you…”

Mike interrupted him again.

“You are the one who said that they were totally harmless. Then the same night they grabbed me. It was three to one!”

Harvey swallowed hard. “I know that I said that.”

“And you were wrong!”

“Yes, I was.”

“You were wrong, and you didn’t come! No one came.” Mike looked into his eyes now, and as he did a couple of tears escaped his eyes and ran down his cheek. It was like the air went out of him then and he slowly laid down again.

Harvey heavily sat down in one of the chairs. Clearly, he couldn’t leave. “I wished I could have come. I wish I could have gotten you out of there.” He said. “But I just didn’t know where you were. I didn’t know where to look. I tried everything I could think of, but it wasn’t enough, Mike.”

“I know…” Mike whispered now. He had hidden his face in his hands now.

“I looked for you.” Harvey said forcefully.

“Yeah?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Okay.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t find you.”

“Okay.”

Mike drew a few deep breaths and turned on his back.

“Have you been awake all this time?” Harvey asked after a moment.

“Yes.”

“You must be exhausted.”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Mike still wasn’t looking at him.

“How about I stay here until you fall asleep?”

Mike nodded and Harvey made himself more comfortable on the chair. Mike spoke again a few minutes later.

“If you go, will you leave a light on?” He asked.

“Of course.”

“It’s just that I’m going to dream about it, and I don’t want to wake up in the dark.” Mike quietly said. It was almost like he didn’t want Harvey to hear him. Was he embarrassed? Harvey was pretty sure that he was.

“I will do that.” He promised.

Mike didn’t say anything else after that. He did feel exhausted. But that was just among other things he was feeling. He didn’t know why he had said all those things to Harvey, but he didn’t regret it. It had felt kind of good to just blurt it out. But now he was just so damn tired. And Harvey had promised to leave a light on, and to stay until he fell asleep. So maybe he could do that now.

_-SUITS-_

Mike was sleeping now. Harvey had checked by quietly asking him if he was asleep, and he didn’t get an answer. That was an hour ago and the kid was still asleep.

Things had gotten pretty emotional this night. It was close to six in the morning now and Harvey suspected that he wasn’t going to get any more sleep tonight. He thought about going back to his own bed, but he couldn’t get himself to get up and leave. 

He couldn’t stop thinking about what Mike had said. Mike had waited for him, hoped for him to come, had wished for it. He had wanted Harvey’s help, but hadn’t gotten it. Mike had needed him, but Harvey had failed him. That weighed heavy on him now. He felt so damn guilty.

Mike had said that he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened, he had said that Harvey had no idea what it had been like. And Harvey had a hard time imagining what it must have been like to be tied up in a dark room. It wasn’t strange that it was affecting him.

He didn’t want Mike to feel like this though, didn’t want him to sit up alone and cry at night. He certainly didn’t want that. But he also felt at a loss on how to help. Mike needed help, maybe even professional help, or most certainly. But he didn’t think that Mike was open to that, and he was pretty sure that Mike would react badly if he brought it up at this point.

Harvey stayed with Mike for almost two hours. It was first then that he could bring himself to stand up and head back to his bedroom. He left a light on.

Harvey woke up two more times that night, or what was left of it. Both times he went up and checked on Mike. The second time he came Mike was awake. He was just laying curled up pressed against the back of the couch. He looked straight at Harvey when he came closer.

“You are up.” Harvey said stupidly. “You had another nightmare?”

“Yeah.” Mike whispered and didn’t say anything else.

“Okay.” Harvey said and sat down in front of him again. Mike’s eyes fell close about ten minutes later and Harvey headed back to bed ten minutes after that.

It was late morning the next time he woke. Mike was still sleeping, and Harvey decided to let him do it for as long as he needed. However, when he tried to as quietly as he could reach for a cup to make himself some coffee, Mike stirred and immediately sat up. Harvey could see the moment when his terrified expression left his face, and he must have realized that everything was okay. Damn it, the kid was struggling.

“Do you want coffee?” Harvey took down another cup.

“Okay.” Mike said and stood up. He walked over to the kitchen island and sat down. He rested his head in his hands.

“I would ask you how you slept, but…” Harvey said.

Mike glared a little at him then. “What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing. I’m just sorry about your nightmares.”

“Because I woke you up, or what?”

“No, Mike. Because of what they do to you.”

Mike looked away at that. “I’m going to the bathroom.” He said and left.

Harvey had breakfast ready when Mike came back and they started to eat. Mike mostly looked down at the table. He jerked a bit when Harvey spoke.

“I was thinking we could do something today. If you are up for it.”

“Like what?” Mike said without looking up.

“I don’t know, it’s up to you. We could go and…”

“I don’t want to go anywhere.” Mike interrupted. 

“Okay… Yeah, we can stay here as well. That will be fun.”

Mike glared at him again.

“Do you want to watch a movie then?” Harvey hurried to say, it seemed like he only pissed Mike off, somehow.

“Okay.” Mike agreed. So, they did. And after the first one they watched another and a third. Mike seemed to light up as the movie played on. Donna stopped by with a late lunch or early dinner. She joined them for a movie after that. Things were almost normal by then. They talked and laughed. Mike called Harvey old and Donna agreed, Harvey then claimed that Donna was close to his age.

“Oh, the war is on.” Mike laughed. “Watch out Harvey.”

It was like for a few hours it had never happened. Mike enjoyed himself, and the kidnapping didn’t enter his mind at all. It felt so nice to just be in the moment and not think back. He had to concentrate somewhat to do it, but it was working, much because of Harvey and Donna. They were pretty great.

The morning had been a bit rocky and he hadn’t understood what Harvey was doing, but then they started to watch movies and he forgot about the night before. The night when he hadn’t been able to control himself at all. He noticed that Harvey gave him strange looks sometimes, but he tried to not think about as to why. However, it was like he hit a switch because he just cast a glace out the window, and when he saw that it was dark outside it all came rushing back over him. His chest immediately felt tight and he felt a bit nauseated. Images of a man coming towards him with his phone as a flashlight came over him and it was like his wrist hurt from the bindings, but when he looked at them there was nothing there. He felt sweaty and uncomfortable and had to force himself to breath normally. He stared at the TV and tried to focus on the movie and get rid of the picture in his head of four men towering over him as he was laying on the floor.

He jerked when they laughed in the movie and Harvey laughed as well. It just instantly reminded him of them laughing.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” Donna suddenly asked. He looked at her and knew that it was too late now to hide it, she had already seen the change in him, she looked a bit worried.

“I don’t know.” He said and saw that Harvey also paid attention now. “I just thought about it.”

She nodded and stroked his arm a little.

“No, I don’t know. It’s just…” He swallowed and didn’t say anything else.

“I’m sorry. It must be hard Mike.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. When Donna reached out for him again, he pulled away. He didn’t want her to touch him. He looked back at the TV and ignored the look he noticed Harvey and Donna gave each other.

“Just let us know if there is anything we can do to help Mike.”

“Thanks.” He stood up from the couch. He just couldn’t stay. Not when they were looking at him like that. He needed to be by himself for a bit. He needed to regroup, get some fresh air. For a moment he almost thought of heading out of the apartment but immediately changed his mind. Instead he headed to the balcony and walked out. He didn’t have any shoes on, but he didn’t care. He just needed to breathe.

Harvey and Donna both looked after him.

“Should I go after him?” Harvey asked after a minute.

“No, just let him be for a bit.” Donna said.

“What happened? I thought he was okay.”

“I don’t know. Maybe something reminded him of what happened.”

Harvey nodded slowly and tried to think about what that could be. They were watching some stupid movie about superheroes in space.

“He doesn’t want to leave the apartment.” He said. “I think he is scared.”

“Can you blame him? They are still out there aren’t they?”

“Yeah, I called the police yesterday. They said that they are working on some leads, whatever that means.”

“You said he was upset last night?” Donna asked, still turned towards the balcony. Mike stood there, a thin, dark shadow. It looked like he was hugging himself.

“You can say that. He was destroyed. Couldn’t stop crying. I was worried. I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Oh Mike…” Donna sighed. “He looks cold. We should bring him a blanket.”

“I’ll find one.” Harvey said and went to get one. He gave it to Donna. She smiled and took it and went outside. She closed the door behind her so Harvey couldn’t hear what she said to Mike. But he saw how she approached him, the younger man nodded, and Donna placed the blanket over his back. She then asked something else and Mike nodded again. She then stood next to him and wrapped an arm around his back. Then they just stood there together, looking out over the city.

They had been standing there together for probably ten minutes before Donna asked Mike if he wanted to go inside again.

“Okay.” He answered. He felt better again now. The cold air had helped to clear his head and calm him down. He appreciated that she came out to him as well. That was sweet. She had offered him a blanket and he had accepted.

She had asked him next if he would be okay if she put her arm around him. He had said yes to that as well. Then she hadn’t said anything else, she just stood beside him and looked out over the roof tops. It felt nice with her arm around him, he could feel the warmth of her body next to him. It was so nice to just feel her presence without her expecting anything from him. It was as if she knew exactly what he needed.

Harvey looked worried when they went back inside.

“I’m fine.” Mike told him, but Harvey didn’t seem convinced.

“That’s good.” He still said.

Soon after Donna left and him and Harvey went to bed. Mike said that he was fine, but Harvey still asked twice if he wanted company. Mike felt embarrassed about it. He couldn’t stop feeling humiliated when he thought of the reason for Harvey’s concern. He had totally lost it the night before, no wonder Harvey worried. Harvey had seen him at his absolute lowest. He had been desperate and felt totally destroyed. Harvey had helped though, and Mike was grateful for that, but now he didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want Harvey to think he was some kind of nut case now.

It was just that he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. He had been so tired, exhausted, but hadn’t been able to relax. He had felt so shitty that he had just started to cry. And when he started, he couldn’t stop. He had made a fool of himself. And all those things he had said too, about Harvey not coming. He regretted it now. He had sounded like a child. And now Harvey kind of treated him like a child and he didn’t want that. So now he had dismissed Harvey’s concern and said that he was fine. He said good night and turned his back against Harvey until he heard the other man leave. He didn’t know why he was doing that, because he wasn’t really doing okay. He wasn’t fine. Not even close.

He dreamt nightmares. They woke him up in absolute terror. He sat for several minutes and tried to catch his breaths. He back was drenched in sweat and his chest felt tight and heavy. He was breathing hard and could feel how hard his heart was beating. He got tears in his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from starting to cry.

Harvey had left a light on in the other end of the room, but Mike stumbled up and turned on the light in the ceiling as well. It was just something he needed. He didn’t want to be in the dark. Not now. Not after that nightmare. How was he ever going to be able to fall back asleep?

The sweat on his back slowly dried and made him feel cold. He laid back down and pulled the cover closer to him. His wrist and shoulder kind of hurt, and he didn’t know if the pain was real or not.

He almost wished that he had woken Harvey up. He thought about how it would have felt if Harvey had been there when he woke up. He wished he would come.

Mike pressed his back against the couch and tried to force his eyes to remain closed. It stressed him to keep them closed though and he had to open them again. He saw the huge windows; it was so dark outside. He wouldn’t be able to tell if someone was standing outside looking in at him.

The men who had kidnapped him was out there, Harvey hadn’t said anything about them being captured. Mike knew that Harvey would tell him if there was any news. They had done this to him, and they were still free. Mike wasn’t free, not anymore.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

_-SUITS-_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 14.**

The first thing that Harvey noticed when he walked into the living room the next morning was that all the lights was on. Mike was sleeping on the couch still. He looked so young where he was, all curled up. He must have been up during the night and turned on the ceiling lights. Harvey hadn’t heard him.

When Mike woke up about ten minutes later Harvey pretended that things were normal. Mike seemed to appreciate that. He asked about work and when they were going back.

“Are you missing your desk?” Harvey asked.

“I don’t know.” Mike said and looked away.

“Are you sure you are up for going back?”

“I’m not sick or anything!” Mike exclaimed.

“You haven’t left the apartment in days, kid.” Harvey said lightly, but Mike glared at him and didn’t answer.

“Just take a few more days Mike.” He said.

“Fine.” Mike said and reached for his phone. After breakfast Harvey helped Mike to change the bandages. His wounds looked a lot better by now and Harvey didn’t put anything back on Mike’s neck. He almost changed his mind though about not doing it. It kind of hurt in him every time he looked at Mike now when he saw the scar along his neck. It reminded him what Mike had been through and how he had been unable to help.

He placed another call to the police and got no news. They did say that they would call him when they had anything though. Harvey decided to ignore the hint about them wanting him to stop calling.

Mike watched some TV and Harvey sat by his computer. They had lunch. Donna called and talked to both him and Mike. She asked if Mike was feeling better, but Harvey didn’t know what to answer to that.

The day was slow, and Mike seemed to be pretty irritated for some reason. He told Harvey to leave him alone when Harvey commented on it.

The day passed like that. They didn’t talk much, mostly because Mike seemed to not want to.

Mike actually didn’t know why he felt so annoyed with Harvey. Or it wasn’t really Harvey he was angry about. It was everything, the whole situation. He felt anxious and stressed and didn’t know why. He tried to watch TV, he tried to read, but he had trouble concentrating. Everything just sucked.

When it got late again, he felt even worse. He was tired because he had slept like crap the night before, but he didn’t want to sleep. He knew now what would happen. And he was right. He woke up in terror that night as well. He felt genuinely scared, was sweaty and breathless.

He laid awake for a long time after that. He didn’t want to go back to sleep but at the same time he didn’t want to stay awake. He didn’t know what to do. His mind constantly wandered back to the concreate floor, and every time he tried to will the thoughts away.

The next morning, he woke up exhausted. Harvey had decided to head over to work for a bit during the day, but when Mike said that he could come with him, Harvey said that he should stay home and rest. Mike didn’t have the energy or will to argue about it.

He sat on the couch after Harvey had left, not bothering putting the TV on or doing anything else. Donna surprised him a few hours later by bringing him lunch. She stayed for two hours and that was nice. He enjoyed it, but after that he was left alone again. He felt worse then, he felt really down actually. Yet again his memories bothered him, and he didn’t know what to do. He debated calling Harvey. He wanted to do it, at least just to ask when the older man was coming home. In the end he didn’t do it though.

He managed to fall asleep for a bit and when he woke up again it was starting to get dark. He hurriedly turned the light on since he felt anxious at once. What the hell was wrong with him?

“Harvey?” He called out but didn’t get an answer. He wandered around for a bit in the condo but found that he was alone still. It was almost six in the evening, and Harvey wasn’t back yet. He checked the door to make sure that it was locked. He wished Harvey would come. He didn’t feel like being alone. He couldn’t help to think about the fact that someone could come and break in. They could come and take him again. He knew that it wouldn’t happen, really, he knew, but him knowing didn’t help. He still felt so incredibly scared.

He took his phone and went to the bathroom and locked the door. He tried to tell himself that he was being ridiculous and walked back and forth in the small room indecisive whether he should just ignore the fear and walk out again or just let it take him and stay where he was in the bathroom.

He ended up staying. He sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall next to the shower. Then he waited for Harvey to come back home. He texted Harvey and tried to be casual, asking if he was on his way because Mike thought of ordering something to eat. It was a lie though; he wasn’t going to order. Harvey answered a few minutes later and said that he was sorry, but he would probably be an hour or so longer.

Mike wanted to cry when he read that. He stayed in the bathroom for an hour and 27 minutes longer. That was when he heard Harvey unlocking the door. As the time went by, he did not feel better, rather the opposite. The worst part was the humiliation he felt over feeling and behaving the way he was. He didn’t understand why. Sure, he had been through something really shitty, but it was over now.

He had never felt like this before. He didn’t know how to make it stop. It almost felt hard to breathe. He felt like he was close to tears.

He didn’t feel ready when he heard Harvey in the door. He didn’t walk out until he heard Harvey call his name.

“Hey. Sorry. It took longer than I thought.” Harvey said when he saw him. “Did you order something? I’m starving.”

“No, not yet. I… I forgot.” Mike said. Harvey gave him a look but didn’t say anything else. Harvey ordered them Chinese food.

Mike slept badly that night as well. He woke up and was bombarded with memories. All bad ones. He tried not to, but he cried. He felt pathetic. Harvey didn’t come.

The next morning, he was in a bad mood even before Harvey told him that he would head to work alone again. Mike argued this time and Harvey left in anger. Mike screamed after him. Then he felt bad about it.

It was an awful day. Harvey came home earlier at least but he was still a little pissed. He went to his office and Mike watched TV with the sound on pretty high. Harvey closed the door.

Harvey tried to work but it was hard to concentrate. He had fought with Mike today, it seemed like the kid was in a foul mood and Harvey thought it best to keep a little distance, because he didn’t want to say anything that he would regret. But he needed to have a little talk with Mike. Clearly Mike wasn’t feeling well. He even looked like it. It was something in his eyes.

Their talk didn’t go so well, in fact it went really bad. Harvey had just wanted to help but Mike got annoyed with him and then angry.

“Mike, I’m just saying that I can see that you are feeling like shit. And that is understandable. And maybe if you just talked about it with someone it would help.”

“What do you mean, someone? You or what? Like you care.” Mike snarled at him.

“Mike, come on. You know I do. I’m letting you stay here aren’t I?”

“Yeah. You are awesome Harvey.” Mike glared at him.

It got worse from there. They both said things that they didn’t mean, and it ended with Mike so upset that he swore heavily at Harvey and stormed out. 

“Mike! Where the hell are you going? Come back.” Harvey called after him, but Mike didn’t turn around. He disappeared down the hallway.

Harvey felt bad. He shouldn’t have pushed the kid. Mike had told him something about Harvey just leaving. That was obviously an issue with the kid. That Harvey had left for work and left Mike behind. Maybe he shouldn’t have done it. But Mike had seemed fine lately. He seemed to be doing better, even though it looked like he often zooned out. Sometimes he didn’t react when Harvey called his name. He just kept staring straight ahead lost in some memories. Harvey knew that it wasn’t any good memories.

Donna had been on him today about getting Mike to open up. To try and talk to him. He had failed with that today. Mike didn’t want to talk about what was bothering him and maybe Harvey should have left it alone. He had said some harsh stuff to Mike just now. He had told him that he wouldn’t make any progress if he just stayed hold up in the apartment.

“You were the one who told me to stay here! You didn’t want me to come to work.”

“I’m not talking about work here.”

Mike had told him to shut up after that and Harvey told him to not talk to him like that in his own house. Mike left shortly after that and now Harvey debated whether to go after him or not. He decided to wait for a bit. He texted Mike though but didn’t get a reply. He knew that the right thing was to head after the kid.

He had seen how Mike would jerk at loud sounds. Every morning when Harvey went up the light in the ceiling was on. Mike looked tired all the time, but Harvey hadn’t heard anything from him during the nights. Mike said he slept okay. He said he was fine when Harvey asked. But it was something in his eyes that the younger man couldn’t hide. It was a kind of haunted look. When he got startled, he looked terrified sometimes. No, something was wrong, and Mike needed to do something about it now. Harvey was going to help him. Tonight, he hadn’t helped, and even though he felt pretty pissed at the kid now, he needed to be the one that took the step back. After all it was his fault that Mike was in this situation, Mike had gotten kidnapped because people wanted to get to him. Him and not Mike.

He waited about an hour before he decided it was time to find Mike. He gave him a call but wasn’t surprised when Mike didn’t pick up. So, he got a jacket, keys and his phone and headed out the door. Mike had left in anger. He probably didn’t have anything else but his phone. Where would he go? He considered calling Donna but thought it best to wait a bit. He felt a bit worried though. What if Mike did something stupid now when he was in a bad mood and all. It had happened before.

As he walked into the lobby, he couldn’t help but draw a breath of relief. Mike was sitting on a bench next to the reception desk. Harvey nodded to the man that was working today and stepped over to Mike.

“Hey there.” He said and watched how Mike jerked, before quickly looking up at him. Harvey saw how he clenched his teeth.

“Hi.” He said.

“So, it’s here you are.”

Mike glared a little at him. “Yeah.” He muttered.

“Have you been here the whole time?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah.” Mike said again and looked down.

Harvey sighed. “Okay? Are you ready to come back up again then? Or do you want to sit here a bit longer?”

“Where are you going?” Mike asked instead, totally ignoring Harvey’s question. He still felt pretty pissed, so he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go back up. But it was a bit silly to sit down here now when Harvey knew about it.

At first when he had stormed out from Harvey’s apartment he hadn’t really thought about where he was going, he just wanted to get out of there. He had been so angry that he just left. But as soon as he got out of the elevator and approached the front door, he started to change his mind. He didn’t really want to go out there and he hated himself for it. He wasn’t going to stay here just because he was scared of going out there, he wasn’t going to let that stop him. But when he put his hand on the door to push it open, he stopped. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to do it. For a moment he just stood there. Then he removed his hand and backed away.

“Are you okay, man?” The guy that worked in Harvey’s building had asked him then.

“Yeah, sure. I’m just going to…” He swallowed, not really knowing what to do. But then he saw the bench, so he just sat down. He felt like crap and pretty much hated himself. He was a damn coward. He didn’t dare to even step outside the building. He really was messed up.

Harvey was just standing there in front of him now. He probably thought that he was an idiot.

“Where do you think I was going?” Harvey asked him.

“I don’t know.” Mike didn’t really care. Or what he cared about was how long Harvey would be gone for, he didn’t want to sit here the entire night. It was starting to get dark outside.

“I was going to look for you, you idiot. Come on.” Harvey turned around and started to walk back towards the elevator. Mike got up and followed him then. He felt relieved.

It was awkward in the elevator. Neither of them spoke.

“Look Mike. I just wanted to help, okay.” Harvey said when they sat down in the living room.

“Okay.” Mike said. He had a hard time looking at Harvey. He felt embarrassed about earlier. He had stormed out and then Harvey found him in the lobby. Harvey knew he was a coward now.

“Mike, look at me.” Harvey then said and Mike did.

“I’m sorry.” Harvey said. “I know this isn’t easy for you. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“Okay Harvey. I’m sorry too, for you know, yelling at you and stuff.”

“It’s fine. You are forgiven.” The older man smiled; Mike felt close to tears without knowing why.

“If you don’t want to talk that’s fine. I won’t bring it up again.”

“Okay.”

“But if you feel bad you can… “

Mike interrupted him. “I’m fine Harvey. Okay!” He raised his voice a little too much. Harvey held up his hands then.

“Okay, okay. You are fine.”

They left it at that, and Harvey put on a movie and they had a quiet dinner.

Mike felt just worse the longer the night progressed. He shouldn’t have argued with Harvey. Why did he? And he had said that he was fine. He wasn’t fine. He had to go to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face just to make sure he didn’t lose it.

He felt so frustrated with himself. Why couldn’t he just get over it already?

He didn’t want to sleep that night. He couldn’t get rid of the images of that concrete floor and men walking towards him. Them laughing at him, telling him Harvey wouldn’t pay the ransom, hitting him. He could feel exactly where hands had held him to force a in old sandwich picked up from the floor down his throat. Hands on his back, stroking it.

Nothing he did helped to get rid of the thoughts. For hours he laid there. He cried at one point; he couldn’t hold it back. He did it quietly though, into the pillow.

He thought of what Harvey had said today. That he knew that Mike was struggling. But he didn’t do anything to help. He wanted Mike to talk about it, yet Harvey asked nothing. They didn’t talk about what had happened. It was almost like Harvey pretended that it hadn’t happened. It hurt.

- _SUITS_ -

Mike was already up the next morning when Harvey stepped into the living room.

“I want to come with you to work.” He said before Harvey got a word out.

“Ehm… okay. Do you think that’s a good idea then?” Harvey hesitated.

“Yes, I do. I don’t want to be stuck here anymore.”

“Mike…”

“Harvey. I’m fine.”

“Well, you don’t look fine. But okay, you can come, on one condition.”

“What?”

“If I tell you to head back home, you do it.”

Mike glared a little at him, but he agreed. “Fine.”

Harvey didn’t know if it was the right way to go, but maybe it would actually help Mike. It would give him something else to focus his attention on. And maybe that was a good thing. It would also bring back some normalcy. After all, some time had passed now, and Harvey couldn’t keep Mike at home forever.

So, they had a quick breakfast, and Harvey waited while Mike got dressed, and then they left for the office.

Mike felt a bit nervous when they stepped out of the building. It was the first time in a long time he was outside now. He couldn’t help but look around and then felt embarrassed when a Harvey patted his back. Harvey must have seen that he was worried. It felt better to be in the car.

He felt nervous about going to the office as well. It was almost two weeks since he was there now. He wondered if the other associates knew about what had happened to him. Would they talk? Mock him? Who got themselves kidnapped anyway?

“Are you ready for this?” Harvey asked when they were in the elevator on their way up. “It’s okay if you are not, kid.” Harvey added kindly.

“Harvey, we are here already. I’m fine.” It wasn’t like he could change his mind now. That’d be pathetic.

Donna was waiting for them by the elevator, how she knew that they were coming, Mike had no idea. She hugged him hard and then took him by the arm and lead him through the corridor. Mike noticed how a few people looked after him.

“Does everyone know?” He quietly asked Donna as he felt his mouth become dry.

“No, they don’t. But they have noticed that you have been missing. You can work in Harvey’s office today.”

“I’m fine Donna.” Mike removed his arm from hers. “So, no one knows then?”

“Louis and Jessica both know, and Rachel knows that something happened and that you got hurt. But nothing else.”

Mike felt how his face started to become hot. Damn it. Jessica knew, and Louis. He hoped he wouldn’t meet them; he didn’t know what to say.

When Mike started to head over to the cubicles Donna stopped him.

“What did I say?” She asked.

“What? I’m going to…”

“You are working in Harvey’s office today.”

So, he followed her. Harvey just smiled when he looked over to his boss. It was weird. He didn’t mind working in Harvey’s office though. It meant that he wouldn’t have to deal with the other associates, they were bound to have questions for him. Questions he didn’t want to answer. Harvey’s office was comfortable and familiar. He found that he had missed it. He had missed working and the sense of normalcy it brought him.

He started working right away and ignored Harvey’s comments about taking his time. He wasn’t sick or anything, he could still work.

It took less than twenty minutes before there was a knock on the door and Jessica was there.

“Hi Mike. It’s good to see you back here. How are you feeling?” She said and shook his hand.

“Thank you. I’m fine.” He said.

“I’m so sorry for what happened to you.” She continued and Mike stiffened. He didn’t want to talk about that. He nodded.

“If there is anything, we can do for you as a firm, just let me or Harvey know.”

Mike nodded again, wishing that she would leave. He didn’t want to deal with this. He didn’t look at her. She must have sensed it because she turned to Harvey instead and spoke about some case. Mike sat down again. The initial feeling he had had about being back was almost gone. He stared at the file in front of him. The words got a bit blurry and he bit his lower lip hard. Damn it. What was he going to do? This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this. Not anymore, not here, not now.

He couldn’t get himself to look away from the same spot on the paper. It felt like he couldn’t move either. If he blinked the tears would escape his eyes. He felt himself start to breathe faster and he grabbed the edges of the table.

“Mike?”

Harvey watched how the younger man jerked as he said his name. Ever since Jessica left Mike had just been sitting there, stiff and panting. Something was wrong. Mike bent his head down and wiped his eyes hard before he turned his back on Harvey.

“What?” He said.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah.”

The kid was still turned away from him. He just sat there. Harvey debated with himself on how to handle the situation. It was clear that Mike was going through some stuff right now but didn’t want to acknowledge it. Harvey decided to leave him be for now. He turned back to his laptop and tried to focus on what was on the screen.

It took almost fifteen minutes until Mike turned back to the table. He didn’t say a word and started to work again. During that time Harvey had sent an email to Donna, telling her to not let anyone else into the office.

They worked quietly for a couple of hours. Mike seemed to be doing better. It got close to lunch time, but Mike didn’t say anything.

“Do you want to head out for lunch? Or maybe get some take out?”

“I’m not really hungry.” Mike said.

“Yeah, but I am. So, what do you say?”

“No.” Mike didn’t look up and Harvey couldn’t help but feel a bit frustrated. He stood up.

“Come on, Mike. It’s my treat. You got to eat.”

“I said no.” He still didn’t look up and Harvey clenched his teeth.

“Well, I’m heading out. Do you want me to bring you something back?”

Mike glanced up at him. “If you want.” He said and looked away again. Harvey left.

- _SUITS_ -

Mike didn’t leave the office at all during the day. Harvey didn’t even see him go to the bathroom. He barely spoke either, just a quiet thanks when Harvey handed him the lunch, he bought him. Mike was working hard though, so Harvey didn’t say anything. The kid didn’t do anything wrong.

Donna emailed him close to five and told him to send Mike home. She wrote that it was his first day and that he shouldn’t work too much.

“I’m not leaving.” Mike said when Harvey suddenly told him to go home for the day. He didn’t know what Harvey was doing. Why would he send him home all of a sudden? He had been working concentrated for a while now, and now Harvey wanted him to leave?

“Mike, it wasn’t a suggestion. It’s your first day back, you should take it easy.”

“Harvey! I’m not sick. I’m not leaving!” He was almost screaming.

“I know you are not sick! But you are going home. It’s not up for debate, Mike. Now!” Harvey raised his voice back and had stood up.

Mike glared at him. “Fine.” He then said, took his jacket and walked out without another word. Screw Harvey. He ignored it when the older man called for him. He ignored Donna as well, who had stood up and reached for him when he walked past her.

Home. Harvey told him to go home. He didn’t know whose home Harvey meant. He had his stuff at Harvey’s place still, Harvey must mean that he should go back to the condo and not his own place. He couldn’t go back to his own place. He didn’t have the keys.

He hesitated when he got to the lobby. He didn’t have the keys to Harvey’s apartment either. What was he going to do? He shouldn’t have just left like he did, but he just got angry on the way Harvey treated him. Like he was sick or broken or something. He was just standing next to the elevators now. He didn’t want to go back upstairs, and he didn’t want to go out the door.

“Mike!”

It was Donna.

“Hey, honey, you left so quick. How are you doing?”

“I wish everyone would stop asking me that!”

She just looked at him. “Harvey called Ray; he will be here in a few minutes. Here.” She handed him the keys, Harvey’s keys.

“Thanks Donna.” Mike tried to smile at her.

“Do you want me to wait with you?” She asked and Mike stopped all the attempts of trying to smile, because he wanted her to stay. He nodded and felt how his eyes burned. He didn’t move when she took his hand in hers.

He looked towards the door and he found himself holding on harder to Donnas hand. He couldn’t stop thinking about how they went after him there in the entrance of his building. He hadn’t been able to fight them off. They had dragged him out to the van. He had screamed for help. Then there had been the gun. One of them had punched him in the face.

“Mike, sweetie? Ray is here now.”

He pulled away from her. He didn’t want to go! He didn’t know what to do. He was breathing hard now. Damn it!

“Mike?” Donna was standing in front of him all of a sudden. She tried to take hold of his shoulder, but he backed away, until he was stopped by a wall.

“Mike?” She said his name again. He needed to say something. He needed to react, or she would think that he was crazy.

“Yeah. D-Donna.”

“The car is here.”

He nodded and smiled. “Thanks.”

“Are you doing alright? Is it anything I can do?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He started walking towards the doors. He glanced around when he stepped outside, and then hurried towards Ray’s car.

The car ride home was okay, but he didn’t like walking the short way from the car to Harvey’s condo. He felt like shit, when he felt like he did. He hated the fact that he felt scared when he was outside. Like he was some loser. He sat down on the couch when he got inside Harvey’s place.

He wished he was back at work. It had been better there. When he was working, he had been able to push the thoughts away, but it didn’t work now. The room felt too big and too quiet. At once thoughts of that room came to him. It had been big too, and cold and dark.

He didn’t know how long he sat there. He turned the light on when it started to get dark. He laid down and pulled a blanket over himself. He wondered when Harvey was going to be back.

Time passed and Harvey didn’t come. Mike just couldn’t bring himself to move, just as he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He tried over and over to think about something else, but it didn’t work, and his stupid mind kept returning to that concrete floor.

He was still laying there when Harvey came home. Harvey yet again asked how he was doing, and Mike stiffly got up from the couch and joined him in the kitchen. He needed to act normal. Harvey probably already knew about how he had acted in the lobby at the office, he must already think he was weird. He had been acting weird. Like some kind of idiot and it was kind of hard to deal with that as well, on top of the rest. He was glad that Harvey hadn’t seen him at least.

They had a quiet dinner. Things felt awkward and Mike didn’t know what to say. He felt the pressure of saying something, anything, and it bothered him as well. This wasn’t who he was, and Harvey must notice it.

“You did good today.” Harvey said suddenly. Mike stared at him. “At work I mean.”

“Okay… thanks, I guess.”

“Look Mike. If you want to talk, just do it, okay?”

Mike clenched his teeth. He was sure now that Harvey knew about earlier. Of course, he did and now he was trying to make it better or whatever he was doing.

“I’m fine Harvey.”

He walked away.

Harvey looked after him and felt at a loss. Mike headed to the bathroom and closed the door hard. Donna had told him about how Mike had acted in the lobby earlier. He had been jumpy and upset. It seemed like he was the same now, for sure upset. But it was hard when he didn’t want to talk, he just walked away. Something was wrong with the kid though, there was no denying it. Mike was still very much affected by what had happened to him. It wasn’t strange if he was. Harvey needed to figure out a way to help him.

Mike stayed in the bathroom for a long time. For a while Harvey could hear the shower running but it was quiet a long time after that. When Mike finally reappeared, he went to sit down on the couch without a word to Harvey. He decided to join his associate and brought him a bottle of water. He wasn’t sure if it was wise for Mike to have alcohol yet. Mike didn’t touch the water though. He just put it on the table and pushed it away from him. Harvey watched him when he sat there and stared right in front of him. It was almost like he wasn’t there, like Mike was somewhere else in his mind.

“Mike?” Harvey asked and watched the man jerk. Damn it, Harvey felt sorry for him.

“I…eh… I don’t want the water.” Mike said then and caught Harvey a bit by surprise.

“Ehm… Okay. Don’t drink it then.” Harvey said slowly.

Mike nodded and smiled a little at him then, and he pushed the bottle towards Harvey. He reached out and took it, and while Mike watched him, he went and put the bottle back in the fridge. It was just weird, but he decided not to say anything about it.

He sat down again, and Mike quickly looked at him, he looked worried and Harvey didn’t know why.

“You want to come to work again tomorrow then?” He said, just to get the conversation going.

“Yeah. I’m fine Harvey. I can work.”

“Yes, I know you can. I’m just saying it’s okay if you want to take it easy for a few more days.”

“I don’t need to take it easy Harvey, I’m okay.”

“Mike… come on, I know that you are struggling.”

“No, I’m not! I’m fine!”

“You just freaked out over a bottle of water, kid.” Harvey thought that he sounded kind, but Mike looked furious.

“No, I didn’t! Shut up. I didn’t freak out; I just didn’t want it.”

“Okay, okay. My mistake. You are fine.” Harvey backed down, that seemed to be the wisest option.

Mike glared at him and leaned back against the back of the couch again. He drew a few deep breaths. What was he doing? He was acting weird right now, and it wasn’t strange if Harvey must think that he was not really stable. He needed to get a grip of himself.

He had freaked out a little about that damn water bottle. It was just that it had immediately reminded him of the time when his kidnappers had let him drink. He didn’t want to think about it, and he wanted to bottle gone. Why did he need to be reminded of it all the time?

But he didn’t want Harvey to think he was weird. He didn’t want Harvey to treat him differently. He didn’t want him to send him home early. Why couldn’t things just be normal? He needed to make a greater effort to act normal himself.

He asked Harvey if they should watch a movie, and Harvey thought that was a good idea. They had a pretty nice time after that. Mike managed to relax a bit and he managed to focus on the movie and nothing else. He accidently fell asleep during it and woke up by Harvey shaking his arm a bit.

“I’m going to bed Mike. You should too.”

Mike arranged the bed sheets on the couch, went to the bathroom and then to laid down. He didn’t feel tired anymore. Not enough to fall asleep at least. Harvey was in his own bedroom and Mike couldn’t help but listen after sounds Harvey was making. He wished he would come back to the living room. He didn’t want to be alone. All of a sudden, he felt really bad again. He felt so alone and anxious.

Harvey just left. He didn’t care at all about how he was doing. Or maybe that wasn’t really fair. Harvey had asked him, and he had said that he was fine. He wasn’t fine anymore. He felt scared.

He thought again of what had happened to him. He couldn’t get away from it. It felt like his neck was hurting from where he has been cut. He felt along it and felt the scar there. He shuttered at the memory of how he had gotten it. He had begged not to be touched but the man hadn’t listened. What if the other man hadn’t interrupted? What might have happened then? He didn’t want to go there but did anyway.

It felt like something heavy was laying over his chest now. He had tears in his eyes. He hadn’t fought back; he had just begged. He had been so pathetic. That hurt so much and the tears wouldn’t stop. He hated himself for letting them flow. This wasn’t who he was. He couldn’t go on behaving like this. He needed to stop. He needed to stop behaving like some scared loser and get a grip, be a damn grown man. Get his life back.

Tomorrow.

He would start with all of that tomorrow. He couldn’t just now.

It was a long night.

- _SUITS_ -


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 15.**

When Harvey woke up and walked out into the kitchen the next morning, Mike was sitting by the kitchen island. He was already dressed and was looking at something on his phone.

“You are up early.” He remarked.

“Or you are up late.” Mike responded without looking up.

“Did you have breakfast already?” Harvey asked. Mike just shrugged.

The younger man refused to have anything to eat but accepted a cup of coffee. He barely spoke and kept looking at his phone. It annoyed Harvey a little. They left for work as soon as he was done, and Mike walked quietly behind him to the car and then sat next to him in silence. Harvey glanced over to him once in a while. The kid looked a bit haggard, and he hadn’t shaved like he used to. Harvey chose not to say anything about it.

“Do you want to work in my office again?” Harvey asked when they were in the elevator.

Mike hesitated a little. He should say no, that was the right thing to do now if he was going to get things back to normal. Getting back to normal was the plan now. But the truth was that he didn’t really want to sit at his cubicle.

“Nah. I’m fine at my desk.” He said quickly. Normal.

“Okay then. Come by and get some files when you are done with what I gave you yesterday.” Harvey said as the elevator doors opened. Harvey headed over towards his office and Mike found himself slowing his steps as he got closer to the associate area. They would all be there. He had avoided this place for a while now, he knew that there would be some comments.

His prediction came true as soon as he stepped foot into the room.

“Hey Ross! Have you decided to come back? Where were you?” Someone called. Mike ignored him and walked over to his desk and sat down.

It actually felt pretty okay. Familiar.

He jerked when a voice sounded right next to him.

“Word is that something happened to you.” It was an associate named Carl that was pretty annoying and always tried to impress on the associates of the other gender.

Mike decided to ignore him and turned his back a little towards the guy. But he didn’t get the hint.

“Harold saw you working in Harvey’s office yesterday.” He continued. “Did you need a babysitter? Did you have some sort of melt down or something?”

“I’m trying to work here Carl. You should do the same.” Mike said. He glanced over towards Harold, but he had his head bent down.

“I’ve been working. A lot harder than you. Where were you the last two weeks?”

Mike felt like hitting him a bit. He clenched his teeth together.

“It’s none of your business.” He got out. He knew that all of the other associates were listening to them. Damn it, he should have just gone with Harvey. He stared at his computer screen trying to ignore the man in front of him. But Carl didn’t stop, again he asked where Mike had been and when he was ignored, he started coming up with his own suggestions.

“The most popular theory around here, is that you had some kind of mental breakdown. You know, that you couldn’t handle the pressure.” He laughed and a few others joined in.

Mike felt himself almost shaking with rage. He really wanted to hit this guy in the face, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore him.

“Leave me alone.” He said.

“Or what, Ross?” He said it so mockingly.

“Or I’ll beat the shit out of you.”

“I’d like to see you try.” He laughed again, but to Mike’s relief he left and walked over to his own desk. It took Mike several minutes before he had calmed down enough to be able to concentrate on any work. The worst thing of all though, was that his eyes burned.

He had a hard time concentrating. He couldn’t get what Carl had said out of his head. Mental breakdown. The hard part about it was that it kind of felt like it could be true. Not that he had had a mental breakdown, but like he was close. His emotions kept shifting all the time in a way that they hadn’t done before.

When he put his headphones in his ear it got a bit easier to concentrate. All he needed to do was just to ignore all of them and focus on his work. He could do that.

It got easier and he managed to go through all the files that Harvey had left him in just a few hours. He had seen the other associates cast him glances once in a while. Harold had smiled at him when Mike had met his eyes, and he had smiled back then. Not all of them were assholes, some were pretty nice.

He was finished and decided to head over to Harvey’s office. He got up and walked around his desk.

“Oh… Are you heading home now? It got too much for you?” Carl’s jeering voice caught him, and it was like something burst in him.

“Shut up!” He yelled and turned around to face the other man. What the hell was his problem?

Carl was smiling at him and was standing next to a desk belonging to a woman that Mike knew for a fact that Carl was interested in. Was he flirting instead of working?

“I hit a nerve?” He said now, still smiling.

Mike couldn’t control himself, he just couldn’t. He took three steps forward and hit Carl right in the face. The other man flew back into the desk of the woman. Mike went to follow him, he wanted to hit again. It had felt good, and he wanted that smile to never appear again. It had finally felt like he had some control again.

“What the hell is going on here?” A voice yelled and the next second he felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him backwards, without thinking about it he violently shrugged it off him.

It was Louis.

“He just hit me!” Carl yelled and held his hand over half his face.

“What? Mike, you hit him?” Louis turned towards him, but Carl continued before Mike could answer.

“Yes, he did! Without any reason.”

“I had a reason! He is a fucking asshole!” Mike yelled.

Louis eyes narrowed.

“Just because you got kidnapped, Mike, doesn’t give you the right to behave however you want. I know Harvey has been going easy on you, but I am not going to tolerate you hitting people!”

Mike felt as he had been hit over the head as well, and he stiffened. A murmur from several people could be heard in the room and Mike heard the word kidnapped being repeated. He couldn’t believe this. Louis had just told everyone!

He felt how his face started to blush and it was like he couldn’t draw in breathes. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Now his eyes started to burn again. Everyone knew! Louis had just humiliated him in front of everyone! He didn’t want them to know. This couldn’t be happening! He just stood there, staring at Louis.

“You are coming with me.” Louis was saying and was stepping closer to him. Mike reflexively backed away. He couldn’t look at anyone, but he could feel how they were all staring at him. Some of them had gotten up from their chairs, probably to see better. He didn’t know what to do.

“Mike!” Louis angry voice penetrated his thoughts. “Follow me. Right now.”

Mike walked after him like in a daze. He was sweating now, and his hand ached a bit. Carl had a hard cheek. Louis marched right over to Harvey’s office and Mike followed him. He noticed how Donna got up when they passed her, but she didn’t follow them inside. He kind of wished she had.

He heard how Louis talked to Harvey and how his boss answered. Louis voice was so loud. He stood there and just stared at the floor. He had actually hit someone; he had a hard time grasping it. What would happen now? It couldn’t be something good.

They were talking to him now. Harvey was asking him something, but he couldn’t look up. What if Harvey got angry at him too? He didn’t want that. He wanted Harvey to be on his side. His eyes burned even more.

Suddenly Louis left and only Harvey was there. He was telling him to sit down so Mike did.

- _SUITS_ -

When Harvey arrived at his office Donna immediately asked him where Mike was.

“He wanted to work at his own desk today.” Harvey told her.

“Is that such a good idea?” Donna raised an eyebrow.

Harvey shrugged a bit. “It’s what he wanted.”

He had a meeting with the other partners at the morning and called two of his clients. He arranged to meet one of them later that afternoon. He just hung up the phone when he saw Louis walking towards his office with Mike in a tow. The kid had his head bent down and didn’t even look up when Donna said his name. What was going on now?

He had considered walking over to the cubicles just to check up on Mike, but he thought that maybe that would annoy Mike, so he had stayed. He intended to offer him lunch though. People needed to eat.

But now Louis was here, he just stormed inside, Mike following him and stopping just beside the couch. He was staring at the ground. Something was wrong.

“You need to control your associate Harvey!” Louis roared. “He just beat up another associate!”

Harvey raised his eyebrows. “He did what?”

“I saw it myself. He just stormed over and hit him straight in the face. I know he’s been through…stuff, but that’s unacceptable behavior!”

Harvey got up and got closer to Mike. What the hell was this about then? The kid was beating up people now.

“Mike, is that true? You hit someone?”

Mike didn’t answer. It was like he hadn’t heard him. His eyes looked shiny. Damn it.

“Something is wrong with him.” Louis snarled. “Control him!”

“Louis that’s enough. Leave.” Harvey said quietly. He looked at Louis and then at Mike again. “I’ll deal with it.” He knew that his tone did what he intended.

“Fine. But if it happens again...”

“Leave.” Harvey interrupted him before he said anything else. Louis looked at Mike and then he nodded and left.

Mike was still just standing there like he hadn’t heard a word. He was shaking a bit and his breathing sounded off. He was apparently very upset.

“Mike, let’s sit down and talk.” He said. Luckily the kid did what he asked.

“Do you want to tell me what happened? Why you beat someone?” He sat down next to Mike.

He didn’t get a response and his worry increased a bit. He looked out towards Donna and saw that she had all her attention at them. He met her eyes for a bit and shook his head slightly. He would try to deal with it himself first. Louis was right on one thing; it was unacceptable to hit people.

But Mike had tears in his eyes. Harvey felt how guilt added to the worry. He should have insisted that Mike worked in his office again.

“Mike. Come on, talk to me. How are you feeling?”

Mike jerked a little and looked up at him then. When he blinked his eyes flooded over. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked away.

“Everyone knows.” He said. “Louis told them.”

“Told them what?”

“That I was… that I was kidnapped. He just told them. I didn’t want them to know.”

“Oh.” Harvey was quiet for a while. “I’m sorry Mike.”

Mike nodded a little and wished that he had a tissue. He hated himself when he felt the tears threatening to well over again.

“What happened?” Harvey asked gently. “Who did you hit?”

“One of those assholes.” Mike said. “He kept…asking stuff. He wouldn’t leave me alone. So, I hit him.”

“I think you need to elaborate a bit.”

“He implied that I’ve been away for so long because I had a mental breakdown. He wouldn’t shut up!”

“So, in other words, he deserved it.” Harvey said.

Mike let out a laugh then and dragged a hand over his face. “Yes, he did.” He said.

“What do you say I have Donna get your stuff, and you can work from here for the rest of the day?”

“Okay.” Mike agreed. “I might just hit someone else if I go back there.”

“Yeah, and some of them actually get some work done once in a while, I have heard. We can’t have you put all of them out of commission.”

“I didn’t hit that hard.” Mike said and smirked.

“I know.” Harvey said. “I don’t think you can knock someone out even if you wanted to.”

“I could knock you out.”

“In your dreams. Get back to work now. We are having lunch in thirty minutes.”

Luckily the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Harvey was grateful for that. Must of his behavior had been an act. Truth was that he was worried as hell now. Mike had actually hit someone. He hadn’t thought Mike was capable of hitting people even if they provoked him. Mike was a guy that used his words, at least that was what Harvey had thought.

He had been wrong to send the kid over there. He knew how the rivalry between associates could be. He had been there too.

If the circumstances were different, he would have roamed Mike out hard, Louis was right. Mike couldn’t go around hitting people no matter how bad he felt. He could let it slip once but not again.

As soon as Mike got the files from Donna he started to work again, and Harvey did the same. After thirty minutes they went out to eat, went back and worked a bit more. They left early and headed home.

Mike seemed to be in a better mood, and after dinner, they watched a movie on the couch and talked some. Mike even joked about the incident at the office, but soon the conversation shifted.

“They all know now, what happened to me.”

Harvey studied him for a moment. “And how do you feel about that?” He wanted to know.

“Mostly embarrassed.” Mike said but smiled a little. “I shouldn’t have hit him.” He added a moment later.

“No, you shouldn’t Mike.” Harvey hoped that he put just enough force behind his words. He got his message through because Mike nodded.

“It won’t happen again.” He mumbled and looked away.

“No, because if they give you shit again, I’ll be the one who kicks their asses.”

Mike laughed at that.

“What, you think you will do a better job than me?”

“Did he even fall down when you hit him?”

“He would have if that desk hadn’t been there.”

“So, no then.”

“Shut up.” But Mike was smiling still, and Harvey didn’t want to shut up. Mike was laughing again he seemed to be happy and Harvey didn’t want that to stop. It was over a week now since he last saw the kid smile and it did something to him as well. He felt a bit lighter. He had worried so much about Mike. The younger man had been acting so different, not like himself at all. Not like this, now.

It was hard to know what to do to help. It seemed like Mike didn’t want to talk about what had happened and Harvey didn’t want to push him then. Mike still jumped at loud noises, he sometimes looked like he was somewhere else as his eyes got distant. Harvey didn’t know if he had nightmares still. But this was good. They kept joking around for a bit, throwing insults at each other. But then something changed again, Mike got quiet and Harvey wasn’t sure why. Soon after Mike announced that he was tired. He got up from the couch and went to the bathroom. Soon the shower was turned on. Harvey thought back.

Mike had joked about something regarding his suits.

“Oh, get out of here. You know, you are giving me grey hairs like this.” Harvey had responded.

“What, do you want to get rid of me now or what?”

“Yeah, it would be nice to have my couch back again.” He had said and lightly boxed Mike on the arm. Mike’s smile had stiffened a bit then. It must be it. Did he take it seriously?

Harvey tried to talk to him when he got out of the bathroom, but Mike seemed to avoid looking at him. He just said that he was fine, only tired. So, Harvey went to bed as well.

Mike watched him go and slowly laid down on the couch. The good mood he had been in earlier had vanished. He knew that they just had been joking around, but Harvey’s comment had really stuck in him. He hoped Harvey hadn’t notice anything.

They had only been joking, but what if there was some truth to what Harvey had said. Get out, he had said, and said that he wanted his couch back. What if Harvey was sick of him staying here?

He had been here for several days now. It wouldn’t be strange if Harvey was starting to think that he should head home. And maybe it was time for that now. It wasn’t like he was sick or hurt anymore. He didn’t need help with the bandages, he had stopped wearing them already.

The thing was that he didn’t feel like going home yet. But that wasn’t up to him, and Harvey had implied that he shouldn’t stay any longer. He should just leave tomorrow. This was the last night at Harvey’s place. It was time he went back to his own place. It was time.

He laid awake for hours that night. He fought against his thoughts and feelings. Mostly it felt like it was a losing battle. He tried to imagine being in his own bed instead. It was more comfortable than the couch, but he didn’t wish for it. He didn’t allow his thoughts to go deeper than that. He couldn’t think about going back home, didn’t want to.

It had just been a joke, but now it was nothing but. At least to him. He couldn’t let go of the thought that Harvey wanted to get rid of him. Harvey had let him stay this long and that was great, but now that was over. Maybe Harvey felt bad for him, so he had let him stay, but now he wanted Mike gone and hadn’t know how to tell him. Or he didn’t want to tell him straight out. He wished that the older man would do that though, so that he didn’t have to make this decision on his own.

The right thing to do was to move out. He knew that, and he was going to. If he just could feel better first. Truth be told he didn’t feel ready yet. Not really, but he didn’t like to admit that to himself. He pushed it down, he could deal. He would get used to it, the unease he felt would disappear with time.

He fell asleep from exhaustion eventually.

_-SUITS-_

The next morning when Harvey walked out into the living room, he saw that Mike had removed the sheets and cover from the couch and placed it in a neat pile on a chair. His bag was packed as well.

Okay, the kid had taken his joke from yesterday to heart. Shit.

“God morning.” He said.

Mike was sitting at the kitchen island and he jerked a little and looked up.

“Hey.”

“Did you get any sleep?” Harvey wanted to know.

“A little.” Mike shrugged.

“Are you moving out?”

He could see how Mike swallowed. He stared down into the table.

“Yeah, I thought it was time.”

“Mike, I was only joking yesterday.”

“No, it’s fine.” Mike smiled stiffly. “It’s time I moved back to my place, right? It’s been days now. Thanks for letting me stay though.”

“Yeah. But Mike, are you sure about this?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” Mike said.

Harvey studied him. He didn’t look that fine. He debated with himself for a moment if he would take this further or not.

“Are we leaving or what?” Mike said then and got up from the chair.

“What? I just got up. What’s with you?” Harvey muttered and walked over to the fridge. “You need to calm down.”

Mike clenched his teeth together and didn’t answer. He had been awake for over two hours now. He had slept restlessly with several nightmares and woke up with a headache. The lack of sleep affected his mood and he couldn’t help but take it out on Harvey as soon as he saw him. He had waited for so long for the older man to wake up. And he hadn’t been able to let Harvey’s words from yesterday go. They repeated themselves over and over in his head and mixed with images of the kidnappers. Of them telling him that Harvey wouldn’t pay the ransom. He felt all messed up now. He almost wanted to cry. He almost wanted to beg Harvey to let him stay.

He didn’t do any of those things, instead he snapped at Harvey and then went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long time. Harvey was almost finished when he got out. He didn’t say anything about the fact that Mike had just spent twenty minutes in the bathroom and Mike felt angry at him for that too.

“Look Mike.” Harvey started to say when Mike went to get his bag. “You don’t look that well. What do you say about staying at home today? You can get some rest and then we can talk.”

“I’m not staying here! I’m not sick Harvey. You can’t keep me here!”

“I’m not keeping you anywhere, I’m just saying that if you are not up for…”

“Are we leaving or what?” Mike interrupted, ignoring him. Harvey clenched his teeth and stepped forward. Mike backed away, but Harvey followed him and took the bag from his hands.

“I’ll take that. Come on then.”

If this was how Mike wanted it, he might as well go home. He had tried to be nice and this was what he got? He turned and walked towards the door without another glance at Mike. The car ride to the office was quiet. Mike was stubbornly staring out of the window. When the kid went to get his bag, Harvey told him to leave it in the car.

“I’ll drop you off tonight.” He said.

“Fine.” Mike muttered.

When they stepped out of the elevator on the right floor, Harvey turned to Mike again. He wasn’t even looking at him and Harvey couldn’t help but feel annoyed.

“Look, can you handle working at your desk without hitting anyone?”

“Yes, I can.” Mike glared at him and then left without another word. Harvey looked after him. He didn’t understand why Mike was so pissed all of a sudden. He had tried to be nice, but Mike just shut him down.

Mike could feel himself starting to sweat as he walked towards his cubicle. He had thought that he was going to work in Harvey’s office today, but apparently that wasn’t going to happen.

He quickly went over to his desk and sat down without looking at anyone. He could see in the corner of his eyes how they stared at him though. Two of them whispered something to each other, but no one said anything to him. Carl was sitting at his desk with his head bent down. Mike didn’t know what he felt about seeing a faint bruise on his cheek. He turned on his computer and started to work.

The day passed quickly. Donna came by and asked if he wanted to come with her and get lunch, but he politely declined. He wasn’t hungry anyway. After he came back from a bathroom break and hour later there was a sandwich laying on his desk. He felt close to tears then. However, he couldn’t bring himself to eat it.

Later that afternoon Harold approached his desk.

“Hi Mike.” He said. Mike nodded a little at him.

“I just… ehm… I just wanted to ask if it’s true that you really were kidnapped.” Harold blushed and Mike noticed that a few people had stopped typing and was listening.

“Yeah.” He said then. “But I don’t want to talk about it, Harold.”

“Ehm… okay. I mean, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry Mike.”

“Thanks, Harold.” Mike forced himself to smile, before turning back to the file in front of him. He didn’t look up again until Harold was back at his own desk. He wanted them all to leave him alone. He didn’t want questions about the kidnapping. He just felt embarrassed. He hated that they all knew. They had probably been talking about it behind his back, probably laughed among themselves about it.

Suddenly he had a clear image of the kidnappers all standing in front of him in a circle. They wanted to know about Harvey’s cases. One of them stepped forward to hit him again. He jerked and almost felt the pain on his cheek. Shit!

He rushed up and almost ran to the bathroom. He needed to be alone. He sat down on the toilet chair in one of the booths. He tried to keep it together, to breath normally. But it didn’t work, and he felt how his eyes flooded over. What the hell was wrong with him?

He was sitting in the bathroom at work, crying his eyes out. Or he wasn’t really crying, but he couldn’t stop tears from appearing. He violently tried to wipe them all away. He felt so damn alone.

Harvey came to get him that evening. They hadn’t seen each other during the whole day, and now it felt a bit strained between them.

“Are you ready to go?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah, sure.” Mike said and stood up.

“Did it go okay today?” Harvey asked.

“Yeah.”

“No one messed with you?”

“No.”

“Okay. That’s good.”

They got down and out on the street. The car was waiting for them. As they got in Mike hoped that Harvey had forgotten about the fact that he had said that he wanted to go home. If that happened Mike was going to pretend that he had forgotten too. But the car took the route towards his part of town and Mike felt his chest tightened. He looked out the window and tried to keep it together, he felt so weird. In a bad way. He didn’t recognize these feelings.

“Okay. Here we are.” Harvey said as the car came to a halt outside Mike’s apartment building. Mike sat there as frozen and stared towards his front door.

“Mike?” Harvey carefully said. The kid jerked a little and then opened the door. He reached of his bag but paused a little and looked over at Harvey.

“Ehm…Thanks for the lift and… and you know, for letting me stay with you.”

“You are welcome.” Harvey smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow Mike.”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.” Mike whispered and stepped out. He hesitantly closed the door and took a few steps back. Harvey waived a little at him as the car started again.

When Harvey looked back Mike was still standing on the sidewalk looking after him. When he saw him standing there something ached a bit inside of Harvey and he thought of turning back around and pick the kid up again. But this was what Mike had wanted he reminded himself. They would see each other tomorrow again.

_-SUITS-_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 16.**

Harvey just left. Mike stood on the sidewalk watching the car drive away. Harvey left him there without even looking back. He clutched his bag closer towards him and tried to not think about it, tried to will the feeling of being abandoned away.

Right where he was standing now had been where they had pushed him inside the van. He couldn’t help but look around the street. There was no van there now. He turned towards his building and slowly started to approach it. He felt a bit nauseated as he pulled out the keys. He felt tears in his eyes as he put them into the lock. He felt scared now, scared that someone would grab him from behind. His hands were shaking. He got inside and closed the door behind him. He was standing in the hallway where he had fought with them. He felt weirdly cold and sweaty at the same time.

He wiped his eyes with one hand and then hurried up the stairs. As soon as he got inside his apartment, he locked the door and turned the light on. In fact, he turned all the lights on. He still felt nauseated and wiped his eyes again. He felt angry at himself now. Damn it, he wasn’t scared of being at his own apartment. What was that about?

But he really wanted to leave again. He didn’t want to be here. He just didn’t. It wasn’t safe here. It was here that they had taken him. They knew where he lived, and they were still out there. They could come back. They could easily break in and take him again. He wanted to call Harvey and ask him to come back. He was prepared to beg.

He couldn’t do that though. Instead he took a chair from the kitchen and placed it in front of the door against the handle. He then took his phone and went into the bathroom. He locked the door and sat down on the floor with his back against it. He cried then. He couldn’t hold it back any longer.

He wished it had never happened. He wished that he never would have met those guys outside the court, maybe they wouldn’t have known about him then. He felt so damn pathetic now. The feeling was so overwhelming that he didn’t know what to do. He was so useless and weak for behaving like this. He knew that logically nothing would happen to him in here, but he was still afraid. He wanted to leave. With all of his being he wanted to get out of the apartment and just go somewhere else. He didn’t feel safe here. He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t.

But he had nowhere else to go. Harvey had basically kicked him out. He couldn’t help but feel both anger and resentment towards his boss. Harvey had told him that things would be fine, but now he just dumped him back at his apartment. Things weren’t fine at all. Mike felt like shit. He was scared and lonely and sad. That wasn’t even close to fine.

He didn’t know for how long he stayed in the bathroom. But he spent at least half an hour getting the courage to leave the room. When he finally did open the door and stepped out, he wanted to return straight away, but forced himself not to.

He went to bed without having dinner. He laid under the cover, but he couldn’t relax. Over here he wouldn’t be able to hear it if someone came. Eventually he brought the cover with him and sat down on the couch. He was closer to the door then and could both see and hear if something happened.

He didn’t get much sleep that night, maybe two or three hours of restless sleep with nightmares. It didn’t feel good to wake up from them either just to realize where he was, it was just a different nightmare. Around six a clock he couldn’t take it anymore. He packed a bag with some clothes and other things and left for the office. He wasn’t coming back here.

It was a terrible day. He fought to act normal, but truth was that he was exhausted, sad and on edge. He declined invitations of lunch and just stayed at his desk. Harvey came to see him a couple of times, but Mike was quite short with him, so Harvey left pretty quick. Harvey had betrayed him, and Mike didn’t feel like acting nice towards him. He didn’t know if Harvey noticed or not that he was struggling. He didn’t say anything about it at least.

He didn’t leave that night. He just kept working until he suddenly noticed that he was alone in the office. He looked around a little and went to see if anyone else was around. He found Donna’s desk empty, just as Harvey’s office. Had they left without even telling him? He shouldn’t care about that, they always did that, but he still felt something stab at his chest. Why didn’t they tell him?

He realized that he was alone at the office now. It didn’t feel that good, but it was better than staying at home. That night he slept by his table with his head leaning against his arms. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but also that was better than home.

During the next few days he worked harder than he had ever done. He immersed himself into work just to push all the other stuff out of his mind. He knew that it wasn’t healthy what he was doing, but it was the easiest way to deal right now. He knew that he wasn’t right in the head. He knew that, but he didn’t know what else to do. Harvey seemed to be please though, he complimented him when he finished something three times faster than Harvey had thought it would take.

Harvey didn’t say anything about the fact that Mike was working himself to exhaustion each day. He had tried to bring it up, he had said something about that Mike could leave early if he wanted to, but Mike pretended like he hadn’t heard it. Screw Harvey. Harvey didn’t give a shit about him anyways. He felt angry at the older man for not noticing how he was feeling. He wanted Harvey to ask. He wanted Harvey to pull him aside and tell him that he could see that something was wrong, and how could he help. But Harvey didn’t do that.

Donna was nice to him though. She didn’t really speak that much to him, but she would come by his desk with a cup of coffee or a sandwich. She asked him out for lunch as well, but Mike didn’t feel like leaving the office. He just told her that he didn’t have time. He knew that she probably didn’t believe him, but she didn’t ask either. He also didn’t tell her that he left the sandwiches untouched.

- _SUITS_ -

Harvey looked through the files that he just had gotten from Mike. The younger man was working harder than he ever had seen him. Mike stayed late every night as well. They hadn’t really talked much since he dropped Mike off at his apartment. Mike was redrawn and rude when he tried to strike up a conversation with him. That pissed him off a bit and didn’t really make him want to talk more to Mike.

“You have to keep trying.” Donna told him. “It’s clearly something going on with him. He keeps declining my lunch invites. I don’t know if he even eats anything.”

“Do you want me to ask him about his eating habits?” Harvey asked dryly.

“Harvey, I know you know that something is wrong. Do something.”

She walked out of his office before he had a chance to reply. She was right though; he knew that Mike wasn’t acting like himself. Not that Harvey blamed him, considering what he had been through. He also knew that Mike was his responsibility and that she right, he needed to do something.

He tried later that evening to talk to Mike. He stayed longer than he usually did and went over the associate’s cubicles to find Mike sitting with his head bent down, alone in the room, by his desk.

“Hi Mike.” He said and Mike jerked a bit. He quickly looked up though and Harvey was a bit taken a back of what he saw in Mike’s eyes. At first, he looked scared but then it changed to something that Harvey only could interpret as hope. What was it that the kid hoped for?

“Shouldn’t you be at home by now?” Harvey asked and watched as the light in Mike’s eyes died and his expression became hard.

“I have some things I need to finish.” He muttered and looked back down at his work.

“No, you don’t. Go home Mike. You don’t need to prove yourself or whatever you are doing right now.” Harvey tried, but realized almost immediately that it had been the wrong thing to say. Mike flew up from his chair.

“Shut up Harvey!” He almost screamed. “I’m not going anywhere, and you can’t fucking force me!”

He then stormed away in the direction of the bathroom and Harvey stood there and just looked after him. What had happened? He considered going after Mike, but he didn’t know if he would be able to keep his cool if Mike yelled at him again. He knew for sure that things wouldn’t get better if he yelled back at the kid. So, he left and headed home.

Mike haft expected Harvey to follow him into the bathroom. He had just cursed at Harvey and yelled in his face; the older man wouldn’t let that go. He quelled an impulse of hitting the bathroom mirror on the wall in front of him but managed to control himself. Harvey didn’t come though. He washed his face and stared at his image. He looked terrible. Pale and somewhat skinnier than before. He had lost weight these last few weeks. He could see the difference in his own face.

He was so angry at Harvey. He had felt pretty shitty ever since the last associate left the office, he felt uneasy when he was there alone. He had wondered if Harvey was still in the building. Maybe he could go and check and see if maybe they could work together for a while. They could even talk some. But then Harvey had been standing by his desk so suddenly that he hadn’t been prepared for it. He freaked out a little but hoped that Harvey didn’t see it. What was Harvey even doing there? Mike hoped that he would suggest that they had dinner or something. But instead Harvey had told him to go home. Mike had lost it a little then.

When he had collected himself enough, he walked out again and back to his desk. His heart sank a little against his will. Harvey was nowhere to be seen and yet again he was alone. This would be the third night in a row he slept here. Not for the first time he wished that he had anywhere else to go. It was pathetic to stay like, sleep in an office, and brush his teeth in an office bathroom.

Last night he snuck into Harvey’s office and laid down on his couch for a couple of hours. He had an alarm set so that his boss wouldn’t come and find him there. He had woken up two hours before the alarm from a nightmare so bad that he seriously considered if he was about to have a heart attack. He had ended up on the floor with his back against the couch, just sitting there waiting for his heart to slow down and for his breathes to slow down. The dream had been about when the kidnappers had force fed him. He was never going to eat sandwiches again. 

He remembered the way they had held him, fingers digging into his arms, a hand over his nose and mouth. Himself then agreeing to open his mouth and eating the sandwich they had picked up off the floor.

When the alarm went off, he had walked back to his cubicle and forced himself to start working again. Now, the day had passed, and it was dark again. He didn’t know how he was going to be able to keep this up. He didn’t know what would happen when he couldn’t do it anymore. Would he collapse or something? He was getting so little sleep now, so it was a possibility. What if he fell asleep during a meeting or something? What if Harvey fired him?

What if Harvey was pissed at him? Things didn’t feel okay between them. Harvey was awkward around him, and Mike couldn’t help but feel annoyed when Harvey kept asking how he was doing. That was all he did, and when Mike said that he was fine Harvey just accepted it. He didn’t ask Mike if he thought about the kidnapping, or anything about it. He also hadn’t said anything about the whereabouts of the kidnappers. Mike didn’t want to ask either, but he wanted to know. Were there any leads? He hadn’t heard anything from the police since they had been to the police station and the sketch artist.

Maybe no one else cared about this. Maybe they all thought that he should forget about it. Move on or whatever. The other associates hadn’t bothered him at all after his little incident with Carl, who even seemed to avoid him. In fact, they all seemed to do that. No one spoke to him, except Harold that one time. He wondered if someone had told them not to, but he didn’t know when that would have happened. He had been here the entire time. Maybe they had gotten an email.

The thought about Harvey being pissed at him returned. Mike didn’t know if he could handle that if it was the truth. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Harvey had paid a million dollars for his return. What if Harvey was angry about that? What if he blamed him for that? It was a stupid thought; Harvey couldn’t blame him. It hadn’t been his fault at all. They had taken him by force. He had resisted them. Harvey knew that. It hadn’t been anything he could have done to stop it.

But maybe Harvey thought that he should have escaped or something. There hadn’t been any chances for that, Harvey knew that too. He had been there when Mike told the police about everything that had happened, so he knew. But then he thought about the way he had reacted afterwards. He was embarrassed about that, how he had cried and begged Harvey. He hadn’t wanted to be alone; he had held on to Harvey and had cried. Just the thought of that made his eyes burn again. What if Harvey thought that he was weak?

“Stop it, stop it, stop it.” He mumbled to himself and rubbed his eyes so hard that his eyes hurt a little. It didn’t help though, and he sniffed and cursed himself.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He sat down in one of the stalls and locked the door. He sat there a couple of minutes until he went out and splashed some cold water in his face. It helped a little and he went back to his desk and started working again. That night was much like the previous two. Terrible.

- _SUITS_ -


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 17.

The next day transpired as in a daze for Mike. He really felt like crap today. The lack of sleep made things to him. He felt almost sick and constantly on edge and to his horror, constantly close to tears.

Harvey came to his desk the first thing he did that morning and asked if Mike wanted to work at his office. He had some stuff that he wanted to go through with Mike, he said. So, Mike nodded and followed him. His knees almost didn’t lock when he stood up and he stumbled a little. He remembered then that he hadn’t had any breakfast today, or any dinner last night. He regretted this now when he walked behind Harvey towards the man’s office.

Harvey walked slowly in front of Mike. Something wasn’t right. Mike looked awful and had stumbled like he was drunk, just now. But it was a little after eight in the morning, he couldn’t be intoxicated.

The kid wouldn’t look him in the eyes either. He was just sitting there slumped down in a chair in front of Harvey’s desk, staring out the window, blinking slowly.

“Mike, are you alright?” He asked, but it was like the man didn’t hear him. He glanced towards Donna. She raised an eyebrow and he nodded. He could use her help now. He watched as she walked into his office and straight over to Mike. She crouched down to be in his eye level.

“Mike, honey. How are you doing?” She lightly touched his arm. He slowly turned his head towards her then.

“What?” He asked hoarsely.

“How are you feeling?”

Mike stared at her for a moment and Harvey felt himself stiffen a bit when Mike’s eyes got a bit shiny.

“I…I didn’t have breakfast.” He said. “I’m just a bit hungry. That’s all.” He said and looked out the window again. He pulled his arm away from Donna’s touch.

“I’ll get you something then. How about a sandwich?” She asked.

Mike quickly turned towards her again and shook his head. “No, no sandwich.” He said and his voice broke a bit. Oh god, what’s wrong with him? Harvey found himself thinking. But Donna just smiled and nodded.

“No sandwich then.” She disappeared and left Harvey alone with Mike. He almost wished that he would have offered to go and get the kid food. Mike was still looking out the window and Harvey didn’t know what to say. A minute or two passed.

“How are the files going?” Harvey asked then. Mike glanced a bit at his direction.

“They are on my desk. I can get them if you want.” He said but did no attempt of getting up.

“How about I just get them.” Harvey got up before Mike responded.

Harvey knew he was a coward right now, but this was hard. He just needed to collect his thoughts then he would know how to deal with this. He found the files he had in mind on Mike’s desk and brought them with him back. Mike was in the same position.

“You look tired.” He said when he sat down again in front of the kid. “Are you getting any sleep?”

“Not so much.” Mike answered. “I’ve been having…” He paused. “Trouble sleeping.”

“Okay.”

Donna arrived five awkward minutes later, during which Harvey had asked Mike how he was doing, really. Just to have Mike ignore him.

She had a banana, some yoghurt and coffee with her for Mike. He smiled and thanked her and ate everything at once there at Harvey’s desk. Donna left them after that, and Harvey hesitated a moment.

“Is it something that you want to talk about Mike?” Harvey asked. “Anything.”

Mike hesitated as well. “Like the kidnapping, you mean?” He said then.

Harvey nodded.

“What? Here? Now? With you?” Mike asked.

“If you want.”

“No.” Mike said after a moment of hesitation. “You said you have work for me?”

The moment was gone, for a moment Harvey had thought that the kid would open up to him, but he hadn’t. Instead Mike wanted to work. So, Harvey let him.

They worked at the case together for a couple of hours. Discussed the case, Harvey went to a meeting with a client.

“What? I’m not coming with you?” Mike asked.

“No, at the moment I think you are doing better work here.” Harvey said.

“What? Why?”

“Do you really have to ask?” Harvey contoured.

“Screw you.” Mike said quietly and turned around. Harvey left before he said something else. He didn’t know what it was with him, he was letting Mike getting away with talking to him like that. He didn’t know what Mike wanted him to do. He was trying here, but he couldn’t bring Mike with him to the meeting. Not when he looked like that, like he would either fall asleep or have a breakdown.

When he came back from the meeting Mike was still working at the table in his office. Harvey didn’t say anything, he just sat down in front of Mike and started working as well. Mike nodded a little at him and Harvey nodded back. They were okay again.

Mike felt a bit embarrassed when Harvey stepped into the room again after being gone for a few hours. He was relieved when Harvey didn’t say anything about his earlier behavior. After Harvey had left Donna had convinced him to take a nap on Harvey’s couch. She promised to wake him up in an hour, and Mike was too tired to argue. The nap did him well and he felt better after it.

“Can I give you a ride home, kid?” Harvey asked him when it was getting late. Mike felt how he stiffened. A part of him wanted to accept the offer. Harvey sounded so kind when he said it like that. He liked when Harvey called him kid, even if it sometimes annoyed him as well. Since it happened it hadn’t annoyed him though. But the thought of heading to his apartment was too much for him so he shook his head. He knew that he should just do it, he knew that, but he couldn’t deal with that. He wouldn’t be able to relax there, or to sleep. And he needed sleep.

“Are you sure? We could grab a drink first.” Harvey offered now and Mike found that he couldn’t look at his boss.

“I’m not…I’m not finished yet.” He said.

“So, finish it tomorrow. Let’s go!” Harvey sounded somewhat excited and Mike wanted to say yes. But he couldn’t grab a drink, he couldn’t be in that environment, with lots of other people, loud music and the pressure of acting like he enjoyed himself. He wouldn’t be able to enjoy it, he knew that, even though he wished for it so much right now. Harvey hardly never asked him about doing things like that.

“I’m just too tired Harvey.” He said truthfully. “Another time.”

“Alright. Another time then, Mike.” Harvey said. He then patted Mike’s shoulder a little and left. Mike looked after him for a moment before collecting his things and walking after him. Donna was still at her desk and she smiled at him when he walked past her.

“You are heading home soon though, right Mike?” She said.

“Yeah.” He forced himself to smile at her and then hurried back to his desk. A few associates were still there. They looked at him, but didn’t meet his eyes, and Mike hid behind his screens.

-SUITS-

Donna looked after Mike as he quickly walked away from her. His smile hadn’t reached his eyes at all. She had watched Harvey’s attempts to reach over to Mike, but also seen the way Mike refused them. Something was deeply wrong, and they needed to figure out what it was. She had talked to Harvey about it, but the man seemed to be at a loss in how to deal with Mike. Mike looked like he was sick, he almost looked worse now then he had when he had been in the hospital. That wasn’t a good sign. She was also convinced that he was wearing the same suit as he had been in yesterday.

“Did he sleep in the office?” She had asked Harvey, but he had said no, that wasn’t possible.

“Why would he do that?” He had asked.

Harvey had had his chance to do something now. It was her turn, and she wouldn’t let Mike win. The younger man needed help, there was no denying it. She would figure out what was going on with him today, at least try and see if there was anything that she could do to help him.

She suspected that Mike had been sleeping at the office yesterday. Harvey had said that the kid worked late a lot now. So, her plan was to stay behind until the other associates left and then she would confront him. She went by the cubicles once in a while, Mike was oblivious to it and just sat there with his head bent down over something.

It took a while before the last person left, but finally they did, and Mike was sitting alone in the room. She approached him then, Mike didn’t notice her at all.

“Mike?” Donna watched as the younger man flinched violently in his chair and quickly turn to look at her. He met her eyes for just a moment before he looked down. But it was enough for her to see what was hidden inside him. She had seen terror there. For a moment the younger man had looked absolutely terrified. Her heart ached for him.

Mike’s heart ached as well but for another reason. Donna had caught him off guard and she had seen it. Seen how he flinched and how he had looked at her in panic. She had seen and he knew that she wouldn’t let this go.

He leaned forward on his desk and put his face in his hands. He could hear how she walked around the cubicles and then how she sat down on his desk. He didn’t move and just waited. He wasn’t feeling well at all right now, and had trouble pretending. If he just remained like this, maybe she would get it and then just leave him be.

However, that wasn’t who Donna was. She knew that the younger man was struggling much more than he let on. He shouldn’t be at work this early after what had happened. She didn’t know what Harvey had been thinking letting the kid go home and then show up for work. He had been back for three full days now and Donna thought that he looked worse by the day.

“Mike, you shouldn’t be here.” She quietly told him.

Mike realized then what he had known all along. She wouldn’t let this go. He sat back up but didn’t look at her. “I’m not going home.” He said.

“Mike, it’s almost ten a clock at night and you look exhausted. You should get home and get some rest.”

“I said that I’m not going home!” He said, louder this time. Donna didn’t miss the emphasis he put on the word home. Damn. She thought for a while about how to proceed with this. She decided to push just a little bit further.

“You are wearing the same suit as yesterday Mike. Did you go home at all?”

Mike slumped down a little more in his chair. He let out a shuddering breath before almost unnoticeable, unless your name was Donna, and shook his head.

Mike just waited in the same position. He didn’t know what to do now. She was sitting so that she was blocking his escape route, so just walking away wouldn’t work. And besides, she would see his face then.

“Are you avoiding going home, Mike?” She said quietly, almost whispering.

He could feel tears burning in his eyes now, and he closed them, to stop the tears from escaping. Yet again he nodded just a tiny bit. He didn’t see any point in denying it to Donna. She would know anyway if he lied.

He flinched when she suddenly touched his shoulder. But she let her hand lay on his back. He turned his face more away from her. He didn’t want her to see that he was crying. He didn’t want her to think that he was pathetic. He couldn’t handle that.

Donna felt how her eyes burned as she slowly started to stroke her hand in small circles along Mike’s stiff back. She felt how he was trembling. She decided to wait for him. She could hear his shuttering breathing, but she just waited.

“They…they took me there.” He then said with an unsteady voice. “They know where I live. I can’t go back there.” He whispered the last part. “I just can’t. I tried, but I can’t.”

Donna swallowed hard, her heart breaking for the younger man sitting there, his face turned away from her.

“Honey, where have you been staying then?” She asked. “You moved out from Harvey’s place several days ago.”

“I went home for the first night. I tried to…to pretend that I was fine there. But I couldn’t sleep. I stayed on the couch, to hear if they were coming… I tried to sleep but I had nightmares. So, I just left, and I came here. I brought a spare suit.”

He was speaking quickly now, as if he wished that she wouldn’t hear all his words.

“So, you have been sleeping here for three days?” She asked him. She was still stroking his back.

He nodded and swallowed hard. He felt scared now. Scared that she was going to laugh at him and force him to go home. He wouldn’t though, he wouldn’t if she so went over there with him. He would leave as soon as he could. She couldn’t force him! She wouldn’t, right?

He slowly and shakily moved around to look at her. He was a bit surprised when he met her eyes and saw that she had tears in them as well.

“Come here.” She said then and smiled a little at him. She held her arms out towards him. He hesitated for just a moment before falling into her open arms. He clung to her as he cried, trying not to make any noises, so that she would hear it. She held him close to her and rested her head against his. She stroked his back slowly up and down with one hand, the other wrapped tightly around him.

For the first time in days he finally felt slightly less alone. He felt some kind of comfort and the constant panic eased up just a little bit. He continued to cry against her, wishing intently that she wouldn’t let him go. He wished that he could stay like this now. He would break totally apart if she let go now and pushed him away. He found himself holding on harder to her.

“Please Donna, please…” He found himself whispering to her the next moment.

She held on to him tighter. “I’m right here Mike.”

Donna held on to Mike as he continued to cry. She didn’t know that he had that much sadness and fear inside him. Her heart broke for him when he pleaded with her. She wasn’t sure what he meant, but hoped her reassurance was enough.

Eventually he was starting to calm down a bit. He started to pull away from her. She had waited until he took that step himself. He wouldn’t look her in the eyes.

“Mike, what do you say we head home?” She asked quietly.

“NO!” he yelled so sudden that Donna jerked. Mike flew up on his feet and stumbled away from her. “I am not going home. You can’t force me! You can’t!”

Donna stood up as well with a shocked expression on her face. “Mike, I would never force you. Calm down, honey. Calm down. I meant that we are going to go home to my place. You are going to stay with me.”

She saw how he visibly relaxed, his shoulders slumped down and he let out a few deep breathes as he looked at her with wide, red eyes. At first, she was afraid that he was going to refuse, but then he nodded.

“Yeah… okay.” He breathed out. “Thank you. Sorry.” He looked down on the floor and didn’t move. He was so unlike himself, so fragile. He looked so vulnerable, like a young boy.

“You could have come to me. You could have come to Harvey.” She just had to say it but regretted it as she saw how he shrank into himself even more.

“And say what? That I’m too afraid to go home?”

“Yes, honey.”

“Right. Harvey would have laughed at me. Joked about it. I didn’t want that.” His voice shook again, and his breathing was speeding up. Shit, what was she doing to him now?

“No, he wouldn’t have. He would have listened to you Mike. You should have seen him on the days you were missing. You wouldn’t have recognized him. I barely did.”

Mike looked up at her then. He bit his trembling lip.

“Was he worried?” He whispered.

“Of course, he was. We all were. You are family Mike.”

Mike let out a sob before he could stop himself. “Thank you, Donna.” He said and wiped his eyes a bit. “But he told me to go home.”

Donna felt how she tensed a bit. Damn it Harvey, what did you do?

“I made some stupid joke about him wanting to get rid of me, and he said yes, it would be nice to get my couch back. So, I knew I overstayed my welcome. I couldn’t go back to him after that.”

Tears trailed down his cheek, but he stood unmoving, staring at the floor. No doubt trapped in a memory.

“Mike…” She said quietly and watched how he jerked a little. He swallowed hard.

“He didn’t even try to stop me from leaving. But I wanted him to ask me if I was sure, if I really was ready, but he didn’t. I just wished he had. He drove me home and dropped me off outside.” Mike brought a hand up to cover his eyes. “He left before I even got inside. I wish he would have at least checked. It was there they took me! I told him that!”

Donna realized that this was another ache that Mike was caring within him. He must have felt so abandoned, and Harvey hadn’t realized a thing.

“Harvey can be pretty clueless sometimes.” She said and walked closer to him. She placed a hand on his arm, but yet again he flinched away from her.

He looked at her with wide, shiny eyes. He shook his head a little and mumbled an apology.

“It’s okay.” She said and didn’t approach him again.

“I’m sorry Donna. It’s just…” He wiped his eyes again. “I’m a mess. I don’t know why…” He didn’t continue and just looked at her with a sort of desperation in his eyes.

“Mike, what happened to you, it was deeply traumatic. That’s not something that’s easy to just bounce back from.”

“What else am I supposed to do?”

“Let it take its time sweetie.”

“How?” Mike exclaimed. “How am I supposed to do that?”

“One step at the time. And right now, the next step is to come home with me.”

She walked up to him and took his arm under hers. “Come on.”

He just followed her.

-SUITS-


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 18.

Mike looked over towards Donna in the cab. He was so grateful towards her now. He was going to get to stay with her. He didn't have to go home. He trusted her completely on that. Maybe he would be able to get some sleep, finally. He was so tired.

He knew that he had just made a fool of himself, embarrassed himself. But Donna didn't seem to care about that. She didn't seem to think that he was pathetic. She had said that it took time to get over something like what he had been through.

He really wanted to believe her, because he knew that he wasn't over it at all. He kept flashing back there in his mind. Different images came to him all the time. Different things reminded him of different events. A hand on his shoulder got him right back to that concrete floor, and it was like his arms started hurting again and that same fear overwhelmed him. And sometimes there wasn't even anything that reminded him of it, terrible images just popped up in his mind. He relived every moment with crystal clarity. It was awful and sometimes he had a hard time getting out of it. It had been like that just now when Donna came and said his name. He had had instantly been thrown back to reality but was still in the same mindset as he had been when he was captive.

He had known as soon as he looked at her that she had understood. She knew now what he had tried to hide. But she accepted him anyway. She wanted to help him. That was wonderful.

He had cried against her. That had felt good as well. At the time he hadn't been able to stop himself. She didn't seem to mind. She just held him to her and comforted him. Just like if she had been his mother. He looked over to her again and now she met his eyes and smiled a little at him. He couldn't force himself to smile back. He just looked away again.

He didn't know if what he was doing now was a good idea. He was really imposing on Donna here. He had practically forced her hand, the way he behaved earlier. It was too late to change his mind now though, because the cab just stopped, and Donna got out. Mike hurried after her. He followed her up through her apartment building, which was much nicer than his.

"Welcome Mike." She said as she let him inside.

"Thanks. It looks nice."

"Well, thank you. Why don't you take a seat? You must be tired. Do you want anything to eat?"

She didn't wait for his response before she headed to the kitchen. Mike did as he was told and sat down on her couch which was directed to the huge windows. She brought them both tea and croissants a few minutes later. Mike who didn't really feel like eating ate everything on his plate anyway. He seldom drank tea, but it was sort of comforting, sitting there next to Donna on the couch with a warm cup in his hands. They didn't talk much, but that was okay with both of them.

"I'll get you some sheets and a pillow." Donna said after they were finished. "I hope it's okay that you sleep on the couch."

Mike stood up. "Yes of course."

She nodded and smiled.

"I didn't bring anything to sleep in." Mike said helplessly.

"Of course, you didn't. This wasn't exactly planned Mike. But don't worry. I'll find you something that you can wear. And tomorrow, I'll go with you to your place and get you some clothes and other things."

Mike didn't look thrilled about that idea, but he still nodded.

She came back with a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. "I hope they will fit. They are a bit big on me."

They did fit, even though he felt a bit ridiculous in shorts. Donna started to make the bed for him and refused his help. She instead gave him a toothbrush and told him to go clean up.

She was finished when he got out from the bathroom. She walked up to him. "Will you be fine here?" She asked gently.

"Yes." He said quietly and looked over towards the couch. She had even left a blanket by the foot of the couch. Suddenly he felt like crying again. She was so nice to him.

"Thank you for doing this, Donna." He said.

"I'm just sorry I didn't do it sooner." She said. Then she leaned forward and gave him a hug as she whispered good night in his ear.

He smiled at her and hoped that she didn't see that his eyes were watering. She disappeared down the hall after that. He slowly walked up to the couch and sat down on it. He felt safe here. He was pretty sure that he would be able to sleep now. That was a wonderful thought. He crawled down under the cover and rested his head on the pillows. She had left him two. That was sweet. He could hear her getting ready for bed in the bathroom. He just laid there and listened to the sound she was making, until they stopped. She must have gone to bed now.

He looked at the lamp next to him on a small table. He didn't want to turn it off, but he should. He hated the way his hand was shaking as he stretched out his arm to turn it off. He tensed as the room got dark. He shut his eyes and forced them to stay closed. He didn't like it though. He tried to listen and see if he could hear something. Did Donna lock the door? He opened his eyes. He couldn't see anything. He pressed his lips hard together and gripped the cover in both hands. Without him wanting to his mind wandered back to the concrete floor. It had been the same thing there. He had been laying in the dark and just wishing that he would fall asleep. At least the first two nights. The third had been worse. The last night had been terrible.

Tears were trailing down from his eyes now. He couldn't stop them from coming. He wanted to turn the light on again, but he didn't move. He wasn't some child. But he would just feel better if it was on. But what if it bothered Donna? Maybe she wouldn't let him stay here then. Where would he go then? A few tears ran down into his ear and he wiped them away. He hugged his arms to his chest. He still had his eyes opened and it was so dark.

It took him almost two hours to fall asleep. He dreamt about concrete floors, hands grabbing at him and pain. He woke up screaming. He flew upright and didn't know where he was. It was dark and he didn't recognize his surroundings. He was sweating and had tears in his eyes when the light in the room was turned on. Donna was standing there, wearing a robe and with her hair all messy.

Mike froze in place at the sight of her. He didn't know what to do. He bit his lip hard. He must have woken her. He hadn't meant for that to happen. His breathing started to speed up.

"Are you alright Mike?" Donna gently asked.

Mike wanted to scream at her for a second. Did she really think he would be okay? He still forced himself to nod. He just sat there, unmoving. He jerked when Donna started to move closer to him. He felt incredibly scared and didn't even know why. He hated himself for the way he was behaving. He also couldn't stop the tears trailing from his eyes. She saw it.

"Sweetie…" She said. Mike didn't move.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Donna carefully sat down on the edge of the couch, close enough to touch him. He didn't know what to say. He was panicking but tried to sit absolutely still.

"Mike, honey?" She said. "Are you okay? Talk to me."

"I… I had a nightmare." He said stupidly. She smiled sadly and nodded.

"About what happened to you?"

It was Mike's turn to nod.

"I'm sorry." She said. He didn't know what to answer so he didn't.

"Why don't you lay down again?" She asked. He did so, even though he didn't want to. She was still sitting next to him; he could feel her presence by his legs. It comforted him. He didn't move his own legs. He suddenly didn't want her to go at all. He wished with all his being that she would stay there, just like that. He bit his lip and tried to control his breathing. He was so tense. He didn't know what to do with his hands.

"Do you want me to keep you company for a bit?" Donna asked him then, just like she knew. He nodded. He wanted to move closer to her, to hold on to her. He wished he would just stop feeling this damn scared. He didn't have a single thing to be scared of here, but still the panic wouldn't leave him.

"Try to relax Mike. It was just a dream. That's all over now."

His heart sank a bit at her words. That was just it. It wasn't over for him. Not at all. Every scenario of those four days kept replaying in his head over and over, almost every time he let himself relax and didn't focus his attention on to something. That's why he wanted to work. He was able to for minutes at the time think about something else. That was such a relief. But here, it didn't work.

He hated his mind for doing this to him. Donna was right. It was over. Why couldn't he let it go? He tried to force himself to breathe normally. He felt like such an idiot as he felt how tears ran down his face uncontrollably. He felt so tired but didn't want to close his eyes. He couldn't relax at all and he rubbed his face a little on the pillow. He sat up again. He couldn't just lay there, he couldn't.

Donna looked worried when he met her eyes. He almost flinched when she reached out and touched his arm. He fought the urge to pull it away from her, not even knowing why he wanted to do that. Instead he stayed still and tried to get control of his breathing while she stroked his arm, up and down.

"It's okay Mike. It's okay." Donna told him quietly. After a few minutes he did feel a bit more okay. He had gotten himself under control again, the dream had mostly faded. He laid down again but was still scared of new ones. Donna stayed until he fell back asleep. It felt so weird, but at the same time he didn't want to say anything that would make her leave. He really appreciated that she was there.

He dreamt more nightmares that woke him. Donna had left a light on in the hallway, so he didn't wake up to total darkness again. She wasn't there though this time. His heart was still beating so hard in his chest that it almost worried him. He had dreamt that he had been bound and unable to defend himself. He went back to sleep after almost an hour of trying to empty his mind from all those bad memories. He woke up again after what felt like five minutes, from another nightmare. He cried into his pillow after that one.

He felt so pathetic. He felt like a total failure. He felt weak. Unable to deal with what had happened like he was some kind of crazy person. What if he never would get over it? What if this was his life now? That scared him a lot.

The worst part of it all was that he felt so alone in it. It had been over for several days now and at first everyone had been really nice to him, had shown sympathy and support. But he should be over it by now. He was sure that they all thought that. It had been awful and all, but it was over, and things were back to normal. For everyone else that was. Not for him. For him it was like it had happened yesterday, he felt the same. He had no one to turn to now. He wished so much that he had.

He also couldn't help but feeling angry at the people around him, even though he knew that was stupid and ungrateful. It was just that the men who kidnapped him was still out there. No one had seen them, and it didn't seem like the police did much about it. He couldn't understand why everyone seemed to just ignore this fact. It terrified him to think about it, that they were free to do whatever they wanted, and with Harvey's money as well. They were free while he felt like he still was a captive, just under different circumstances.

He just wished that he could talk about this with anyone, or preferably he wanted them to bring it up, ask him what he felt about the kidnappers being out there. No one did though, they didn't care. No one asked him anything, the only thing they wanted to know was how he was feeling.

Donna had been nice enough to offer him to stay here, he couldn't screw it up by being difficult. Like saying something or disturbing her at night. He already had done it once now. He figured that he could stay here for a couple of days now. Maybe even three, then he would have to make up some story about him feeling better. But where should he go next? The thought of going home made him want to cry, home wasn't an option. Not while those guys still weren't captured. And honestly, he didn't know if he could have faced going home even if they were. Maybe he could stay at the office again? Maybe some hotel? That seemed to be the best option. Maybe he could find a cheap one somewhere close to the office.

He had an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, and it felt like his eyes were about to tear up again. He had been able to calm down some, but now he felt worse again. He really wished he had someone to talk to. Donna was in the next room, but he was dependent on her now if he wanted to have somewhere to stay at night. He didn't think she would be mad at him if he went to her, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

Yesterday she had seen him break down. Not once but twice. He had cried in front of her twice as well. The nightmare he hadn't been able to control, but the breakdown he had had at the office was another story. Now it only felt embarrassing, nothing else. She had seen him at his weakest. On the other hand, she had really comforted him, she had helped him. Would she do that again if he asked for it? Could he ask? He didn't think so. And what if she told Harvey? She probably would. And she probably would want to talk to him tomorrow. What would he say? It stressed him out a lot.

He didn't sleep much at all for the rest of the night. It was first when he heard how Donna's alarm went off and how she turned it off that he started to drift off. Somehow it just felt better when he knew that she was awake.

When she shook him awake it had only been about half an hour. He jerked awake and might have slapped her hand. His heart was beating so hard and his breath had sped up.

"It's okay, Mike. It's okay. It's just me. It's just Donna. Everything is fine."

He felt like crying when he looked up at her. He was so tired still; he had just been so scared and now he had to pretend. It was even harder to hold back when she reached out and lightly stroked his hair. He didn't move.

"It's all good." She said and smiled at him. He wanted to tell her that it wasn't. It wasn't at all. But he didn't say anything, instead he just laid there and tried to not move in fright if her walking away. He wanted to reach out and hold on to her.

"How did you sleep?" Donna asked next.

He panicked a little inside but forced himself to smile. "It's more comfortable here than at the office." He said.

She smiled and he knew that he hadn't fooled her. She nodded a little.

"I've made breakfast, if you are up for it."

She stood up then and Mike hated himself for wanting her to stay. He felt like crying again. How was he supposed to be able to deal with today?

He bit his lips hard and just laid there and waited for a moment until he felt like he maybe would be able to hold it all in. Then he got up and went to the kitchen. He wasn't that hungry but figured he would eat anyway.

"Did you manage to sleep some more?" Donna asked him.

"A little. Thanks."

"It was a pretty bad nightmare you had Mike." She said next. He didn't know what to answer other than agreeing, so he did.

"Yeah."

"Do you have them a lot?"

"Yes." He didn't look at her when he answered, instead he focused on the breakfast in front of him.

"And they are about what happened to you?"

"Yeah…"

She looked at him and he knew she wanted him to elaborate but he didn't know if he could. He felt so messed up.

"I know I have said this before Mike, but I'm so sorry this happened to you."

"Thanks Donna." Mike said. "It sucks." He smiled a little and didn't pulled back when she stroked his arm. He wished that she would hug him, but she didn't. Instead she smiled back at him and picked up her cup of coffee.

After they were finished Mike helped her put the dishes away. He needed to ask her something but didn't know how. He needed it to not be a big deal, just ask it lightly, and now was a good time since they weren't facing each other.

"I can stay here tonight as well, right? I mean, if that's okay?" He managed to keep his voice steady.

"Of course, it is. You are welcome to stay as long as you like, Mike." Donna said it like it was a certain thing already, that he was staying. That felt so good.

"Thank you." He said.

Donna just smiled at him and soon they left for work. She had a way of making it feel easier. He didn't feel that worried when they got outside, the car ride went well too. Things felt okay and almost normal, at least until they arrived at the office and had to share an elevator with Jessica and two other associates. Mike prayed that she wouldn't say anything to him. Thankfully she just nodded towards him and said good morning to Donna.

The fact that he was so nervous about being spoken to spoiled his mood though.

He went to his desk and started working. He needed to think about something else. He needed to really engulf himself in the case at hand, so much so that he forgot everything else.

He managed to do it pretty well, and almost felt angry when Harvey suddenly came up to him and made a move to remove his headphones.

"How is it going?" Harvey asked. Mike didn't know why he would ask that, in front of all the other associates. It felt like they were all staring at him now. He felt his face starting to feel hot. He clenched his teeth.

"Fine. What do you want?"

Harvey glared a little at him and then asked him if he was finished with the files.

"Not yet. You gave them to me yesterday evening and it's not even nine yet."

"So, you are not that good then?"

Mike knew that Harvey was joking or trying to, but it wasn't funny. If he had stayed at the office last night like the nights before he would have been finished. He would have, but he wasn't now. He swallowed hard.

"It was a joke Mike. I was joking. Bring them to me when you are done." Harvey said then when he hesitated.

Mike stared after him when he walked away. He then looked around the room and saw at least two people who quickly bent their heads down as he looked towards them.

He wasn't that good. Harvey was right. He wasn't good. His thoughts brought him back to what had happened even though he did everything he could to resist it. They just kept coming and he wanted it to stop. If he thought it would help, he would have banged his head against his desk. He was trapped in the thoughts. They were breaking him down.

He brought his hand to his other arm and pinched himself hard, pressed his fingers into the freshly healed wounds from the bindings. The pain actually worked, and he managed to snap out of it. He glanced at his wrist and saw how red the skin had become. He quickly turned back to the file again. He felt all sweaty and his heart was beating so hard in his chest. He thought distraughtly about what he had just done, he couldn't understand why he was feeling like this. But it would pass, with time it would pass. It just had too, because he didn't know what to do otherwise.

He tried to concentrate at the files instead of what he was feeling.

-SUITS-


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 19.**

To say things went well for Mike that day was to stretch it. Things didn’t go horrible at least, but he struggled. It worried him quite a lot that it was this hard to concentrate. It felt like something was wrong with him. The kidnapping had really messed him up. It wasn’t only the concentration difficulties, sleeplessness or the thoughts. He didn’t like the dark anymore. Sometimes he felt terrified even though he logically knew there was nothing to fear. He jumped at loud noises as well as sudden movements. He knew that Harvey or Donna must have noticed it but they hadn’t said anything.

Louis came by his desk an hour later and Mike stiffened when he saw him. He hoped that the man would walk past him, but he stopped.

“Mike, my office now.” He said and walked away. Mike could only follow. Louis mentioned for the chair in front of his desk and Mike sat down.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry about earlier. It had come to my attention that you took offense from what I said.”

Mike just stared at the man. What was going on? Was Louis apologizing to him?

“Ehm… okay.” He said.

“How are you holding up otherwise?” Louis looked him straight into the eyes and he looked serious.

Mike swallowed. “I’m… you know. I’m getting the work done.”

“I wasn’t talking about your work Mike.”

“I know.”

They looked at each other again for a moment. But then Louis nodded.

“Okay, Mike. That was all. You can go.”

Mike nodded back and left. He felt a bit shaken up. Louis had apologized. Harvey must have spoken to him. He didn’t know how he felt about that. On one hand he felt a bit touched and on the other he felt embarrassed. He didn’t want Harvey to fight his battles for him. He wasn’t going to mention it though, he just wished Harvey could talk to him too. Sure, Harvey had told him to come to him if he wanted to talk, but he didn’t know how to bring it up, or what to say.

Donna had told him that he could come to them, but why did that have to be on him? Why couldn’t they come to him? Suddenly he felt so angry. He hated that he was feeling this shitty all the time, but he didn’t know what to do about it. For now, he just went to his desk and sat down. He stared at the screen and down on his desk on all the work that was laying there. He should concentrate on it, just start to work, but he didn’t want to do it. What the hell was the point with all of this anyway?

A couple of hours passed without him doing much of anything. Rachel stopped by and wanted to talk, but he dismissed her. He knew what she wanted to talk about and had no interest in listening to how sorry she was for what had happened to him. Besides, he had been back for days and it was first now she came?

He felt embarrassed and humiliated after she had left. He wanted to go somewhere but didn’t know where. Eventually he ended up in the bathroom. It was the only place he could think of where he could be alone and yet feel safe, or whatever he was feeling. He walked into a booth, locked the door and sat down. He tried with all he had to not feel anything, to disconnect. It didn’t work at all. Instead he felt tears coming and how his chest grew tight.

He fought it for just a little while before he gave up and buried his face in his hands and cried. He did it as quietly as he could in case someone would come.

He felt so damn pathetic sitting like this. But worst was the feeling of loneliness. He was all alone in this and he couldn’t see how he was going to start to feel better. He bit his tongue to stop himself from screaming out loud.

He spent almost an hour like that, feeling like absolute shit. He wished for a while that someone would come looking for him, but no one did. Of course, they didn’t, why would they? It wasn’t like they knew he had disappeared. Or they didn’t even care if he did. The hard thing was that he really wished that someone would care enough to actually come and look.

Eventually he had gotten himself together enough to be able to step out of the bathroom and back to his desk. He looked down the entire way over, just so that he wouldn’t have to meet anyone’s eyes. Neither Harvey nor Donna came that day to ask if he wanted to have lunch with them, and he didn’t want to go alone, or to ask them. So, he ended up without eating lunch, just an apple from the breakroom.

_-SUITS-_

Harvey couldn’t help but worry about Mike. He spent quite a long time looking around for Mike to ask him if he wanted to join him for lunch. However, he couldn’t find him, so he had to head out alone, to avoid being late for a partner meeting he had around two a clock.

It seemed like Mike was avoiding him, but Donna said that he shouldn’t read to much into that. She also said that he needed to talk with Mike.

“You need to be kind to him.” She had even said, which surprised him a bit.

“When am I not kind?” He had said, and she had just rolled her eyes at him.

“I spoke to Louis.” Harvey had muttered then. But Donna didn’t seem to think that it counted. Instead she said that he needed to give Mike time, and that he would come around soon enough.

After the partners meeting, which had been rather boring, Harvey had gone to find Mike though. He had looked to be totally ingulfed in something so Harvey almost felt bad for interrupting him. Mike jerked when Harvey tapped his shoulder and looked up at him with wild eyes.

“It’s just me. How is it going?” Harvey tried to pretend that he wasn’t bothered by Mike’s look. He wasn’t sure that Donna’s tactic of waiting for Mike to come around was the right way to go. The younger man didn’t look good at all. He was too pale and had a sheer layer of sweat on his forehead. He almost looked sick.

“Good. It’s going good. Why do you ask?” Mike said now and looked around the room. Harvey followed his gaze and saw at least three people bend their heads down. He understood and couldn’t help but feel angry on Mike’s behalf.

“Come with me.” He said and walked away. Mike soon followed him. Harvey took them to his office where he gave Mike a bunch of new assignments that the kid accepted without a word. They spent some time with going through the material together and Mike stayed in his office after that. Harvey figured that if they spent some more time around each other Mike would open up eventually.

Mike was thankful towards Harvey. He understood what he was doing back at the cubicles when he told Mike to come with him. He had seen the look on Harvey’s face and understood that he probably thought about the whole thing with Carl.

He felt a bit better when he could work in Harvey’s office. He got more work done there as well. It was easier to concentrate.

Donna brought him with her at the end of the day. They took a cab to his place, even though he tried to tell Donna that he was fine without going there. However, she followed him closely up to his apartment where he collected a few things at random, and almost all of his clean suits. He didn’t want to be there longer than necessary, and besides he felt a bit ashamed about his apartment, and how messy it was when he thought about how Donna’s place looked like.

“Do you have everything then?” She asked and Mike looked around a little. He felt a bit ill being back here again. Nauseated and tense, and he got angry at himself for feeling like that. It was his own home for gods’ sakes. It still felt good when they left. It felt like it was a bit easier to breath outside and back in the cab.

They didn’t speak about how long he would stay, or why he was staying at Donna’s place. She was so good that way. She knew that he didn’t want to have that conversation and she let him off the hook. Still he didn’t feel entirely comfortable, he knew this was weird. And it didn’t feel good at all that he was doing this, that he couldn’t go stay at home by himself.

When they got home, they cooked dinner together and had a calm, nice time. They talked some, but not about anything troubling. He noticed that Donna tried to bring up some of the more difficult subject, but he deflected. He didn’t want to talk about how he was feeling or what was bothering him. He was nervous about going to bed. He didn’t want to embarrass himself again but knew that he was going to have nightmares again. He couldn’t fend them off. Donna seemed hesitant as well when they both were ready to go to bed. She stood next to the couch in her robe.

“Are you going to be able to sleep?” She asked him.

“Yeah, Donna. Thanks.” He answered fast and tried to smile convincingly.

“Are you sure?” She asked. “Is it something I can do for you?”

Mike smiled genuinely this time. “No, I’m good. Thank you.”

“Well, good night then, Mike.”

“Good night Donna.”

He watched her disappear into her bedroom, closing the door after her. She was so nice to him. He was grateful for letting him stay. He didn’t have to stay at his own place now or continue to sleep in the office. For a few days he had somewhere to go, and maybe during that time he would be able to figure all of this out. Maybe he would be able to get a grip and just move on. He really needed to do that. What he was doing now wasn’t working. But he didn’t know how to get away from what he was feeling. He didn’t know how to get away from the thoughts about the kidnapping.

He laid down and closed his eyes. Donna had turned the light on the ceiling off as she left, but there was a small lamp by the window that was still lit. He wasn’t going to turn it off. He couldn’t handle the dark.

He felt so alone.

Donna was in the next room, but that didn’t help at all. He regretted now, saying that he had been good. It had only been like two minutes but he kind of felt destroyed now. Something was really wrong with him. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was something mentally wrong. It certainly wasn’t normal to be acting like this. It was about two weeks since it had happened now, and he still felt like absolute shit right now. It was just that it still felt like it had happened yesterday. Everything was just edged in so clearly in his mind. He remembered every second of it. He remembered being grabbed, how he fought and screamed, how they bound him, questioned him and hit him. Being left in the dark, being hungry and thirsty, them coming back and binding him again, leaving him on the floor this time. The way they talked to him, kicked him, laughed at him. He remembered how he at first had been defiant towards them, talked back and screamed. But he also remembered how he had thrown up from pain, cried and begged. They had broken him during those days. They had humiliated him and violated him. His mind immediately went back to the third night he had been held. The light from the cellphone coming against him.

He sat up on the couch. He wasn’t going to allow himself to go there. He noticed that it was hard to breathe all of a sudden. He was panting, and felt all sweaty, but at the same time he felt cold. He didn’t know what to do.

Maybe Donna was awake still. Maybe he could go to her. She might know what to do.

But then he would have to explain. Then he would have to admit to her that he was this affected by it, that he was this damn weak. Maybe she would even laugh at him, or at least she would think he was weird. And he couldn’t go to her now, she had already said good night to him. She didn’t want him to bother her.

He picked up his phone instead. Maybe he could just call someone. But who? He went through his short contact list. But there was no one. And when he saw that he still had the number for Grammy’s nursing home saved it just made him feel more worse. No, there wasn’t anyone for him to call. He stared for a while at Harvey’s number. He wondered what the older man would say if Mike did call him, at 23:17 at night. He also didn’t know what he would tell Harvey. That he felt bad? That he thought that his heart was going to burst out of his chest from beating so hard? Or that he felt so damn lonely and sad?

It was all out of the question. He would never do that. He couldn’t. Harvey would probably talk to him, but he wouldn’t want to deal with his problems, not really. Harvey had already done so much for him. Harvey had paid the ransom. Harvey had faced those men and had been his normal self even though he had had a bunch of guns pointed at him. Harvey had helped him a lot after that as well. He had comforted him, stayed with him at the hospital and had let him stay at his place. He had done enough. Mike shouldn’t bother him. Harvey would probably be pissed at him if he called this late and he couldn’t have that. He just wished that he could have called anyway.

He put the phone away again and slowly laid down. He curled up a bit and pressed his back against the back of the couch and tried to will his heart to slow down. He was tired but couldn’t get himself to close his eyes. Hours must have passed, and Mike didn’t feel better at all. He just couldn’t relax. He went up from the couch at one point and found himself just walking around the living room. It was close to three in the morning.

He started to feel hungry again but didn’t dare to go and get something to eat. He couldn’t do that at three in the morning at Donna’s house. It was just weird, and he wasn’t going to do that. But it just felt worse and worse. He hadn’t gotten anything to eat when he had been held captive either.

Would she be angry if he took something? He didn’t know, and it felt hard to think clearly. He felt himself shaking as he walked over to the kitchen. He just needed something. If just he took a little of something, Donna wouldn’t notice it. He had tears in his eyes by the time he got to the refrigerator. He just needed something to eat. He was so hungry, and Donna had a lot of food. He gulped down a few cocktail tomatoes and was holding a carton of milk when he heard a sound behind him.

“Mike?”

He turned around so quickly that he slammed his hand that was holding the carton against the refrigerator door. He dropped it.

“Oh my god!” Donna exclaimed as they both watched how the milk spread out all over the floor.

Mike stood as frozen. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, he felt so tense. Donna bent down and got the milk carton up, but it back in the fridge and got some paper and started to clean it up. Mike just stood there.

He didn’t know why he felt so much panic. He felt truly scared and had to really focus to not break down totally. Damn it, it was just some milk. She had startled him, and he had dropped it, he tried to reason logically, but a bunch of other thoughts just got in the way. She would be angry, she would yell at him, she would throw him out.

“I’m…I’m sorry.” He eventually got out. Donna was still on the floor cleaning up his mess. He should be doing that, but he couldn’t get himself to move. “I’m sorry.” He said again. “I’m sorry Donna.” His voice broke a little. She looked up at him, and then quickly stood up, so quickly that he backed a few steps. He couldn’t meet her eyes.

“No, Mike. It’s okay. Sweetie, it’s okay. It’s just a little milk.”

“I’m sorry.” Mike repeated. He didn’t know what else to say. “Sorry.” He felt so pathetic now.

“Mike…” She came towards him and he backed into the wall; she didn’t care though.

“Come here.” She said and held out her arms for him. He stood stiff as she wrapped her arms around him. She shushed him and stroked his back. Like he was a little boy.

_-SUITS-_

Donna didn’t know if what she was doing right now was the right thing to do. She actually didn’t know. Not that she would admit that. Mike was still just standing there, shaking and not making any attempts at hugging her back. She decided to try and hold him a little while longer.

She didn’t know what it was that had woken her at three in the morning, but she had. This was the reason, she now realized. Mike had needed her. She had walked out into the living room and found the couch empty. Worry rushed up in her immediately. Where was he? Then she heard a sound from the kitchen. Relief flooded over her as she found Mike standing in front of the fridge, just putting down a package of cocktail tomatoes. He must have been hungry. She smiled a little to herself and stepped closer. His whole body jerked when she said his name. She could see terror in his eyes as the milk carton ended up on the floor. Mike did no attempt to pick it up again, so she took care of that.

She knew that things were terribly wrong as she heard Mike apologizing, not once or twice but five times. His whole body was shaking, and he was panting where he stood. Something was so terribly wrong with him.

“It’s okay Mike. It’s okay.” She whispered in his ear as she hugged him. Eventually he calmed down a little and she let him go.

“Are you okay?” She wanted to know. Her heart bled for him when he refused to meet her eyes.

“I was just hungry.” He said. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologizing for. Nothing at all. Are you still hungry then?”

He nodded towards the floor.

“Would you like me to make you a sandwich then?” She tried to catch his eyes and was a bit surprised as he shook his head.

“No sandwich.” He mumbled. “I can’t.”

Okay. No sandwiches from now on. She needed to remember that. She turned back to the fridge and opened it. “How about the rest of the tomatoes and some hot chocolate?”

To her relief Mike agreed to that. She directed him to sit down at the table and soon they were sitting opposite of each other, both with a cup of hot chocolate and Mike with the tomatoes. Mike still hadn’t met her eyes, but he ate the tomatoes.

“Mike, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Why can’t you eat sandwiches?”

He froze in a movement and then finally locked eyes with her. He shrugged a little.

“You know, when I was kidnapped?” He then said. She nodded.

“That was the only thing they gave me to eat. They threw it on the floor in front of me. I was bound so it was kind of difficult to eat it. I left the parts that was touching the floor.” He hesitated a little but then continued. “They didn’t like that I did that, so they came over, sat me up and wanted me to eat the rest. When I refused, they forced me to.”

He looked up at her again. Donna felt a little ill.

“Oh, Mike. I’m so sorry.”

They had forced him to eat stuff from the floor. He had been forced to eat from the floor. It was just awful. No wonder the younger man refused to eat sandwiches. Then she remembered something.

“Oh god! I’ve given you multiple sandwiches. I’m so sorry Mike.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s okay. I appreciated that; I really did. I just… I didn’t eat them. It just reminds me too much of…”

“Of course, it does. I’m so sorry. You should have told me.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry it happened to you.”

Mike nodded. He felt a bit calmer now. The hot chocolate made wonders. He smiled a little towards her. She was so nice to him.

“Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Of course, Mike, you can stay as long as you want.”

“That means a lot.”

“Are you ready to go back to bed?” Donna asked after a while.

“Yeah, sure.”

She followed him back to the couch and stayed next to it as he laid down. She had a look of determination on her face and Mike waited, slightly nervous.

“Mike, do you mind if I stay here for a bit?” She asked.

“No, I don’t mind.”

“I thought I would just sit here and read for a bit. That hot chocolate will keep me up for a while now.”

He watched as she sat down on a chair next to the window and picked up a book. He knew what she was doing. This was for his sake. He felt so grateful. He watched her until his eyes fell close, when he forced them opened again, she was still sitting there.

Donna didn’t leave until she was sure that he was sleeping.

_-SUITS-_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 20.**

When Harvey got to the office the next morning, he asked Donna if Mike was in yet.

“Yes, he is here.” She said. “You want me to get him?”

“Yes.” He said and walked into his office. He was a bit surprised when he saw that Donna got up and walked down the hallway. Usually she just called Mike.

Mike looked pale and tired when he walked into his office without knocking.

“Mike. I have a meeting at ten. Would you like to come?”

He didn’t know why he framed it like a question. Before Mike was kidnapped, he never asked the kid about stuff like that. Mike nodded now and asked if what he needed to do to be prepared.

In the car on their way to the meeting an hour later Mike fell asleep. At first Harvey was going to wake him, but then he didn’t. It looked like the kid needed a nap. Mike jerked awake though when they came to a stop. The meeting went well, and they were done about an hour later. It had been a preparation for court. They were going tomorrow afternoon. Harvey was pretty sure that it was going to be an easy win.

When he got back to the office, he ordered Mike to go through all the paperwork. He wasn’t sure yet if he was bringing Mike with him to court or not. He wasn’t entirely sure that Mike was in a good enough state of mind to handle it yet. Sure, the kidnapping happened a while ago now, but Harvey knew that it still affected the kid. Of course, it did.

The men that kidnapped Mike was still not caught. Harvey had been in contact with the police a few times now, but they seemed to be pretty incompetent. There was no trace of his million dollars either. He suspected that he would never see them again. It was frustrating of course, but he tried not to think about it. It had been worth it to get Mike back, of course it had.

Mike had remained in his office with all the paperwork. Harvey had it stored in a couple of boxes on the table. Mike went through them methodically and would sometimes ask a question. However, he seemed to be irritable and tired. He yawed a lot and would rub his eyes once in a while.

He muttered something about Harvey tapping on the keys of his computer too hard and then glared at Harvey when he made a remark about tapping lighter.

Mike felt angry and he didn’t know why. He knew that lack of enough sleep affected his mood, but he just couldn’t help that Harvey was annoying. He had managed to sleep about four hours that night. After Donna had stayed in the room with him, he had been calm enough to be able to fall asleep. He dreamt a lot of nightmares but didn’t woke from them. They left him exhausted though. He had a hard time of letting go of them.

He felt embarrassed to face Donna as well. She seemed to pretend that everything was normal, so Mike went with it. She had made them porridge for breakfast.

They arrived at the office quite early and Mike went to his desk. Donna came to get him about thirty minutes later and said that Harvey wanted to see him. They went to a meeting. Mike was pretty nervous during it. He didn’t know why.

When they got back to the office Harvey gave him a lot to do. It felt like it was too much, but he didn’t say anything. He had a hard time concentrating. Everything distracted him it seemed. He felt angry and didn’t know why that was either.

Later that afternoon he was almost through all the boxes. His head was spinning, and he wasn’t sure that all the information had stuck, he couldn’t help it. He was so tired. He leaned his head into his hands. He just needed to close his eyes for a minute. They felt so dry. He just needed a minute of rest. He felt a little dizzy and it felt like the table was moving behind his closed eyes.

He was bound on the floor again. He couldn’t get loose. The bindings were too tight. It made it hard to breathe. He was hurting and terrified. They would be back soon. They would hurt him then, or worse. He just knew it, he needed to get lose before that. He just needed to get loose before they came back. He tried over and over, but he got nowhere.

He screamed when he felt hands on him. That was when he woke up. It had been Harvey’s hands. He jerked back in the chair and barely managed to avoid falling off it. He was panting and his heart was beating so damn hard in his chest it almost hurt.

“What the hell Mike!” Harvey exclaimed. “You screamed bloody murder!” He hadn’t meant to sound so angry; Mike had just startled him and he didn’t like that

“No, I didn’t.” Mike immediately said. But Harvey just stared at him with wide eyes and he knew that he had screamed out load. He felt how his face started to heat up.

“If you are going with me to court tomorrow you need to step it up Mike. Quit sleeping on the job, god damn it!” Harvey said angrily and started to walk back to his desk. Mike felt angry as well at once.

“Shut up! I have stepped it up! I’ve gone through almost all of this shit already.” He pushed at one of the boxes. It almost fell off the table, but Mike grabbed it before it did.

“Watch it! What the hell!” Harvey exclaimed.

Mike glared at him as he quickly stood up and then left the room. Harvey saw that Donna got up as Mike stormed past her. She called after him, but he didn’t stop.

He just needed to get away from there. He rushed at the bathroom that luckily was empty.

Damn it, damn it, damn it. He felt so damn embarrassed. Not only did he actually fall sleep in Harvey’s office, he had to have a nightmare so bad he had screamed from it. It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair. He pulled at his hair and washed his face with cold water. It didn’t help. It felt like he was going to explode.

He jerked and backed away when the door opened.

“Mike? How are you doing?” It was Donna. She looked so concerned that he couldn’t handle it.

“Just leave me alone!” He exclaimed before he could stop himself.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” She closed the door and was gone again before he could say anything else. Oh no! now he had pissed her off on top of everything. He was destroying everything. Suddenly he felt how his eyes teared up. He stumbled into a booth, so that no one else would see him like this. He sobbed a little in his hands before he was able to get a grip on himself again.

He didn’t want to go back to Harvey’s office. He didn’t want to face Harvey or Donna now. They must both be angry at him now, and he didn’t want them to be. He stayed a while where he was. But it didn’t make him feel any better. He felt so damn pathetic. He just wanted to go back to when he felt normal. How it was before all of this. Before he was kidnapped.

Those men were still out there. On impulse he got out his phone and dialed the phone number of the police officer that had interviewed him at the hospital. He had gotten a card from one of them and had looked at the phone number.

There was no news whatsoever and at first the policeman hadn’t known who he was. It made him so angry. When he hung up again, he didn’t know what to do with himself. For a moment he wished he could get high. He just wanted to escape. He wanted to become numb. But right now, that wasn’t an option. Things wouldn’t get better if he did that.

He walked back to Harvey’s office. He refused to look up when he passed Donna’s desk and didn’t say anything to Harvey when he sat down at the table again. Harvey didn’t say anything either.

_-SUITS-_

“He told me to leave him alone.” Donna had said as soon as she got back to Harvey’s office, after they had agreed that she would follow him. “He must be really upset.”

“Yeah. That must have been one hell of a nightmare. He scared the shit of me when he screamed like that. I should have woken him sooner.”

“He has been having trouble sleeping.” Donna said.

“So, what should we do?”

“We just need to support him.” Donna decided. So, when Mike got back again a while later Harvey didn’t say anything about what had happened. He could let it go.

The two of them didn’t speak much more that evening. Harvey told Mike to head home earlier than usual.

“Try to get a good night sleep.” He said.

“Fine.” Mike walked out of his office and up to Donnas desk. Harvey saw that they talked for a while. Then Donna came and said good night to him and the two of them left together. It was great that Donna took care of the kid. Mike needed that.

_-SUITS-_

Things wasn’t as awkward between Donna and him as he had thought they would be. He had been so nervous when he walked out of Harvey’s office and up to her desk.

“Is it still okay if I stay with you tonight?” He had asked. He hated the way his voice shook. What the hell was his problem? Was he really this weak, nervous person now?

“Of course, it is Mike. Why wouldn’t it be?” Donna smiled at him.

“I yelled at you.”

“When did you yell at me?” He looked up at her and saw that she smiled. She knew exactly what he was talking about, but this was her way of saying that they were good. He smiled back at her.

“Do you want to get out of here then?” He asked. Five minutes later they were on their way back to Donna’s apartment.

It was the best night in a long time. They cooked together while listening to music. Donna had great taste. Mike felt better than he had in a while. And for a moment he thought about confiding in Donna. Tell her how much he actually was struggling with all of the things that had happened to him. He imagined what it would be like. Maybe he would feel better if he told her, told anyone. He had considered talking to Harvey as well. Then after he was let go and had been in the hospital, Harvey had said that he would help.

But then the moment was lost, and Donna told him that the dinner was ready. They ate and then watched a movie. Donna then announced that she was going to read a bit again and Mike wanted to hug her as she walked over to the chair, a book in hand.

He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He had been exhausted.

He wasn’t surprised when he woke up in a panic a couple of hours later. The nightmare had been awful, and he was drenched in sweat. He just laid there and tried to get his breathing back together. It had been so real. It felt like the ropes were still on him. It felt like it hurt in the area where he had been kicked in the dream. He felt sick and his chest felt so tight.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to do anything at all to get away from this feeling. For a moment he thought about how it would feel like if he just bashed his head against the edge of the coffee table. He wondered if it would knock him out. He moaned at the thought. He swore at himself. He was so stupid. Something was truly wrong with him. He was mentally ill. He was pretty sure of that now. Damn it.

In total he got about four hours of sleep that night. It was an awful night that never seemed to end. He hadn’t been able to not think about it. It consumed him. He was constantly being bombarded with images and feelings from the kidnapping. It felt like the feelings of humiliation, helplessness and fright he had felt then just drilled itself deeper and deeper inside of him. It brought with it insecurity, sadness and loneliness. He couldn’t fend it off.

He was exhausted and angry by morning. He managed to pretend well enough with Donna, but it was just harder at the office when he was faced with the pile of files that he still had to read through. He wanted to just push it all into the trash and get the hell out of there. Why was Harvey just dumping all of this on him?

He had a really hard time concentrating. Every single sound and movement in the room distracted him, and he had to fight to stop himself from yelling at his fellow associates. As usual they just all ignored him, and he hated them for that. They didn’t even look at him, it was like he wasn’t there. That had almost happened, he couldn’t help but thinking. He had almost been killed. None of the people in this room would have cared. Hardly anyone would have cared. Harvey, Donna, Rachel and maybe Louis and Jessica. But that was it for him, and these people were his colleagues. What kind of person was he when he didn’t have anyone else in the entire world that cared about him?

No one asked how he was doing. No one reached out to him. He had no one. He felt like crying right there and then. Harvey choose that moment to appear out of nowhere next to his desk.

“What’s up Mike? Do you have everything? Come see me at my office.”

He turned around and walked away again before he had time to even answer. Mike wanted to yell after him. Couldn’t Harvey see that he was struggling? He wanted him to ask, he wanted him to care. But he gathered everything and followed his boss to his office. What had he expected anyway? That Harvey would hug him and ask what was wrong? How could he ever have even considered talking to Harvey yesterday. He was an ass!

They started going through the case a bit to prepare for the court appointment.

“We should win this.” Harvey said. “All we have to do it to press where it hurts, right?” He smirked a bit and looked at Mike, but the younger man didn’t react. He looked like he was somewhere else entirely.

“Are you even listening to a word I’m saying?” Harvey asked. Mike didn’t react and Harvey cursed inwardly. He had had a conversation with Donna earlier and she had said that Mike had slept badly again.

“You need to be nice to him.”

“I am nice to him Donna. It just seemed that he is pissed at me for some reason.”

“He is not pissed at you. He is frustrated and he isn’t feeling all that well. We need to help him.”

“Donna, he is a grown man.”

“That had something terrible happening to him, which he is still dealing with.”

“I know that, and I try to treat him like normal. He just pisses me off.” He said it as a joke, but she didn’t appreciate it at all.

“Harvey I’m serious. Mike isn’t feeling well.”

“Okay, Donna. I understand. And I know that, anyone can see it on him.”

“I’m worried about him.” Donna said after a moment.

Harvey had nodded then when she said that. He was worried too, but it was hard to deal with this version of Mike. He was easily irritated, scared easily and looked dead tired at all times. Honestly, Harvey wasn’t sure he could trust him with work either. He didn’t know if it was a good idea to take Mike with him to court today. He had to bring it up wit the kid.

“Mike?” He asked. “Mike!” He had to raise his voice to get a reaction from the kid. Again, he jerked in his chair. The younger man hadn’t done that before he was taken. They had really messed him up. He thought back of the story Mike had told in the hospital of what had happened. He thought about how Mike had reacted when Harvey had gotten him back, or that first night at Harvey’s place. Mike had been so destroyed. He had cried and cried.

“Are you doing okay there?” He gently asked now.

Mike just stared at him. He looked sad.

“What the hell do you think? Why would I be okay?” They looked at each other, both of them surprised. Harvey looked like he hadn’t expected to hear anything else than Mike’s standard answer he had been holding on to this all time. It was just that right now he was so damn tired, and he felt so angry at Harvey and sick of that question. It was a relevant question from his part though. How was he supposed to be okay with the burden of the memories of what had happened to him? And how was he supposed to be just fine and pretend like it had never happened, which everyone else seemed to do?

Harvey on his part didn’t know what to say. Mike asked him why he would be okay. It was clear that he wasn’t, and Harvey knew that he hadn’t been fine. It was just that every time he asked Mike about it, he said that he was. And now this.

“Mike… I know what happened to you was traumatic…” He began, but Mike interrupted him.

“You know what? I don’t want to hear it. Of course, it was traumatic. But it’s over now, right? I should just get over it and be fine. That is what you think! I should be grateful? I wasn’t even hurt that bad, right? But you have no idea! You have no fucking clue!”

Mike stood up so violently that his chair almost tipped over. Harvey got up as well.

“I have never said anything like that. I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me, but you just shut me out. That’s on you Mike, I’m trying here. You are not making it easy though.”

Mike just shook his head at him now and Harvey stopped himself. Maybe that wasn’t the best way to express himself right now.

“I’m so sorry that this isn’t easy for you, Harvey.” Mike said in a quiet but hard voice. Then he left without another word. Harvey called after him, but Mike just left.

Harvey sank back down in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment.

“What are you doing?” It was Donna, she was standing in front of him now.

“Donna, I know what you are going to say.”

“I highly doubt that you know which words I want to use right now. I told you to help him, not make him feel worse! You need to fix this, and you need to fix it today.”

She turned her back at him and closed to door behind her. He saw how she turned her back against him when she got to her desk. That didn’t go well at all. It was just that Mike had been so angry, and Harvey hadn’t been prepared for that. He knew he had a hard time with keeping his cool at situations like that. But in this case Donna was right. He needed to fix it and he needed to help Mike, nothing else. Mike didn’t make it easy though, when he threw out those accusations.

They were set to leave for court in an hour now. He couldn’t take Mike with him though, not after this. He just had to tell him gently. Mike must understand as well that at this time it wouldn’t be good for him to come along. The kid should be home and rest. Harvey was going to give him a few days off. Maybe he could even take a day himself and keep the kid company.

He hoped that the kid would show up again soon, so that he could talk to him about this.

_-SUITS-_

Mike yet again ended up in the bathroom. He spent a lot of time in here as of late. He was fuming. It felt like he was going to burst. He just felt so angry and betrayed by Harvey. The older man’s words played again and again in his head now. He had basically said to Harvey that he wasn’t feeling well, and he had thrown it back at him. He had said that he wasn’t making it easy, that Harvey was trying. Mike certainly hadn’t noticed that.

No, he was all alone in this.

Donna was the only one that helped him, but it didn’t feel enough. He couldn’t burden her with all of the shit that was eating him alive. But sometimes that was what he wanted, just unload on anyone. Just tell someone how he really felt and just have them comfort him. Have them help him, or even hug him. Why couldn’t anyone do that?

No, Harvey said that he wasn’t making it easy. He could never tell Harvey. Harvey wouldn’t understand. He was an ass.

It was just that he had this weird longing for Harvey to be the person he unloaded on. He wanted Harvey to listen to him, he wanted him to care. Just like he had done that day he had been handed over to Harvey from the kidnappers. Harvey had hugged him then. He had said that things would be okay. But they weren’t okay, and Harvey had lied. That hurt too. He felt betrayed.

Maybe Harvey thought that he had done enough already. He had paid for his ransom, that had been his contribution. A million dollars. Maybe that was what Harvey thought of.

He sat there on the toilet seat and tried not to break down. It was like he opened his mind and all the worst memories of what had happened to him just flowed inside. The beatings, the darkness, the touching. The same emotions he had felt during that time returned. Then he had wished for this so much, to be back at work. Now he didn’t know what to wish for. But he wanted an end to it all, to these feelings.

He jerked when he heard the door to the bathroom open and held his breath as he listened.

“Mike? You in here?” He got tears in his eyes when he heard that it was Harvey. He thought back to the time on that concrete floor when all he had wished for was for Harvey to come and find him.

“Yeah.” He said after probably a full minute. His voice sounded weird. Harvey had just been standing there silently.

“Can you come to my office, kid. We need to talk.”

Mike heard how he stepped out of the room. He didn’t move for a while. Then he wiped his eyes and walked back to Harvey’s office.

“Are you okay Mike?” Donna asked when he approached her desk. “I’ve told Harvey to be nice to you.”

He just stared at her. What was she saying? Apparently, they were talking about him behind his back. Donna thought that they needed to be nice to him. He didn’t know why he felt so angry hearing that.

“Okay.” He got out and walked into Harvey’s office without a word.

“Are we leaving?” He asked Harvey without looking at him. He actually looked forward to the trial, then he would be able to focus on something else.

“Look, I think we both said some things earlier that we didn’t mean, and I want you to know that I’m sorry.” Harvey said.

“Okay.”

Harvey smiled at him a little.

“Listen Mike, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way now, but I was thinking that you might want to sit this one out. I’ll just take the files. I think that’s for the best this time Mike. You look a bit tired. You should go home and get some rest. We’ll talk…”

Harvey tried to sound as kind as he could, but it backfired immediately. Maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised about that.

“No!” Mike exclaimed. “Don’t treat me like that! I’m not sick or incompetent or anything, Harvey. I don’t need this from you! I’ve been working on this just as much as you. I’m coming with you.”

Harvey knew that it was the truth. Mike had been working hard on this case, but he still had doubts. Mike had dark circles underneath his eyes, and he was trembling slightly. Harvey didn’t know if it was suppressed anger or something else. But this was an important case and he needed to be sure that Mike was up for it. Right now, he highly doubted it.

“Can you really handle it then? I know you have been…tired lately. And with what just happened. So, if you…”

“I said that I’m coming. I can handle it!” Mike said. He looked furious.

“Mike. I know that you have spent a lot of time on this and you have done a great job. But I need you to see that you are not at your best right now. You said it yourself that you are not doing okay right now.”

“Yes, I have spent a lot of time with this, and that’s why I’m coming.” Mike totally ignored the rest of what he had been saying. “You can’t stop me. You owe it me.”

“I don’t owe you shit Mike, it’s rather the other way around.”

“What did you say?” Mike’s eyes were hard.

“Nothing. Just forget it. If you think you can handle it, you can come.”

So, Harvey had agreed. What else was he supposed to do in this situation? He could refuse of course, but right now he was pretty sure it would make things so much worse. If Mike said that he could handle it, then Harvey just had to trust him on that. He hoped that he wouldn’t have to regret his decision.

_-SUITS-_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 21.**

They got to court in time, Mike remaining quiet the entire time. Harvey was pretty sure that he was still sulking for what had happened earlier at the office. It was just that he wasn’t sure if Mike was up for this. What Mike had said earlier about not being okay scared Harvey to some extent. He didn’t know how to fix this for Mike. In this case he couldn’t show up and threaten someone or pay them off so that they would lay off Mike. This time it was all in Mike’s mind.

What he could do was find the kidnappers and make them pay. When he had some time on his hands and Mike’s wasn’t around to see what he was doing he would look into it. He was in contact with the police, he had tried to reach out to any other contact he knew that would be able to help. But so far it was only dead ends. When he worked on this he only thought of Mike. He had thought that it would be about the money as well, but he had concluded that it didn’t matter that much. Sure, that lost million stung, and he would probably never see it again. It was a lot of money. It was a fact hard to ignore. Of course, he didn’t blame Mike, but sometimes he caught himself thinking about it, that he had lost so much just in a blink of an eye. It would take a long time for him to earn it all back.

They got to the court, installed themselves in their seats and Mike arranged the files they might need. The trial started. Harvey took the lead but was met with hard resistance from the other team. They attacked with details trying to surprise them. Harvey was prepared for that though since he had faced their opponent before.

It took time. Mike supplied him with the right files and added something once in a while, otherwise Harvey ran the show. He was getting irritated though as the other side started claiming things that Harvey knew was incorrect.

Then they got a directly wrong statement. At least that was Harvey thought. He answered.

“We have read through that contract, and that’s not really how it’s framed. Is it not, Mike?”

Harvey noticed that Mike jerked a bit when he was spoken to. What was going on with him? He looked like he had seen a ghost and had his fingertips pressed against the sides of his head. He hadn’t paid that much attention in Mike for a while now, since he had been so busy with defending himself against the opposing side. Mike didn’t answer him now.

“Mike? What’s the answer? That line?” Harvey asked, quietly this time, and looked at the younger man with rising annoyance. What was Mike doing?

“I… I don’t…”

“You know it, you have read it.”

He watched how Mike licked his lips. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

“I know I read it, but I don’t know, I don’t think I understood it fully.”

“What do you mean, you didn’t understand it? I don’t care. Just tell me the line in the contract!” He whispered angrily to Mike, well aware of the judge looking down at him with a frown on his face.

“I…I don’t re-remember the line.” Mike said with a thick voice as he stared down into the table.

“What the hell are you talking about? You know it or not?”

Mike shook his head and kept staring down.

Harvey swore again and then he had to stand up and make up an excuse. It was embarrassing as hell. Shortly after that it ended and it was a loss, and Harvey felt furious. Sure, it wasn’t the end of the case and there still was a possibility for them to win, but this was a setback and would mean a lot more work. And it was all Mike’s fault. Had he given him an answer there, they would have been fine and Harvey could most likely have ended this.

He pulled Mike with him out into the hallway and started walked towards the exit.

“What the hell was that?” He turned around towards the kid when they were out in the hallway and somewhat alone.

“I…I just…I didn’t…” Mike stuttered and stared at the floor.

“I thought you said that you could handle it, but clearly you can’t.”

“I told you that I read it, but I must not have understood it all. You had me read a lot of shit!”

“What do you mean you don’t understand it? I told you that you don’t need to understand everything, what I needed you to have done was to have that damn sentence memorized.”

“It doesn’t work like that.” Mike defended himself. “It only works if I understand it, and I’ve just been under a lot of stress lately and I…”

“You said you could handle it! This doesn’t sound like you are handling things at all!”

“Stop saying that! It’s your fault too. You could have read it yourself!”

Mike was almost screaming now, but he just felt so angry and embarrassed. He knew that Harvey had all right to be angry at him, he had screwed up. But he didn’t want Harvey to be angry. He wanted him to say that Mike was right, he did work a lot and that it was okay to forget just a few sentences from a fifty pages long contract. But all Harvey said was that he couldn’t handle it.

“Shut up Mike, you work for me. To read that was your job and you blew it.”

“You shut up! I thought you were the best! You should have figured out another way then. You are the one who blew it! But apparently you can’t even win a case without me giving you your lines.”

As he was saying those things Mike knew that this wasn’t going to end well. He knew that this was his fault, but he honestly hadn’t been able to remember it. There were so much other things on his mind now, everything didn’t fit. He couldn’t take it all in, he had been aware of that, but had hoped that it wouldn’t be a problem. But now it was.

“I didn’t even want to bring you to begin with. I would have done better without you!” Harvey spit out.

“You wouldn’t have gotten anywhere with this case without me!” Mike responded. They were standing there in the hallway now, facing each other. Harvey knew that he shouldn’t let this get to him, but it really did. What the hell was the kid throwing in his face? That he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without him?

It happened without him thinking. He just burst then.

“You are the one that cost me a million dollars!” Harvey screamed at the kids face.

He regretted it instantly as he saw Mike’s look. The younger man stood as frozen and just stared at Harvey with wide eyes, his mouth a bit open.

“Look, Mike… that came out…”

Mike interrupted him, before he had a chance to take back his words.

“So, you are holding that against me? You’re blaming me?”

Harvey could see how he had started to shake. For a moment Harvey thought Mike was going to hit him and if that was the case, he would let him. He deserved it for saying that.

“I’m sorry Mike, I...”

“They took me because of you! They did that to me because of you!” Mike screamed and threw the file in his hand down on the floor. The papers flew out and rained down around them like confetti.

“I didn’t…”

“I feel like shit all the time now, because of what they did to me. And all you think about is your damn money?” Mike was breathing harshly, and tears were rolling down his cheeks, but it was like he didn’t notice it.

“I’ll pay you back, okay. I’ll pay you back the fucking money!” He was full on crying now and Harvey felt like shit. He reached out and placed a hand on Mike’s shoulder in an attempt to apologize, but Mike violently pushed him away.

“Fuck you, Harvey.” He said and then he fled. Harvey stood as frozen and watched how Mike ran along the corridor.

What had he done? God damn it, what had he just done?

A door to his right opened and a middle-aged woman in a yellow dressed looked out towards him. She looked at him and then to the papers on the floor all around him. He glared at her until she closed the door again. He stiffly bent down and started to collect the papers on the floor. When he was done, he followed after Mike and made his way outside. He looked around but saw no traces of Mike. He still called his name. No answer. Of course, the kid hadn’t stayed there.

Damn it. He really needed to find Mike. He had just made a huge mistake. What he had said must have been extremely difficult for Mike to hear. It had hurt him deeply judging by the kid’s reaction. Mike had cried and yelled at him. He said that he would pay him back the ransom.

Harvey didn’t want that money back. Sure, he thought the damn police should have found them by now, but they were useless. Last time he enquired about it they had told him that they thought that they had fled overseas. He didn’t know if it was just something they had said.

Mike couldn’t pay him back; he knew what the kid was making a year and it would take him many years to pay him back if he had to keep some money for living expenses as well. No, he would never accept any money from Mike. He would rather give the younger man another million than taking any of his money.

He had actually offered to pay back his own ransom. It was almost sick. Harvey wondered if that was something that Mike had been thinking about. Maybe he already was feeling guilty about it, before Harvey threw it in his face. Harvey felt just awful.

Why would he ever burst that out? It was an evil thing to say, wasn’t it? It was like he blamed the kid for his own kidnapping. Who did that? Mike had been through hell, was most likely still going through hell considering his behavior ever since they got him back. This certainly didn’t help.

He thought about what else Mike had said. That they took him because of Harvey. Harvey knew that was true, but he and Mike hadn’t talked about it that much. Just mentioned it in the passing. But that was a guilt Harvey had to carry with him for the rest of his life. This wouldn’t have happened to Mike if it wasn’t for him. Those guys had wanted money, and when Harvey wouldn’t help them get it, they forced him to give it to them.

But Mike had also said that he felt like shit all the time now because of what had happened to him. Harvey didn’t know that. Sure, he knew that Mike was still affected, but he hadn’t known to what extent. How could he have missed that?

The simple answer was that he didn’t want to see it. He felt so guilty about it that he just wanted Mike to be okay. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay and Harvey hadn’t been there for him. Mike had even told him that today, but Harvey hadn’t listened or acted. He should have done something, anything. He had been a lousy friend. He had been a coward.

He needed to find the kid now.

He picked up his phone and dialed the kids’ number, he wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get an answer. He walked over to where his car was and got in. He asked Ray if he had seen Mike coming out of the building, but he hadn’t.

“I wasn’t looking that way Harvey, I’m sorry. Did something happen?”

“It’s okay Ray. We just had… an argument. I’m sure he’s at the office already.”

Mike wasn’t at the office. Harvey looked for him everywhere. Not at his cubicle or the file room or bathroom. No one of the other associates had seen him. He went to his own office in the hope of having Mike waiting for him there to confront him, but it was empty. He walked up to Donna.

“Donna, have you seen or heard from Mike?”

Sue looked up from her computer. “No, I thought he went to court with you.”

“He did, but he left before me. I thought he went straight back here.”

“Did you try calling him?”

“Yes, but he is not answering.”

“Try again.” She looked at him expectantly until he got out his phone and dialed Mike’s phone with the same result as earlier.

“What happened?” She asked.

“We had an argument and he stormed out, before I could…”

“Could what? Apologize?”

Harvey nodded curtly.

She rolled her eyes and picked up her own phone and tried calling, but Mike didn’t answer her either.

“Damn it.” Harvey swore. “Why the hell did I… What should we do?” He turned to Donna again.

“If you upset him maybe you should just give him some time to cool down. I’m sure he will be back and roar you out soon.”

“I don’t think so Donna. I screwed up bad.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What did you do?”

Harvey shook his head. “We argued about the case and I got angry, I told him stuff that I regret now.”

“What stuff?” Her voice had taken another tone. He hesitated for a moment but spoke when he met her eyes.

“I told him that he is the one that cost me a million dollars.”

Donna drew a sharp breath and almost jerked a little. “Oh God, Harvey! How could you?!” She exclaimed. “How could you say something like that to him? You are a god damn idiot.”

“I know Donna. I know. That’s why I have to find him. I need to apologize.”

“Yes, you do! Harvey, saying that must really have hurt him. It’s even cruel. How did he react?”

Harvey swallowed hard before answering.

“He got really upset. He said that he is feeling like crap all the time because of what they did to him, and that they took him because of me. He said that he would pay me back. He cursed me out and stormed off.”

Donna just shook her head, her face pale.

“So, I can’t wait for him to calm down Donna. I need to do something now. You didn’t see him. I’m going his place.”

He started to walk towards the door, but Donna stopped him.

“Harvey, wait. You won’t find him there.” She stood up and walked up to him. “I’m coming with you. But we are going to my place.”

Harvey stopped in his track and stared at her. “Your place? Why are we going to your place?”

“Because that’s where he might be. I gave him his own key.” She walked away from him and Harvey had to speed up to follow. He stared at her as soon as they got inside the elevator. She rolled her eyes.

“Mike has been staying at my place for a while now.”

“He has been staying with you? A while? How long is a while?”

“Four nights now, Harvey. That’s after I found out that he has been sleeping at the office for three nights in a row.”

They stepped out and stopped just outside the elevators. Harvey just followed her.

“Harvey, I’ve been waiting for Mike to get ready to tell you about this and about how he is struggling, but I guess he isn’t there yet. I don’t know what you thought would happen, but Mike can’t just get over this. He is deeply traumatized. He needs help. Do you know why he doesn’t want to go home?”

Harvey just shook his head.

“Because he is afraid. He is too afraid to be there. That’s where they took him!”

Harvey sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. But Donna wasn’t done.

“And you” She pointed him in his chest with her finger. “You took him there and dropped him off without looking back. He wasn’t ready.”

“I didn’t know… “

“You didn’t know that he has nightmares every night? That he is afraid to be alone? That he is afraid of the dark?”

Harvey didn’t have an answer to that. He shook his head a little. “He told you all this?”

“No, he didn’t have to. Let’s go.”

Harvey didn’t say anything else, just followed her to the car.

He didn’t say anything either during the car ride. He couldn’t get what Donna had said out of his head. She was right, and he had apparently missed a lot of things. He honestly didn’t know any of those things. Or now he did. Mike had said that he felt like shit all the time now. Harvey hadn’t known that. Instead he had been glad that Mike was adjusting so well being back to work. He had been working hard. He had fallen for Mike’s act. Maybe he had wanted to. Because he wasn’t sure how to help the kid.

And what had he done now? He had made things so much worse.

“Stop sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Try to call him again instead. Leave him a voicemail if he doesn’t pick up.”

Donna didn’t look at him when he turned towards her. She was pissed at him now. With right.

Mike’s phone went straight to voice mail now. He must have shut it off. Damn it. But he did what Donna had told him and left a voice message saying that he was sorry and that he wanted to talk.

“Mike! Sweetie, are you here?” Donna called out as soon as they got inside her apartment. They were met with silence.

“He is not here.” Donna said after finishing a tour of her place.

Harvey looked at the couch. A few pillows, and a cover, a blanket by the foot of the couch. Mike had been sleeping here for four nights because he was afraid of going home. That was Harvey’s fault. The guilt just got worse the longer he looked. He could see a bag of clothes next to the couch and what must be Mike’s laptop and a few files on the coffee table.

“I should have let him stay longer at my place.” He said. “It’s just that he said something about going home and I just thought that was what he wanted.”

“Well, it wasn’t. And I don’t mind having him here. He is nice company. But he feels guilty every time he comes. Says he’s imposing. But so far I have managed to get him to stay.”

“Thank you, Donna.”

“Why are you thanking me? Mike is my friend. A friend that needs my help.”

“Yeah I know. Sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I need you to get over yourself and go out and find Mike and make it right.”

“Yeah, I will. I’ll make it right with him.”

“And apologize to him.”

“Yeah Donna. I will. This is all my fault. He is my responsibility and he got hurt under my watch. And now I’ve made him feel worse. I don’t get why I said that to him. Like he owes me a million dollars now. Damn it!” He rubbed his face hard. “I’ll fix it.”

He heard Donna sigh next to him.

“You couldn’t have known this was going to happen Harvey. But what you can do now is find him and help him get through this.”

Harvey nodded. “I’ll head out and look for him. Check his apartment just in case.”

“I’ll wait here in case he shows up later and I’ll try to call him. Keep me updated.”

He promised to do that and left in search for the kid. He didn’t really know where to look for him, except Mike’s apartment. So that’s where he went. He managed to get into the building, after waiting for only a few minutes for someone to leave and hold the door open for him, without so much as a look to him. No wonder the kid didn’t feel safe here. No one opened when Harvey knocked on Mike’s door. He even yelled the kid’s name.

Apparently, he was pretty loud, since Mike’s neighbor opened the door a few minutes into it.

“What the hell are you yelling about?” A middle-aged man without a shirt yelled at Harvey from his doorway.

“I’m looking for Mike. Have you seen him?” Harvey tried to not look at the man’s stomach, which was quite large.

“The guys that lives there? I haven’t seen him in forever.”

“Okay, thank you.” Harvey turned away from him.

“Just shut up now.” The man shut his door forcefully.

Damn it. Mike wasn’t here. Where else would he go? Maybe he should check the office again. Donna had told him that Mike had been sleeping there after Harvey kicked him out. He couldn’t understand why Mike had agreed to move out, or why he hadn’t come to him.

Mike wasn’t at the office either and he still didn’t answer his cell. Harvey didn’t know what to do. He went back to the court and went from there. Driving up and down the streets, but eventually having to give up. It was almost two in the morning when he arrived at his condo, without any traces of Mike. He had talked to Donna a few times, but Mike hadn’t turned up at her place either and hadn’t contacted her. She was really worried about the kid.

“You don’t know how it was like the last few nights Harvey.”

She proceeded to tell him after that. She told him about how Mike had been struggling to sleep, about his nightmares and how she had kept him company so that he would be able to fall asleep. Harvey couldn’t understand how he had missed this.

That night he slept a few restless hours before waking up and calling Mike’s phone the first thing he did. No luck, it was shut off.

He had a rushed breakfast and then went to the office. He searched everywhere, twice. No Mike. He called Donna but she told him that she still hadn’t heard from him. She also said that she would stay at home and man the phone. She would keep trying to call him so that they would know if Mike turned his phone on again.

Harvey started asking Rachel and then Louis if they had seen Mike, they hadn’t so Harvey asked everyone else as well. Even Jessica. Nothing. Harvey felt a strong sense of desperation. He ignored a phone call from a client and went out to get a car. He spent the day looking. He went to all the places he could think of where Mike could have gone. He went to a few hotels; the kid must have slept somewhere. He didn’t find Mike that day. He had to give up his search late at night without a single trace of the younger man.

He had failed Mike. That was really what it felt like. This was all on him. He had said terrible things to someone how was already struggling. He was really worried now. Mike had to be somewhere. He just had to but where could he have gone?

He met Donna early that morning in the office. They discussed what their next move should be.

“Should we call the police?” Donna asked.

“I don’t know, Donna. Mike is staying away intentionally. I don’t know if they will do much then.”

“But he is hurting. He’s not on his right mind.”

“I know, Donna. If we don’t find him by today, we will call them. I just have a few more ideas left.”

Those ideas were not likely to pan out either. He had decided to contact Trevor and that girl Mike had dated once. He didn’t even know her name. But if Mike had been looking for a friend or anyone, he might have gone to them, because as far as Harvey knew there was no one else present in Mike’s life. And Mike had ended things with Trevor as well, but if he was desperate, he might have contacted him. Harvey wouldn’t blame him if that was the case.

It took him hours to find Trevor, and then longer to get him on the phone. But it led nowhere. Trevor hadn’t heard from Mike since they had a falling out, as he put it. He sounded indifferent when he told Harvey that he didn’t have a clue of where Mike could be. Jenny, the old girlfriend had moved away as far as Trevor knew. Harvey hung up without thanking him.

_-SUITS-_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22.**

Two nights and two days Mike had been gone now. Harvey felt so damn guilty. It was all on him. He had messed up again and Mike was yet again paying the price. Maybe Donna was right. They should call the police. Mike might even have done something stupid. Harvey didn’t want to go that way, but it was a possibility. The kid might feel like he’s all alone, he had said that he feels like crap already. Might this have pushed him over the edge?

He went to search for Donna.

He told her what he had found out and she listened in silence. Harvey carefully voiced his fears about Mike doing something awful.

“No, he is not like that. He wouldn’t do that, Harvey. He is out there somewhere. I just know it.”

“He’s all alone Donna. No family or friends, no one to turn to. And he is carrying around all that shit from the kidnapping…”

“No, Harvey. We must have missed something.” Donna looked close to tears.

“Well Donna, where can he be then? We have looked everywhere possible. I’m actually glad Trevor was a dead end, but where the hell is he? Should we just call the cops now?”

Donna looked out of the window towards the city, her eyes shiny. She was quiet for a while.

“I just had an idea.” She said then. “Picture this, Mike is incredibly distressed. He feels totally betrayed by you, he is feeling like shit and is scared.”

“Are you getting anywhere with this?” Harvey asked and clenched his jaw. Hearing Donna say things like that hurt.

She nodded a little, still not looking at him.

“You said it yourself. What about his family? He must be looking for somewhere safe to go, and what do most people do then? They turn to their family.” 

“What the hell are you talking about Donna? You know he doesn’t have any.”

She turned to look at him then. She had something else in her gaze now.

“No living family, I know. But that doesn’t mean he can’t go to them.”

Harvey found himself closing his eyes for just a moment. Then he opened them and nodded.

“Find out where they are buried. I’m going.” He walked out of his office heading for the elevator. He placed a call to Ray. He needed to fix this.

Donna texted him an address even before he reached the car. It was close to an hours drive out into the suburbs. It was quite a lot of traffic and Harvey swore at it. When they finally arrived, Harvey noticed that the cemetery was a large one, but it was beautiful. It consisted of rows and rows of graves with planted trees and a few hills. At first glance he didn’t see anyone there. There were no cars on the parking lot. He told Ray to wait and got out. He walked in through the small wooden gate and started searching for his lost associate.

Some part of him wished that he wouldn’t find Mike here. It was just too tragic, and he would rather find Mike at some bar drinking his head off. But he had a feeling that this was the place.

It turned out that he walked in the wrong direction at first and he ended up in an area with older graves, dated back at least eighty years. He was almost at the end of the site and started to walk in the other direction.

And there, thank god, there he was! Just in front of a small pine tree, up on a hill, in front of three graves was a hunched figure sitting on the ground. Harvey would recognize Mike’s features anywhere. He got out his phone and sent a text to Donna, letting her know that he had found the kid. She answered immediately.

_Thank god, is he okay? Make sure he is! Take care of him._

Harvey answered that Mike at least looked okay, and that he was going to make everything alright.

_You better_

Was the only reply he got.

He slowly and quietly started to make his way up to Mike. He didn’t want to risk him taking off again. He stopped when he was just a few meters away from Mike.

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He said. Mike must have heard him coming, but he didn’t move. Instead he huffed.

“And look, it took you less than four days to find me this time.”

Harvey closed his eyes a bit, glad that Mike still had his back against him. Yes, Mike, only two days this time, he thought to himself.

“I am so sorry Mike. I screwed up big time.”

“Yes, you did.” Mike said.

Harvey remained silent for a while, waiting to see if Mike had anything else to say. He studied the kid closer. Mike had on the same clothes as he had the last time he had seen him.

“Have you been here this whole time?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Mike said.

“For two nights? Have you even been eating?” He exclaimed.

Mike shrugged, confirming Harvey’s fears. He looked in front of the kid towards the gravestones the kid sat in front of. James, Nina and Edith Ross. Mike’s whole family. Mike had spent all this time sitting on the ground next to his family.

Harvey felt how his eyes burned a little. He blinked.

“Mike. Let me take you home.”

“No.” Mike said.

“Please kid, let me make it up to you.”

“I said no. I’m not leaving.” Mike’s voice shook a little now and Harvey clenched his fist together.

He didn’t know what to do now. He couldn’t just leave the kid here, but he couldn’t force him with him either. For a moment he just stood there and forced himself to take in the devastating scene in front of him. Then he made his decision. He stepped forward and sat down right on the ground in his damn suit, next to Mike.

Mike looked at him then, just for a moment. His eyes were bloodshot, and he had tears in them. He looked exhausted and a bit surprised. He turned away again.

For a few minutes they just sat like that, next to each other, in silence in front of the graves of Mike’s family.

Harvey had his eyes turned against the inscription on Mike’s mothers grave. Mike had only been eleven when she died. He could hear how Mike’s breaths started to get faster after a little while. They started hitching as Mike cried. He didn’t make any other sounds. Harvey wondered how much he had cried since he got here. Two days was a long time.

Harvey experimentally scotched a bit closer to the younger man. Mike didn’t move. Harvey didn’t stop until they were almost shoulder to shoulder. Mike remained stiff next to him. Harvey then placed his arm around Mike’s back, he almost removed it again when Mike’s whole body tensed, and he turned his head away from Harvey. Was this too much, considering what he had been through? But Mike didn’t move anymore, so Harvey took that as an okay to leave his arm there.

A few minutes passed like that. Harvey’s thoughts rushed around in his head. He remembered the time he met Edith Ross, and he thought about that time when they had a case with a kid that had driven while high, and how upset it had left Mike. He wondered what Nina Ross had been like, and what James Ross would have thought of him sitting here like this with his son.

Mike was starting to relax just a little bit, and Harvey decided to try something else. He gently started to pull Mike against him, expecting the kid to push back, but somewhat to his surprise Mike followed along with his movement and leaned into him. Mike rested his head along his neck and Harvey squeezed his shoulder a little.

He was a bit surprised again when Mike started to cry again, Harvey had somehow thought that he was getting better. But now, Mike’s whole frame shook with sobs and Harvey had to hold on to him slightly harder. They just sat there. Harvey let Mike cry, he just waited.

He was just starting to get worried, it had been so long, when Mike tried to speak between his sobs.

“Calm down. Take a few deep breaths.” Harvey quietly told him. Mike followed his advice and a few minutes later he had calmed down enough to say what he wanted. His voice was hoarse, but Harvey clearly heard what he said. It yet again destroyed something inside him.

“I’m going to pay you back. I promise, Harvey, I promise. Please, just don’t blame me.”

Harvey felt how his whole body almost jerked, hearing those words. What the hell? He pushed Mike harshly away but then grabbed on to both of his shoulder’s. He shook the younger man, not once or twice but three times.

“What the hell are you talking about?!” He almost screamed. “Mike!”

He stopped when Mike let out a whimper. He let go when he looked into Mike’s eyes and only saw terror there. He held up his hands. Shit, what was he doing? Mike’s whole body was shaking, and he had his lips tightly pressed together.

“Mike…” He swallowed and had to start over. “Mike, I never want you to pay me back. Never.” He shook his head to emphasize it. “I should never have said that to you. Never. I was a fucking asshole. I’m so sorry.”

Mike just sat there, trembling and looking at him. Harvey waited. Mike adverted his eyes and looked down. Then he spoke again.

“I thought you wouldn’t look for me this time. I didn’t think you would come. At first I didn’t want you to.” He looked over to the gravestones. “But then I did.” 

He pulled his knees up and threw his arms around them and rested his head on top of his arms. He started to cry again. Harvey stared at him, trying to will himself to wake up from his somewhat shocked state. He pulled himself together and started to crawl over towards Mike. He just wrapped his arms around the shaking frame and pressed him against himself. He had never done this for another person before, but he wanted to do it for Mike. He just wanted to make it all better for the kid, he wanted to get those crushing feelings out of Mike.

What had just happened? It had been the opposite of what he had thought. He had believed all this time that Mike was furious at him, and that was why he stayed away, instead Mike had been consumed with what Harvey had told him that day. Mike had promised him to pay him back the ransom. How sick was that? Mike must have thought that it was something that bothered Harvey, did he even think that he owed him now? That Harvey had invested so much money into getting him back, but now he was regretting it? Blaming the kid for losing all that money.

That was what he had said. _You are the one that cost me a million dollars!_ That was what he had told Mike. No wonder the kid was still crying like this. He had thought Harvey didn’t think it had been worth it, that he regretted it. Blamed him. Like Harvey would just ignore everything that Mike had been though in the process.

Now he had offered to pay it back, pay it back just so that Harvey wouldn’t blame him anymore. It must have been awful for the kid these two days, living with that thought.

“Mike. You are my family.”

He whispered in the kids’ ear, but loud enough so that he was sure that Mike could hear him.

“I couldn’t care less about that money. I would have given all that I had to get you back. I would have done anything they asked for. You are my guy. I’m so sorry you got hurt because of me.”

Mike had stilled a bit in his arms. He was listening, so Harvey continued.

“I would give anything to make it undone. I should have listened to you that day, in the elevator when you were talking about them stalking me. I just brushed you off, if I hadn’t, if I had taken it more seriously right away, it might never have happened. They might never have taken you. It’s on me. It’s all on me. I’ll will always blame myself for that.”

Mike raised his head then to look at him.

“I don’t want you to blame yourself.” He said. “You got me out of there.”

“Too late!”

Mike nodded now and Harvey held on to him a little harder.

“I’m not over it.” Mike said then in a low but clear voice. “I pretend that I am, but I’m not. I have nightmares every night, so I barely sleep. I… I don’t want to be at my place. Just the thought of being there scares the shit out of me. And I’m scared of the fucking dark now. I’m…I…I feel scared all the time, Harvey. I don’t know why. Something is wrong with me. I think about it all the time. Even here. I was afraid they would find me again.”

“Oh kid.” Harvey whispered.

“I want you to help me.” Mike said then. “You said that first night that everything would be okay. That’s what you said. But it’s not Harvey, and I don’t know what to do. You said you were there for me. And I want you to be. I have no one else!” Mike waved towards the gravestones. He was breathing shakily and had his eyes locked at the closest grave.

“Mike, listen to me.” Harvey began.

He waited for a bit to see if Mike would meet his eyes, but he didn’t. So, Harvey gently placed his hand along Mike’s face and pressed a little to turn his head. Mike’s reaction shocked him.

The kid yelled and pushed Harvey away before starting to crawl backwards away from him. Nina Ross’s gravestone stopped him. He panted and looked at Harvey with wild eyes.

Harvey had no idea what was happening and just held up his hands in the air.

“Mike, calm down. Mike, please, what is it, what’s wrong?”

Mike stared straight at him, but it was like he wasn’t really there.

“Mike!” He yelled and yet again the kid flinched as he had been hit.

“Har-Harvey.” He mumbled as the awareness returned to his eyes.

“Yes, kid. It’s me. What’s going on?”

Mike was shaking where he was pressed against the headstone.

“Mike, what happened?”

“You…you touched me.” He said.

Harvey felt dread starting to grow more than ever before inside him. _Oh god no_.

“I’m sorry.” He got out. “But Mike, what…?”

“I don’t know, you placed your hand… Just like he did.”

Harvey shook his head. “Who?”

“That guy. He did it just like you did. I don’t know…I just… I was just back there.” Mike was panting and talking fast, his eyes fixed on a point behind Harvey.

“I’m so sorry.” Harvey repeated. He wanted to ask Mike something, but he didn’t know if it would make it all so much worse. But he just had to know.

“Mike…” His mouth felt so dry. The kid was looking at him now. “Mike, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah…”

“Did….eh…Did they touch you in any other way while you were….?” He swallowed hard, wishing with all his heart for a negative answer. _Please._

Mike didn’t move a muscle. He sat as frozen, still pressed against his mother’s grave. Harvey’s heart almost stopped when he nodded the next moment. He felt like he was about to throw up.

He shook his head. “What… What…?” He couldn’t get out the words. He jerked a little when Mike moved, he started to stand up. Harvey quickly got on his feet as well.

“Not here. Not in front of them. I can’t, not here.” Mike whispered.

Harvey just nodded. He offered out his hand for the younger man and pulled him all the way up. He had to steady the kid when he swayed and with a last look at the gravestones Mike started walking down the hill. At first Harvey just stood there and looked after him, almost dreading following him. But then he too looked down at the gravestones. He didn’t know why he spoke, but it felt like the right thing to do.

“I’ll take care of him. You have my word.”

He swallowed hard, nodded once at them and followed after Mike.

Mike sat down on a bench so that they still had a view of his family. Harvey sat down next to him. Close.

Mike was quiet for a long time.

“You want to tell me what happened?” Harvey carefully asked. His mouth was dry.

Mike shook his head. “Not really.”

Harvey didn’t say anything else. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this.

“It wasn’t really that bad.” Mike started then with a quiet voice. “Or it didn’t get that far. But I still can’t get it out of my mind. What he did. What he might have done, if…”

Mike paused again and Harvey felt how he had tensed. He glanced at Mike and saw that he had his gaze locked at the gravestones further up the hill. He just waited, his heart beating hard in his chest.

“I was tied up, my arms and legs. I was on my stomach on the floor. I think it was late evening or night, it was dark anyway. It was always dark. They didn’t leave any lights on in the room where they kept me. But I heard this guy come in, I was hoping they would give me something to eat or drink, I was so thirsty. But this guy he sat down on the floor beside me and that was when I knew he wasn’t there to feed me. He had the light on his phone on, placed it next to me on the floor. It was the guy that barely spoke English.”

Mike paused now. Harvey didn’t say anything, he just waited. Mike had tears in his eyes, but it was like he didn’t care or maybe he hadn’t noticed it. His gaze was still locked at the same spot.

“He said I was pretty and then he…he stroked my cheek. I tried to get him off me, I screamed at him, but… but he had knife.” Mike shuttered a little and blinked a few times. He looked around him a bit before looking down at the paved gravel in front of them.

“He grabbed my neck and pressed my head into the floor. Then he grabbed my th-throat and squeezed. I said that he wouldn’t get any money for me if I was dead, but he said that he wouldn’t kill me. He told me to stay still, pressed the knife to my throat. He cut me too. I don’t know why he did that, maybe to scare me or something. Show me he was serious.”

Mike paused again. He had started to tremble and once again his gaze was locked like before. One of his hands came up and rested against the faded scar on his neck, probably unconsciously. Some part of Harvey wanted him to stop. He didn’t want to hear Mike say these words. He didn’t want to know that this had happened to his associate. He had already heard about the horrible conditions Mike had been kept in, but now this as well.

“It worked. I was scared, so I stayed still after that. I didn’t want him cut me again.” Mike looked at him now, with pleading eyes, like he tried to explain, like he wanted Harvey to say that it was the right thing to do. So, he tried.

“Of course, Mike. Of course, you didn’t. I saw the cut; it was quite deep.”

Mike nodded a few times and wiped his eyes. “Yeah…” He whispered.

“Anyway, he kept the knife there, pressed against my throat. And then he… he started stroking my hair, my neck and my shoulders and arms. He pushed my shirt up and you know, touched my back. I begged him to stop. I didn’t want…” Mike’s voice broke a little. He stopped talking for a long time and Harvey didn’t dare to move or speak.

“He did stop, or I thought he did because he pulled my shirt back down, but he started to touch me again but this time… you know…ehm… lower.” Mike got quiet. He kept quiet for so long that Harvey started to panic slightly because he wasn’t prepared yet to answer him.

“I don’t know how long he touched me. It felt like it was going on for a long, long time, but it might just have been a minute. I kept asking him to stop. I begged him. Like… He didn’t listen though. But then this other guy came into the room and he stopped, but before he stood up, he said _next time_ to me _._ You know, so I was… I was s-so af-afraid that he would come back. Because I didn’t want that…”

Mike’s voice was shaking just as much as his body now.

“Of course, you didn’t…” Harvey whispered, feeling ill.

Harvey wanted to reassure him more, but he felt that Mike wasn’t done yet.

“Anyway, the guy that came into the room got mad and I think he even hit that guy who touched me. He left after that and the guy who interrupted was still there. I didn’t know what he would do, but he just checked the wound on my throat and told me I would live. Then he just stood there, I didn’t know what he wanted, but he thought I was cold. I guess I was shaking so much, but I wasn’t cold. He gave me a blanket though. Then he just left.”

Mike leaned forward now and pressed his hands hard against his face. He was still shaking. Harvey wanted to lay a hand on his shoulder to comfort him but didn’t think that was the right thing to do now. He thought of what Mike had just told him. Thought of the kid laying on a concrete floor, bound, with a knife pressed against his throat and being touched like that. He was extremely grateful that nothing else had happened, but this was horrible enough. He couldn’t shake to thought of laying helpless like that, being forced to endure. And Mike, with his memory, it must be so much worse for him. Harvey was pretty sure that the events of that night was repeating itself in Mike’s head over and over right now.

“Mike.” He said and watched how the kid jerked next to him, almost as if Mike had forgotten that Harvey was there.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine… I’m so sorry.”

Mike nodded a little and sat up straighter again. “I know it wasn’t that bad, but I can’t get it out of my mind sometimes. Sometimes it feels like I still have his hands on me! And the knife.”

Harvey nodded. “It must be awful.” He said. There was a pause, then Harvey spoke again. “Thanks for telling me, kid. I think it was good that you did. You shouldn’t keep things like that inside you.”

Mike glared at him now. “Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do!” He exclaimed.

Harvey held up his hands. “Okay. Sorry.”

“And stop saying you’re sorry!”

“Alright, fine. What do you want me to say then?”

“I don’t know!” Mike drew a hand threw his hair in frustration. “I want you to tell me that it wasn’t anything else I could have done! I want you to tell me that I was stuck, that I did the right thing when I didn’t fight him more. Fuck!”

His eyes yet again flooded over, and he wiped his eyes almost violently. Harvey leaned forward and grabbed his arm, rather hard and pulled Mike towards him so that they were facing each other. Mike resisted at first.

“It wasn’t anything else you could have done!” Harvey exclaimed. “You did all you could Mike! But you were bound, you were on the ground and he held you at knife point! What the hell else could you have done? You would have gotten your throat slit if you would have moved! You couldn’t fight him off. You did all you could.”

Harvey tipped Mike’s head up towards him, so that their eyes met.

“You understand?” He asked forcefully. Mike was silent for a long time, biting his lip.

But then much to Harvey’s relief he nodded. For a moment there, he had been afraid that he had reacted too harsh.

“That’s what I’ve been struggling with the most about that. I just feel like shit when I think about it.” Mike said. “I think that I should have done more to resist him, but I couldn’t.” The last part of his sentence was hesitant.

“That’s right, you couldn’t. The scar where he cut you is still there, Mike. You did all you could.”

“Yeah?” Mike whispered.

“Yes! Look, he hurt you. A lot, but you did what you had to, so that it didn’t get worse. It was smart. You hear me? You have no blame in it. You did the right thing, all you could.”

He was repeating himself, but Harvey didn’t care. He wanted this imprinted in Mike’s head, so that no other thoughts of him blaming himself for not doing more to stop his assault would grow there. God, Mike had been sexually assaulted while bound and totally helpless. It was sickening. Harvey felt his own familiar guilt deepen some, if not a whole lot. The rage towards those people for doing this to his associate deepened as well.

“Yeah, I couldn’t have done much else, could I?” Mike said now, quietly. “Even if he didn’t have the knife. It wasn’t like I could run away. He would have just held me down, and…”

“Exactly” Harvey interrupted. “Stop beating yourself up about that.”

“Yeah, thanks Harvey.” He got quiet after that and Harvey noticed then that he still was holding on to the kid. He let him go and awkwardly patted Mike’s arm a little. For a minute or so they sat quietly next to each other, but then Mike spoke again.

“I really didn’t want to tell you about this, but I think that maybe you are right. I think it was good that I did. I don’t think it would have been that…healthy for me, to keep it in much longer.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

“I just didn’t know how to tell you earlier. And nothing really happened, so I was afraid that you would just tell me that. That nothing happened anyway, he just touched me a bit.”

“That’s not nothing Mike, that’s a violation, you know it is.”

Mike nodded. “Yeah…” He whispered.

“I’m so sorry it happened. That he did that to you.” Harvey said then.

“Thank you.” Mike looked up at him then and smiled a little, it didn’t reach his eyes, but it was an attempt at least. Harvey smiled back at him.

“Don’t hold out on telling me things Mike. Remember I told you that once, you tell me everything.”

“You didn’t tell me that, you yelled it in my face.” Mike smirked a bit.

“Fine, so this isn’t exactly the same situation then, but you get what I mean right. You can come to me, with everything, I’m here.”

Mike nodded. “Thanks.”

Harvey hesitated a moment, but then pulled Mike towards him in a sideways hug. Mike didn’t seem to mind, instead he laughed a little and Harvey felt how for a moment the kid leaned into him a little. That felt good, like he had succeeded with something. For a while they stayed like that, Harvey refused to be the first to pull away. He could feel how Mike started to relax against him, and Harvey let him just rest against him. It felt like it was a good thing to do, to just sit like that next to each other. He hoped that it helped Mike in some way. The younger man pulled away a few minutes later. Harvey straightened a bit and glanced at the kid. He didn’t look that well and Harvey felt partly responsible for that.

“Look Mike,” Harvey started. “What do you say about heading out of here? We could go and grab something to eat. You look like you need it. Then you can come and stay with me.”

To his relief Mike agreed, and Harvey led him to the car. He wasn’t that surprised when Mike fell asleep after just a few minutes into the car ride. Harvey had turned up the heat. He took the opportunity to update Donna on what had happened. He chose to just text her, he didn’t want to risk waking Mike up. She answered right away and told him to call her as soon as he could.

Harvey decided to take them to a restaurant he knew and liked. It was usually quiet at this time and he guessed Mike would appreciate that right now. The drive there took them a while and Mike stayed asleep the entire time. Harvey hesitated just a moment before reaching out to shake him awake after they had stopped.

Mike jerked and reflexively threw out his hands as Harvey first touch his shoulder. For a moment he looked terrified, but then his eyes focused on Harvey.

“Are…are we there?” He asked.

“Yes, we are going to get something to eat.”

“Okay.” Mike said and stumbled out of the car ahead of Harvey, who followed him.

Harvey chose a table at the back of the restaurant with a view of a small garden. Mike sat there looking out the window until the waiter came to take their order. Harvey just ordered for the both of them and Mike didn’t complain. Harvey watched the man in front of him as they then waited for the food. Mike looked exhausted where he sat, blinking slowly with all his attention directed out the window. Harvey wondered what was on his mind. He knew what was on his and had been the entire ride over here. He couldn’t get Mike’s story out of his head. He couldn’t get the image that Mike had painted out of his head, of him bound on the floor with some guy touching him. He hadn’t known that had happened; Mike hadn’t told him at all earlier. He had mentioned nothing about it, not that Harvey blamed him for that. Of course, Mike wouldn’t want to talk about it. But it had happened, and it was something Mike now had to live with, Harvey too.

“So, did you really spend two nights out there?” Harvey asked, he needed to break the silence.

Mike slowly turned his head towards him.

“Yeah…” He said quietly. “I didn’t know where else to go. I just wanted to see them. And then I stayed.”

“Why didn’t you go to Donna? She told me that you have been sleeping there?”

Mike shrugged a little. “I just couldn’t.” He said. “I just felt like shit and I didn’t want to bring that to her. She’s been really good to me.”

Harvey nodded. “If you rather want to stay with her, I can take you there instead.” He said.

Mike looked down. “Did you change your mind?” He asked. “About me staying with you?”

“No, I didn’t. But if you prefer Donna’s place, it’s okay.”

Mike nodded but didn’t say anything, just looked out of the window. He coughed a little in his hand and wiped his forehead a bit. Now when Harvey looked at him again, he could see more clearly that Mike didn’t look that well. He looked exhausted and he had dark circles around his eyes, but at the same time his face looked a bit flushed. Was he sick? Harvey wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

Mike kept staring out the window, and he didn’t answer when Harvey asked him if he was hungry, so Harvey left him alone for a bit. The food arrived and they hadn’t spoken at all. Harvey felt shaken up about everything that had happened today. Or rather about everything that had happened during the last two days. He had been so worried in his search for Mike. Then he found him, heard what Mike had to say and now he felt even worse.

Mike had been through hell. It had been so much worse that Harvey had thought. And Mike was still in it. He still relived it, he still suffered from it. The conversation they had had after Mike told him about his assault had been a good one. Harvey thought that he had been able to convince Mike that he had done everything he could. He hadn’t been able to do more than he had. He just hoped Mike believed it.

_-SUITS-_


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23.**

He had told Harvey everything. He had just told him. He didn’t know when he had decided to do that, but now he didn’t regret it. At least not yet. At that moment when Harvey had asked if they had touched him in any way a war had been going on in his head. One side had wanted him to shut up and deny everything just so that he wouldn’t have to share what had really happened. He didn’t want Harvey to know. It was so humiliating, he felt so ashamed. But then the other part of him had won, the part that needed to get it out. The part that needed to tell someone about it or he would burst.

He didn’t regret his decision. Sure, he felt humiliated, weak and pathetic. Both when he told it and now afterwards, but he didn’t regret it, because Harvey had helped. He had said stuff that Mike had wanted to hear, things that he had needed to hear. It was hard to really believe that what Harvey had said was really the truth, but he was willing to try to think that it was.

Harvey had said that he didn’t blame him. He had said that he had done everything that he had could. He had been tied up; he hadn’t been able to do anything. He had been held at knife point. It had felt kind of good to tell someone about it. It had taken up so much space in his brain lately, and now it was like some of that place had been cleared. Like it was a bit more space there now. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not yet. He just felt so tired at the moment. It was almost a bit hard to care, or to even think.

He was glad that Harvey had offered him to come and stay with him again. He just couldn’t go home, and honestly, he felt embarrassed about going to Donna again. But Harvey had been nice. He had listened and told Mike some good things. What bothered him though was that when Mike had asked for help Harvey hadn’t answered. He worried about that now. Sure, he had kind of freaked out just after that, but they hadn’t talked any more about it afterwards. But Harvey had hugged him. That had felt nice, it had comforted him more than he was prepared for. It kind of had felt like what he had been looking for when he came to see his parents and Grammy. He had been looking for comfort and Harvey had come and given it to him.

He still felt unsure though. He couldn’t forget what Harvey had said earlier. He just couldn’t. Everything about it being his fault that the money was gone. Harvey had blamed him. It wasn’t something he could just forget about, whatever Harvey said. What if he just said that because he felt sorry for Mike. Because of what he had been through.

His mind wandered over to the concreate floor. He couldn’t snap out of it; he was too tired to fight against it. He could hear Harvey saying something but couldn’t make it out what it was. His mind felt so clouded.

He thought back at that moment two days ago. They had fought as they had walked down the corridor. Harvey had been wrong, and Mike tried to get him to realize that. He had said some things he shouldn’t have, because then Harvey had said those devastating words.

_You are the one that cost me a million dollars_.

When Harvey said that it was like something broke inside of him. It was like a huge part of him that barely was holding it together as it was, just shattered into a million pieces.

No. It couldn’t be the truth. Harvey didn’t mean that. But the older man had sounded so angry. He must really mean it then. The whole conversation was etched into his mind. It had been short and intense and then he had fled.

He just ran to get away from Harvey as fast as he could. He couldn’t stand to be close to him, the words from Harvey was destroying him. Harvey regretted it. Harvey regretted paying for him. It was all he could think of at that time.

He found himself running down a street, his lungs burning, and he didn’t know where he was. He had to stop and lean against a wall to catch his breath. He still had tears in his eyes. It took a lot of effort to keep it together then. He didn’t know what to do or where to go. He felt ill.

He started walking again. He didn’t want to risk Harvey catching up to him. He ignored it when his phone rang. He walked with his head turned down, he couldn’t face anyone. But the longer he walked the more exposed he felt. He didn’t want to be here. But where should he go?

Harvey’s place and the office were out of the question. He considered Donna’s place, but he didn’t have a key, and besides, Harvey could find him there. He did not want to see him.

He was out of options then. He refused to go to his own place, he wasn’t going to set his foot back there ever again. But where would he go?

Somehow, he was aware that he wasn’t thinking all that clearly, but he didn’t care. He was out of options. He didn’t he any friends. No friends he could just show up at and ask for help. He had nowhere to turn. His family was gone as well. They couldn’t help him. He almost burst out into tears right there on the sidewalk at the thought of them. What if Grammy still had been alive? She would have helped him. She would have hugged him and comforted him. Told him that it would be fine, that he could get over this. But she was dead and buried and couldn’t help him at all. The longing for her just grew. She would never have blamed him like Harvey had.

Harvey had blamed him for losing the money. Like it had been his fault he got kidnapped. Harvey just ignored everything he had gone through because of that. Everything they had done to him. Everything he was going through as a result of it. How could he do that?

He harshly wiped his face with both hands. He jerked and backed several steps as he looked up and saw an older couple standing right there on the street in front of him. They were standing there, arm in arm looking at him with concern.

“Is everything alright with you, young man?” The woman asked.

Mike just stared at them. His parents had used to walk like that, arm in arm. Mike had thought that it looked unpractical, like they both were holding the other back when they walked. He had pointed it out once when he was about nine years old, but his mother had just laughed at him and smiled towards his father, and they had continued to walk.

The older couple in front of him now looked at each other and back at him. He noticed that he was shaking. The he pushed himself past them and started running again. He didn’t know what he was doing. He just needed to get away.

He was going to break down, he could feel it. He needed to find a place where he wouldn’t be disturbed. Somewhere safe. That was when he thought of the graveyard.

He felt like in a daze the whole way over there. He was sitting on the bus staring out of the window, and the whole time everything was just rushing around in his head. The conversation with Harvey, his parents, the kidnapping, the concrete floor, the nightmares, the feeling of being all alone.

He got off the bus and walked almost mechanically over to the place where his family was buried. He stopped in front of the three stones and just stood there. For a moment he wished he could join them.

Tears flowed down his face, he felt himself shaking. He heavily sank to his knees and just stood like that. When his knees started to hurt, he sat down right there on the ground. His eyes wandered between his parents two gravestones and his grandmothers. At some point he started to cry harsher. He just let it out. He didn’t care how it made him look, no one was there to see him anyway.

For a long time, he sat there. It was starting to get dark. His phone had rung a few times and eventually he had angrily turned it off. The darker it got the shittier and more scared he felt. He felt exposed and moved closer to the stones. It was to dark now to see the inscriptions. The dark reminded him so much about that room where he had been held. He buried his head in his arms and closed his eyes to not have to see it. What if someone found him here? What if they took him back there?

He was freezing and hungry, but he still didn’t move from his spot. He had nowhere else to go, so what was the point? He had a pretty bad headache too and just wanted to pass out. It took hours before he did. He slept restlessly for short periods at the time. He woke in terror from nightmares and he might have screamed out loud. After the first time he wished that he was back at Donna’s place. He considered going there. She would take him in, he knew that. She was probably worried about him. But he would have to explain everything then. He would have to tell her about what Harvey had said. He was afraid that she would try and defend Harvey, that she would be on Harvey’s side rather than his. And he didn’t want to explain how much Harvey’s words had hurt him. Besides he couldn’t get himself to get up and walk through the dark. Besides he didn’t think any busses went this time of day. He could call a cab. He should. This was stupid.

He almost left. But then he got to thinking about Harvey. Harvey had tried to call him. Harvey would want to talk to him, but Mike did not want to see his boss at all. Harvey had said that Mike was the one who cost him a million dollars. Harvey blamed him. It hurt so much that he couldn’t move. He had been afraid of that, that Harvey would somehow hold it against him. He had gotten himself kidnapped, and then couldn’t get out of it, so Harvey had been forced to help him.

A million dollars. It was a huge amount of money. He thought that maybe what Harvey had said might just have been something that the man had said in anger. But what had been the aim? To hurt him? To make him remember that he owed Harvey? Why else would he say it? He didn’t understand.

But what if it really was what Harvey was feeling? That Mike owed him now after Harvey paid to get him free. Did Harvey expect him to pay it back? That was crazy. He couldn’t mean that, right?

He didn’t have the answers of any of the questions. He didn’t understand Harvey. He felt angry at the older man. How could he say that? It was so mean. Harvey knew what he had been through, he knew but he still said those things. He switched between feeling angry and feeling betrayed and hurt. It messed him up. It was an awful night.

The next day he spent pretty much the same way as the day before. He couldn’t get himself to get up. His mind didn’t slow down for one second, it was like it trapped him. He just sat there, frozen in the same position for hours. At times he nodded off a bit and fell asleep, but every time, he had nightmares. He cried again after a particularly bad one. At that moment he desperately wished for someone to come and help him. Or at least to keep him company. He didn’t want to deal with it on his own.

He pulled out his phone and turned it on again. He had missed calls from both Harvey and Donna. His fingers hovered over Harvey’s number even before he knew what he was doing. He wanted to call Harvey and ask him to come and help him. He didn’t press the button though. He couldn’t get himself to do it. What if Harvey said no?

He wished that they would call him instead. Why couldn’t they be the ones that found him. He wished that Harvey would come. Before he hadn’t wanted Harvey to even speak to him, but now, all he wanted was for Harvey to come and get him.

He picked up his phone again and stared at the screen. He looked at it for a long time, but nothing happened. No one called or texted him. Had they forgotten about him now? Were they even happy that he was out of their way now? He knew that he probably was a bother to both Harvey and Donna now a days. He had fought with Harvey, and he had stayed at Donna’s place for days. What if she wanted him to leave, but was too nice to say something?

It was turning dark again. It was his second night here now. He had a pretty bad headache and was thirsty, but he tried to not think about it. The battery on his phone was getting low so he had turned it off for now, no one called him anyway.

Suddenly he heard footsteps somewhere behind him. Immediately his heart sped up and his whole body tensed. He turned around where he was but didn’t get up. But it wasn’t Harvey and it wasn’t the kidnappers. Instead it was an older man with glasses that Mike didn’t recognize.

“Hello there.” He said and stopped a few meters away from Mike on the footpath.

“Hi.” Mike said. His voice was a bit hoarse. He saw how the man observed the gravestones in front of him and then looked back at Mike.

“I don’t want to intrude. But I noticed you when I arrived, and you have been here quite long now. I just thought I should see how you were doing?”

Mike felt how something twisted inside him at the man’s words. He sounded so kind. He had to fight with his tears.

“I’m… I’m…” He shrugged helplessly. He was sitting right there on the ground on a graveyard. It was hard to say that you were fine then.

“Is it your family?” The man asked after a while when Mike didn’t continue.

Mike nodded. The man smiled sadly at him.

“My wife is over there. She died two months ago.” He said and pointed behind him.

“I’m sorry.” Mike said.

“Thank you. Is there something I can do to help you?” He asked.

For a second all Mike wanted to do was to say yes. Yes, he wanted help. But what could this man do for him? He couldn’t ask for anything from him, so he shook his head.

“Are you sure? I can give you a lift somewhere if you like.”

“Thank you.” Mike got out. “But I don’t have anywhere to go.” His voice was shaking and now he wanted this man to go, it felt like he was going to lose it. “I’m fine.” He added.

The man didn’t look convinced at all. “Oh well…” He started searching his pockets then and pulled out something. Mike instinctively winced as he stepped closer.

“I’m sorry.” The man said. “I just wanted to give you this.”

He held out a chocolate bar towards Mike. He took it. “Thank you.” He mumbled. He felt embarrassed now.

The man nodded a little and smiled again. Then he turned around and walked away down the hill. Mike looked after him and had a sudden urge to call him back. What was wrong with him? It was just that he was going to be here alone again now. He stared at the chocolate bar in his hand for a moment, before he opened it and ate it all at once. He had been hungry. The sweet taste helped a little. He felt a little bit better, at least for a while.

He clutched the paper of the chocolate bar hard in his hand. Somehow, he didn’t want to let it go. It was that proof of that man’s kind gesture and right now that was the only comfort he had. How could this have happened to him? How had he ended up here?

He didn’t know what to do to take another step in any direction right now though. In some way it felt good to not have to decide. That was what he was doing right now. He was just going to stay by his family for now, and maybe later he would do something else.

A couple of hours passed. It was getting dark again and Mike didn’t like that at all. He moved closer to the gravestones until he had his back against his dad’s stone. He thought of the last time he had spoken to his dad. He had been angry then. He started to cry.

He wished intently that Harvey would come. He wished for it so much. But he wouldn’t do that. Harvey didn’t know where he was. Besides, Mike wasn’t even sure that he even cared enough. What if Harvey really was angry at him?

He had screwed up after all. He had forgotten something that had been his job to know. His memory had failed him. Mike hated it, his damn brain. He remembered every second of the kidnapping but had forgotten the content of an important contract for work. Why was that?

He also remembered every single word that Harvey had said to him out in that hallway.

_You are the one that cost me a million dollars._

It was the truth. He had cost Harvey a million dollars. It was a huge amount of money that Harvey still would have if it wasn’t for him. It was all his fault. Harvey was angry at him for that, and for screwing up the case. Did they lose the case now? He had screwed up and then he had just bailed, not stayed to fix whatever he had done. Harvey must hate him.

He cried for a while about that as well. He was so exhausted that it just came, he couldn’t fight against it. Besides, what was the point anyway.

He felt so scared, sad and upset now that it was no way that he could stop. Harvey hated him. He really hated him. Mike knew that ever since he got back, he had been acting stupid as well. He had been angry and rude at times. Why had he behaved like that? Everyone had been so nice to him after the kidnapping. It was just him that was so stupid for not being able to get past it. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t let it go. It was over.

But a gun had been held towards his face. They had kicked him, laughed at him. Kept him in the dark tied up like he was some dog. Like he wasn’t a human being. The humiliation he felt for not being able to keep it together then. He had been so scared then. He had wished that it would end.

That man had cut his throat. He had been forced with a knife against his throat to stay still as he was molested. He had been sexually assaulted. He had. That was the truth. No one knew about that. Only him and that guy, that was still out there. That man had told him that it would be a next time. What if he would find him?

He hugged his arms around him as hard as he could. He didn’t want to think about this. He wanted someone to come and help him now. He wanted Harvey to come and save him again. He needed to figure out a way for Harvey to forgive him. Harvey had to forgive him. Mike needed to fix it.

The main problem for Harvey seemed to be the money. All he had to do was to pay it back. He just needed to find a way to pay Harvey back the million dollar he had paid to get Mike back. He didn’t have a million dollars. He sobbed a bit. What should he do?

Maybe he could take on a second job? Maybe they could make up some kind of plan. He could pay some each month. Would Harvey accept that? If he just paid it all back, then it would be okay. They could go back to like they were before, when Harvey wasn’t angry at him. Harvey would forgive him, he had to.

He had to let Harvey know this new plan. As soon as he saw him, he needed to tell him. He couldn’t stay here another night. He would die then, or something. He felt so scared here. It was dark and cold, and he wanted to leave. He couldn’t bring himself to get up and walk around in the dark though. He just couldn’t. He fumbled in his pocket for his phone. Maybe he could call Harvey and tell him right now, and maybe then Harvey could come and pick him up.

He pressed the button on the phone to turn it on. But it didn’t work! Nothing happened. Mike tried again. Then once more, but nothing happened. The phone was dead. He started crying again then. Harder than before, because he was stuck here now.

He cried himself into an exhausted sleep.

It was still dark when he woke up again. He felt cold and immediately he felt how his heart sped up. What if someone was standing over there by the trees? What if the kidnappers came for him?

“Harvey?” He called out. Tears ran down his cheeks. He moaned a bit. He was so stupid. He pressed a hand over his mouth. Why would he call out like that? Harvey wasn’t here. He was losing it or something. He felt himself shaking, he felt dizzy and warm as well. He forced his eyes closed. He needed to breathe.

He wished to be saved again. He wanted Harvey to find him now. He didn’t care anymore that Harvey had told him those hurtful things, he didn’t care anymore. He was so scared, and he just wished got it to be over. He wanted help.

He slept a few more hours. He was very hungry when he woke up again, but he didn’t move. He was still alone. He needed to leave today. He needed to get something to eat. He wanted to lay down somewhere warm. Maybe he could go to Donna. He had trouble thinking clearly.

He slept a bit again. The sun rose. He still felt dizzy. Maybe that was because he hadn’t eaten anything in a while. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but at some point, he moved a bit further away from his dad’s grave. He wanted to be able to see all of their graves.

It was hard to keep track of time. He wanted something to eat. Soon he would take the bus back to town. That would be fine. He needed to find Harvey so that he could tell him about the fact that he was going to pay him back for the ransom.

He felt so shaky. He didn’t know what to do anymore. The thought of walking to the bus stop was starting to feel a bit too much. It was so far, and he was tired. He wished again that they would come and look for him. Or maybe that old man with the dead wife could come back and this time Mike would accept the ride from him.

He slept a little again. He felt a little better when he woke up. Not so dizzy at least. He thought that maybe he had a fever, he felt so sweaty. He needed to eat something too. He had been so stupid coming here. What was he even doing here? He looked at the gravestones. For an intense moment he hated his family members for being here and not alive and with him. Why did they have to die? He needed them!

He cried again and didn’t bother to try and quell it. Why should he care anyway? No one was there. He was alone. He had never felt more alone than this. For a moment he thought about why he was even continuing with this. Nothing was going to get better. He wasn’t going to feel better any time soon. What if Harvey and Donna didn’t want anything to do with him? What if Harvey wouldn’t accept his offer? But that wouldn’t be fair. Why wouldn’t Harvey even give him a chance?

His mind was so messed up.

Harvey had arrived shortly after that. He had heard his steps and somehow, he had known that it was Harvey. His first feeling that came to him then was anger, he didn’t even know why. 

Harvey had apologized to him, then asked to take him home. Mike didn’t know why he refused. Then he had broken down. He had cried in front of Harvey; he hadn’t been able to stop. Harvey had hugged him then. It had felt so good. It had felt like he was being rescued again. He had just cried.

Then they had talked, and things were going in the right direction. Until Harvey had touched him exactly where that man had touched him and in an instant, he was right back there on the concrete floor. He had recoiled and done everything he could to get away. Harvey asked him then. Asked him if they had touched him. His first instinct was to deny it, but then he hadn’t.

They had talked again, he had cried, Harvey had helped. He had agreed to come home with Harvey. He had been so exhausted. He still was. They were in some restaurant now. He didn’t even know where. Harvey had ordered for him.

There was a small garden outside the window next to him. He had a hard time taking his eyes away from it. It calmed him to look at it.

“The food is here Mike.” Harvey said.

Mike slowly picked up the fork and knife and started eating. It barely tasted something, but he ate quickly, he was hungry. And it felt good to just focus on eating and nothing else. Eating would make him better.

Harvey didn’t have much of an appetite at all. He regretted what he ordered; he should have taken something lighter. In front of him Mike ate like he never had seen food before, which wasn’t that strange since the kid hadn’t eaten in days. This time it had been voluntary, Mike had chosen to stay at the graveyard. Harvey didn’t want to think of what might have happened if he hadn’t found Mike.

“You want some more?” Harvey asked when Mike had gulfed down his portion, while Harvey only had finished half of his.

“No. I’d like to leave.” Mike said. “You said that I could come to your place.”

“Yeah, of course. Let’s go Mike.”

Harvey ignored the rest of his portion and steered Mike back towards the car after having paid.

They got in and Mike hugged his arms close to him in the seat.

“Are you cold?” Harvey asked. He told Ray to turn up the heat when Mike didn’t answer.

They started driving in silence. Harvey felt worried. Mike didn’t act like himself at all, not that he had been himself ever since the kidnapping, but this was different. Now it seemed like he wasn’t even trying.

“We are going to your place, right? I don’t need anything, so we don’t have to go to my place. I don’t want to go there. You said we would go to your place.”

Mike just had to know. He felt so incredibly exhausted that he was planning on getting some sleep while they drove, but he needed to make sure that he didn’t wake up outside his own apartment or something.

“Yes, we are going to my place Mike.” Harvey reassured him. Good, that was good. He nodded. He then told Harvey that he was going to sleep a little. He was gone as soon as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

_-SUITS-_


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 24**

Mike remained asleep during the entire ride to Harvey’s condo. Harvey felt worried and tense. In a way it was good that Mike was sleeping, it gave Harvey some time to regroup. A lot of stuff had happened, and a lot of things had changed. He had gotten some new information that would need to be dealt with.

Mike had been sexually abused. That thought wouldn’t leave him alone. It sickened him to think about it, but at the same time it felt like he had to. Mike had gone through all of that because of him. He was to blame in this. Logically he knew that it hadn’t been him that kidnapped Mike and put him through the horrendous things that had happened to him, but if it wasn’t for Harvey, Mike wouldn’t have been in that situation. There was no way of getting away from that.

Him and Mike needed to have a talk. There were things that he needed to tell Mike. He needed to make sure that Mike knew that Harvey was going to do everything in his power to help him. That he was on Mike’s side. That Mike was his first priority right now. Screw everything else.

Mike was afraid of going home. Harvey had just dropped him off there without thinking that it could be traumatic for him. He hadn’t given that a single thought. He remembered that it had felt wrong to drive away from Mike that day, and he remembered how he had seen Mike standing there looking after his car as he left. God, what had he done?

Mike had chosen to stay at the office, he had slept at Donna’s and he had spent two nights at a graveyard, rather than going home to his own place. How could he, Harvey, have missed all of that? How could he have missed how Mike was really doing?

Mike had tried to act normal, sure, but Harvey had known that things weren’t normal with the kid. He had played along when Mike insisted that he was fine. He had wanted to give Mike that. It had been what the kid had wanted, and Harvey had wanted to respect that. It had been the wrong thing to do. Of course, you couldn’t just shove it down like Mike had tried to do. What had happened to him had been awful and for someone with a memory like Mike’s, it must be edged in his brain. Mike remembered every second. Mike wasn’t over it at all. He had nightmares that prevented him from getting sleep. He had told Harvey that he was scared. All the time.

“Harvey?” Ray’s quiet voice from the front seat. “I’m sorry, but we are here.”

Harvey looked out the window and saw that Ray was right. How long had they been standing still?

“Is it something that I can do to help?” The driver asked.

“No. Thank you Ray. You can take the day off tomorrow.”

He looked over at Mike. He was still dead to the world. Harvey almost considered asking Ray to drive them around for a while longer, just so the kid could sleep a bit more, but he didn’t.

“Mike?” He said. He had to repeat the name about five more times, each time louder, and eventually Mike woke up.

He blinked slowly and looked around him with a confused expression.

“We are home.” Harvey told him.

Mike nodded and started to get out of the car. They slowly walked in silence towards the entrance. Mike also didn’t speak during the elevator ride up. He didn’t know what to say to Harvey now, and besides he felt pretty crappy. His head was pounding, and he felt nauseated. He had a hard time concentrating too, it felt like things were moving too fast. He was sweating. All he wanted to do was to get into a bed and sleep.

He followed Harvey inside the condo and headed straight for the couch. He didn’t know what Harvey was doing or if he even was there, he just needed to sit down right now, or better yet lay down.

Harvey watched how Mike stumbled over to the couch and just laid down straight away. He ended up on his stomach with his head turned out towards the room. He had his eyes open, but Harvey could see that his eyes looked empty. He walked over to the kitchen and took out two glasses. He filled them up with water and went over to the couch. He put one glass in front of Mike, but he didn’t react. Harvey couldn’t help but let out a sigh. He felt so sorry for Mike.

The young man in front of him had gone through real trauma, and Harvey realized that Mike wasn’t dealing with it at all. Things needed to change, and Harvey would play a part of it. He was going to be the one pushing from now on. Mike needed help and Harvey planned to give it to him in every way he could. He was ashamed that he hadn’t done more for Mike earlier on. He had given Mike space, he had let the kid pretend that things were normal, when they hadn’t been. There were a lot of things he should have done differently, but he hadn’t, and he didn’t see much of a point dwelling on that now. That was in the past, they needed to look forward. He was going to get Mike through this. He knew that he needed to make changes as well, it wasn’t all on Mike. In fact, it was more on Harvey then on Mike. It was his responsibility now to enforce the changes.

The first step was to make that look in Mike’s eyes go away somehow. But Mike wasn’t talking or even looking to him right now. He was just laying there, staring straight ahead of him. Harvey got up from the chair he was sitting on and went to his bedroom, then went back to Mike. The kid still didn’t react when Harvey laid a blanket over him. He then leaned down by Mike’s feet.

“I’m just going to help you get rid of the shoes, okay?”

He had never done this before, taken off another man’s shoes. Mike barely seemed to notice it, but he pulled his feet away when Harvey was done and curled up a bit more.

“Can I get you anything Mike?” Harvey asked. He wondered if he should get Mike to change clothes, he was still in the suit he had when they went to court. It took a while before Harvey got a response when Mike shook his head just a little. He decided to wait with the change of clothes then.

“Okay… well… I’ll be right back, okay.”

Mike didn’t answer but he was aware of the fact that Harvey left his line of sight. He didn’t know where he went, and he didn’t know if he cared or not at this point. He felt so shitty. It was awful. He just wished he could fall asleep and not have to deal with anything anymore. He pulled the blanket Harvey had laid over him closer. He wished he had another one, he still felt so cold. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. It almost felt like he was going to throw up.

A moment later he realized that he actually was about to be sick. He needed to find the bathroom fast. Everything was spinning when he heaved himself upright. He groaned when he stood up and stumbled out on the floor. Where was Harvey’s bathroom even?

“Mike? What are you doing?” Harvey asked, from the kitchen, as he was Mike standing up. He had thought that the kid would fall asleep.

“Bath…bathroom… Where is the bathroom?” Mike said.

“What? It’s over there.” Harvey pointed and Mike hurried his steps towards the room. He barely made it over to the toilet before the food from earlier reappeared. It wasn’t pretty at all and it felt awful. When he was done, he just hung there, holding on convulsively to the toilet seat. He was panting and could feel something wet around his mouth. The taste was sharp and gross. He spit a few times and tried to get rid of the last liquid in his mouth.

“Here.”

Harvey was right next to him; he glanced to the side and saw that the older man was holding a glass of water towards him. His hands were shaking when he accepted it. He didn’t drink anything, just used it to rinse his mouth. He also accepted the piece of paper that Harvey handed him and wiped his face a little. He still felt very nauseated. He needed to lay down again. He wanted to sleep.

Somehow, he got back to the couch again. Harvey followed behind him and it just felt uncomfortable. All he could think about was what had happened the last few days. Everything just twirled around in his mind, one thought after another. He felt humiliated, scared and worried. He couldn’t get what he had told Harvey out of his mind, just as he couldn’t get what Harvey had told him before he went to the graveyard to go away. No thought stayed long enough for him to get a grip of it though and he considered if it was possible for his brain to overload. He fought an urge to just hit himself over the head, he wanted to scream or maybe to throw up again.

He curled up as much as he could on the couch and pulled the blanket high up so that it covered his face. He wanted to disappear.

“Is it anything I can do?” Harvey asked then. Mike didn’t want to deal with the other man’s insecurities as well as his own. He didn’t answer and eventually he heard Harvey walk away. He needed to sleep. If he just went to sleep it would get better. He felt so cold. Suddenly tears sprung to his eyes and he couldn’t help but moan a little. Why couldn’t he just feel better?

Why wasn’t anyone helping him? He wanted help. He wanted to go back to the graveyard. His parents had been there. And Grammy.

_-SUITS-_

Harvey felt unsure of how to help Mike more than he had. The other man had hidden his face below the blanket and didn’t answer or react in any way when Harvey asked him stuff. He knew that Mike was in a bad shape and he wanted to help him, but he didn’t know what else to do right now. He decided to give Donna a call again, he was sure that she was waiting for it. He had seen that she had sent him two texts questioning about Mike. He stepped into his bedroom and closed the door as to not disturb Mike. Donna answered on the second signal.

They talked for a while and Harvey told her everything that had happened. Not everything of course, he didn’t tell her about Mike being sexually assaulted. It wasn’t his story to tell, if Mike wanted to do it someday it was his choice. Instead he told her that he suspected that Mike was ill and most likely depressed.

_“That’s not strange if he is, Harvey. After everything he has been through._ ” Donna said. Harvey agreed.

“ _If there is anything I can do, just let me know_.”

“I have things under control right now, but maybe you could come over tomorrow?”

They agreed that Harvey would give her a call the next day when she could come over. Harvey felt relieved in knowing that he would have her support the next day. Mike would probably approve as well. After the phone call Harvey walked out into the living room and found Mike asleep on the couch. It was a good thing that the younger man got some rest. However, it didn’t look like he was sleeping peacefully. Mike moved restlessly and Harvey heard him moan in his sleep. He considered if he should wake him. Maybe he had nightmares. It looked like he had. In the end he decided to let Mike sleep and went to get himself ready for bed. He left a light on in the living room, in case Mike woke up. He remembered what Mike had said about being scared of the dark. He also found a t-shirt and some sweat pants that he laid out close to Mike, in case he wanted to change.

Harvey went to bed and took his phone with him. He was checking some emails in case there was something that needed his immediate attention. Ha had managed to postpone the case he and Mike had been working on when he had said those horrible things to Mike. He knew he couldn’t stall forever, but so far it was working.

He wasn’t able to concentrate at all. He was reading, but it was like nothing stuck in his mind. He couldn’t help but thinking about Mike. He remembered the look on Mike’s face in that corridor, outside the court room. Mike had said that he hadn’t understood the contract he had been reading, so that he hadn’t been able to memorize it. He had said that he had been under a lot of stress. Harvey hadn’t realized how bad it had been. He knew now.

Thoughts of their conversation at the graveyard came to him next. The way Mike had cried when he had confessed that he was scared, that he wanted Harvey’s help. He had never answered Mike’s plea, because just then the other things had come up. Yet again he thought about what Mike had been through, how terrified he must have been. He had been totally defenseless. It must have been so awful. And Harvey felt so damn guilty. It was all his fault. All of it.

At that moment he decided that from now on, Mike was going to be his number one priority. He refused to have Mike live in fear. He knew that the kid hadn’t told him how bad he had been feeling, it must have been hell for him these past weeks. And Harvey had barely lifted a finger to help him. He felt ashamed of it now. Sure, Mike had basically pretended to be alright, but if Harvey was honest, he knew that it had been an act. He had just wanted to be considerate since Mike seemed to want everything to be normal. It had been the wrong choice. It was going to change from now on.

Just as he put his phone down to go and check on the kid before he would try to get some sleep himself, he heard a sound from the living room. He quickly got out of bed and almost ran out of the room.

Mike was awake, but Harvey saw at once that something was very wrong with him. It looked like Mike was trying to get away from something, he was moving jerkily and kicking with his legs, as he tried to heave himself upright. Harvey rushed over towards him and sat down on the table in front of him.

“Mike? What is it?” He said.

The moment Mike noticed him, he yelled out and pushed himself away from Harvey.

“No, no, no. Don’t. Don’t!”

Harvey leaned away from him and held up his hands.

“Okay, okay. It’s okay. It’s just me. Harvey.” He tried.

“No, don’t. Don’t touch me. Please…” Mike’s voice was shaking just as the rest of him, and Harvey’s heart sank at his words. He could feel his eyes burning a little, but he blinked it away. Damn it.

“I won’t touch you. I’m not going to hurt you.” He backed away a bit more. It was clear that Mike was hallucinating or something.

Mike sobbed a little. He was breathing hard and his eyes flickered around the room as if he was looking for a way to escape.

“Mike, it’s Harvey. You are at my place. Everything is okay.” Harvey tried to get through to him, but Mike showed no recognition.

Mike was making frightened sounds that cut into Harvey. He wanted the kid to stop sounding like that.

“It’s me.” He repeated. “It’s Harvey.”

Mike looked at him now at least so Harvey kept talking. “It’s okay now. You are at my place. It’s okay Mike.”

“Ha-Har…Harvey?”

“Yeah, kid.”

“What…?” Mike was panting as he looked into Harvey’s eyes. “Where are they?” He then asked.

Harvey shook his head. “There is no one here but us. Everything is okay Mike.”

Mike looked away then and fell down against the pillow. “No, no…They were…” He mumbled.

“No one is here. I promise you.” Harvey said a bit louder to make sure Mike heard him.

“Mike, how are you feeling?” He tried to ask, when Mike didn’t answer him.

He was a bit surprised when Mike looked at him with wet eyes. He coughed a little.

“Bad.” He then said.

“Yeah. You have a fever, don’t you?”

Mike just stared at him, like he didn’t understand.

“Do you feel warm?” Harvey asked. Mike shook his head. Harvey moved a bit closer to him then. He reached out a hand and felt Mike’s forehead.

“No…” Mike whispered and tried to move away so Harvey took his hand away, but his suspicions were confirmed. Mike definitely had a fever, he felt way too warm.

“Hold on a minute.” Harvey said and went to get some pills and water for the younger man.

Mike looked after him as he walked away. He pulled the blanket closer to him and used it to wipe his eyes. Everything was so blurry, but it got a bit better then. He didn’t know where Harvey went. He wanted him to come back. He didn’t want to be here alone. He knew now that they were at Harvey’s place. He was on Harvey’s couch. But for a moment he hadn’t known that. He had been confused. He had thought that he was back there. He had been so afraid. He didn’t want to be afraid. He coughed again.

“Harvey?” He called out. He wanted company. He wanted Harvey to come back. They could come otherwise. What if they came? It was so hard to think clearly. He didn’t know why.

Suddenly Harvey was back next to him again. He was holding out something towards Mike. He had a glass of water too. Mike didn’t understand what he wanted. He shook his head.

“Please Mike, just take it. It will help.” Harvey said.

“I don’t understand.” Mike said.

”It’s for the fever.”

”What?”

“Can you sit up?” Harvey asked. With some effort he did that. His head was so heavy. Harvey wanted him to take some pill. Eventually Mike did that, even though he didn’t want to. But he also didn’t want Harvey to be mad at him again.

“Try to get some sleep.” Harvey said.

“I can’t.” Mike told him.

“Yes, you can.”

“No.” He wiped his eyes again. He was tired though. He tried to close them. He opened them again and saw that Harvey was still there. That was good. He closed his eyes again.

Harvey watched Mike closely, he was pretty sure that he had gone back to sleep. The kid had been reluctant to take the pills against the fever, he hadn’t wanted to drink the water and then he didn’t want to sleep. Harvey had never seen Mike like this before. Now when he was sitting there on the coffee table, he could feel how fast his heart was beating. He was so glad that the kid was asleep again. He felt so sorry for him.

Harvey carefully started to stand up, then he hesitated for just a bit before he even more carefully fixed Mike’s blanket, so that it covered all of him.

He left his bedroom door opened when he went back to bed. Hopefully he would hear it if Mike woke up again during the night. It took him some time to fall asleep.

He did wake up. Mike was screaming. Harvey was wide awake at once and out of bed, so fast that he almost tripped on his way off the bed.

Mike had slipped off the pillows and was curled up with his back pressed against the back of the couch. His arms were flailing in front of him and he was panting.

“Mike! What’s wrong? What is it? Hey!”

Harvey felt as if someone hit him over the face when he realized that Mike was sobbing. Oh god.

“Mike, I’m here. Mike!” He needed to reach through to the younger man somehow. He tried to grab hold of Mike’s arm, but he let out a yell and pulled himself loose again.

Harvey leaned over him and tried again and again to get his attention. After a minute or two he got some results, because Mike looked at him.

“Good, are you with me now?”

“Harvey…” Mike mumbled.

“Yep.”

“I don’t…I don’t want…” Mike said.

“What don’t you want?”

“I don’t want to be tied up. I don’t.” Harvey stared at him. How on earth was he going to fix this? Mike was obviously delirious. Harvey didn’t know how to handle delirious people.

“Mike, please. You are not. You are not tied up.”

“Yes I am. I am.”

“No, you are not.” Harvey took a hold of Mike’s wrist and held it up towards him. He had to tighten his grip when Mike resisted him.

“Mike, look! Look, you are not tied up.” He let go when he saw that Mike stared at his arm. He brought up his other arm as well and looked intently at them. Harvey could see the faint scars that still were visible from when he actually had been tied up.

“You’re free.” He whispered without even thinking about it.

Mike breathed out a few deep breaths. “I’m…I’m not tied up.” He said.

“No, you are not.”

“I don’t want to be.”

“You won’t be.”

“Are you sure?” Mike looked up at him now and Harvey saw hope in the younger man’s glassy eyes.

“Yes, I’m sure. I’m very sure.”

“Oh. Okay.” Mike pulled his arms close to his chest. Almost if he was hiding them. Harvey felt how he could relax a little. This was so much more stressful than he ever could have thought. He realized now that he needed to stay here.

“Harvey?” Mike sounded like a small child.

“Yes, kid.”

“You have to help me.” Mike said. “Please…”

Harvey looked at him and just felt sad. “Of course, I’ll help you.” He said. “What do you need help with though?”

Mike moaned a bit and moved restlessly. He wiped his face and then wiped his hand on the blanket. Harvey couldn’t help that he rolled his eyes at that. Mike moaned again and his eyes flickered around the room.

“Mike, what is it?” Harvey asked.

“He’s…he is going to come. He’ll come back. He said he would come back.” Mike whispered, more to himself then to Harvey. It was like he wasn’t aware of the fact that Harvey was there anymore. At those words Harvey felt himself stiffen, remembering what Mike had told him on that bench at the graveyard. Oh shit. He needed to get through to Mike right now. He said his name to get his attention, but it didn’t work. Mike was mumbling to himself and kept repeating the same thing over and over.

“He’s coming back. Please... I don’t want…”

Harvey who felt like he was going to break himself, went over to a more physical approach. He took a hold of Mike’s hand and squeezed it.

“Mike, I need you to listen to me now. No one is coming. You are safe here. You don’t have to worry.”

Mike didn’t react that well at first and yelled out and tried to pull his hand away, but Harvey didn’t let him.

“Look at me. It’s Harvey.”

Mike pulled at his hand, but then he did look up. Harvey could see when the recognition came to his eyes.

“Yeah, it’s me. It’s just me. You are okay.”

Mike, who clearly was far from okay, fought to keep his eyes directed at Harvey’s.

“I want to…” He mumbled. “Harvey…Where…?”

Harvey felt really worried by now but did his best to sound calm. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Mike.” He repeated. He wasn’t even sure that Mike was aware enough to hear what he was saying anyway. His words seemed to have the opposite effect because Mike was becoming more aggravated. He tried to sit up, but Harvey stopped him. It was quite hard, and he had to let go of Mike’s hand.

Mike coughed straight out and flailed with his arms, as Harvey gently tried to keep him on the couch. He was so damn warm to touch, and Harvey debated with himself whether he could handle this himself.

“You don’t need to go anywhere right now.”

“But he’s coming back. Harvey?”

“He’s not coming Mike.”

Harvey was surprised that Mike said his name, it must at least mean that Mike was aware of his presence.

“No…” Mike said, and now Harvey could see tears in his eyes. Harvey swallowed. Things were just getting worse, not better. Maybe he could get Mike to drink something.

“Please Harvey.” Mike said then, and he stilled some.

“I’m here Mike.”

Mike looked at him now. Harvey hated the look on the younger man’s face. All he could see there was terror.

“Please help me. Harvey please.”

“I’m here Mike. I’ll help you.” But it was like Mike couldn’t hear him.

“Please help me. Please. He is going to come back. He said he would. You have to help me.”

“I will, I will, I will.” Harvey said. “Of course, I will help you. Nothing is going to happen to you here. No one is getting past me, you know that. You are safe, kid. I promise.”

Mike sobbed a little and stretched out his hands towards Harvey, like a child would. Harvey took both of his hands in his. He had never been in this situation before. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he almost thought that something was wrong with it. He could feel how tense he was too; he was almost shaking, just like Mike was.

The kid was panting, and tears were streaming down his face.

“You won’t go right?” He asked and almost sounded like he was clear minded again.

“No, of course not.”

Mike pulled a little at his hands and coughed again. He sobbed a little.

“Don’t go. Please don’t go. Please stay here. He’s going to come back. They’ll come back. You have to stay. You have to help me.”

Harvey’s heart hurt at his pleading. He wished that this would stop, he wished that Mike would fall back asleep.

“You have to help me. Please help me.” Mike cried. “Harvey please.”

“I will. I will.” Harvey said. “Mike, calm down.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just help me. Don’t leave me here. I don’t want to be alone here. Please don’t leave me alone. I’m scared, Harvey. I’m scared. Don’t go.”

Harvey felt like he wanted to cry himself now. He felt so sorry for Mike. He was so destroyed. He was afraid. Mike was scared even when Harvey was sitting there next to him. That wasn’t right. He wondered if Mike had felt just like this when he had been kidnapped. Had he had these feelings afterwards as well. Had it been this bad all along, just that Mike had been able to hide it when his brain wasn’t being raged by a fever.

Again, Harvey tried his best to reassure Mike that everything was okay. That no one was coming after him, that he was safe and that he wasn’t alone. Mike cried more, he mumbled things, and quietly pleaded for help. Harvey held one of his hands and stroked the kids arm with his other hand. After what felt like an eternity it seemed to be working. Or Mike was just exhausted. He fell asleep though.

_-SUITS-_

Someone kicked him hard across his ribcage. It knocked the wind out of him, and the pain was searing. He couldn’t breathe. He heard laughter and felt so damn humiliated. He wanted them to stop. He wanted help. He screamed. Again, and again he screamed for help. Other words seeped into his consciousness. Someone else was there.

Someone touched his arm. He screamed again.

“Mike, I’m right here. Calm down. You need to calm down.”

Mike thought that he recognized that voice, but he didn’t understand. How could it be here? It shouldn’t be here. The laughter was still there. Not that voice.

“Mike, you are worrying me to death here. Soon, I’m going to call an ambulance or something, or maybe Donna. I need you to calm down, kid.”

Mike thought he knew now, who’s voice it was. Was he really here? Mike wanted Harvey to help him. He called out for him. Harvey would help him. He had said that everything would be okay.

“I’m right here.” Harvey was saying. “I’m here.”

Mike opened his eyes. It was dark. He didn’t like that. Harvey was there though. Mike tried to tell him to turn the lights on, but he wasn’t sure that he was able to form the right words. It was so hard to focus. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted them to stop laughing.

He closed his eyes again. It was so hard to keep them open. It was hard to see clearly too, blurry shapes was all he could see. Someone was laughing again. He couldn’t keep it together and he was fairly sure that he was crying. He couldn’t get away. There was a hand on his shoulder. He hadn’t noticed that before. He tried to shake it off him, but it didn’t work. He tried again and again. The hand was moving a little though. It moved up and down from his shoulder to his elbow. It wasn’t hurting him. He stilled his movements a little. The hand didn’t stop moving. In fact, it felt good. His breaths were slowing down a little. His eyes slipped close again.

_-SUITS-_


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 25.**

Harvey didn’t dare to move, and he didn’t dare to stop stroking Mike’s arm up and down. The younger man’s eyes were closed now, and he had stopped sobbing. But Harvey wasn’t sure if he was sleeping or not, so he decided to keep this up a while longer, just in case.

He had been sleeping on the chair in front of Mike, when the kid had started screaming for help. It had been terrible. Mike had been totally gone this time. Harvey hadn’t been able to get any contact with him at all. It had been scary, and Harvey had seriously contemplated whether he should call an ambulance or not. But eventually Mike had calmed down. Harvey was almost ninety five percent sure now that Mike was sleeping.

Fever this high couldn’t be good at all. He felt so sorry for Mike, and of course guilty. He was sure that the fact that Mike had spent two nights at a graveyard had something to do with his current situation. The trauma that came from what Harvey had told him might had played a part as well, but also, the stress and anxiety Mike had been under the last few weeks must have played a part as well.

As he now carefully fixed the blanket over Mike, he hoped with all he had that Mike would stay asleep for the rest of the night. Harvey didn’t think that he ever had felt this bad for another person before, and it just made it worse that he also felt like he was to blame for it.

Mike had been so scared just now. And if he was this scared now, in a feverish delirium Harvey wondered how scared he had been while he was held captive.

He didn’t know how to fix this for Mike. What could he do to make Mike feel less scared? One thing would be to make sure that those bastards were caught. He had called the police multiple times, but it seemed that they were doing a really bad job with the investigation. Harvey was furious about that. He was also mad at himself for not being more active, for not pushing more. It wasn’t just what they had done to Mike, they were also getting away with the ransom Harvey had paid, and the fact that they had been rewarded for causing Mike this much anxiety made it so much worse.

In a way he almost felt like he himself deserved to never see the money again, he had been a part of it. He had been neglectful, hadn’t dealt with the issue and now the only person that was paying for it, was the only person innocent in it all. Mike.

Harvey carefully removed his hand from Mike’s arm. For a moment he held it above the kid, ready to resume his stroking, but Mike didn’t stir. Harvey leaned back in his chair and let out a deep breath. The man was still sleeping. That was good. Harvey sank down a bit more in the chair so that he was able to lean his head somewhere. It wasn’t that comfortable, but it would have to do. He would stay here until Mike woke up again or until morning.

Mike woke up once more during the night. At least Harvey thought he was awake, but he couldn’t be sure. He had his eyes opened, he moaned a bit and moved around for a bit but didn’t really react to what Harvey was saying. He soon fell asleep again and Harvey was able to sleep for a few hours himself.

Harvey woke up a little after eight the next morning. His neck was hurting from the weird angle he had slept in. He rubbed it a bit and looked over at Mike. He was sleeping still, curled up with his arms pressed against his chest. Harvey immediately was reminded of last night, the graveyard and everything. He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep, even though his eyes felt dry from lack of sleep. He carefully got up from the chair and headed for the bathroom. He needed a shower.

_-SUITS-_

Mike was dreaming, but by the time it woke him it had faded away and left him with a feeling of unease. At first, he didn’t know where he was. He coughed a little and looked around. He was laying on something soft, and he realized that it was a couch. Harvey’s couch he remembered then. It all came back to him in a flash. Everything he had done and everything he had said.

“Oh no…” He mumbled and pulled at the blanket. What had he done? He looked around again, but he couldn’t see Harvey anywhere. Had he left? Had he gone to work? What would he say when he returned?

At once he was sure of the fact that Harvey wouldn’t want him here anymore after he had behaved last night. He had screamed, he had cried, and he had been so afraid. He felt afraid now too. He wanted to disappear. He couldn’t deal with this. Harvey wouldn’t want to deal with him, why would he want to do that. He wasn’t here now, that was clear evidence of that. Even though he tried to stop himself, he started to cry again. He was so damn pathetic. All he did was to cause problems. Harvey must hate him. Harvey had been up with him last night; he had been nice since Mike had been feeling bad. He didn’t feel better now. He needed to do something. Harvey couldn’t see him like this. He needed to find somewhere he could hide until he felt better again.

It was a challenge to sit up, his arms felt weak when they supported his weight. He didn’t know where to go. It felt a little like he was going to tip over, like something was dragging him down again. He didn’t like it. He moaned as he tried to stand up. He had to try twice before he managed. He brought the blanket with him as he stumbled out onto the floor. He coughed and wiped his eyes. Things were a bit blurry. He needed to find somewhere he could sit down. The place was so open, they could find him everywhere. He stumbled past the dining table and saw a corner next to a cabinet. He sank down on the floor and pressed himself against the wall. They wouldn’t find him here. They couldn’t.

His head was hurting so much. He was a bit unsure of where he was. All he knew was that he was scared. He couldn’t stop crying; he didn’t even know right now why he felt so destroyed. He used the blanket to wipe his face and then hugged himself hard. He leaned his pounding head against the cool surface of the cabinet, in hope for some relief. Not much of that came.

He coughed again and closed his eyes for a moment. He felt so confused. He wasn’t sure where he was, and he didn’t know what to do. He pressed himself closer to the wall and tried to slow his breathing. If he just could calm down a little, he might be able to think. All he knew was that he wanted to get away, that he needed to hide, or they would find him and hurt him.

_-SUITS-_

Harvey felt much better after the shower. He had stayed a bit longer under the hot water then he used to. Somehow, he dreaded stepping out of it, or maybe not dreaded, but he felt nervous about dealing with Mike. What if he was still sick? What if he got even worse? And how on earth was Harvey ever going to make him feel better?

He got dressed and then went to see if Mike was still asleep. He wasn’t. Harvey stopped in shock as he saw that the couch was empty. Where the hell was Mike? He looked around the living room, but he couldn’t see him.

“Mike? Mike, where are you?” He called out but didn’t get a reply. Did he take off? Harvey was just about to start heading for the door when he heard a sound. It sounded like whimpering.

“Mike?” He called out again as he tried to follow the sound. And there! Mike was sitting on the floor wedged in between a cabinet and the wall, with his knees drawn up and a blanket around him. He had his face pressed against the side of the cabinet and Harvey only had to threw one look at him to know that Mike wasn’t feeling better today.

He hastily sank down on his knees next to Mike. He hesitated, but then reached out and touched Mike’s knee. He wasn’t that surprised when Mike jerked away and seemed to cover more in the corner. He moaned a bit too.

“It’s me, Mike. It’s Harvey.” He pulled away the part of the blanket that covered Mike’s face, so that the kid could see him. Mike did look at him then, but Harvey could see that he was pretty much out of it.

Mike mumbled something that Harvey couldn’t make out, then he pushed at Harvey’s chest. Harvey held up his hands and backed away from him.

“Okay. Okay, Mike.” Harvey breathed out. He didn’t know exactly how to handle this. Mike clearly didn’t want him close; he had pulled the cover close to him again and was yet again leaning against the cabinet. He must still have a fever. Maybe the first thing to do here was to try and get that down. So, he got up and went to get some pills and a glass of water. Getting it into Mike turned out to be a bit difficult, but after some coaxing, he got Mike to drink some of the water and then swallow two pills.

“Mike, what do you say about getting up from here? You can go and lay down, get some rest.”

Mike nodded and took the hand that Harvey reached out for him. Harvey needed to steady him as he stood up. He grabbed Mike’s arm and led him back to the couch and got him to sit down. He really should get the kid into other clothes. More comfortable ones then the suit he still was wearing. He grabbed the clothes he had laid out the night before and held it up for Mike to see.

“I want you to change into this Mike.” He said slowly as he tried to meet Mike’s eyes. He didn’t see understanding in them. Mike was panting and Harvey saw that he still had tears in his eyes.

“Let me help you, okay.” Harvey said and put the clothes down on the table next to him. He stretched out a hand and slowly took a hold of Mike’s arm. Mike just stared at him, but let him help him remove the suit jacket.

“What… why?” He whispered as Harvey reached for the buttons on his shirt.

“I’m helping you to change clothes Mike. You have been in this shirt for three days.”

Mike’s lips trembled but he didn’t protest as Harvey started to unbutton his shirt. A few tears ran down his cheeks as Harvey pulled it off him. His whole body was shaking now and Harvey just wanted to be done with this. He could see that Mike still had bruises on his chest. They had kicked him so hard that still, weeks after, it was showing. Harvey reached for the t-shirt and gently help Mike with it. As soon as he was done Mike wrapped his arms around himself.

“I’m cold.” He whispered. Harvey nodded and tried to smile.

“I have some pants for you as well.” He said. He didn’t do anything though, the shirt had been difficult enough, could he really get the kid the change pants in front of him?

“No… I… I don’t want to.” Mike said, not looking at him. Harvey nodded.

“Later then.” He said. “They are right here.”

Mike looked at him like he didn’t understand a word he had just said. Harvey told him to lay down and then helped him with it. He draped the blanket over Mike and watched how he pulled it close.

“I’ll get you one more.” He said. Mike said earlier that he was cold. When Mike was laying there with two blankets and looking out the room with shiny eyes Harvey sat down on the coffee table in front of him. He placed a hand on Mike’s shoulder.

“Mike, it’s okay now.” He said.

Mike squirmed away from him.

Harvey sighed and stood up. Maybe he should make them some breakfast. Getting something in the kid might help.

When he was finished and went to check on Mike again, he was sleeping. Maybe that was for the best, Mike needed to sleep it off.

Harvey kept close to Mike the next few hours. He wanted Mike to see him the first thing he did when he woke up. He didn’t want to have a repeat of last night. He didn’t want Mike to feel scared.

However, it didn’t work out that well. Mike woke up in a panic three hours later. He suddenly sat up on the couch and screamed right out. Harvey jerked so much that he almost dropped his laptop. Just one look at Mike told him that the pills he had given him hadn’t had the desired effect. Mike’s eyes were glazed over, his face was flushed, and his hair stuck to his forehead from sweat.

“Mike! What is it?”

Mike looked at him with wide eyes. “What? Where is… where…?” Was all Mike said.

“Calm down. Everything is alright.” Harvey got up and sat down on the table again.

“No…” Mike mumbled and shrank down on the couch again. Harvey watched how he curled up and how his eyes teared up. He was panting and it just seemed to get worse, soon he was shaking.

“Mike…it’s okay.” Harvey tried, but Mike ignored him. He stretched out a hand and stroked Mike’s shoulder, but that didn’t sit well with the kid either, and Mike moaned and tried to get away. Harvey quickly backed away then.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. “Mike, I’ll be over here, okay.”

He stood up and went back to the chair and picked up his laptop again. Mike was crying. It felt wrong to work like this. After just a few minutes he couldn’t do it anymore and he put it away again. He found himself just sitting there opposite of Mike, watching him. It tore in him to see Mike like this. He felt like shit for just sitting there doing nothing, but Mike hadn’t reacted well to him, and he couldn’t force the younger man. But he needed to do something. Mike needed help, and if he didn’t want to accept Harvey, maybe he would accept someone else.

Thirty minutes after he had called her Donna knocked on the door. Mike was in the same state as before. During that time Harvey had tried to talk to him, to reassure him, calm him, but he didn’t get anywhere. Mike mumbled incoherently and just curled in on himself more. He tried to turn his head away from Harvey.

Donna surprised Harvey when he opened the door for her, by giving him a hug.

“You looked like you needed it.” He said and smiled at him.

“Yeah.” Harvey smiled back. “He’s in here. He’s in a pretty bad state.”

“Okay.” She took of her coat and followed him back to Mike.

“Oh god.” Harvey heard her whisper as she saw Mike. She sank down on her knees next to the couch.

“Hi Mike, oh sweetheart. Mike…” She whispered to him and stroked his hair. Harvey sat down at the chair again.

It took some time before Mike reacted to her. But she noticed how he tried to catch her eyes. She smiled at him when he managed.

“Hi there.” She said.

“D-Donna…” Mike’s voice was hoarse.

“Yes, I’m here.” She stroked his forehead. It got her worried, he was burning up. Mike blinked a few times and more tears ran down his face.

“Help me…” He mumbled.

“Of course.” Her heart ached for him. She turned towards Harvey and asked him to get some water, pills, and tissues. Harvey almost ran.

Donna managed to get Mike to drink some water, she wiped his face and neck. He calmed down a bit, stopped shaking. She held his hand. She kept talking to him the entire time. He was starting to breathe deeper and soon his eyes fell close. Donna didn’t stop until she was sure that he was sleeping. For some time, she continued to stroke his hair. She felt how she was close to tears now, when the worst was over, when she didn’t have to put all her focus on Mike. Over and over Mike’s plea for help replayed in her mind. She was fairly certain that she had managed to give him help, some peace from the war that was going on inside him.

She felt how hard her heart was beating as she slowly stood up, she didn’t want to wake him up by any sudden movements. She paused and watched him, but he remained asleep.

“You alright?” Harvey asked quietly.

“Yes. Are you?” She turned towards him. Harvey just shrugged. It wasn’t like him. He got up from the chair.

“You want something to drink?”

She raised her eyebrows.

“I meant coffee.”

They sat down at the kitchen island, still with Mike in view. Neither of them spoke for a couple of minutes.

“How was it last night?” Donna then asked.

“At bit like what you just experienced. He had a high fever, he was out of it, delirious and scared.”

Donna nodded.

“This is all on me.” Harvey said next. “He is like this because of me.”

“Harvey…”

“They took him because of me Donna.”

“But you got him back, you saved him. You are helping him now.”

“I made him feel worse, I forced him away. He spent two days at damn graveyard! Because of me!”

“Lower your voice.” Donna looking towards Mike. “Harvey, you are not going to be of any help to him like this. I know you feel guilty, but you need to stove that away for now. Mike needs you; you know he does.”

Harvey rubbed his face and clenched his teeth. “Yeah, I know. I know… I just… It’s just hard to see him like this.”

“I know.”

They didn’t talk so much more after that. They finished the coffee and then had something to eat as well. Mike slept on. When he did wake up again, he wasn’t that much better than before, but he seemed to be a bit more aware of who they were at least. Harvey’s heart sank when Mike shied away from him again, he didn’t know why, last night Mike had wanted him to be close.

Clearly, he had nightmares that made him confused. Maybe that was what had woken him as well.

_-SUITS-_

Mike had a hard time distinguishing what was real and what wasn’t. He had been back there, on the concreate floor, he had been tied up and they had been there, he was sure of it. But now when he looked around all he could see was Donna and Harvey. Harvey hadn’t come for him. Harvey blamed him and Mike just wanted to get away. He didn’t want to deal with Harvey right now, he couldn’t. He didn’t feel good. He didn’t know what was happening and he didn’t know what to do.

He felt so damn warm, the clothes he was wearing were sticking to his back. He tried to push the blanket off him, but Donna kept putting it back. Wait, Donna was there. That was good. She would help him; he was sure of it. She had helped him before. She let him stay with her. Maybe she would let him do it again. He needed to ask her; they could leave. He wasn’t really sure of where they were. He didn’t remember getting here and that scared him. His head hurt.

“Donna…” He thought he said her name, but he wasn’t sure that she had heard him. She was saying something to him, but he didn’t know what it was. He couldn’t hear her, why couldn’t he?

His body was aching. Had they hurt him again? He didn’t know what was going on. He couldn’t see them here. Had Harvey hurt him? Was Harvey mad at him. He didn’t want that. It made him feel incredibly sad. He hadn’t done anything, had he?

“Mike, honey?” Donna was talking to him.

He tried to look at her. She was close, almost too close, but he didn’t want to push her away. What if she left then?

He felt Donna’s hand on his cheek then. It felt strangely hard and he tried to twist his head to the side to get rid of it. He might have moaned.

Donna felt helpless. Mike’s eyes flickered around like he was having trouble focusing them. They needed to do something to get his fever under control. Harvey said that he had given Mike medication, but clearly it wasn’t helping. Unfortunately, Harvey didn’t have a thermometer so they couldn’t find out how high his fever was. Maybe they should take him to a hospital. They would have to if Mike didn’t calm down soon. Not that Donna thought that Mike would get calmer then. If she just could get him to talk to her. He knew that she was there at least, he had said her name. She was careful with touching him, he seemed to want to move away when she stroked his cheek.

“Here, try this?” Harvey held out a wet clothe towards her. She hadn’t even noticed when he left to get it, but she took it and folded it and carefully placed it over Mike’s forehead. Mike moaned and shook his head, but Donna grabbed his hand before he removed it.

“Leave it there, Mike.” She told him.

“Donna?” Mike mumbled her name again.

“Yes, Mike.”

“Where… where are we?” He didn’t look at her, but a little to the left.

“We are at Harvey’s place, sweetheart.”

“We are?”

“Yes.”

“Where is he?” Mike whispered.

“He is here, don’t worry.”

“But…but…is he… is he mad at me?”

“What? No, of course not. He is not mad at you. I promise.”

“But I was… He doesn’t like me.”

“What are you talking about? Of course, he likes you.” 

“But he didn’t come. I was waiting. When is he coming?”

“Mike, he is here. Harvey, talk to him.”

Harvey swallow hard where he was sitting on the coffee table next to Donna. He hated this so much, Mike thinking that he didn’t like him. What was that about?

“Yeah, Mike. I’m here. And I do like you.”

Donna looked at Harvey, with wet eyes. “Is he talking about when he was… you know.”

“Yeah, he is.” Harvey said without hesitation. He knew where Mike’s fevered head was at.

“Oh god…” Donna whispered before turning back to Mike again.

“Honey, Harvey came for you. He brought you home. You are safe now. You don’t have to worry, I promise.”

Mike looked at her then. He tried to take in what she was saying. He was safe? But why couldn’t he stop thinking about being hurt? He remembered Harvey being angry. He remembered being alone. He didn’t feel good. His head was cold.

Mike threw his head to the side, and with his free hand, the one Donna wasn’t holding on to, and ripped away the clothe over his forehead. Donna quickly put it back.

“No, please leave it there, Mike. It’s for your fever.”

“Fever? I have a fever?”

“Yes, you do.” Donna smiled at him.

“Oh…I don’t feel good.” Mike said, and then he started crying. It surprised both Donna and Harvey and they exchanged a shocked look. They both did their best to calm him. Donna stroked his arm and continued to hold his hand. She spoke to him, as did Harvey. It didn’t seem to help Mike though, he curled up on his side and hid his face in the pillow and just cried.

Mike cried himself to sleep eventually. It took nearly an hour and left both Harvey and Donna exhausted. They had tried everything, but Mike just stayed in the same position and continued. He didn’t want anything to drink or eat, refused more pills, and didn’t want to move. He kept his grip on Donna’s hand the entire time though. That was something according to Donna, it told her that he at least wanted her there, and she hoped that her stroking his hand with her thumb helped.

Mike slept about two hours before yet again waking up in the same state as before. It was terrible for all three of them. At least Donna managed to get Mike to take a few pills this time. He also drank some water but refused to eat.

“You need some food in you though, Mike.” 

“No…”

“Yes, kid.” Harvey tried. “You’ll feel better. Just some yoghurt. You can drink it.”

Thirty minutes later Harvey was successful in his attempts and Mike had half a bowl. He seemed to be a little bit better. He looked terribly though. He was pale but at the same time his cheeks had red stains on them. His eyes were bloodshot and watery, and his t-shirt stuck to his chest.

“Maybe a shower would help.” Donna suggested.

“I don’t know if we can get him up at this state.” Harvey said. It turned out that he was right, and Mike didn’t think it was a good idea at all.

“No…please.” He said, so Donna backed off right away.

It was almost dinner time when Mike started to squirm on the couch and breath faster.

“What’s wrong Mike?” Harvey asked getting worried.

“I feel bad, Harvey, I feel bad.”

“Okay, okay. What can I do?”

“I feel bad.” Mike repeated unhelpfully. “I feel bad, Harvey.”

“I know, kid. Can I help?”

Mike coughed and didn’t answer. Then he swallowed hard.

“I need to throw up.” He said then.

“Oh, shit. Okay. Here, I’ll help you.” He got Mike to sit up, by practically dragging him up. “Donna!”

They both got Mike to stand up and steadied him as they made their way to the bathroom. When they got there, Mike broke free from them and stumbled over to the toilet. They watched helplessly as Mike threw up, not once but twice. After that he hung over the toilet and exhaled hard. He didn’t move in a long time, and Harvey and Donna looked at each other. Should they do something?

“Mike? Are you done?” Harvey asked after another minute.

“No…” Was the answer.

So, they waited. It was both terrible and awkward. Mike threw up again, but this time it was only bile. He felt awful, and his arms were shaking. He spit and coughed, the taste in his mouth was disgusting. The room was spinning, his head was aching, he felt cold and so tired. He also felt so embarrassed. Donna and Harvey were both just standing there looking at him. He wanted them to leave, but at the same time he didn’t want to be alone. Somehow, he felt scared still. It was just an unease at the back of his mind, like something bad was going to happen, it was always there.

He coughed a little. It felt like his arms were going to give out. He needed to lay down. As he started to do so both Donna and Harvey sprang into action.

“Oh sweetie.” Donna said.

“Don’t lay down on the floor, kid.” Harvey said at the same time.

Mike ignored them both, pushed Harvey’s arm away and sank down on the floor. It was hard and cold but right now he didn’t care. He wished he could pass out already. He didn’t want to be here, feel like this. It was all too much. He wasn’t in control.

The floor was just as cold as it had been where they had held him. He didn’t want to think about that place. He felt himself shudder. He wasn’t back there; this was Harvey’s bathroom. He knew that. He still screamed when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t help it, he just needed to get away. He pushed himself forward and away from the hand. He didn’t get far though because he suddenly slammed his head into something hard. They were hitting him! He screamed again.

“Damn it!” Harvey swore as Mike, in his attempt to get away, rammed his forehead into the foot of the toilet seat. He felt almost a kind of rage inside him when he heard Mike screaming like that.

“Mike, honey. You need to calm down.” Donna tried, both her hands hovering over Mike, but she didn’t dare to touch him.

“Le-leave me alone.” Mike coughed. “Don’t…”

“No one is trying to hurt you. We are trying to help you Mike. It’s me, Donna. And Harvey is here.”

Mike had both of his hands pressed against his forehead, it must have hurt him a lot to hit it like that. But he had stilled somewhat. Harvey nodded towards Donna and she spoke again.

“You’re okay Mike.” She said. “You are safe here with us. Please, let us help you. Look at me, sweetheart.”

Harvey had never heard Donna speak like that before, like Mike was a small child. However, it did the trick. Mike carefully removed his hands a bit and turned his head up towards her.

“Hey…” Donna whispered. “It’s okay, Mike. Come here.”

She helped lay his head on her lap and leaned a little forward as she put an arm around him. She laid her other hand along Mike’s face. Mike was breathing hard and was looking up at Donna.

“You…are you going to help me?” He whispered and Harvey clenched his teeth hard together.

“Yes, I am.”

“You will. You’ll help me?”

“Yes, don’t worry. I’ll help you.”

“Okay…”

Donna started to stroke Mike’s shoulder, and Harvey leaned back from them. He felt a little at a loss of what to do. Donna was helping Mike now and Harvey just watched. Mike hadn’t asked him for help, instead Mike had screamed and pulled away when Harvey had touched him. He felt too hot in here. It was like it wasn’t enough air.

“I’ll be right back.” He whispered to Donna and stood up and left. She didn’t even look at him, all her attention was on the kid.

Harvey went to the balcony; he needed some fresh air. A drink wouldn’t have been wrong either, but he could wait. He felt so sorry for Mike. And he felt guilty. Ever since Mike had been taken what had he done? Sure, he had paid the ransom, but after that? He had dropped the ball on Mike. The younger man was clearly traumatized. Of course, he was. Harvey had known that, but he had let Mike out of his sight anyway. Then he had pushed Mike down even further. A lot of this was on him. He had realized that Mike would have gained from a lot more support from his part than he had gotten.

He didn’t know how long he stood there, but eventually he went back inside. He needed to do something. He grabbed a water bottle and went to the bathroom. Maybe Mike could use something to drink?

Harvey didn’t recognize the feeling he felt as he stepped into the bathroom. The sight that met him was heartbreaking. Both Donna and Mike was on the floor still, Donna sitting with her legs outstretched and her arms around Mike, who was laying on her lap, tightly pressed against her.

Harvey stopped in the doorway and just watched them. Donna looked up at him and smiled tiredly.

“He’s sleeping.” She whispered.

Harvey nodded. “Do you need any help?”

“Maybe you could get him a blanket.”

Harvey left to get it without another word, he then helped Donna to spread it out over Mike. The kid didn’t stir at all.

“I can help you move him.” Harvey said.

“No. We’ll just let him sleep for a while now. His fever is pretty high.”

“Yeah. Okay.” Harvey carefully sat down right there on the floor next to them. He raised his hand and lightly stroked Mike’s back.

“I’m going to help him.” He said. “I’ll get him better.”

Donna nodded next to him. “He might need more help then you can give him.” She said.

“I know.” Harvey agreed.

“He asked me to help him, over and over again.” Donna said then and when Harvey looked at her he saw tears in her eyes. “I said we would.”

“Good. You did good Donna.”

They were quiet for some time.

“I’m going to set up my office as a guestroom. I’ll get him a bed. He can stay here as long as he likes or needs.”

“Good, Harvey.”

They both stayed on the floor in the bathroom until Mike woke up again a couple of hours later. He was confused at first, but then reached out and took a hold of Donna’s shirt. With some effort he turned on his back and looked up at them. Harvey smiled when Mike met his eyes.

“How are you doing?” He asked. Mike stared at him with a blank expression for a couple of seconds.

“I’m cold.” He then said.

“Okay. What do you say about getting you to lay down somewhere warmer?”

“Okay.” Mike agreed. They helped him to sit up and Harvey pulled him up on his feet. He wrapped an arm around Mike’s waist and steadied him as they walked to back to the couch. Harvey helped him to lay down and put a blanket over him. Mike was silently looking up at him. Harvey squeezed his shoulder a little.

“You are going to be okay here. Things are going to be better. I’m going to make sure of it.” He promised Mike.

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” Harvey smiled a little at him, but Mike just closed his eyes.

“Is he sleeping again?”

Donna came out in the living room a while later.

“Yes.”

“I’ve cleaned up in the bathroom.”

“Thank you, Donna.”

She sat down in one of the chairs. “He seems to be a doing a bit better.”

Harvey agreed with that. It was relief. Hopefully, Mike would stay asleep now. Harvey stayed where he was while Donna went to the kitchen to fix them something to eat. They ate and Donna went home after Harvey had insisted that he was capable of looking after Mike. She didn’t seem that convinced, and he had to promise to call her straight away if he thought it would help Mike.

Mike kept sleeping and Harvey figured that he too should get some sleep. He wasn’t sure that he could leave Mike here though. What if he woke up and didn’t know where he was again?

Eventually he decided to set an alarm for a couple of hours and then go up to check on Mike.

It was a long night for Harvey. Every other hour he went up and checked on Mike. The second time he did he found Mike awake. His whole body jerked when Harvey approached him.

“It’s just me.” Harvey said and sat down on the coffee table. Mike didn’t say anything. Harvey got him to drink a little and take two more pills for the fever. Then he stayed until Mike went back to sleep.

Harvey still felt tired when he decided to get up the next morning. Mike was still asleep on the couch, curled up on the middle of it. Harvey decided to let him be and had breakfast alone. The he set up his laptop at the table so that he could see him.

He started by checking his e-mails, replying to the most urgent ones. He wrote one to Jessica as well, telling her he would stay home with Mike until he was better. He didn’t care what she would answer, he had a lot of vacation days saved up anyway.

Mike woke up a little after ten. It must have been from a nightmare, because he suddenly sat up and panted as he looked around. Harvey went over to him, and his heart clenched when he saw that Mike jerked as he saw him.

“Hi there.” Harvey said and sat down in front of him.

“Hi.” Mike swallowed a few times and Harvey worried that he would throw up again.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Mike breathed. He looked around again. “Is Donna here?” He asked.

“No, she left last night.”

“Oh.”

“How are you doing?” Harvey asked, but Mike just shrugged and laid down again.

“I’m sorry about last night.” He said quietly.

“Mike. Don’t worry about it.”

Mike didn’t answer.

“You had a high fever, you were sick.”

“I’m still embarrassed.” He muttered.

“Don’t be. Do you want something to eat.”

Mike shook his head, without looking at him. It almost looked like he was on the verge of tears. Damn it.

“You should eat something anyway.” He went to the kitchen and got some cereal and milk. Mike slowly sat up as Harvey put the bowl down in front of him.

“Thanks.” Mike ate about half of it, and Harvey decided to not say anything about that. Mike refused the pills Harvey offered him and said that he was going to sleep a bit more instead. Harvey went back to the computer.

He opened a new window and typed a little. He needed to make some changes around the condo. If Mike was going to be staying here for a while now, at least Harvey should make sure he had his own space. If he moved some furniture a bit in his office, he could fit a bed in there. He just needed to buy one first. He chose one at random and made sure that he got delivery all the way inside the condo. He was able to choose the time they would deliver it as well. Mike would have to sleep one more night on the couch, but Harvey figured that he would be fine with that.

He told Mike about it when they had a late lunch together. 

“Thank you, Harvey.” Mike said and turned his attention back to his plate.

“You can stay here as long as you like.” Harvey said.

“Yeah?” Mike said without looking at him.

“Yes, in fact, I won’t let you out of my sight for the next two weeks.”

He meant it as a joke, but Mike looked up at him then. “Thank you.” He whispered. Yet again he looked close to tears and Harvey considered if he should hug him. He didn’t though, instead he smiled and nodded towards the younger man.

Mike bit the inside of his lower lip hard and tried not to blink. Harvey was going to let him stay here. He felt so grateful. He stared down at his plate. It was all blurry. He quickly dragged his hand over his face and hoped that Harvey didn’t see it.

He felt slightly better after the last nap. He knew he still had a fever, but it was much lower than last night. He had been out of it then, now he just felt too warm, tired, and uncomfortable. He felt sad and nervous too, and maybe even a bit scared. He didn’t know why exactly. He was safe here and Harvey was being nice to him.

He was still fighting against tears. He didn’t know where they came from. He wanted to leave the table, but at the same time it felt good to sit there opposite of Harvey. He just felt exhausted, he didn’t want to make any decisions right now. He didn’t want to think about yesterday. It had been one of the worst days of his life, excluding the days he was kidnapped and a few other days. He had been so damn pathetic. He couldn’t let that go.

He had told Harvey everything as well. Harvey knew now. He felt embarrassed about that. He wondered what Harvey thought of him now. He probably despised him now, but he was too nice to say anything. Mike couldn’t think of any way to fix this, and maybe that was the worst part.

_-SUITS-_


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 26**

“Do you want to watch a movie, maybe?” Harvey suddenly asked and pushed his plate away from him. Mike jerked in surprise. He had been lost in thought, but he slowly nodded when he took in what Harvey had said. A movie might be a nice distraction. They sat down on the couch next to each other, and Harvey threw a blanket at him.

Harvey picked the movie, after asking Mike twice if he had seen it. Mike just shrugged. He didn’t know. He couldn’t remember it. It turned out that he had a hard time focusing on the movie and eventually his eyes slipped close as he fell asleep instead.

Harvey let Mike sleep. He noticed that Mike’s head had fallen to the side just twenty minutes into the movie, but he hadn’t said anything. Mike clearly needed sleep. The younger man had barely said two sentences the whole day, it wasn’t like him at all. But Harvey let him be. Mike needed time, maybe they both did.

Harvey felt that he needed to be careful. He had seen the way Mike looked at him, he appeared to be fearful of him and that wasn’t something he ever wanted. He couldn’t have Mike fear him. One thing was if he was afraid of the dark, or of his kidnappers coming after him again that was understandable, but Harvey couldn’t live with it if Mike was afraid of him. He needed to do everything he could to prevent that.

Mike jerked awake when the end credits started rolling. He looked widely around him and swallowed hard a couple of times. Harvey decided to not say anything about it, Mike didn’t either.

He had had a nightmare again. It just sucked so much, even in sleep when he was supposed to get a break, he dreamt about it. It made him not want to sleep, but at the same time it wasn’t that much better now when he was awake. He felt so bad. It was possible that his fever had risen again, he felt too warm and a bit dizzy. He had thought that he was getting better. He wanted to lay down, but Harvey was sitting next to him and he couldn’t ask him to move.

“You want to talk?” Harvey suddenly said, next to him.

Mike looked over at him for a moment before shaking his head.

Harvey wasn’t surprised that Mike declined, but it had been worth a try, he figured. He could tell that Mike was haunted by this; it was eating at his mind. He looked sick as well, worse than before. Harvey wanted to help him but wasn’t sure on how he should proceed. He didn’t know what it was that Mike needed. He decided to just ask him.

“Mike, is it anything that I can do for you?” He asked.

Mike turned his head towards him. He looked surprised.

“I…I’d like to…ehm…” Mike didn’t know if he could say it. He was afraid of what would happen, what if it got worse. His thoughts felt slow.

“Like what?” Harvey asked.

Mike swallowed. “Lay down. I think I need to lay down somewhere.”

“Oh shit. Of course.” Harvey flew up from the couch. “You should have said something earlier. You do look pretty bad, kid.”

Mike remained where he was. Where was Harvey going to go now?

“Do you need some help?” Harvey stepped closer to him, but Mike leaned away from him when he reached out a hand, so Harvey pulled it back.

“You want something to drink? Some pain killers maybe?” Harvey kept asking things. Mike wasn’t sure that he answered, but Harvey walked away and came back a while later with a glass of water for him. That was nice.

It was also nice to be laying down, but things just felt so wrong. Something was not right with him and he didn’t know if it just was the fever or something else too. It felt like the couch was moving below him, like it was tilting downwards. What if he slid off it?

He wanted to drink the water but wasn’t sure he would be able to do it without spilling it. So, he didn’t even try. He didn’t know why he was so worried about things. Harvey was there and he could rest, he could lay down now. Why was he scared?

“Mike, take the pills.” Harvey said and mentioned for the table where he had placed the two painkillers. Mike didn’t do anything at all. He just laid there on the couch, blinking slowly. His fever must have risen quite a lot. Damn.

“Mike? I put two painkillers on the table there.” He tried again. “Why don’t you take them? You might feel better.”

Mike still did nothing, and Harvey felt a little frustrated. Clearly, he wasn’t getting through to the kid, and he didn’t think it was a good idea to force Mike. Not a good idea at all. He did try again though and after a little bit of convincing involving saying the kids name about twenty times, he managed to get enough of Mike’s attention to get him to take the pills.

Mike really hoped the medication Harvey had given him would help. Maybe it would help him to think a bit clearer. Or make him fall asleep faster, maybe that was the better alternative. Sleep without dreams was what he wanted.

Harvey was sitting close to him, he knew that. That was good. He didn’t want to be here alone. Bad things happened when he was alone. Someone could take him again. He didn’t want that.

“Mike. You with me?” Harvey was saying. Mike didn’t know what he meant. Yes, he was here, couldn’t Harvey see that? He hummed something and Harvey seemed satisfied with that. Mike closed his eyes. He was going to try and sleep now.

Harvey decided to give up the try to get Mike to respond to him, or at least to make him say words. Mike just grunted as an answer the last time Harvey asked him something.

He looked at the time and decided to try and get some work done. He was behind on work quite a lot since Mike had disappeared the second time, in fact, he wasn’t entirely up to speed since the first time. He went over to his office, after making sure Mike was sleeping and opened his laptop and got to work. Some time passed, Harvey went to check on Mike who was still sleeping, on his back with his mouth open. He grabbed something to eat and considered heading to bed. He was undecided whether he should wake Mike up or not, but it looked like the kid was sleeping peacefully so Harvey decided to let him be. Hopefully, he would stay that way, Harvey himself was pretty tired and wouldn’t mind getting some sleep himself. The last few days had been stressful.

Harvey’s wish didn’t come true, instead he woke up from Mike’s screams.

Harvey groggily sat up in bed, had it been a dream? He listened, and then he heard it again. Mike was screaming. Harvey hurried up out of bed and ran towards the living room. Mike screamed again, it sounded awful, like someone was hurting him, stabbing him.

Harvey found him on the couch, squirming around, panting. At once Harvey saw that Mike was far away and not at all aware of his surroundings. It looked like he was falling off the couch and Harvey dived forward to stop him from doing just that. It turned out that it wasn’t a good idea.

Mike screamed again, straight out, and he did his best on throwing himself to the side, away from Harvey.

“Shit.” Harvey swore to himself. “Mike, Mike, it’s me. It’s okay.” Harvey tried again to get Mike to calm down and stopping him from falling off the couch.

“No, no! Don’t!” Mike screamed and to Harvey’s surprise Mike’s arms flailed towards him, and he realized that Mike was trying to hit him.

“Hey Mike, stop. It’s me, Harvey. Calm down.” He grabbed on to Mike’s arm to avoid getting hit, but it seemed to agitate Mike more. He ripped his arm out of Harvey’s grip and pushed himself against the back of the couch up to sitting. He was panting and his eyes were wide opened, flickering around like he couldn’t focus his gaze on something. He was scared. It hurt in Harvey that at this moment, he was the threat in Mike’s world. He couldn’t have that, he needed to get through to the kid.

“Mike, you need to calm down. Everything is okay here. No one is going to hurt you.”

Mike mumbled something and shook his head. Harvey wasn’t sure if he was aware of much of anything. He reached out and put a hand on Mike’s shoulder, it was damp from sweat. Mike yelled again, this time he looked straight at Harvey.

“No! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”

“Okay, okay, okay. I won’t touch you, I won’t.” Harvey jerked back his hand. Damn it.

Mike was breathing hard. He moved a little bit further away again. Harvey watched how his eyes started to tear up. Mike bit his lip. He seemed to be a little more aware.

“I don’t want you to touch me.” He whispered. “I want to lay down.”

“Okay.” Harvey said gently. “Let’s get you to lay down then.”

Mike slumped down on the couch. He grabbed the blanket and pulled it tighter around him and then looked at Harvey with a tense expression on his face.

“I’m not going to touch you. You can relax.” Harvey tried to calm him.

Mike nodded a little and Harvey noticed that his face had taken on a reddish color.

“It’s okay.” Harvey hoped that the smile on his face looked genuine. “Deep breaths.”

Mike nodded again and closed his eyes for moment, and he did what Harvey asked.

“Did you dream about it?” Harvey asked quietly after a minute of silence between them.

Mike looked at him and bit his lip, he tensed visibly. His eyes flooded over as Harvey watched him.

“Yeah, I did. I was back there.” Mike whispered.

“It must have been terrible.”

“I was so fucking scared then. And when I dream about it, it’s the exact same feeling. Almost worse.”

“Shit, kid.”

Mike blinked away tears.

“How am I going to get over it? I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

Mike looked straight at him and for a moment Harvey didn’t know what to say. What could he answer to that question?

“You’ll feel better with time. And I’m here to help you with it.” He said eventually and hoped that the look in Mike’s eyes would disappear. It did to some extent but then Mike looked away from him.

“I’m just scared sometimes.” He whispered.

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay if you are.”

“But I don’t want to be.”

“I know.” Harvey repeated in lack of anything else to say. “Do you want me to stay?” He then asked.

“If you want.”

“But what do you want Mike?”

It took a while before Mike answered. He felt a lot calmer now compared to when he had woken up. His chest didn’t feel as tight and his heartrate had slowed down. The sweat on his back was starting to feel cold as it was drying.

“I don’t want to be here alone.” He said. He refused to look at Harvey and he hated the way his voice sounded. Harvey was quiet and Mike suddenly got scared again, but this time that Harvey wouldn’t want to stay. What would he do then?

“I’ll stay here then.” Harvey answered next and Mike could relax just a little bit. He just felt so embarrassed about this. He had screamed out loud and freaked out.

He wished for his Grammy for the millionth time. He didn’t feel that he could trust that Harvey would stay, that he would help. Because this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Who did this? Behaved like he was doing, screamed that he didn’t want to be touched. That wasn’t normal. Maybe he should just tell Harvey to go again. At least he could cry in earnest then, and the moment of uncertainty would be gone. Now he was just fighting to keep it together. And he was pretty sure that he was losing. He wiped his eyes hard and tried to pretend that Harvey couldn’t see it. Harvey must think he was such a wimp.

“It’s going to be okay.” Harvey suddenly said and Mike jerked a bit.

“How?” He couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“We’ll work it out. One day at a time. Here.”

Mike looked at him. He didn’t understand. Then he saw that Harvey was holding out a hand towards him. What did Harvey want?

“If you want.” Harvey added. He looked a bit hesitant. Mike looked at his hand again. Did Harvey mean…?

He slowly reached out his own hand and took a hold of Harvey’s. He was prepared to jerk it away again if Harvey started to pull or something. Maybe he wanted Mike to get up. But Harvey just took a firm grip of his hand and then rested both their hands on the side of the couch. Mike stared at him. Then he held on harder. More tears came and he kind of wanted to hold on with his other hand as well, but he didn’t dare to move. He was afraid that Harvey change his mind, maybe think it was too weird. He sniffed and wiped his eyes again. He just couldn’t relax. He wished he would pass out. He wanted to fall asleep now, before Harvey left. Right now, he was quite sure that he wouldn’t be able to take it if Harvey left.

He couldn’t shake of the nightmare. Again, and again he returned to it in his mind. He had been tied up, unable to move at all and his kidnappers had all been there, like dark shadows around him. Hard grips pulling at him, hitting him, touching him. All he had wanted in the dream was for them to leave him alone, he had yelled at them to stop, but it hadn’t worked.

Now, it felt like the areas of his body where they had hit him still hurt. He knew that it was all in his mind, but the pain didn’t go away. He held on harder to Harvey’s hand, it was the only thing that could keep him grounded. Harvey was there and the nightmare had only been just that, a nightmare. He hadn’t been back on the concrete floor, no one had hit him, he was fine.

Harvey had said that it was going to be okay, and that was what Mike wanted to hear. Harvey said that they would work it out, the both of them. Harvey would help him. That felt good. He should try and sleep some more, he was tired. Maybe things would be better tomorrow. He tried to close his eyes. It didn’t feel that good and he squeezed Harvey’s hand. He felt Harvey squeeze back.

_-SUITS-_

Mike was still holding on to his hand. Their hands were sweaty by now, but Mike didn’t seem to notice it and Harvey didn’t want to be the one that broke the hold. He suspected that Mike would take it hard at the state he was in. He was just laying there on his side, turned towards Harvey, slowly blinking. For a while, the younger man had tried to close his eyes and maybe go back to sleep, but it seemed to agitate him too much, so he had gone back to just laying there looking at nothing.

Harvey thought that he was helping in some ways though. Mike wanted this, otherwise he wouldn’t have grabbed Harvey’s hand when he offered it up. They both chose to not speak about what they were doing; it was better that way. Harvey briefly thought about what would happen if someone at the firm could see him right now. His whole image would crack. He was sure though, that Mike wouldn’t tell anyone about it. He smiled a little.

“You’re fine. Everything is going to be okay, Mike.” He mumbled quietly. Mike slowly turned his gaze to look at him then. Harvey wasn’t sure, but Mike might have smiled back. He didn’t say anything though. They stayed where they were until Mike’s eyes remained closed, his breathing was back to normal and Harvey was sure he was asleep. First then did he dare to carefully remove his hand from Mike’s. He waited a minute or two just to see if the kid would wake up again.

He hated to see Mike like this, hated for him to feel this scared and he hated the part he had played in it. But he was going to make it right now. Whatever it would take and however long it might take, he would make sure that Mike was good again.

Harvey slept restlessly the rest of the night, at least twice he went up to check on how Mike was doing, but he remained asleep the rest of the night.

Mike was doing slightly better the next day. He thought he still had a fever, but he felt well enough to get up and take a shower. Harvey was also up when he was finished, and they had an awkward moment where Mike didn’t know what to say.

“Are you okay?” Harvey then asked, Mike nodded and stared at the ground.

“That’s good.” Harvey patted his shoulder, suggested that they had breakfast and went to the kitchen. Mike followed him.

“You want to talk about it?” Harvey asked when they were sitting at the table.

Mike tightened his grip around his coffee cup.

“Last night you mean?”

Harvey nodded.

Mike sighed a bit and stared down in his cup. “I don’t know. I just… It gets too much sometimes. It feels like I can’t get out of the thoughts. I think about what happened all the time. It’s like everything reminds me of it. I know I should be over it, because it was weeks ago now, but I just…”

“Mike, who says you should be over it?”

“No one, but I…” He didn’t know what else to say.

“Mike. Whatever you are feeling it’s okay. No one can tell you what to feel, not even me.” He smiled, but Mike didn’t think it was funny.

“You’ll get through it.” Harvey said. “And I’m here.”

“Thank you.” Mike swallowed hard and tried to smile back. “I appreciate that Harvey.”

After they were finished Mike went to lay down for a while, he felt a little dizzy. Harvey went and got him some pills for the fever.

It was a slow morning. Harvey sat down with his laptop and got some work done. He also searched after leads on the kidnappers. He had gotten that as a habit lately, just search for anything he could think of that might give him a something to go on. So far, he hadn’t gotten anywhere, but he wasn’t planning on stopping.

Harvey looked over towards Mike and saw that he looked to be asleep. That was good, Mike probably needed all the sleep he could get. Sleep equaled healing, didn’t it? The younger man had a lot of healing to do. Harvey couldn’t help thinking back on when he went to get Mike back. How he held him in his arms and how Mike, bloodied and bruised, had just cried against him. Mike had cried last night too, not as much but some. He had asked to not be touched, said that he was scared.

Harvey sighed to himself. How was he going to make this better for the kid?

He worked for a couple of hours. He went out on the balcony, to make a few phone calls, so that he wouldn’t wake Mike up. The younger man was awake though when he got inside again. He didn’t react when Harvey opened the door and stepped inside. He was just laying there, blinking slowly, and staring straight ahead. Harvey made them lunch, but Mike only shuffled it around on his plate without eating much.

“I’m not really hungry.” He said when Harvey carefully mentioned it.

Harvey nodded. “I think it’s good if you eat though.” He watched the other man, but Mike just stared down at the table. “If you want, I can get you something else.” Harvey added.

Mike looked up at him then and smiled a little. “Thanks, but this is good.”

“You’re not eating it though.” Harvey pressed on.

Mike sighed and looked away again. “I’m not hungry.” He repeated. “Don’t be mad.” He whispered the last part, as if he hoped that Harvey wouldn’t hear it. But he did hear it, it was just that he didn’t know how to respond to that at the moment. He pretended not to have heard. He didn’t say anything else about Mike’s food after that. This wasn’t a fight that he wanted to take, so he didn’t say anything when Mike quietly walked over to the kitchen with his half-eaten plate.

Mike stopped in the middle of the room after that. Like he didn’t know where to go. He looked between Harvey, who were still at the table, and the couch. For a moment Harvey thought that he would sink down at on the floor where he was standing, but then he slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. He drew his arms around himself protectively and stared down at the floor in front of him.

Mike was trapped in his thoughts once again. Everything just felt so hard, and he didn’t know why. Every breath he took in front of Harvey at the table had felt wrong. He had been terrified that Harvey would make him finish all on his plate. He didn’t want to be forced to eat. He had no appetite. Luckily Harvey didn’t get mad at him and didn’t say anything when Mike left the table.

He wished he could go back to sleep again so that he didn’t have to be awake. He wouldn’t have to think then. But he didn’t want to have nightmares again either. It felt like his brain was burning. He had a hard time to keep up with all the thoughts, that rushed around in there. So much of them made him feel bad, made him want to escape his own mind. He couldn’t do that though. He was trapped.

Harvey surprised him a little when he sat down in front of him with his laptop. It was good though because Mike liked when he could see him. He didn’t feel good when Harvey wasn’t there. Thoughts like that made him feel so pathetic. Harvey must hate him. Harvey had said that Mike had cost him a million dollars. He had.

He owned Harvey now. Harvey had saved his life. Mike didn’t know if he thought it had been worth it or not. What if he didn’t think so? It wasn’t like Mike was good company. He didn’t eat the food Harvey gave him, he couldn’t handle work the way Harvey wanted and he spent his nights screaming. He knew that he should force himself to act like before, because Harvey had liked that, but he just couldn’t. What if Harvey really regretted getting him back? What if he rather would have had the money.

No, Mike needed to come up with a plan. He needed to make things right. Without thinking much about it he stood up. He didn’t want to be on the couch anymore. He stumbled at little but got out on the floor. He just needed to be on his feet and think. He would be able to think better. He just needed a plan. Something good. Harvey needed to like him again. If he just offered to pay back the money, then Mike wouldn’t owe Harvey anything, it would be like before. It wouldn’t be Mike’s fault that things were so bad. Maybe he could let Harvey take it from his salary, he could work for free. But how would he pay his rent then? No, that wasn’t going to work.

“Mike? Come on and sit down.” Harvey suddenly said, and Mike turned to face him. Harvey had put his laptop on the table and was watching him closely now.

Mike backed several steps away from him and opened his mouth. But no words came out. He felt so stupid then. He was so stupid.

Harvey got up from the chair then and started to walk towards him. Mike felt panic rush up inside him as he backed even further away. He felt scared. He needed to speak.

“Harvey I…”

“Mike stop. Just sit down again.”

Mike interrupted.

“Please… I’ll pay you back. I’ll pay you back all the money. I will. It’s just going to take some time, okay? It’ll take some time. But I… I…. I’ll pay it back.” Mike was rambling, his eyes unfocused.

Harvey stopped right where he was, with his arms a bit outstretched. What the hell was this now? Why would Mike bring up this again?

“No, you won’t Mike. We talked about that. You won’t pay me back.” He tried to keep his voice firm, but it was like Mike didn’t hear a word because he continued.

“But it’ll be better. Then it won’t be my fault. It will be okay then. You won’t blame me anymore. Things will be good again, Harvey. I promise.” Mike smiled at him then and Harvey wanted to scream at him to shut up, to just stop saying those things. He raised his voice a little.

“Things are good Mike. They are, don’t worry. You are not paying me back anything because you don’t owe me anything. It’s the guys who took you that are the only ones who will pay me back. Not you!”

“But they won’t do it Harvey. They won’t. They are not like that. I thought they were going to kill me when they took me away from there, but for some reason they didn’t. But they won’t pay you back. And you said that I cost you a million dollars. That I did, you said that.”

“I know I did Mike, and I should never have done that. It was a mistake. And it was wrong! Do you understand? I was wrong.”

Mike looked at him with wide eyes. “But you don’t blame me for losing all that money? If it wasn’t for me, you’d still have it.”

Harvey swallowed and just wished that this conversation would end.

“But Mike, then I wouldn’t have you. I prefer to have you. Do you understand that? You are more important to me than any money. I need you to understand that.”

“But you don’t blame me?”

“No Mike, for God’s sake. I blame myself for all of this. You got hurt because of me. That’s the only blame here, on me. I’ll never blame you. You were innocent. They used you to get to me. It’s all on me. Tell me you understand that.”

Mike looked at him with those wide glassy eyes.

“I don’t blame you.” He said slowly. “It wasn’t your fault either.”

“It feels like it was.” Harvey said.

“No Harvey.” Mike said, and something in his eyes changed then. For a moment he seemed to be a bit more coherent. He surprised Harvey somewhat when he walked up to him and threw his arms around him in a hug. Harvey brought his arms up around Mike and hugged him back. He drew the younger man closer to him and held on hard. Mike was so warm to touch, and his shirt stuck to his back. Harvey wondered how high his fever actually was. How had he not noticed this?

A long time they stood like that. Harvey felt touched by the moment and reaction from Mike, and he actually felt how his eyes got a bit wet.

Harvey didn’t bother wiping his eyes as they pulled a part. He held on to Mike’s shoulders and studied him.

“So, you understand that I don’t blame you in any way?” He asked.

“You don’t blame me.” Mike nodded. “You just said that because I pissed you off, but you didn’t mean it. I understand.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I should not have done that.”

Mike nodded.

“I believed it. I believed that was how you truly felt. But you don’t, right?”

“I don’t.”

Mike smiled then and Harvey automatically smiled back.

“Yeah?”

“No, Mike. I’m sorry that you ever believed that.”

“Thanks Harvey.”

“No, don’t thank me. How are you feeling now then, huh? Do you want to go and lay down for a bit?”

Mike looked worried at once and shook his head. “I don’t want that.” He said. “I don’t… I don’t feel that good.”

“That’s why I think it might be a good idea for you to lay down. You have a fever Mike.”

Mike licked his lips and looked around, suddenly he looked close to tears. “But I don’t want to sleep on the couch.” He said. “I don’t want to sleep there. What should I do?” His question wasn’t really directed to Harvey, instead it was more like he spoke to himself.

Harvey felt like he had trouble following in all the turns as he watched tears run from both of Mike’s eyes. He carefully took a hold of Mike’s arm to get his attention. The kid jerked.

“You don’t have to sleep there anymore. You can take my bed for now. That’s okay.”

Mike looked destroyed when he met Harvey’s eyes. “But where are you going to sleep then? Are you going to leave? Don’t leave. Please...”

“What? No, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving. I’ll… I’ll take the couch. Besides, Mike, it’s not even two a clock in the afternoon.”

“Oh.” Mike just said and looked down.

Harvey squeezed his arm a little and wished that he understood what was going on in Mike’s head.

“Come on kid, let’s go.” He carefully steered Mike towards his bedroom, the younger man following along without a word. Harvey pulled the cover away from the bed and told Mike to lay down, he seemed reluctant but did it anyway. 

Mike looked up at him when Harvey draped the cover over him.

“You won’t leave right?” Mike whispered. Harvey pursed his lips and sat down on the edge of the bed. He shook his head.

“No, I’m not going anywhere Mike.”

Mike nodded a little and then curled up on his side, facing Harvey. He bit his lip a little and rubbed at his eyes.

“I’m sorry I’m so messed up.” He said.

Harvey let out a deep breath. “You don’t have anything to apologize for.” He said. “Try to get some rest. Everything is okay, I promise.”

Harvey did feel pretty proud of himself when Mike after a few minutes fell asleep. He was better at this comforting thing than he thought. Mike had so much going on in that brain of his that it probably was a good idea that he slept some more.

It hurt in him to think that Mike blamed himself for anything at all in this situation. That he again had offered to pay back his own ransom was just devastating. Mike thought things would be okay if he did. That implied that he thought that something was wrong. Harvey desperately wanted to fix that.

Mike had looked so scared too. Just like he had the day when Harvey rescued him, and a lot of times after that. What was it that he was so afraid about now? Was it that the kidnappers would return? That was what his nightmares had been about. No, Harvey didn’t want to think about that.

He would just have to take things as they came, slowly and one step at the time. For now, he would let Mike sleep for a while, then he would see.

About two hours after they had lunch and Mike’s little breakdown Harvey got a message about a delivery. At first, he was confused since he couldn’t remember ordering something, but then he knew what it was. The bed for Mike had arrived! It was stupid that he forgot about that. When he thought about it, he was fairly sure that he had read that it should have been delivered yesterday. Now it got delivered at the door for an extra fee, but the company just left it in the hallway, and Harvey who hadn’t prepared on where to put it didn’t argue about it, even though he knew that he couldn’t carry it by himself. He would need Mike’s help to do that now, and he wasn’t sure the kid was up for that.

First, he had to clean out his office a bit to make room for the bed. He went to work and moved the desk closer to the window and pushed a cabinet to the other side of the room. After that he was fairly certain it would fit.

Mike was still asleep on Harvey’s bed and he decided to wait until the kid woke up before asking him to help carrying the bed. He went back into the office and decided to clear some space out so that the kid could have somewhere to put his stuff. He also got some bedsheets and pillows. It actually looked pretty okay when he was done, less like and office and more of a bedroom.

Harvey rolled his eyes when he looked into his bedroom and saw that Mike was still asleep. He decided to give him an hour or two more. He wasn’t sure though if it was a good idea to wake the kid. But three hours later he had lost his patience. Almost five hours the kid had slept now.

“Mike?” He said quietly, just to see if he would wake up. He did. The kid jerked awake and flew up to sitting with his arm up in front of him. Shit. Maybe this had been a bad idea, maybe he should have waited.

“It’s just me.” He said and waited until Mike took down his arm again. He looked up at Harvey with wide eyes, and Harvey really regretted now, that he had woken him. Mike didn’t look good at all.

“What?” He rasped now and blinked a few times. Mike’s eyes felt dry and his heart was beating hard in his chest. He had been dreaming again and it had been bad. Right now, he remembered it all. He didn’t feel in control, and nothing got better from Harvey standing there looking down at him.

“What’s up? You good?” Harvey asked now and Mike stared at him. Was he serious? For a moment Mike wanted to scream at him and ask if he looked fine.

“No.” He mumbled now and laid down again. He pulled the blanket higher up, so it mostly covered his face. He wanted to black out or something.

“I kind of need your help with something Mike. If you are up for it, that is?” Harvey said.

Mike pulled the blanket down again and looked at his boss.

“With what?”

“Come with me to the hallway.” Harvey turned and walked away. Mike hesitated for a moment. The hallway? What did Harvey want help with there? Was he going to show him the door? Had he gotten Harvey pissed off somehow? Was it because of earlier, or maybe last night? Was it because Mike was laying on his bed? Maybe Harvey didn’t like that anymore?

He felt how his eyes started to burn and he felt so tired. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He couldn’t refuse Harvey though and he slowly sat up and walked after the older man. He felt all shaky and cold and slightly off balance. He stopped and stared at the thing in the hallway. What was it?

“I just need help carrying it to your room.” Harvey said and grabbed on to the far side of the mattress. 

“My room?” Mike said, not moving.

“Yes, you can’t sleep on the couch every night. I got the impression that you didn’t like it any more. Come on, Mike.” He nodded towards the other side of the bed.

Mike just stood there and blinked. He had totally forgotten about this. Harvey had told him about it, but he had forgotten.

“Mike? Are you okay?” Harvey had let go of the bed now and looked worried.

“Yeah.” Mike swallowed and made to grip the bed. Harvey was so nice to him. He wasn’t sure if he deserved it.

The bed was heavy and at first Mike wasn’t sure he could do it.

“It’s fine, we’ll take it slow.” Harvey said. Mike still felt like shit when he had to rest halfway there.

Harvey had made space in his office and the bed fit nicely there. Harvey patted his back when they were done and told him good job. Mike just stood there.

“Thank you.” He said. His voice sounded strange.

“You’re welcome.” Harvey said and then, a bit to Mike’s surprise, started to make the bed.

“I can do that.” He tried, but Harvey ignored him. So, Mike just stood there, still like a statue and watched. He noticed that the entire room was changed. A few of the shelves in the bookshelf were empty.

“What do you think?” Harvey asked when he was done.

“It’s great.” Mike said quietly. He wanted to lay down but didn’t know if he could. He felt his eyes burn. This was so nice of Harvey. “Thank you.” He said.

“Sure.”

“Are you sure this is okay, though.” Mike quietly asked. He didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer.

“Of course, I’m sure. Don’t be stupid.” Harvey smiled at him and boxed his arm a bit. Mike stumbled to the side and Harvey apologized, but still with a grin on his face. “Things will be okay Mike.” He said. Mike wanted to believe him so badly, but it didn’t matter how many times Harvey said that. He still didn’t feel any different. The uncomfortable and close to panic state he was in, was almost always there.

Harvey was looking at him closely now and it looked like he wanted to say something. Mike hated himself a little when his first reaction was to be nervous about that.

“Why don’t you sit down.” Harvey said now. “Try it out.”

Mike slowly did what he was asked. They bed was quite soft. He slowly stroked his hand over the cover. He looked back at Harvey who sat down on a desk chair and rolled it a bit closer to Mike.

“Mike…” He stared.

“Yeah.” Mike whispered.

“I wanted to tell you something earlier. I sort of missed my chance then, but Mike, what I wanted to say is that I messed up before. I paid the ransom for you and I got you back. But then I dropped the ball on you. I should have been there for you more and I wasn’t. I told you it would be alright, but then I just left you to figure it out on your own. That was wrong of me. I should have been more involved in your recovery from what you went through. I should have asked more questions, should have asked you what you needed. But it didn’t. I regret that.”

Harvey looked into Mike’s eyes to see that he was really listening. Mike’s eyes had become softer and a bit shiny. He didn’t look as tense as he had been just minutes earlier. Harvey continued.

“I would like to have a second chance, if you are willing to give it a try. You can stay with me for as long as you want or need. We’ll figure this out together. You are not alone in this, it might have felt like you were, but you are not. I’ll make sure you know it. It will be different from now on, okay. In a better way.”

Mike blinked a few times. But didn’t speak.

“You asked me to help you on that graveyard. You asked for my help, Mike. And I’m letting you know that you have it.”

He took a deep breath and then wanted to see how Mike would respond. The kid had that look in his eyes now, that Harvey recognized from when he was about to figure something out. Hope and excitement, if then a little.

“That’s a lot of talking Harvey.” He said eventually, but he smiled. Harvey rolled his eyes a bit at him.

“So, what do you say?”

“So, what you were saying is that you will have my back this time? And I can stay with you?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

“Okay.” Mike whispered.

Harvey smiled, stood up and held out his hand towards Mike. But after just a few seconds Mike stood up too. Then he leaned forward and threw his arms around Harvey in a hug. “Thank you.” He whispered when Harvey hugged him back. “Thank you, Harvey. You’re saving me.”

Harvey swallowed at those words and choose to not answer. He just pressed the kid a bit closer to himself, to feel him there. To know that for the moment, Mike was okay. And right now, Mike was saying that he was trusting him to help him, saving him. That was a huge step forward at this moment. He didn’t know what was going on inside Mike’s head at the moment. Mike still felt so warm. He must still have a fever. Harvey didn’t know if they should be worried about that or not, it had been days now and still the kid was sick. At least he was up and walking now.

They let each other go and Mike stumbled back a few stepped and dragged a hand over his face. He felt dizzy and exhausted, but also relieved. Harvey had said that he was going to have his back, that he was going to help him. That was all he had wanted to hear.


End file.
